Kait Wilson

March 26, 2015

University Honors Program

A Room of My Own: A Personal Reflection

In studying closely my successes and struggles in classes, on-campus clubs, internships

and activism, I put my finger on the trend that tells the story of how I got where I am today. My

journey at UNC Charlotte very closely parallels feminist theorist Elaine Showalter’s three phases

of women in literature: the feminine, feminist and female. In her book A Literature of their

Own (1977), Showalter writes about the characteristics of English woman writers. She

theorizes that there are patterns of evolution in female writing and they easily reflect the changes

in female traditions of the time. Just as the entire feminist movement has been divided into three

waves, Showalter uses her own three phases to show the progression of women’s involvement

and acceptance into the world of English literature. Showalter dates the beginning of her

feminine phase at around 1840 when women, with the exception of a few earlier examples such

as Jane Austen, began publishing. There was not much acceptance for woman writers at the time,

and the women who did write closely imitated male writers. Showalter’s feminist phase begins in

the 1880s, at which time women become more vocal and advocated for women’s rights in their

literature. Finally, according to Showalter, around 1920, women reject both of these forms. They

abandon protest and imitating men, instead simply using their experiences to write, choosing

their own paths: this is Showalter’s female phase.

To provide a short introduction about my current identity, I reflect that, at this time, as an

imminent college graduate. Part of me reflects Showalter’s female phase, the final phase of her

1

model. I am career-driven, savvy and independent. I am bold and outspoken about issues I am

passionate about and always looking for opportunity to make a difference in the world. My

interests are especially piqued when examining culture, discussing social justice issues and

critically questioning our gendered society. Concurrently, and interestingly, I have chosen the

male-dominated field of Accounting and Finance, at which I excel, and for which I have already

developed my post-collegiate career. And despite my outspoken nature, a nature that would have

once most likely been prescribed as “hysterical” or “neurotic,” (Showalter) I have been accepted

into this world of the mathematically inclined. At age 21, this situates me in a quite unique,

juxtaposed, and self-reflective place. Because of these reasons, I interestingly find myself in the

first historical phase, Showalter’s feminine phase. Although I am not in the literary field and

have chosen this male-dominated career, I have traced connections between Showalter’s phases

and my own, except that my path has interestingly occurred in reverse.

I will use these phases to depict my undergraduate experience. In addition, for each of

these phases I have used a different one of my favorite works of feminist literature to illustrate

my experience in that phase. My journey through each phase will be denoted by artifacts, or

tangible objects that represent a specific event.

My Awakening - The Female Phase

Showalter’s third phase, the Female phase, has an overarching theme of self-discovery

driven by women’s effort to identify, analyze and articulate the female experience. According to

Showalter, women from the 1920’s consistently reject both imitation and protest, which they

believe are two forms of dependency, and turn to female experience as the source of an

autonomous art instead (Showalter). These rebellious females used their own trusted experiences

2

as a form of self-government instead of trusting those around them for guidance. Famous woman

writers at the time, including Rebecca West, Katherine Mansfield, Dorothy Richardson and

others, each embodied the values of this emerging belief. One woman writer embodied this trend

before the 1920’s phase began, but was ostracized because of her progressive writing technique.

Although the novel was written in 1899, Kate Chopin’s The Awakening was not popular or

socially accepted until around the time the Female phase began. Through Edna Pontellier, the

emerging self-aware protagonist, Chopin depicts the self-discovery and freedom women sought

for themselves around this time. In addition, Edna’s journey from entrapment to rebirth and

individuality embodies the very transformation I experienced as a freshman at UNC Charlotte.

The first artifact of my female experience in college is a combination of my final

portfolio for Arts and Society class (LBST 1105) and reflection for my World through

Film class (LBST 2101). Coming from a small community in Lexington, North Carolina, the

main ideals I was exposed to revolved around church and football. My public high school had

minimal outlets for creative thinking, and although I consider myself to be very left brain

dominant, I know I would have benefited from a higher degree of right brain engagement. I

knew that college would offer some sort of relief, but I expected the classes to be more along the

lines of the history of art or music, which sounded dry to me. However, I was pleasantly

surprised by the selection offered.

When I was accepted to the University Honors Program, I immediately began sorting

through potential liberal studies classes. I knew that, since liberal studies were a general

education requirement, I might as well choose something that would expose me to the creative

stimuli I lacked back home. The first class I took, Arts and Society, required me to analyze

works of visual art through a critical lens. I visited numerous art museums around Charlotte for

3

the first time in my life and even met some of the local artists. One of these artists, David

Theissen, shared with me his affinity for the dogs of Asheville. Because of this experience, I was

able to see art from the creator’s perspective, understanding the process that brought the piece

into being. This was especially beneficial when I was required to create my own artistic

interpretation of my favorite pieces from the museums. After understanding how artists derive

their inspirations, I was able to find my own and animate it by means of simple watercolor. I

recreated a vivid memory of my late pet schnauzer, Kramer, in my sunglasses and connected it to

a piece David Theissen did of a dog in Asheville. I also connected a painting of a woman’s

crying eye to photographs in the Mint museum of abused women, a woman with sewn lips to

work in the Union gallery representing women’s loss of voice and a ladybug on a flower to

issues with environmental protection we viewed at the Light Factory. Although my painting may

have been mediocre, this experience opened my eyes to my ability to interpret and create art as I

never thought I could. I began using water color as a therapeutic measure to help my anxiety

when classes and even interpersonal relationships were stressful.

World through Film was undoubtedly my favorite liberal studies class, as I not only

got insight into different cultural practices, but also the trying political and social situations that

the people faced. In my final reflection, I critically analyzed the themes of cultural clashes,

borders, and the dichotomy between the privileged and the working class through films from

numerous cultures from Tokyo to Morocco. My favorites were Departures, directed by Yojiro

Takita, a film examining the rituals surrounding death in Japan, and Amores Perros, directed

by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, a series of three stories that converge through a single act of

violence.

