absence of delay

8/13/2019 Absence of Delay

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Absence of DelayCopyright 2001 by Thomas J. Leonard. No duplication. All rights reserved.

Absence Of rogramOctober 11! 2001 " #$00 p.m.Thomas Leonard! %ession &eader

TJ&$ 'elcome to the call. 'ho(s )oined us today* +participants chec, in-. are you en)oying thenuggets or )ust being in the space of Absence Of*

///$ es +multiple voices-.

///$ 'as there a nugget 10* didn(t get that one.

TJ&$ (ve gotten a couple of other emails on that3 (ll re"send it. 'elcome to you all3 4e(re going total, about Absence of$ 5elay. This is the first of 10 discussions 4here 4e(ll tal, about 1! 2 or #topics3 (ll be sending out another nugget in an hour or so. 6asically! 4e(re going to be tal,ingabout some of the more profound areas. f you haven(t selected all your areas! maybe these 4ill

give you some ideas of things to add to your program. Absence of consumption happens to bemy focus this time! and ne7t time it(ll most li,ely be absence of reactions. There 4ill be elementsof all these that you can apply to your pro)ect.

%ince most of you have probably read both parts of the nuggets! 4on(t revie4 that! but (d li,e tohear from anyone 4ho(s got this as part of their program. 'ho 4ants to start*

8aith$ (ll start. ou and spo,e by phone and one of the things that came up is that part of mydelay is the 4hole fear of conse9uence. (ve been really playing around 4ith that idea! and 4hile haven(t gotten totally clarity on it yet! but..... (m in the process of 4riting 2 boo,s! and things ,eepcoming up that ma,e my boo,s move to the bac, burner.

TJ&$ 'hen 4riting boo,s! a couple of the things that generally cause delay are +1- lac, ofstructure " it(s something that people have as a good intention! but it almost never 4or,s.

%tructure means that you are part of a boo, club! have a buddy that you can 4rite 4ith! etc.'riters often need routines because it(s such a demanding process3 don(t blame it on yourself.The second source is +2- lac, of :A;. Just li,e opening a big program on your laptop can suc,the memory out of your computer! a big pro)ect can do that for you as 4ell. %ometimes it(s hard to4rap your arms around a big pro)ect. %ometimes it ta,es a lot of :A; in your life " meaningspace in your life " to get started. %ometimes it(s better to put off 4riting a boo, until you cansimplify your life. t(s a challenging process! and perhaps more than you(ve given it credit for.

8aith$ t 4as helpful.

TJ&$


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One thing that causes delay is that the person(s environment isn(t set up properly to be successful4ith the pro)ect and allo4 it to come to fruition. n your heart! you ,no4 it(s not going to be finish"able and it stops your body from even starting so you(re protected from the frustration.

tend to come from the place of abandoning a pro)ect or delaying it if my body is giving me thosesignals! rather than trying to override them. if you(re having a continual delay! respect that it(s4arning you that something isn(t 9uite right and is protecting you from anything but success.

Anybody else 4ant to share their situation*

5ave$ sent you an email about absence of inertia! and you suggested delay and that really4or,ed for me. t centers around my coaching practice and the model (ve been using. ,no4 need to change my

TJ&$ 'hat are you delaying no4*

5ave$ guess 4hat are the concrete steps that need to do to get my practice 4here 4ant to be.

TJ&$ ardon me for saying this! but ho4 can you not ,no4 4hat the steps are* There(s so muchcontent out there*

5ave$ eah! and (m ta,ing the full practice forms as 4ell. %ome things seem to resonate 4ith meand some don(t. (ve felt that need to develop more of a niche! rather than being all things to allpeople. That(s something (m trying to focus on.

TJ&$ %o you feel if you can articulate better 4hat you 4ant to do! then you(d be less hesitant tomar,et yourself*

5ave$ es! and it may be a little lac, of confidence in a niche area that 4ant to 4or, in.

