a stretch of time magazine

Nupur Kh

adilkar and A

Alex Kacvinksy

A

M

y

Str

Ma

retc

agaz

ch o

zine

of

e

1

2 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy

In memory of

Billy Pilgrim


Table of Contents

Letter from the Editor – page 4

Breaking News 1 – page 5

The Meaning of Time – page 7

Have some Fun – page 8

Advice Column – page 9

Have some fun – page 11

Humans at War – page 12

Breaking News 2 – page 14

Answers to Fun – page 15


Letter from the Editors

After reading Slaughterhouse‐Five, by Kurt Vonnegut, we came across the idea of writing

and publishing articles in a magazine from the Tralfamadorians point of view. Throughout

Vonnegut's entire book, it is written through Billy's eyes. We figured we would change that,

so that all of you can understand the Tralfamadorian side of the story more.

This is the first "Stretch of Time Magazine" (the first edition). There will hopefully be

more editions to come. This first edition consists of feature stories, an advice column,

professional analysis, as well as fun interviews. We will cover everything ranging from

abductions to murder to time to philosophy.

We hope that this new perspective will give you a new way of looking at things and

broaden your understanding of Slaughterhouse‐Five.

We hope you enjoy.

Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinsky

Co‐Editors


Breaking News: Human Captured

Reporter: Zelda B.

He knew we were coming for him. How? We still have absolutely no idea. But he was

there waiting for our arrival. Had Billy Pilgrim, an optometrist from New York, discovered

our undercover reporter we had sent to Earth to track his every move? Maybe that was how

he knew we were planning his kidnapping.

On the night of the abduction, we were informed that Billy Pilgrim had been shuffling

around in his house waiting, because he knew he was about to be taken away by a flying

saucer. Our undercover reporter states that Billy was getting quite anxious and impatient.

He had been going through his kids rooms and getting mysterious phone calls, which turned

out to be a drunk who had dialed the wrong number. He even uncorked a bottle of dead

champagne.

He was getting more and more impatient. Somehow, he knew that he had an hour

before we arrived in our saucer to kidnap him.

Billy Pilgrim wasn't scared at all when he heard our saucer hover over the ground. He

was expecting it. It was as if he was just giving up. The strange thing is, he knew exactly

what to do once our saucer came closer and made an owl song. We hovered over Billy and

enclosed him in a cylinder of purple light, which was coming from the portholes around the

rim of the saucer. The bottom of the saucer opened and a ladder fell out. Billy somehow

knew that he was supposed to hold onto the bottom rung of the ladder and he was then

pulled into the saucer.

Since we operate in very different ways than those Earthlings, Billy was lost. Luckily,

we have a system that we devised a method in which we can communicate with Earthlings

like Billy. It is a computer and a kind of electric organ that makes every Earthling speech

sound.

When we began communicating with him, our differences really began to show. The

first question he asked us was, “Why me?” We thought it was very strange of him to ask

that, so our response was, “Because this moment simply is.” Our different philosophies of

Nupur Kh

life bega

simply ac

accept th

W

opportu

exhibit a

arrives in

this new

adilkar and A

an to come t

ccept it and

he moment

We should re

nity to learn

at the Tralfam

n which he m

w exhibit to l

Alex Kacvinksy

through. Ear

live in the m

and never a

ecognize thi

n about Eart

madorian Zo

must return

earn about

y

rthlings que

moment. We

ask the ques

is abduction

thlings and a

oo very soo

to Earth. Ev

the strange

estion every

e explained

stion “why?

n of Billy Pilg

about Earth

on and will b

very Tralfam

e Earthling th

ything that h

to Billy that

?”

grim as an o

h. Billy will b

be displayed

madorian sho

hat we have

happens to t

t on Tralfam

opportunity.

e featured i

there until

ould make i

e captured.

them, while

madore, we

. It is an

in our new

the momen

t a point to

6

e we

nt

visit


The Meaning of Time

Today, I, Hallor X, had the opportunity to interview the great Tralfamadorian professor, Dr.