4

In my reflection, I speak of how understanding symbols and metaphors have always been

difficult for me without a professor pointing them out beforehand. This was true in high school

of most books I read and even the first few films we watched in World through Film. I

remember listening to the class discussions after the first film ended and thinking “how did you

derive that idea from a simple camera shot?” However, as I reflected on each analysis of the

weekly films, it was easy to see my growth from naivety to quickly catching references of

foreshadowing and overarching themes. Although I often miss the subtle symbols a film

portrays, I still love watching foreign films.

These classes gave me the opportunity to see the world through a lens that was not math

or science based, and took me beyond the small town life I was used to. Just as The Awakening’s

Edna Pontellier began her own self-discovery through creating art for her own self and not the

enjoyment of others, my brain was finally being used to its full potential as I was exposed to

possible new passions and discoveries through art and film. My reflections mirror Edna’s

breakthroughs as she begins to acknowledge and name her own emotions and beliefs (Chopin).

There seems to be one certain similarity between my Art and Society and World through

Film reflections: women’s rights. Although I speak of other inequities throughout my

reflections, such as race, class and economic disparities, which are what I now believe to be

intersectional to feminism, gender equality rears its head far more often. I think that if my life

were a foreign film, these reflections would foreshadow my entrance into the feminist world,

which is certainly not as acceptable as one would like it to be. However, just as Edna’s Creole

friends show her that is it acceptable to think and even speak about her own feelings through the

art of making music for herself and not the entertainment of others (Chopin), these classes

5

proved to me that I could not only formulate these beliefs about women’s rights but also write

about them and possibly influence others through verbalizing them.

My next artifact is some of my writings and observations from my first Women’s and

Gender Studies Class (WGST 1101), a class that undoubtedly changed my life forever. Growing

up in a conservative town, I barely heard about feminism; if I did it was not presented to me in a

positive notion that was attractive and welcoming. To put it nicely, feminism was frowned upon

where I am from. The very conventional beliefs that were rooted in my town prevented me from

ever learning about, or becoming interested in such a radical set of convictions, and I was

completely blind to the awakening that would become of this new interest. As I was around

students from a variety of backgrounds when I moved to Charlotte, I began hearing about Kelly

Finley’s Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies class that was a foundation for feminists

on campus. At that time, I was unsure about my career path and decided to get all my core

general education courses out of the way. I knew I would need a non-major elective, and this

Women’s Studies class sounded like the perfect fit and something I may pursue after the class

was over.

Although the first class each semester is primarily filled with technicalities of syllabi, just

merely reviewing the topics we were about to uncover was a huge eye-opener for me. Kelly not

only brought up the topics most people relate directly to feminism, such as domestic violence

and reproductive rights, but also the issues not quickly associated with gender inequality like

masculinity expectations for men and queer and transgender issues. Simply hearing about these

topics was a sort of shock to me. I remember thinking it was unfortunate that I had not thought

about these pressing inequities that face people in their everyday life. I immediately began to pay

attention to simple things like phrases men use to assert masculinity such as “Man up!” or “Grow

6

a pair!” and tried to associate these to how women were impacted. Before the second class, I was

already a budding feminist with a knack for calling out patriarchy. I began to invite my friends to

my classes and eagerly participate in debates and discussions, which I was usually hesitant to do

in a large class setting. This class not only set the foundation in my life for becoming a Women’s

Studies student and a feminist, but also introduced me to a wide range of topics that I became

passionate about. I knew from then on my life would be changed for the better, reminiscent of

Edna’s words, “How many years have I slept? ...The whole island seems changed” (Chopin).

My entrance into the feminist world was groundbreaking, and I am eternally grateful for

the knowledge and compassion that I have gained by being a Women’s and Gender Studies

student. However, just as Edna struggled throughout her journey with solitude as a consequence

of independence, I had my own battles. Throughout Edna’s journey, it seemed that the more

ability she gained to express herself, the less people around her understood and supported her.

Because very few women were brave enough to brave the unconventional, the more Edna

discovered her strengths outside the norm, the more she felt alone (Chopin). There was no one to

share her discovery with, much less to empathize with her. In the same way, the more I learned

about feminism and wanted to become involved in activism, the less I could share with the

people I loved, specifically my parents. As conservative Baptists, the mere mention of the word

feminism seemed to make their heads explode the first time I mentioned it to them. I was not

expecting them to be ecstatic over my interest and belief in those values, but I certainly was not

anticipating anger. The utter shock that their only daughter was involved in something reserved

in their minds for angry, hairy, man-hating lesbians was too much for them to accept. I could tell

that they did their best to shelter me from the peril of the anti-Christian thought that is feminism.

Although I have never been one to keep my opinions to myself or really care what others think of

7

me for that matter, knowing my parents disapproved of something that was becoming so

important to me definitely felt hurtful.

Just as in The Awakening Edna struggled through her awakening, I had my bouts because

of my new found passion. The Awakening positions and subtly parallels Edna’s children as a

symbol of her own rebirth and discovery of the world through a fresh perspective (Chopin).

However, she was also like a child in that she failed to think realistically about the future and the

impact of her decisions on her own children. In the same way, as I was discerning these new

interests and passions, I knew I had to begin thinking about the impact of my academic choices

on my future career, one that I had yet decided on. As much as I felt drawn to Women’s Studies,

I knew there was only a minor offered at UNC Charlotte. I declared Women’s and Gender

Studies as my minor one day after Kelly’s lecture on reproductive rights. However, this field of

study did not follow my tendency to choose a safe and consistent career, since I have always

been a very practical person who does not like uncertainty about possible jobs after college. The

thought of not having the certainty of a career in such a rocky economy was terrifying to me,

which naturally led me to want to pursue something safe. This is where my struggle to choose a

major became more urgent.