TJ&$ (m stuc, a bit here myself. 'hat do you thin, is causing the problem*

5ave$ thin, it has partly been ignorance. thin, the full practice course is helping! as 4ell as thisprogram is giving me more introspection.

TJ&$ (m still trying to figure out 4hat(s really causing the delay.

5ave$ (m really not entirely certain3 at some point! there(s a certain un4illingness to tac,le someof the things that need to be done or ought to be done.

TJ&$ >7actly? There(s still not the drive or high interest in getting these done. 5o you ,no4 4hythat is* 'hat(s the source*

5ave$ thin, part f it is the inertia. feel li,e once get on the path! can continue on the path!and in the past fe4 4ee,s (ve started to do that. f had a better idea myself! (d be able toarticulate it better?

TJ&$ 5o you have a friend that you 4or, on this 4ith*

5ave$ eah! as a matter of fact do. (ve found an opportunity to get additional training in 4hat feel my niche area is! and thin, that(s 4hat need to get the confidence. could probably gatherthe resources myself and do it myself! but thin, it(s )ust a confidence issue.

TJ&$ @ive me a second to thin, this through. One of the reasons 4e do 4hat 4e do is that 4ehave nothing better to do. (m going to use your e7ample to ma,e my point " 4here someone isstymied but they have good e7planations! it(s because they have nothing more compelling to dothan be stuc, in the niche that they(re in. 'hat(s missing from your voice " you sound ,ind of flat


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about the 4hole coaching thing. don(t ,no4 if it(s not clear to you that the 4or, you do ma,es adifference in others! or if you haven(t had enough clients to understand that! or something else!but....

5ave$ (ve had 9uite a fe4 clients! and do understand! but thin, (m getting hung up on themore mar,eting ,inds of things that have no appeal to me.

TJ&$ eople have bloc,s around the mar,eting and totally respect that! and there are a couple4ays to go " you can put yourself in the hands of someone to 4al, you through the process! or,eep a small number of clients that you gain by referral. %ome coaches are )ust un4illing to 4or,through their bloc,s in the mar,eting area! and for those! if you find yourself bloc,ed aboutanything in your life! (m a believer in the notion of responding to that " if didn(t 4ant to mar,etand 4as not 4illing to change " and (m going to over"respond and set up my life to be secure4ithout a single piece of mar,eting ever in my life.

used to thin, that should! but there are certain things that in my lifetime! (m simply never goingto do. No4! it re9uired me to change my life a bit so could afford the conse9uences. t(s a radicalapproach! but it 4or,s. s there a 4ay you can set up your life to never have to mar,et again*

5ave$ t(s entirely possible. thin, the ignorance part is probably a big issue there. almost feel

li,e (m on the path! but brought it up because that 4as my topic. thin, this 4ill help me getthrough it that much faster.

TJ&$ Than,s3 4ho else*

@ail$ 4rote to you and shared that 4as thrilled after my CT 8ulfillment class. ;y pro)ect isabsence of struggling! and one of my areas is letting go of clutter. 'hat (ve reali=ed is that it(s notonly the bo7es that are stac,ing up! but it(s also my email and my language3 try to set it up to tryto get the person on board before get to the point.

TJ&$ That(s an important self"reali=ation3 that(s great.

@ail$ 'hat (m delaying! thin,! is tac,ling the paper " get 4hat you said about the scheduling!

and (ve scheduled a 12 hour each day " (ve also reali=ed that if it(s on my (to do( list and don(tget it done! then feel bad. (m trying to 4or, on these ne4 habits as have ne4 paper coming in.

TJ&$ That(s great. (d li,e to ma,e 2 points. There are sometimes ne4 techni9ues or ne4 musclesto e7ercise 4hen you ma,e a change " 4hether it(s ne4 filing cabinets! a ne4 filing system! etc. "and there(s often a different 4ay of loo,ing at the entire dynamic so those techni9ues can 4or,even faster and better. 'hen loo, at someone and there(s a problem in the area of struggling! al4ays assume there(s a really valid reason for this to occur! and (m al4ays curious to find 4hatthis reason is. t may! as you(ve said yourself! be around the perceived conse9uences.%ometimes people can feel proud of themselves to delete B00 emails of stuff that they thoughtthey(d get to! or hauling out 2


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the email! and didn(t get them read.

