8/6/2019 A Powerful Guide to Active Listening

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We have two ears and one mouth. Just based on our body parts, youd think wed all be natural listeners. But were really not. Youre born with the ability to hear, butyou have to develop the ability to listen. The normal listening mode for most p

eople is passive. Words come in one ear, and go out the other. Important information is missed. Details are overlooked. Reasoning is misunderstood. People feeldisrespected.The alternative to passive listening is active listening, where youre more of a p

articipant than a spectator, even though youre not the one talking. Its a better way to listen effectively. Heres how to do it:1. Be prepared to actively listen.If you start off intending to listen passively, youve already lost. Listening well is much harder than you think, and it wont happen by itself. Simply deciding that youre going to actively listen puts you in the right frame of mind for actually doing it.2. Stay physically focused.If your body cant stay still, your mind wont either. Being physically present in the conversation is obviously essential for good listening, but many people failat it. Dont multitask. If youre checking your email while talking on the phone, youre not listening to that person. Dont fidget, drum your fingers, or do pen tricks

. Make good eye contact, and dont interrupt the conversation to take a phone callor perform any other task.

One great way to ruin a conversation is to look at your watch when someones talking. While you may have a good reason for doing so, its a clear signal to the other person that youre not as interested in listening to them as you are in gettingon to your next thing. Even if you think you can be subtle about checking the time, theyll probably notice. If you absolutely must look at your watch, do it whenyoure talking, not when theyre talking. This makes a huge psychological differenc

e to the other person.3. Stay mentally focused.OK, youve managed to make your body sit still. Thats the easy part. Just because you appear to be listening doesnt mean you are. Does your mind jump around betweentopics that have nothing to do with the conversation? Listening requires your f

ull attention, so a wandering mind is no good here. Save the daydreaming for your own time. If other conversations are happening around you, tune them out. Block out all background noise and focus on the person youre talking to. Specifically, focus on the message theyre trying to get across. If youre thinking about how they dont pronounce the g at the end of a word theyre sayin, youre paying attention tothe wrong thing. The important part is their message, not their grammar or dict

ion. Tone and body language can be very important too, so dont forget to look beyond their words. If you find yourself in a boring conversation, try to find something interesting about it. Putting up with a few minutes of less than stellar discussion might pay off. Anyway, its the polite thing to do.4. Let them talk.When theyre talking, you want to be sure you give them room to say what they want

to say. Dont get impatient if they don

t get to the point as quickly as you

d like.Be respectful, and let them talk their way.

Dont correct mispronounced words, finish their sentences, make disapproving faces, or interrupt to say you disagree. In fact, you shouldnt even be thinking aboutwhat youre going to say next. Just listen. To make sure they know you want to listen, encourage them to keep speaking by nodding and saying go on or tell me more.5. React appropriately.After theyve finished talking, only then should you respond. Dont jump the gun byrushing to judgment before theyve even finished. In fact, even after theyre done,you still might want to pause to think before responding.Do it in a way that shows you were paying attention. You can summarize what theysaid in your own words, to make sure you understand it correctly. You can ask f

ollow-up questions. Offer feedback based on your careful consideration of what t

hey said. Listening is fairly simple, but its not easy. It does take effort, especially when youre not really in the mood for it. But its worth it. By listening well, you not only greatly reduce misunderstandings, but you also give people that

8/6/2019 A Powerful Guide to Active Listening

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warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that someone really listened to them.