The last artifact that I believe is a depiction of my awakening and female phase

experience is a balance sheet, representative of my experience as an Accounting major and

member of the Belk Business College. As far as I can remember, I dreamed of being a

veterinarian. However, as I started volunteering at animal shelters, I began to understand that

veterinarians did not always get to help heal animals. Once I learned about the perils of shelter

overcrowding and chronic diseases that result in euthanasia for animals, I was completely turned

off by the thought of having to be the person responsible for that deed. I tried to find a stable and

8

promising career path that involved working with animals, but I unfortunately found no

resolution. When I came to UNC Charlotte, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to major in. I

knew what I was good at the typical left-brain interests like math and science, but I had no clue

where to go from there. I also liked anatomy and physiology, but I did not want to go into the

nursing field or prolong my time in school to be a doctor. I had nowhere to turn, so I looked to

the campus career center, which set me up for a Strong Interest Inventory assessment to point me

in the right direction. This assessment scored my answers based on the Holland Codes, which are

realistic, investigative, artistic, social, enterprising, and conventional, and gave suggestions of

career paths based on these types. Not to my surprise, I was categorized as realistic, investigative

and conventional, making my top fifteen career fits a mixture of medical science and

mathematics. Toward the middle was a field I had been told about, but always thought it seemed

so boring: accountant, the bean counter. Feeling a bit defeated, I decided to try out a business

class, Economics for Non-Majors. The course was not too bad and I was fairly good at it, so I

decided to continue forward with the business track.

My first few accounting classes were relatively easy. I had to do a bit of studying and

rereading to understand the concepts, but they were interesting and challenging enough to keep

my attention. The topics were not necessarily ones that you would hear about on a regular basis,

and learning about things I never heard of was exciting to me. However, as one would typically

expect, the classes got harder; in fact accounting got ridiculously tough very quickly.

Intermediate Financial Accounting took up most of my time relative to any class I had that

semester, but Intermediate Financial Accounting II knocked me down in the blink of an eye. The

topics were no longer interesting because I already understood the basics of accounting, but the

concepts were more involved and increasingly difficult before I could force myself to understand

9

the topic we just covered. As expected, my grades started slipping, along with my interest in

accounting as an academic subject and especially as a career choice. Luckily I already had my

job locked in at Ally Financial, or I would have panicked even more. Because I so quickly

wanted nothing to do with accounting, I wanted to switch my major to Finance with a

concentration in Accounting. However, with the number of classes I had already taken toward

my Accounting major, it would have been a waste of time to drop the whole major, so I

consulted with my Business College advisor who recommended that I double major in

Accounting and Finance.

For people outside of the corporate business world, Finance and Accounting may sound

like the same thing: just keeping up with money. However, there is a big difference between the

two. Accountants keep track of account balances, such as cash, inventories and equipment, and

track liabilities, such as services owed to customers, salaries owed to employees, and common

stock and bonds in the company’s name. Accountants make journal entries into systems provided

by companies to change the balances based on transactions that have occurred. For example, if a

company sold a shirt for five dollars, an accountant would make a journal entry to increase cash

on hand by five dollars and decrease inventory by five dollars. Then at the end of the fiscal year,

accountants put together financial reports for investors of the company, showing how many

assets and liabilities the company has, as well as how much revenue they brought in and

expenses they spent throughout the year. On the other hand, Finance is more focused on the

interpretation of these accounts and planning the distribution of the company’s assets. For

example, a company will forecast how much money each group gets allocated to spend on

people (compensation, health benefits, taxes, etc.), vendor expenses (outsourcing for auditing

costs or other projects), travel and entertainment expenses, and more.

10

I came into the university culture with no leads toward a possible career, but by using the

people and resources available to me, I found accounting. I realized during my accounting

journey that I did not belong in that culture, one where the work is based around structured

mathematical rules and not much interpretation, so I kept my foot in the accounting door while I

ventured in another direction. I found a much better fit in the finance world, where I can use my

investigative skills to read between the lines of the numbers. This is representative of the self-

discovery and autonomy through experience that the female phase is all about. I chose the field

of accounting and finance and sought out to make it my own.

Interestingly, my position in the female phase, in Showalter’s sense, much resembles the

symbol of music to Edna’s exploration of art. In the novel, Adele Ratignolle plays the piano for

others’ enjoyment while Madmoiselle Reisz uses music as a form of self-expression, not caring

about entertaining outsiders (Chopin). Adele clearly represents the expectation of women to put

on a show and act a certain way for the enjoyment of others, while Madmoiselle Reisz

completely embodies the female phase in that she is using her experience as a form of art. This

clash between what is safe and expected of Edna and what she wants causes problems for her

throughout the novel. In the same way, my choice of Accounting and Finance clashes with my

commitments to feminism and animal rights. They are oil and vinegar, not mixing well together

and causing problems for my conscience. I knew when I was choosing a major that business

school would be the safe and steady bet, though it may not make me happy. The implications of

my gamble would soon break into my life, which I will delve into further in my explication of

the feminine phase.

A Roaring Inside Me - The Feminist Phase

11

Showalter also explores the feminist phase, a time in history in which women rejected

conventional femininity and began to “use literature to dramatize the ordeals of wronged

womanhood” (Showalter). Women developed a sense of injustice, causing them to protest

against male domination and demand autonomy through equal rights between classes and sexes

and at work. This is the phase in which women of the 1880s to the 1920s inserted themselves in

the responsibilities they believed they had for their suffering sisters. Famous woman writers of

the time were Elizabeth Gaskell and Frances Trollope, who express a personal sense of injustice

in their everyday life related to class and gender. In the same way that these women found causes

they were determined to make a difference in, I inserted myself in two huge activist topics:

women’s rights and animal rights.

I believe that there is an overarching theme of ecofeminism in this feminist phase of my

life, one that I did not put together until recently. Ecofeminism is the link between the

exploitation of women’s bodies to exploitation of animals and the environment (Lorber 134).

Susan Griffin speaks perfectly to this belief in The Roaring Inside Her:

“He says that woman speaks with nature. That she hears voices from under the earth.

That wind blows in her ears and trees whisper to her. That the dead sing through her

mouth and the cries of infants are close to her.” (Prologue)

Although not all feminists do see women as being inherently connected with nature,

Griffin claims that, from a patriarchal perspective, men notice the disconnect they have with

nature compared to women. Ecofeminists believe that women’s learned nurturing qualities are

linked to a caring for nature, and men’s “exploitation of women’s bodies is analogous to their

exploitation of natural resources” (Lorber 134). Women’s sympathy for the environment is

12

depicted through their communication through whispers and singing and the blowing of wind.

