8/12/2019 A Mid-range Tiara

1/3

It was in the summer of 2014 that I started looking for a mid-range tiara.

Oh. No. I've already lied. Let me start again.

It was a few days efore the summer of 2014 that I started looking for a mid-range tiara. I know that

e!ause "ust a few days after someone would tell me it was #$idsummers# in some language I didn't

s%eak. &hey were ni!e enough aout it had some information ut I rememer drifting away e!ausewhen I hear #$idsummers# all I think aout is (hakes%eare. )s an )meri!an I don't have any other

familiarity with the word. (o there I was thinking aout *ddie $ur%hy in a tiara.

$aye I should go a!k.

In a $idsummer's Night +ream a !hara!ter who is very !hatty gets turned into a donkey a #"a!k-ass.#)nd aout 400 years later a movie named (hrek took that !hara!ter and voi!ed him with *ddie

$ur%hy.

I think that !at!hes us u%.

I should %roaly also mention I was in love with the woman I was sear!h for the tiara for. &hough

maye that's self-e,%lanatory.

(ear!hing for a tiara is not as easy as you might image. ) few years early I went on a hunt for a !ameo

and that wasn't all that diffi!ult esides learning what a !ameo was and why it wasn't !alled a ne!kla!eor a %endant and to e honest I'm not entirely sure why all three aren't one another. ewelers as it

turns out do not have suffi!iently e,%lanatory /enn diagrams. )s it turns out there are essentially

only two kinds of tiaras.

&he first is very low-end tiaras. &he kind that you uy in %a!ks of five for a little girl's or oys I'm not

"udging y all means a oy !an e a %rin!ess too irthday %arty. Or from the e,!hange of ti!kets that

you get for %laying ski-all. Or the kind that would have !ome in a !ereal o, mu!h to !hagrin of a%oor %arent e!ause they know how mu!h less !ereal there is and how aggravating it's going to e

!oming its of !orn %o%'s out of their girl's or oys hair that night.

&he se!ond is very high-end tiaras. &he kind that on!e %ur!hased immediately alerts a team of

international "ewel thieves that a new target is availale and !omes with a!!essories like silver %olish

and io-metri! safes. &hey also tend to involve a lot of #e# words. igh end tiaras are often edalingor eautiful e"eweled. &his is e!ause they e very e,%ensive and !ertainly out of my %ri!e range. If

ever I was going to s%end the money on "ewelry it would !ertainly e for something that !ould e worn

more often that on!e a year give or take de%ending on how often a !rowned figure would a%%ear at

your %arty.

I imagined many !rowned figures would not e visiting my !ra%%y a%artment. I still don't know the

differen!e etween a 3ala and a (hindig %arty %lanners also have ad diagrams.

(o I sought out something more im%ressive than a !onsolation %rie ut not something that might invite

su%ervillains into my life.

&his took me to a small silver-smith who did !ustom orders. (he was *stonian. &hat's not relevant I

"ust want to seem interesting and !ultured.

8/12/2019 A Mid-range Tiara

2/3

I inuired aout her stri!tly mid-range evening formal-wear !rown-sha%ed "ewelry. (he was a little

snooty aout it. (urely if I was going to e uying a tiara it should e e,travagant and I wouldn't

egrudge my eloved a es%rinkled one.

&his elied my anger. 5hi!h I mostly ke%t in !he!k.

I e,%lained very sim%ly that I was looking for a tiara e!ause she was looking for a tiara and that the

tiara and I'd like to give her one ut maye not one so e,%ensive that it was worth the gross domesti!

%rodu!t of her !ountry whi!h I didn't say I had to look u% *stonian on 5iki%edia after.

(o we set u% the %lans to make one. (he asked me what I wanted from the tiara sin!e it would have to

e !ustom made.

#6ou know to sit on her head# I said in all my elouen!e. #Like a lady-!rown.#

(he nodded %atiently.

+id I want a gem in the !enter7 +id I want a re%li!a of something else7 +id I want it made out of silver

as it turns out I fu!king did not as that would have !ost over 18000.00 dollars meaning I'd get atmost 900.00 value %er royal visit assuming a rate of one monar!h %er year.

5e sele!ted a #gleaming# rone e!ause nothing in "ewelry ever has a !ommon name with #florala!!ents# and #hints of whimsy.#

It should e noted if not already !lear that she %i!ked out these things as I had no idea they even

e,isted. I nodded and %aid for the damn things though so I'm using we.

(he asked me if I'd like a rush order to whi!h I thought #you !an't rush mid-range.# I asked her if she

had a se!ond lower tier of e,%edited !rafting. (he did not. It was rush or normal. I o%ted for normal.&hen I left the "ewelry feeling good aout myself e!ause I had rought something new into the world.

) gift I imagined that would go over well. I had to guess on her head sie a it ut I assumed that it

was "ust aout right and in a few months I'd have my mid-range tiara.

)s it turns out we roke u% efore it !ould e !om%leted. (he was looking for someone more

#serious.# (omeone that didn't res%ond with #*ddie $ur%hy in a tiara# when asked what they weresuddenly laughing at.

earta!he !onfused my mind and lurred my memories. 5hen a tiny %a!kage arrived at my door with

unfamiliar !ursive I had no idea what it !ould e. 5hen I o%ened it u% it's only then that I rememeredthat love is the affe!tion we have for others ut the knowledge of who we are when they are gone.

Love is knowing that you will e hurt and forgiving the offender efore they !ommit the !rime.

It's also a teensy it #what do I do with a mid-range tiara7#

It sat on my ook!ase for awhile a reminder of what was and !ould have een efore I realied that wewere one and the same. )lone uniue and only in!redily interesting and a%%ro%riate on rare o!!asion.

5hat else !ould I do7 I %ut (hrek in the +/+ %layer the tiara u%on my head and took a swig of eer

8/12/2019 A Mid-range Tiara

3/3

every time Lord :aruad s%oke.

If he !ounts are royalty then the tiara thus far has a royal-to-worn ratio of aout ;8