a hair-raisin’ musical spoof in two acts · thunder, door knocker, wolf howl from offstage...

A Hair-raisin’ Musical Spoof in Two Acts

Book by Tim KellyMusic and Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

© Copyright 1992, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

All rights to this musical—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

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COPYING OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK WITHOUT PERMISSION IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:

1. The full name of the musical2. The full name of the playwright, the composer, and the lyricist3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with

Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Denver, Colorado”

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RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT

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YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A WEREWOLF A HAIR-RAISING MUSICAL SPOOF IN TWO ACTS

Book by TIM KELLY Music & Lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR

CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking)

MISS CHICKLET ........................principal of Riverdale High 55 # of lines

MISS SESAME.............................school secretary 31 CHET LUMPCRASS ....................a bully, also a musician 88 COACH SNOUT FRAZZLE ............hates rock ‘n’ roll 41 MAMIE .....................................Chet’s girlfriend 48 LUCKY ......................................student 17 BUDDY .....................................student 18 IRENE .......................................another student 33 BETTY ......................................another 20 RUPERT LYDECKER ...................student with inferiority complex 91 CLAUDIA DALTON ......................another student, Rupert’s 107

friend TYLER ......................................delivers newspapers, into45

“weird” SANDRA ...................................Rupert’s younger sister 71 MRS. MYRTLE CRUNCH .............asylum housekeeper 87 BORIS ......................................works at asylum, half-human 50 MURDOCK DANGERFIELD ..........mad doctor, forever young 124 CORNELIA .................................asylum maid, a robot 25 FELINE .....................................half-cat, half-woman 10 VEGETABLE THING ....................half-vegetable, half-girl 6 TWO-HEADED TEENAGER ...........one head speaks, the other 7

doesn’t WEREWOLF ...............................the new Rupert Lydecker 66 JOYCE ......................................waitress at Teen Canteen 8 GLORIA .....................................another 5 DAISY PLANT ............................talent scout for Shellac Records 51 MRS. LYDECKER .......................Rupert’s mother, chases 14

butterflies

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CARMEN ...................................of the Amazon Jungle 8 SADIE AVALANCHE ....................cleaning woman 17 DETECTIVE ARKOFF ...................policewoman 23 REPORTER #1 ...........................media person 7 REPORTER #2 ...........................another 7 ADDITIONAL STUDENTS, ............as/if desired EXPERIMENTS, REPORTERS SEE PRODUCTION NOTES

TIME

The 1950’s -- when there were beach movies and motorcycle movies and rock ‘n’ roll movies and, most importantly, TEENAGE HORROR FILMS!

ABOUT THE SETTlNG

Nothing much is required except some tables and chairs, a bench, a desk. The scenes, however, can be made more elaborate. For example, a backdrop for the asylum, more chairs, a table with dead flowers. The spoof is designed to play FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE/FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE, etc. However, if you’re not using a curtain, the FULL STAGE is kept in shadows or in blackness while a FORESTAGE scene plays. The props can be moved on and off in the dimness. The show can be easily adapted to arena staging.

ACT ONE

Scene 1: Riverdale High School Scene 2: Outside the Dangerfleld Asylum Scene 3: Inside the Asylum Scene 4: Outside the Asylum Scene 5: At the “Teen Canteen”

ACT TWO

Scene 1: Riverdale High School. Two days later Scene 2: Outside the Asylum Scene 3: Inside the Asylum Scene 4: Riverdale High School Scene 5: Back to Dangerfleld Asylum. Full moon

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PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, SCENE 1 (HIGH SCHOOL):

Whistle (MISS CHICKLET, COACH), attendance record book (MISS SESAME), comb (CHET), baseball cap, sweat shirt, football (COACH), schoolbooks (STUDENTS, RUPERT), handbills (CLAUDIA).

BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, SCENE 2 (OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM): Canvas shoulder bag with newspapers (lYLER).

BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, SCENE 3 (ASYLUM): Desk, 2 chairs, bench. Hand bell, pad and pencil on desk. Walking stick or cane (MRS. CRUNCH), mug (BORIS), medical smock or jacket (MURDOCK), large "human like" bone (tossed in from offstage), cart with wheels, test tubes, bottles, medical/scientific odds-and-ends (BORIS).

BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, SCENE 5 (TEEN CANTEEN): 3 small tables with at least 2 chairs each, 3 chairs for "band." Apron, pads, pencils (JOYCE, GLORIA). Musical instruments: guitar(s), maybe drums (CHET, BUDDY, LUCKY), cola glasses (JOYCE, GLORIA), football (COACH), comb (WEREWOLF).

BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, SCENE 1 (HIGH SCHOOL): Textbooks (STUDENTS), whistle (MISS CHICKLET), mop and pail, cloth coat with ratty fur collar, hat, handbag (SADIE), wallet with police badge (ARKOFF), butterfly net with paper moth, magnifying glass (MRS. LYDECKER), envelope with letter and tufts of hair (CARMEN), wolf hands and wolf mask (CHET).

BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, SCENE 2 (OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM): Canvas shoulder bag with newspapers (lYLER).

BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, SCENE 3 (ASYLUM): Walking stick or cane (MRS. CRUNCH), basket with large bones (BORIS), clipboard (MURDOCK).

BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, SCENE 4 (HIGH SCHOOL): Wolf mask, Sadie's pocketbook (COACH).

BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, SCENE 5 (ASYLUM): Optional cut-out moon, tray with crackers (CORNELIA), tray with paper cups (BORIS), pads and pencils (REPORTERS), camera (REPORTER), football (COACH), comb (RUPERT).

COSTUMESWhile it's not absolutely necessary to be 1950s accurate, it helps the visual aspect of the show to approximate the time period. Poodle skirts, bobby socks, fluffy sweaters, Levi's, white T-shirts, leather jackets, etc. Check out a video of the film

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MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT ONE

OVERTURE A 1950s ROCK 'N' ROLL HORROR SHOW YOU'RE A LOSER ON A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT

ON A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT (Reprise)

GOLLY! GOLLY!

TEENAGE MOTORCYCLE GIRL BLUE SUEDE PAWS YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A WEREWOLF

ACT TWO

ENTR'ACTE SCI-Fl�,ROCK 'N' ROLL AND YOU,

BABT, BABY I GOT BIT TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

THOSE EYES, THOSE LIPS, THAT FACE TEEN HAPPY MOON ALL MESSED UP (Partial) ALL MESSED UP ALL MESSED UP (Partial) YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A WEREWOLF [Reprise] CURTAIN CALL

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Students, Company Chet, Students Murdock, Mrs. Crunch, Boris, Experiments Murdock, Mrs. Crunch, Boris, Experiments Students, Gloria, Joyce, Daisy Chet Werewolf Company

Students Mamie, Girl Students Murdock, ·Mrs. Crunch, Experiments, Claudia, Sandra Werewolf, Claudia Company Werewolf, Rupert Rupert Rupert

Company

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thigh bone. Or, the human beast might be in a cage. Or, he might walk about holding some bars in front of his face. Or, one of the other EXPERIMENTS might lead him about on a leash. Or, he might wander through the audience during ''Teen Happy Moon." The reporters and guests will assume he's part of the publicity for WEREWOLF's introduction to the press.

If you want a larger cast simply add additional STUDENTS, EXPERIMENTS (good opportunity here for some creativity), REPORTERS. If you want a smaller cast combine some of the characters: IRENE and BETTY can be one character. Same for BUDDY and LUCKY, FELINE and VEGETABLE THING. JOYCE and GLORIA can also double as REPORTERS. CARMEN, too. Some male roles can be switched to female. MURDOCK can become MALVINA, an actress might portray TWO-HEADED TEENAGER. Some female roles can be switched to male (ARKOFF). TYLER might become TESS and so forth. Don't hesitate to adjust dialogue and characters to fit your production requirements.

Thunder, door knocker, wolf howl from offstage (amplified, if possible), ringing school bell, jungle drums, bird calls, hideous laughter.

If, for any reason, you can't obtain a headmask, Chet can wear a cardboard Halloween mask. Or, paint a wolf face on a brown paper bag, eyes cut out. Sadie is so distraught by Chet's scare tactics that she doesn't notice the details.

Full cast on stage with the exception of WEREWOLF and RUPERT. They ENTER, one RIGHT, one LEFT. RUPERT prepares to take his bow. WEREWOLF stands behind. WEREWOLF moves in front of RUPERT. RUPERT moves in front of WEREWOLF. They do this several times and, finally, bow to each other. Then, side by side, out to audience. ALL howl -- 11OW-WOOOOOOOO!11

FINAL NOTE - Remember we're in another time, when cheapiy made teenage horror films were all the rage (1950s). Everything from the acting to the production numbers should be slightly exaggerated.