Blastorf. Dr. Blastorf has spent his life studying time, fate, and particularly how humans view

the aspect of “time.” I was lucky enough to have him answer a few questions I had for him.

H: So professor, everyone is wondering one thing, who is truly right about their view on

time. Humans or Tralfamadorians?

Dr. B: Good question Hallor, well I believe that humans view on time is just different. They

believe they always have a choice. As if the bombing of Dresden or death is something that

happens on accident. Obviously some saw through this illusion, such as the great author Kilgore

Trout or our very own human Billy Pilgrim. Even our other human Montana Wildhack seemed to

understand how time is just one big stretch, with different moments being relived at all times.

H: Interesting professor, do you think that humans themselves have the capability to see

time as it truly is?

Dr. B: Another good question. Humans aren’t even capable of seeing all seven sexes, therefore I

don’t know if their perception of reality is truly developed enough to see time as it truly is.

Again, some humans seemed to grasp it, such as Billy Pilgrim, but he had no true control over

time. His fate didn’t allow him to ever fully grasp how to master time.

H: I agree, I mean how can someone think there are only “two sexes”? It’s ridiculous.

Alright, so what do you think of the human’s view of time? That they have the ability to

choose their fate and time goes in chronological order?

Dr. B: I think it is a very…creative view on time, but also very fictitious. What I fail to

understand is if people had control, why would stupid decisions such as war be made? The

bombing of Dresden took tons of innocent lives, and do you really think humans would make

those decisions? It was their fate, and that is why it happened. I do believe their theory to be

interesting though. You know, it’s weird to think that

H: That is true, but maybe some humans have true evil inside of them, what do you think?

Nupur Kh

Dr. B: I th

Even wit

think tha

Slaughte

H: I think

Dr. B: Ah

they truly

period th

I found t

confirms

humans

maybe th

Take a

Answer

adilkar and A

hink it would

h their silly b

at if that was

erhouse‐Five,

k the purpo

hh true, how

y had contro

hat is being r

the interview

s that our vi

just seem to

hey will alw

Break and

rs on Page

Alex Kacvinksy

d be naïve fo

belief on how

s true they w

, why would

se was to h

wever I don’t

ol over their

relived by th

w to be fasc

ew of time a

o not grasp

ays believe

d Have som

U

Boxes an

e 15_____

y

or humans to

w time is “ch

wouldn’t ma

d they be hel

elp win wha

believe that

r fate. Everyt

hose who hap

cinating, I m

as a stretch

that. But he

their silly th

me Fun!

Unscramble eTake the le

nd unscramb

_

o believe tha

hronologica

ake the decis

ld captive th

at the huma

t humans wo

thing happe

ppen to live

ean, I never

is truly the

ey maybe th

heory and th

each of the cluetters that ap

le them for th

at violence is

l” and there

sions they di

here? What w

ans call “Wo

ould even be

ns for a reas

in that gene

r looked at i

correct man

hey will figur

hat there are

ue words. pear in

he final mess

s the answe

e is no such t

id. For exam

was the purp

orld War I”.

e having this

son, and the

eration.

it that way.

nner of how

re it out eve

e “only two

age.

r to problem

thing as fate

mple in

pose?

.

s silly “war”

e war is just a

That just far

w time flows

entually? Or

o sexes.”

8

ms.

e, I

if

a

rther

s, but


Advice Column – questions are answered by Mallory Q, a

Tralfamadorian advice columnist

1. So, Billy has been rambling off about these Tralfamadorian creatures. Since I saw

found this opportunity to ask a Tralfamadorian a question, I figured I'd take it. So,

here goes. I'd like to figure out for myself whether you are actually real or not, so

would you mind describing your philosophy to me?