The sympathies of women may be easily accepted by the environment, since the environment

does not see women as a threat to its existence. On the other hand, according to Griffin, man has

lost touch with the environment, unable to communicate with the things they oppress and

destroy, and rightfully so. The dialogue for men is over; they set themselves apart from woman

and nature.

Applying these concepts, the first artifact representative of this phase is my portfolio

from the UHP Community Service Seminar during my first semester in college. It was a

requirement of the course to select one organization to volunteer with for a certain number of

hours that semester and to base our reflections each few weeks on our experiences at the

organization. We read essays and poems chosen by the instructor to relate to our experiences and

also to use as advice for our times volunteering. I had no trouble deciding what kind of

organization I wanted to be involved with. I had volunteered at animal shelters since I was little

and even had my birthday party there when I was eight, asking that my friends bring supplies for

the shelter rather than presents for me. Since I moved to Charlotte, I knew that I wanted to get

involved with an animal shelter, but I was not sure where to start in such a big city. I checked out

Animal Control of Charlotte, but their process for getting on board was extensive and time-

consuming since they are required to conduct background checks. However I was pressed for

time in order to get started volunteering for my class, and the center was a bit far out of the way

for someone not used to all the traffic around the city. I then contacted the Humane Society of

Charlotte, but it was also a long drive, especially on weekdays when I planned to go. Last I

checked the Humane Society of Concord and Greater Cabarrus County, located not far from the

Charlotte Motor Speedway and certainly away from rush hour traffic.

13

The budding ecofeminist in me decided to pay a visit to sign the application forms and

take a look around. I am very selective about shelters that I volunteer with. I knew that if I was

going to be there long term, I did not want to be involved in a shelter that euthanized animals for

any reason but emergency health issues. I had been in a shelter like that before, and it sent me

straight into a depression, crying the whole way home every day for the lives I could not save. I

also did not want to be involved in a shelter that was not serious about making sure adopting

animal parents underwent background checks that disclosed their animals’ history. Lastly, I

wanted a place that felt like my getaway for the next four years of college. Luckily, this shelter

met every single criterion I had. I walked through the doors and everything just felt right; it felt

like home to me. There was a man sitting at a table with a couple, talking about the huge

responsibility of taking care of a pet and having them fill out an application to adopt. A woman

immediately greeted me and showed me around. There were so many animals in that small

building that I could not believe it when she took me out into the kennels to show me more. I

was ready to start that day.

The experience I had at the Humane Society of Concord that semester changed my life

forever. I was allowed to be involved with more parts of running the shelter than I had ever been

exposed to. Although volunteers were not supposed to handle most of these parts, the shelter

director, Mike, trusted me quickly and gave me interesting things to do, rather than simply

cleaning kennels and filling water and food bowls. I was allowed to prepare medications, visit

and take care of the newly born and mothers, and even just spend a day in the parvo room. The

parvo room contained a couple of dogs who contracted Parvovirus, a contagious illness that is

sometimes fatal. It was important that someone stay with these dogs the entire day because if you

intermingled between them and the outside dogs, disease quickly spreads, especially when there

14

are new litters around. I loved walking into the parvo room to skittish and unsure pups, and

leaving with their trust. Sitting in the room playing and bonding with a recovering pup was one

of the most privileged jobs I had at the shelter. I was extremely grateful that the shelter saved

these animals who would have died without them funding their treatment.

Every day at the shelter was life changing in some way for me. Although most of my

days consisted of simply letting dogs out into the fenced backyard and playing with them for

hours, I saw everything from a blood hound the Cabarrus Police Department left in our care for

the week to an extremely underweight and abused Great Dane trusted to the Humane Society

while its human was on trial for its mistreatment. The most life altering part about volunteering

at the shelter is coming back to animals who I fell in love with who found a happy home. Not

being given the chance to say goodbye to my best friend at the shelter tore me apart. Every day I

would spend hours with Daisy, a yellow lab and pit bull mix that had been a resident at the

Humane Society for two and a half years. All of the volunteers knew her temperament; she was

not friendly with other dogs whatsoever, but she absolutely loved children. She could not be in

the same room as another dog, but she would let kids climb all over her while she stood there

seemingly grinning. She had been adopted three times before, each time being brought back.

Ignoring our heeds about her impatience with other dogs, once a woman took Daisy to a dog

park and you can imagine how that went. The woman immediately brought her back to the

shelter, breaking our hearts once again for sweet Daisy. The bond I had with Daisy easily

parallels the bond woman has with nature in The Roaring Inside Her. Daisy and I had a way of

communicating that no one else could understand. She was usually a very independent from

people, wanting to run the yards alone and chase bugs. However she never missed a chance to

lay on the pavement with me and sunbathe or toss a Frisbee when there was one lying around

15

that was not chewed to pieces. Our bond was perplexing to outsiders, just as woman’s bond with

nature was confusing to the men outside of the relationship. I wished every day that I could take

her home with me, but my apartment did not allow dogs.

At the end of my sophomore fall semester, I did not visit the shelter for about a week

since I was busy studying for exams, and I definitely had a hard time keeping away. I knew when

I came back there would be some cute new faces, but I was not expecting my favorite face to be

gone. A friend of Mike’s adopted daisy, which made me feel at ease about her new home. As

much as I was ecstatic that Daisy finally found her home, I knew I would never see her again and

that really upset me. I still miss that sassy creature and I have one of the many newspaper

adoption ads of her pinned to my refrigerator. Daisy is that constant reminder of the love and

friendship built in a shelter and why I love what I do.

The experiences I have gained volunteering at the Humane Society through the UHP

Community Service Seminar also helped me in other classes. In Freshman Seminar, we were to

write a paper about something we believed in. The prompts were limitless. For my paper, I chose

to write about my belief in bathing puppies. This assignment, mirroring the essays on the public

website “This I Believe,” is my second artifact in the female phase. Although it was never a set

procedure at the shelter, when a new dog came in to the shelter, I always gave him or her a bath.