TJ&$ >7actly?

@ail$ actually thin, that could be responsible and feel that that(s a priority and go less on thepaper.

TJ&$ %ome people are forever doomed to manage paper. (m one of those people! and one 4hocould never change that trait. 8or me the cost of seeing paper all over the floor 4ould beabsolutely severe! and that(s 4hy (ve changed my system for managing this.

@ail$ (m thin,ing of either letting it go! or )ust filing it and 4or, on it later.

TJ&$ f 4e(re shame"based! 4e feel some sort of pressure to see it through to completion.

@ail$ Can see if got you* 4ould agree that (m shame"based! but then do coulds becomeshoulds for me*

TJ&$ es! they do.

@ail$ That(s really helpful. %omeone commented about my to do list and mentioned that if it sitsthere for # days! maybe it(s not something you really need to do. thin, sometimes don(t 4ritedo4n inspirational things because it then seems to become a burden.

TJ&$ eople that are shame based loo, for e7cuses to feel bad about themselves! and paper isthe 4orst 4ay ever invented. ou might also 4ant to give up the notion of commitment3 (velearned to abandon commitments and have become 4him"based.

@ail$ The 4ord 4him comes from inspiration for you* Or is it more fanciful*

TJ&$ t(s both. f you(re creative! you rely on those sources of intuition! so don(t 4ant to classify itas one or the other.

@ail$ 'hen see an opportunity to spea, 4here people might need me! do and it(s been bringingme business " maybe should ,eep going 4ith those 4hims. Than, you.

TJ&$ Name one thing that(s been helpful.

@ail$ 'hen you said 4e loo, for reasons to feel bad3 thin, loo, to ma,e it harder. Also! (vereali=ed that (m brilliant and 4hen things loo, easy! thin, that can(t be it and clutter it " ma,e itharder. (m letting go of that.

TJ&$ ou loo, to ma,e things more e7pensive.

@ail$ Than, you.

TJ&$ @ood e7ample3 than, you.

;artha$ (ve found it interesting the last couple of days. see delay as procrastination! 4hich (meither really good at or really bad at.

TJ&$ ou can be both? +laugh-

;artha$ thin, for myself it(s related to perfectionism3 thin, maybe part of it is a need to be ta,enseriously! and that if don(t do it properly! it(s a shame.


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TJ&$ &et me as, you a couple of 9uestions and tell me 4hich fits better. n some cases peoplecan(t start or finish pro)ect because they sense they can(t do the 9uality )ob that their standards4ould re9uire of them. n other cases! a person is more motivated about the conse9uences ofcriticism. s it internal or e7ternal*

;artha$ thin, it(s a bit of both. 'here it became strong 4as 4hen started at university a coupleof years ago! 4hen (d have an essay! (d put it off until the last day and get a good grade! but leftthe course after 2 years because partly some things didn(t interest me anymore. t 4as feedingthe fear of criticism! rather than because 4as doing it for en)oyment. t 4as though the perfectionhad almost ta,en over.

TJ&$ &et me rephrase it a bit. %ometimes 4e don(t ,no4 4hy 4e procrastinate3 if you loo, at therate of evolution over the past 20 years! it(s enormous. 8or those affected negatively by criticism!people go the self"study route rather than the degree. 8or many people 4ho are sensitive in thisarea! it(s been a godsend. They have to abandon a degree! but get tremendous fulfillment! eventhough they don(t have a diploma to sho4 for it. There(s al4ays a reason for the delay! and it(s

)ust a matter of finding 4hat that is.

;artha$ That does ring very true for me.

TJ&$ t(s really part of a different dynamic than you might have described! and that(s the ,ey. toften ta,es someone else to point out something to you because 4hen you(re in a forest! youcan(t see the trees.