One of the main things we live by is the idea that events have already happened

and we simply live in the moment. Tralfamadorians can choose the moment they

want to “relive” and visit any time they would like. There is no past, present, or

future. Every person still has birthday’s and a specific date they died, but there is still

the notion that time has no limits. We can see the future, since time has already

occurred, but unfortunately, we can’t influence what we see will happen. One of our

strong beliefs is to focus on the happy moments in life. We do not get disappointed

with tragedies of life because we simply choose to live in happy moments and not

dwell in the sad times. This gives us a constant optimistic vision of life. I suggest that

you do not even attempt to understand us, because we are too much for you little

Earthlings to understand. Because of our different views about life, we will

understand you, but you will never even begin to understand our complex, but

simple, world.

2. Billy has told us a lot about your view of time and living in the moment. I have heard

different ideas relating to living in the moment and focusing on the good. Could you

please explain what you think about violence?

I am genuinely sorry if you are not satisfied with my answer, but it is simple. We

ignore it. We ignore violence and focus on the good times. That is why living in the

moment is so special. We Tralfamadorians think that you Earthlings should learn to

ignore the awful times and concentrate on the good ones. But then again, we don’t


even live in any one time. We live in the moment, since we believe that time is not a

linear thing. We believe that there will always be war on Earth, even after we have

tried to convince you all that focusing on the good is better, since you Earthlings are

designed that way (very stubborn). We simply bypass important things like wars and

deaths.

3. What is your view on free will? On Earth, people have different opinions, but I was

wondering what you think?

Free will doesn’t exist. Tralfamadorians are fatalists. We do not believe in free will

and we believe that everything that happens is fate. Humans have an “illusion of free

will.” Free will is on earth because you Earthlings believe that time progresses in a

linear fashion, rather than how we see it. In our fourth‐dimension world of

Tralfamadore, time has already occurred and we simply live in the moment. We

believe that every single person’s life is already planned out for them. We also believe

that no one has control over their own life, or the events that will take place in their

life. You humans are very silly creatures. You think that things that happen to you are

caused by the choices you have made in your life. This should explain why we believe

that free will is non‐existent.

4. What is your honest opinion of Billy Pilgrim? Do you enjoy his presence? Or is he just

an outcast in your society?

Honestly, Billy Pilgrim doesn’t fit in. He is an Earthling. We are Tralfamadorians. There

is your answer. We are different. The only reason we have accepted him into our

community is so that we can learn more about your planet (Earth). We are very

interested in learning about Earth and Billy is our connection, therefore, we must

accept him. This may be hard for you to take, but we must look out for ourselves and

furthering our knowledge of Earth will help us succeed in the long run. Billy Pilgrim is

just our connection to Earth, once we have gotten the information we want, we will

slowly begin to push him away and not let him return to Tralfamadore.

Nupur Kh

Take a

Abduction

Aliens

Concentrati

Death

Dresden

Friendship

Future

adilkar and A

Break and

on Camp

Alex Kacvinksy

d Have som

y

me Fun!

Insanity

Mental Illn

Montana

Nazi

poison

Prisoner

Russians

ness

Slaug

Time

Time

Tralfa

World

Zoo

(Ans

ghterhouse

Travel

famadore

d War Two

swers on page 155)

11


Humans at War

By: Dr. Placmor

World War II? What is a World War II? I, Dr. Placmor, agreed to write an article for A Stretch of

TIME, to fully analyze bloodshed between humans. Is there a purpose? Do they have a reason?

So this whole war started with Adolf Hitler trying to narrow the population down to the

“perfect race”, which isn’t even possible because humans can’t even see in the fourth

dimension, so a “perfect human” is an oxymoron. I today am taking the challenge to write

about one specific aspect, the bombing of Dresden. It will be challenging, there is nothing

intelligent to say about a massacre, but I think after re‐living the experience a couple times I

fully grasp it.

Americans tried to protect those that aren’t perfect, but only provoked the ferocious beast that

is Germany. When the innocent get hurt, things get serious. If only humans could understand

that death is solely an unpleasant moment in time, but that’s a whole different topic. If humans

could truly understand that violence wasn’t the answer, there wouldn’t be conflict. There is no

point in conflict, since time is just one big stretch and everyone will depart from each other

eventually.

I personally decided to travel to slaughterhouse‐five post‐bombing to get some of the soldiers’

opinions. They believed they were having a hallucination, which played to my advantage. One

soldier in particular had a very strong opinion on the war.