The shelter had a full-sized tub that was elevated so it was easy to wash the animals. Many times

the dogs were too big, so I had to take them out back if it was not cold and use the hose in the

fenced-in area instead. Throughout my paper I talk about the bathing experience as a bridge

between a dog’s life of neglect and sometimes abuse to a new life of love at the Humane Society

and eventually their new family. The animals usually fought the wash at first, not exactly trusting

me. They constantly try to claw their way out of the tub, slipping and sliding everywhere and

16

soaking me in the process. I did not mind, though, because I knew the better the pup smelled, the

more likely he or she would be adopted quicker. One specific incident I wrote about was about a

litter of puppies that came in on a pretty hectic day. These little creatures were wheeled in right

at my feet, covered in so much mud that I could not even tell what color or breed they were.

They all scrambled away when I reached in the crate to grab one to wash, and they squirmed

until I got them into the tub where they tried to climb out when I reached for soap. It never got

old seeing them slowly but surely calm down and accept that the bath did feel pretty nice. By the

end of their baths they loved me, licked my face and wanted to be picked back up as soon as I

put them into their new clean crate. I made one huge connection in this paper:

“Even though I wasn’t the person that saved him, I was the first he made a

connection with. He innately knew I helped him and it didn’t matter how much he

growled and scratched, I was caring for him. No matter the past he had before I saw him,

I believe that bath began his clean slate to a new and beautiful life. Even though this new

chapter began in a shelter, it is the one that will show him the most love and affection he

has had so far.”

I posted my “This I Believe” essay on the official public website in hopes to make a difference

for animals in anyone’s life that I could possibly reach.

My last artifact of the animal realm sums up my love for shelter animals and my attempt

to make sure the value of caring for unwanted pets never disappears. I decided to get a tattoo of

paw prints on my left shoulder when I was pushed to make a decision on declaring my major. As

I said before, I wanted so badly to work with animals, but I could not find the right career that

would put me in that position immediately. When I decided on Accounting, I thought maybe I

17

could graduate and pursue a Certificate in Non-Profit Organizations and then work for the

ASPCA or Humane Society corporate office. However, I knew nothing about the accounting

field, and I worried that the money I was offered would sound irresistible and trap me in

Corporate America forever without the opportunity making a difference. Because I could not

bear the thought of a life without serving homeless animals and could not predict that I would

not get too wrapped up in the Corporate America culture, I wanted to do something to remind

myself every day of what I believe my purpose in life is. My tattoo is a visual reminder that no

matter where I end up, no matter whom I have to impress, and no matter how far up in a

company I move, I will always belong to animal rights and rescue. I got that tattoo around three

years ago, and I still believe it was the best decision I have ever made, especially now that I am

actually a part of Corporate America and can truly appreciate how accurate my thought was back

then.

My experience volunteering at the Humane Society along with my essay and tattoo

clearly coincide with ecofeminism. Showalter’s declaration that women in the feminist phase

begin to analyze and criticize society’s wrongdoings through literature is reflected in my “This I

Believe” essay. In this case, I saw the pain and suffering that humans were inflicting upon their

own companion animals and turned it into an essay that I took pride in and believed could

potentially impact other people who read it. The injustice these animals were experiencing was

personal to me. I took a stand by volunteering and writing in protest of the domination over

animals that humans felt entitled to.

The last artifact of my feminist phase is a flyer from the club that I co-founded and

served as Treasurer for, UNCC VOX: Voices for Planned Parenthood. Mary-Wren Ritchie, the

president of the club, and I met at a yoga class on campus where our first conversation was about

18

her shirt with a huge birth control packet on it. We were immediate friends, and she invited me to

a Charlotte meeting with the Planned Parenthood Field Coordinator of North Carolina, Emily

Callen, who wanted some branches for outreach in the University area. We met at a coffee shop

outside of downtown Charlotte and got information about the different campaigns Planned

Parenthood of North Carolina had proposed for the year. We talked about fundraising, STD

testing and political activism in the capitol, all of which could be done on a smaller scale on

campus. Mary-Wren and I spoke with Emily after the meeting was over and got some advice on

starting our own club in Planned Parenthood’s name. She was very excited about our

commitment and sent us start-up supplies for flyers and other creative ideas and even brought

pizza to our first meeting.

The university club branches of Planned Parenthood were called UNCC VOX; VOX

meaning voice in Latin. We held a few really great events throughout the year, such as Get

Yourself Tested, a campaign to promote STD awareness, Sex Trivia, a Jeopardy game to

promote sexual health, a campus Slut Walk, protesting victim blaming in sexual assault,

documentary viewings, such as No Woman No Cry, and meetings to call politicians about the

sneaky bills they were passing to slowly but surely chip away at Roe v. Wade and roll back

women’s rights altogether. We quickly recruited freshmen at the Niner Nights portion of their

orientation, offering free condoms even if they did not sign up for email updates. It was

interesting seeing the shock on their faces when women were so upfront about sex. We also went

ahead and gave information to high school seniors who were on a tour of the school. The looks

of shock on parents’ faces when they saw our posters reading “SEX TRIVIA!” were absolutely

priceless. One woman grabbed her daughter’s hand and pulled her along with the group when the

girl looked interested as they passed. A few seconds later, the girl ran up to us, grabbed a

19

condom and a flyer with a sincere “thank you!” and rushed back to her mother. I could not help

but see myself in her.

As the club became more popular and we gained more members, the meeting times and

events became more demanding. VOX took a great deal of time to start up and especially to

serve as an officer in; eventually, I had to step down as Treasurer as my job and school work

became far too burdensome. Looking back on my involvement in UNCC VOX, I cannot help but

think I made some difference in the lives of women on campus. From protesting the patriarchal

notion of women “asking for it” when they are sexual assaulted simply by what their wearing to

calling attention to conservative attempts to take away a woman’s right to her own body, I think

the club changed lives.

Through my time as the Treasurer of VOX, I noticed a correlation between the activism

for Planned Parenthood and my ecofeminist nature. In the ecofeminist way, women are seen as

the givers of life: we bear the children. Although many people who oppose Planned Parenthood’s

operations because they see abortion as “the ending of a life” (even though abortion counts for

only a miniscule portion of their services), I see it as a connection to woman as a mother. Just as

women are given this life-giving power by the earth, we are also given the power to choose. We

choose when to give life and when to spare our own struggles. In addition, just as men oppress

the power of the earth by destroying it, they continue to oppress women’s right to use their

power of choice. Every legislative act and sneaky campaign proposed is an attack on women’s

right to choose to give life, and my position in UNCC VOX served as a means to block this

oppression.