The purpose of our course is to loo, at every single dynamic and figure out 4hat(s going on! andbecome really a4are. 'hat you(re really doing is increasing your understanding about things andthe nature of things so you ma,e better choices. As you learn a couple of things li,e this! you(llbegin as,ing yourself 4hat the bigger dynamic is " 4hat(s beyond 4hat you(re seeing! or thebigger system.

;artha$ Than, you very much3 that(s very true.

TJ&$ es! and that(s one of the benefits 4e bring to our clients. t(s things 4e can(t usually see

ourselves. Time for one more.

&inda$ ;y situation is that can have the structure laid out for a pro)ect! and yet! (m ready to go!and at the last minute (ll veer off and go to my computer and do something. can(t 9uite figure out4hy (m doing that.

TJ&$ (ll tell you 4hat do! that maybe 4ill help. don(t trust myself! and because don(t! ma,esure have structures that don(t rely on me doing anything. (m simply irresponsible and unreliableand ma,e sure that have structures that are bigger than me.

&inda$ That ma,es sense and it 4or,s really 4ell in my business. There(s a small area in 4hich do this and it seems to be in my disorgani=ation and clutter.

TJ&$ (m in an :D and bribe my neighbor to come and drin, cappuccinos 4hile (m filing. Theycan thro4 things at me if (m not doing 4hat (m supposed to be doing. The person(s )ob can be toeither laugh at you because you(ve got a mess! or help you. t(s a small price to pay to get theresult you really 4ant. call it baby"sitting.

bring someone in for E hours a month and pay her 1F.00 an hour and do most of the 4or, "4ho(d turn that do4n*

&inda$ (m going to 4or, on that " than, you.


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TJ&$ &et(s spend the last couple of minutes tal,ing about 4hat you(ve learned today. Our primaryfocus 4as absence of delay.

&inda$ heard that should honor my procrastination3 something is telling me (m not ready.

;arta$ (m thrilled by the notion that can accept the conse9uences and not do it.

TJ&$ sn(t that fun* +laugh-

;arta$ t(s magical! that(s 4hat it is?

TJ&$ (ve made a policy to never return anything because (m embarrassed by doing it. so! buy #different ,inds of something and give 2 a4ay.

///$ 8or me! it(s that there(s an underlying reason for the 4ay 4e are! and that 4e )ust need todig that out. 'e(re not bro,en! 4e )ust need to understand it.

TJ&$ es! it(s an opportunity to e7pand your thin,ing.

///$ (ve learned to give myself permission to hire a babysitter. t(s totally 4in"4in3 4or, in a

home office and am alone a lot! so get company and get the )ob done! and they get money.

TJ&$ t )ust 4or,s! that(s the important thing? 'ho else*

///$ The 4hole notion that coulds become shoulds get so hung up on things that 4ay.

TJ&$ Than, @ail for that one? +laugh-

///$ )ust love the idea of the freedom of not doing 4hat 4e don(t 4ant to do " )ust find another4ay to ma,e it 4or,. One of my things is to hire a house,eeper.

@ail$ (d li,e to share a light bulb. This 4hole thing of resistance might have a reason " 4assupposed to fly tomorro4! but the events have really made me struggle. The fact that there(s

resistance maybe means that shouldn(t go.

TJ&$ f there(s any sort of bloc,age! sometimes you 4ant to 4or, through it and go on! butsometimes you )ust 4ant to say no. That(s not something 4e(ve been conditioned to do " 4e(vebeen conditioned to tough it out. 'ho(s ne7t*

Judy$ got a lot of value of hearing about being irresponsible? This is really feeling 4onderful3 (vebeen an over"committer for G0 years! and thin, can benefit from this concept.

///$ have )ust a 9uic, 9uestion " is there going to be a transcription for each one of these*

TJ&$ es! and it(s going on right no4. Than, you all for playing3 have a great day.

>N5

absence of delay

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