“I believe that Germany is being stupid…you…hand?” said Edgar Derby, imprisoned soldier, “I

think it is a great idea for the U.S. to ally with Russia, and if Germany doesn’t think that violence

is definitely not the solution. Also there is no perfect race, regardless of‐ Oh a teapot! I will keep

that for myself.”

He got a bit distracted, but there is one human who knows what he is talking about. I decided

to collect another opinion from a nameless soldier.

Nupur Kh

“Nothing

quickly. I

wasn’t on

The diffe

They beli

problems

eyed View

adilkar and A

g can be acco

didn’t know

ne of them.

erentiation o

ieve that kee

s. That is all

w on World

Alex Kacvinksy

omplished w

w what this g

I was glad I

of opinions tr

eping human

I have to say

War One.

y

without deat

guy was plan

got away wi

ruly exhibits

ns in a shed

y! Thank you

h,” said the

nning on acc

ith all five of

s why human

like cattle, a

u all for read

soldier dark

complishing,

f my fingers.

ns cannot ge

and trying to

ding, and tun

kly. Worried,

but I was ho

.

et anything a

o destroy a w

ne in next tim

, I crawled a

oping murde

accomplishe

whole city so

me for A On

13

way

er

ed.

olve

e‐


Breaking News: Captured Human Assassinated

Our Tralfamadorian reporter has given us an update from the field. You guys surely remember Billy

Pilgrim, the Zoo’s biggest exhibit. Well, he has been assassinated by a high powered laser gun. After

months in captivity with our other star, Montana Wildhack, he was planning on revealing the secrets of

our beloved planet to the earth, before he got killed by a psycho with a high powered laser. The laser

killed Billy Pilgrim on impact.

We asked other humans on the scene about Billy Pilgrim, here are some responses:

“The guy is a nut!” said Bill Johnson, 58, “I am glad he got killed before a riot broke out and every started

trying to ‘travel through time’.”

“I think his vision was beautiful, eye opening even,” said bystander Susan Johannson, “It’s always the

great ones that are killed too early.”

Clearly reactions about Billy’s brief by memorable words of wisdom were very mixed. Regardless, I think

a high powered laser is a bit too opinionated. But it’s not like he had a choice, we are all subject to our

own fates, his was just a bit stranger than most. Billy on the other hand isn’t too affected; death is just

an unpleasant moment anyways. I am sure he is living another great moment in his life as you read this.

We also decided to sit down with some friends of Billy, talk question them about what they thought of

him. First we have Montana Wildhack, someone who shared the zoo exhibit with Billy himself.

“I don’t think he deserved to die,” said Montana, “He always had so many stories to tell me, always

something different. He was a traveler, and his travels molded him into a great person.”

Hmm, who knew porn star Montana had a heart. Well clearly she felt something for Billy Pilgrim,

whether it is intimate or something more. We also spoke with Valencia, before her death.

“Billy, what a sweet man,” said Valencia, “why are you having me say something about him?” She clearly

didn’t grasp the whole “time is a stretch” concept.

“For future use,” our reporter said, to avoid any strife regarding the assassination. Despite Billy’s closed‐

off personality, he had at least two personal relationships that strived.

Nupur Kh

Death is t

honor the

meaning o

Billy Pilgri

those still

Answers t

adilkar and A

ragic, even th

e death of Bill

of time more

im, a fighter,

alive anyway

to Fun!

Alex Kacvinksy

hough for tho

ly, let us list s

than any oth

a traveler, a h

ys.

y

ose who can u

ome attribut

her human. Th

husband, a fa

understand ti

es that he ha

hat may be h

ather. He will

me, it is just a

ad. One is his

is only one, b

be missed by

a moment of

ability to gras

but it counts f

y those dwell

f discomfort. T

sp the true

for something

ing on earth,

15

To

g.

well


So it goes…

a stretch of time magazine

Documents

wecameacrosstheide inamagazine

professional analysis

advice column

feature stories