20

To some feminists, women are thought to have some inborn ability to understand nature,

however I believe it is really a protection over the things that cannot speak for themselves. The

problem with the ecofeminist assumption that women are naturally nurturing is that it

emphasizes women solely as mothers, inherently limiting opportunities for women outside of the

home. Some ecofeminists use this assumption to their advantage, such as Griffin, while others

oppose it. However, assuming that this inclination for nature and its creatures is based on

women’s ability to relate with their struggles of oppression removes the inborn nurture

assumption. We as ecofeminists learned to identify with nature as a way of taking care of it, just

as we want for ourselves. I think that this link would explain why I, along with so many other

young girls and women, feel so connected to animals. We care for these animals and the

environment, not because we are born with an inclination for nurturing, but because they have no

voice, just as we have found our voice in the feminist phase. And just as the women of

Showalter’s feminist period took responsibility for the injustices they saw their sisters going

through, I took a stand for my sisters by becoming involved with progressive feminist activities

on campus.

A Room of my Own - The Feminine Phase

The first phase of Elaine Showalter’s theory and the third phase for me is the feminine

phase, where women wrote in effort to equal the intellectual achievement of their male

counterparts. Dating from 1840 to 1880, the distinguishing marker of this phase is the male

pseudonym of woman writers, including George Eliot, Currer, and Acton Bell. Women were just

beginning to brave the male-dominated field of writing, but were not accepted enough to move

up in their world, much resembling the glass ceiling of today’s time. In the same way, the male-

dominated field I chose is subtly not as inviting to women as it is to our male counterparts.

21

Submersing myself in the Corporate American culture was a huge change in lifestyle, and it soon

posed a threat to everything I value.

My struggle through the feminine phase is accurately depicted by A Room of One’s

Own by Virginia Woolf. In her novel, Woolf explains that in order for women to be successful,

they must have a room of their own; a room where they can be alone with their thoughts, without

the interruptions and impacts of others’ opinions, especially men’s. She claims that if women do

not have a private space of their own, they are doomed to difficulty and even failure. In my

feminine phase, I allude to this room as a psychological room of my own. I have my own

apartment with my own room, but somehow I am still impacted by the opinions and coaxes of

those around me, which I will explain later. For now, it is important to note that I have left my

solitary room since I exited the feminist phase where I was loud and proud about the issues I was

passionate about. I have entered a space where I am constantly surrounded by the strong opinions

of others, which costs me greatly in the end.

The concept of culture is vital in understanding the struggle that I face in the feminine

phase of my experience. To give a quick overview, according to Gary Ferraro’s Global Brains,

culture is more complex and multi-faceted than most realize. He defines culture with respect to

various things, such as biologists growing bacteria in a petri dish and every day usage referring

to “the finer things in life.” However, Ferraro as an anthropologist defines culture as “everything

that people have, think and do as members of a society” (Ferraro 15). This can include anything

from speaking a set language to what the people of the culture value and believe in. In the same

way that American culture has widely accepted traditions such as celebrating the Fourth of July

or watching the Superbowl, various subcultures, such as religious groups, have their separate

practices, too. Subcultures are simply smaller cultures within one larger culture.

22

The Corporate America subculture was definitely a shock to come into as a student,

simply because the language and especially the communication style of the workplace are

completely different than any other part time job I have ever had. Before I was in college, I had a

couple of part time jobs. I worked concessions at community baseball games and I was a sales

associate at Justice Clothing for Girls. Concessions had a very laid back culture where the main

concern was hygiene: keeping the food areas and hands clean at all times. The people were very

friendly, but mostly interested in watching the ongoing games while we were not busy. This

seemed to be more like a babysitting culture to me, where I did not clock in and out and no one

was supervising me until it was time to turn in the money. On the other hand, Justice was not

only a more feminine environment, with pink and glitter filling the air instead of dirt and yelling,

but also instilled with more structure around every process than the concessions. I had a special

employee ID and password to clock in and out and to access the registers, and there was a

manager and assistant manager always supervising the floor and involved in every aspect of

running the store. These two working cultures were very different, but neither could have

prepared me for the Corporate America culture that I would soon dive head first into.

In Corporate America, the hierarchy of managers and employees affects even simple

face-to-face and written conversation, and there are plenty of unspoken rules that everyone

seems to pick up on with ease. For example, there is never a situation in which an analyst should

march into the CFO’s office to talk about anything, because analysts are too far down on the

totem pole to hold any significant importance to the CFO. It is simple things like this that most

students do not expect coming from the university culture (where a student can usually speak

directly with even a department chair), and it is sometimes hard to adapt to. Not only does

Corporate America have its own culture in general, but each corporation has its individual

23

culture and takes great pride in it. For example, Ally Financial prides itself in a culture defined

by its “LEAD” core values. This stands for: “look externally,” “execute with excellence,” “act

with professionalism,” “and deliver results.” Other companies may focus more on driving profit

ratios or creating shareholder and stakeholder value, which alters the corporation’s culture in

different ways. Although it has been a learning process, I believe I have adapted quickly to the

corporate environment, and I continue to learn more the longer I stay at Ally.

The first artifact representing my feminine phase and the Corporate America subculture is

my intern presentation from my internship at Ally Financial in Global Functions Finance. There

were around 15 interns at the Charlotte site from June to August of 2013 and more interns in

cities like Detroit, New York and Jacksonville. The other interns in Charlotte came from

Clemson, UNC Chapel Hill and Wake Forest. I was the only intern from UNC Charlotte, which

was strange to me since the university is so close to downtown. In my role, I got a glimpse into

the FP&A forecasting, planning and reporting world where, little did I know, I would be

spending the rest of my undergraduate career working. The group I was a part of was responsible

for the Non-Interest Expense portion for various teams, or Global Functions, such as Capital

Markets, Treasury and Audit. My boss and coworkers stayed in close contact with executives

that govern these global functions, who tell them how many people they plan to employ, how

much they will cost, what subscriptions or professional services they plan to use, and many other

expense-related items. They estimate these expenses for the next three years and typically have a

forecast every other month, taking into account months that have passed so far that year, and

report back to the individual global function leaders, CFO and CEO. During my time with

Global Functions, I got to dabble in and practice reporting for the much smaller functions such as

Corporate Strategy and Investor Relations, each with fewer than five employees.

24

At the end of our two-month stay at Ally Financial, each intern was expected to give a

final presentation in front of the rest of the interns (both in Charlotte and virtually to other cities)

and their invited guests. Most people brought their boss, coworkers and mentors. During this

presentation, we were expected to share our perspective on what our groups did, giving an

overview of their work and what we learned over the course of our internships. Some of the

interns focused on the specific work that they were assigned, such as streamlining processes for

running reports out of SAP or how to create a macro for certain processes. However, since

Global Functions Finance was not one of the more well-known groups at Ally, I decided to

introduce everyone to the Global Functions reporting process. On the first slide, I presented the

process flow that Global Functions’ reports go through to get to the end users of our information,

including where we get our information, what we do with it, and where it goes once it leaves us.

On the second slide I attempt to explain the difference between legal entity reporting and

managerial reporting. This shows that both views equal a whole pie that is simply sliced different

ways, which is difficult for many people to understand. The last slide is a simplified view of

COH (Corporate Overhead) allocation, a huge part of the Global Functions Consolidations

process. I gave straightforward definitions of direct, allocated and unallocated expenses and used

the example of a family shared cell phone plan to help the audience have a clear understanding

of the individual terms and the concept as a whole.

My presentation reveals many cultural norms within the company that I had to adapt to in

order to thrive in my role. These include how I accomplished understanding and using the

language in Corporate America, such as Corporate Overhead, consolidations, and stranded

expenses. Understanding the language of a culture is a huge part of becoming a member of it,

and it was one of the first steps I accomplished in becoming a part of the Corporate America

25

culture. In addition to this, one attribute that is essential to being successful as a leader in finance

is being able to explain complex concepts in an easy and straightforward way, using examples to

simplify the matter. The example I used of the family shared cell phone plan helped even the

Executive Director of Human Resources, who was at my presentation, understand the concept of

Corporate Overhead when it had never been fully explained to him.

This internship was another turning point in my undergraduate career, when I found my

love for finance and abandoned accounting as quickly as I found it. I decided to double major in

Finance and Accounting because of my continued interest in the finance world. My presentation

was highly regarded by my superior, and she continues to use this presentation for new

employees and the interns we hire in the group to give them an overview of what Global

Functions does.

My next and last artifact is my networking map that I put together at the end of my

internship. The map begins with me in the middle and connects to various people I met during

my time interning at Ally. In some ways, it resembles a kinship chart as created by

anthropologists studying a traditional culture; such charts always start with “ego,” the person

from whose perspective the kinship system is diagrammed. The solid lines connecting my name

to others represent face to face or email interaction with coworkers or leaders, and the dashed

lines represent connections I made through preparing reports. For example, I worked on a daily

basis with Erin Pilchick, a Global Functions manager, explaining variances for her reports, which

made her line a solid one. On the other hand, I only communicated with Brandon Kubitz through

delivering reports for month-end and the 5+31 forecast, so I was connected to him through a

dashed line. In addition to these relationships, I identified future networking opportunities

through the connections I already created. These opportunities are indicated on the map by a

26

circle and are linked to a coworker that I already connected with. For example, I knew that I

could meet Melissa Richeson, the Director of Deposits and Marketing, through Dan Ibert, her

direct report and a coworker that I conversed with on a daily basis.

Before my internship ended in August, my manager offered me a part-time job as a

Financial Analyst in Global Functions with the goal of hiring me full time once I graduated from

college, so I have had plenty of time to build on relationships that I made as an intern while also

establishing new contacts with people from all over Ally Financial and even from outside the

company. In order to understand the significance of my networking map, I have updated it to

include my most current work ties. It is easy to see how my map has expanded over the last year

and a half since my internship ended. This artifact is significant to the Corporate America culture

because it visually represents the vital connections I have made throughout my time at Ally. It is

a widely known and accepted truth in Corporate America that most people find their jobs

through networking connections, where they know a colleague who knows of an open position

on their team or at their firm. The more positive connections a person has in Corporate America,

the more likely he or she will be to get promotions and job offers in the roles that they are most

interested in.

As much as I have loved and learned from the experiences I have had in Corporate

America, I have to ask myself if this is the right place for me. Some of the cultural norms and

values of Corporate America that I have experienced are not ones that I necessarily want to call

my own, yet I see myself becoming more concerned with them every day. For example, I never

wanted to be a person who was primarily concerned with money, who valued outward

appearances and wealth status more than ethical issues and making progress for worthy causes.

However as in any culture, being a member of Corporate America meant taking part in its

27

practices and core values. Unfortunately, being around people who hold these values that I hoped

not to possess ten hours a day and five days a week made it difficult to resist becoming a part of

their cultural norm, no matter how much I focused on doing the opposite. I have seen myself

slowly start to forget about the issues I care about and become more concerned with getting that

new pair of Tory Burch wedges or Kate Spade cross body. The money I make at work is going

less and less toward charities I have always held close to my heart and more toward eating out at

nice restaurants with my boss and going to happy hour on Fridays with my coworkers.

My current dilemma mirrors the feminine phase perfectly. I have found this field that I

excel at and enjoy, but it is a male-dominated field that does not promise equal success for my

male peers and I. The women in my job are completely outnumbered by men. Women are sent to

“women’s conferences” where we are supposed to discuss the struggles of working and taking

care of children and other domestic activities. This is perplexing to me because these women

have to then find care for their children and abandoned their supposed domestic duties while

forfeiting pay for their work hours. The whole process contradicts itself. In addition, I have

watched the effects of having male peers enter my all-female group. It seems that when men are

hired, they hire men who also hire men, reinforcing the glass ceiling effect. The vicious circle

continues. My team went from all female to at least 75% male in just under two months. Just as

in A Room of One’s Own, Woolf observes the bland, inexpensive meals she and her femaile

colleagues are served compared to the male college students’ lavish meals, I believe men are

given the upper hand in Corporate America, as well. It is difficult for women to survive in

Corporate America when there seems to be an unspoken bias against them.

In addition to this, I have positioned myself right where I was afraid I would end up when

I got my paw print tattoo: in an environment that values money and class over the morals and

28

values that I believe in. However, just as Virginia Woolf writes in A Room of One’s Own, I

must have my own mental space in order to thrive and think for myself. Along the way to where

I am, I have had many people in my ear telling me what I should do. My parents were insisting

upon the value of economic stability, my boss was preaching the life of luxury and all the while I

have found that all I really want to do is protest patriarchy and find my sweet shelter animals a

home. As much as I believed I was thinking for myself, I desperately needed that space where I

could escape the opinions of those around me and be alone with my thoughts and find my real

truth. Virginia Woolf claims, “one must strain off what was personal and accidental in all these

impressions and so reach the pure fluid, the essential oil of truth.” To this end, I have to find my

truth and lock myself in my own room where no influence, good or bad, can tell me it is the

wrong or right decision.

Conclusion

I have learned so much through the Senior Portfolio process, especially about myself. I

now know that I can take a huge feminist theory and not only apply it to my life, but use

literature to create an illustration behind it. This right brain exercise has defied all that I thought

was impossible for my conventional and mathematically leaning brain. I learned that I am

actually a pretty good writer, which I never thought could be true. My ability to describe things

in words is fairly slim. One saying that accurately depicts my straightforward and direct form of

communication is: “If I want to tell you I got a cat, I will tell you I got a cat, not a black, fluffy,

sassy cat.” Although my descriptive sense falls short of great, I do not think this has impacted

my ability to reflect on my experience with respect to an academic theory and literature. The

most important thing I have learned from this project is how much I miss community service. I

do the required community service for UHP, but unfortunately, it is never anything I can connect

29

with. I have made myself so busy with school and work that I never give myself time to do the

thing that I actually love and want to do. I want to be back at the Humane Society with the

animals I love and the people who are just like me. I want to grow as a person and a rescuer like

I did when I spent seven days a week at the shelter. Nothing grounds me and gives me more joy

than being there, and I cannot wait to see what decisions I make once I get back to my own room

at the Humane Society.

As a feminist, I decided to base the sum of my career at UNC Charlotte on Elaine

Showalter’s theory. Acknowledging the validity of her historical progression in the context of

her theory, it may seem that I have regressed. Although I do feel conflicted about this, I do not

think I have gone backward. Rather I have decided that I can, and I do, encompass all three

phases at once at this time in my life. Like the “female” Edna Pontellier of The Awakening, I am

still discovering the world around me as I travel, study and explore myself. I am graduating

college and, just as Edna was expected to take on the role of submissive wife and mother, I am

also aware of all the expectations set for me by my family, coworkers, and others. However, I am

deciding what is best for me, although I am still not aware of what that is exactly. Like a true

ecofeminist, I am still active in animal rights, even though my career does not involve it. I am

three and a half years vegetarian and transitioning vegan, I donate regularly to charities such as

the ASPCA and GreenPeace, and I persistently advocate through social media for rescue

organizations all around the world. Even though my schedule is consistently full with school and

work, I find ways to actively pursue involvement in the animal rights world. One of the main

arguments Virginia Woolf makes in her novel is that women need money of their own to be

independent. I believe that I have the money of my own. I work in Finance where I can provide

for myself; I can afford the literal room of my own. Now I just need the mental room of my own.

30

Just like Woolf in A Room of One’s Own, I want badly to create a room of my own in the

Corporate American culture. I have evolved from this open-minded but critically engaged point

of view, and now I want to implement it inside a more capitalist and patriarchal culture. I want to

defy the odds by solidifying an environment where women can rise to the top while using my

finances and free time to do what I love with homeless pets. This is my own path that I have self-

created and maneuvered in my own way, and I intend to continuing doing this: navigating my

own life path.

31

Works Cited

Byrd, Jennifer. “Interview.” UNC Charlotte, Charlotte, NC. 2015.

Chopin, Kate. The Awakening. Electronic Edition. Documenting the American South:http://docsouth.unc.edu/southlit/chopinawake/chopin.html. University of North Carolinaat Chapel Hill, 1 Jan. 1998. Web. 1 Jan. 2015.

Ferraro, Gary P. Global Brains: Knowledge and Competencies for the 21st Century. Charlotte,

N.C.: Intercultural Associates, 2002.

Finley, Kelly. “Lecture.” WGST 1101. UNC Charlotte, Charlotte, NC. 2011.

Griffin, Susan. Woman and Nature: The Roaring Inside Her. New York: Harper & Row, 2000.

Levy, Janet. “Interview.” UNC Charlotte, Charlotte, NC. 2015.

Lorber, Judith. "Ecofeminism” in Gender Inequality: Feminist Theories and Politics. 5th ed. New York: Oxford UP, 2012. 134.

Ritchi, Mary-Wren. “UNCC VOX.” Flyer by author. September 2013.

Showalter, Elaine. A Literature of Their Own. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton UP, 1977.

Showalter, Elaine. Toward a Feminist Poetics, Women’s Writing and Writing About Women. London: Croom Helm, 1979.

Wilson, Kait. “Sighting.”Personal photograph by author. March 2012.

Wilson, Kait. “Paw Prints.”Personal photograph by author. October 2012.

Wilson, Kait. “Global Functions Reporting Process.”Presentation by author. August 2013.

Wilson, Kait. “Networking Map.”Presentation by author. October 2014.

Wilson, Kait. "My Inspiration." Just a Dog. Wix, 1 December 2011. Web. 3 Oct. 2014.

Wilson, Kait. "Final Reflection." Kait’s Portfolio. Wix, 1 May 2012. Web. 3 Oct. 2014.

Wilson, Kait. “I Believe in Bathing Puppies.” This I Believe. 1 November, 2011.

Woolf, Virginia. A Room of One's Own. San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1989.

32