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YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A WEREWOLF

A HAIR-RAISING MUSICAL SPOOF IN TWO ACTS

Book by Tim Kelly Music & Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

TIME

The 1950s -- when there were beach movies and motorcycle movies and rock 'n' roll movies and, most importantly, TEENAGE HORROR FILMS!

ABOUT THE SITTING Nothing much is required except some tables and chairs, a bench, a desk. The scenes, however, can be made more elaborate. For example, a backdrop for the asylum, more chairs, a table with dead flowers. The spoof is designed to play FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE/FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE, etc. However, if you're not using a curtain, the FULL STAGE is kept in shadows or in blackness while a FORESTAGE scene plays. The props can be moved on and off in the dimness. The show can be easily adapted to arena staging.

ACT ONE

Scene 1 : Riverdale High School Scene 2: Outside the Dangerfield Asylum Scene 3: Inside the Asylum Scene 4: Outside the Asylum Scene 5: At the

ACT TWO

Scene 1 : Riverdale High School. Two days later Scene 2: Outside the asylum Scene 3: Inside Scene 4: Riverdale High School Scene 5: Back to Dangerfield Asylum. Full moon

FLEXIBLE CASTING

SOUND

CURTAIN CALL SUGGESTION

CHET'S WEREWOLF MASK

Rockin' 'n' rollin' fun.

"Teen Canteen"

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ACT ONE Scene One

Riverdale High School -- suggested by the OPEN STAGE.

[NOTE: For various suggestions on scenic effects and staging tips, SEE PRODUCTION NOTES at rear of playbook]

(Music: "Overture")

After "Overture," scene is set for the opening number, "A 1950s Rock 'n' Roll Horror Show." CAST enters through various parts of theatre as music builds, setting a "spooky'' feeling.)

BOYS: (Spoken.) Lookout! GIRLS: (Spoken.) Watchoutl (A girl screams.) ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when Sci-Fi was in,

"B" movies the thing, Monsters were king? Remember when ...

GIRLS: (Sing. To BOYS.) Beasts ruled the earth, Humans were at stake, While you slurped a shake?

ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when ... BOY S: (Sing. To GIRLS.) Mankind was crushed,

While you looked for your blush? ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when?

Remember when? Relive again. Remember when? (Dancing, hoots and hollers.)

A Nineteen Fifties Rock 'n' Roll Horror Show. Take a little trip to the past, Get ready for a total blast, It's a gas.

Yes, it's a Nineteen Fifties Rock 'n' Roll Horror Show. Come-on along and take a chance. Come-on along and join the dance, Find romance.

GIRLS: (Sing.) We got a story that'll give you a thrill, BOY S: (Sing.) Make you scream, give you the chills.

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Sci-Fi, Rock 'n' Roll and You, Baby, Baby, Sci-Fi, Rock 'n' Roll and You, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way? We'll be makin' history today!

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MISS CHICKLET MISS SESAME CHET LUMPCRASS COACH SNOUT FRAZZLE MAMIE LUCKY BUDDY IRENE BETTY RUPERT LYDECKER

CLAUDIA DALTON

TYLER

SANDRA MRS. MYRTLE CRUNCH BORIS

MURDOCK DANGERFIELD CORNELIA FELINE VEGETABLE THING lWO-HEADED TEENAGER

WEREWOLF JOYCE GLORIA DAISY PLANT

MRS. LYDECKER

CARMEN SADIE AVALANCHE DETECTIVE ARKOFF REPORTER #1 REPORTER #2 ADDITIONAL STUDENTS EXPERIMENTS, REPORTERS. SEE PRODUCTION NOTES

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principal of Riverdale High school secretary a bully, also a musician hates rock 'n' roll Chet's girlfriend student student another student another student with inferiority complex another student, Rupert's friend delivers newspapers, into ''weird" Rupert's younger sister asylum housekeeper works at asylum, halfhuman mad doctor, forever young asylum maid, a robot half-cat, half-woman half-vegetable, half-girl one head SP.eeks, the other doesn't the new Rupert Lydecker waitress at Teen Canteen another talent scout for Shellac. Records Rupert's mother, chases butterflies of the Amazon Jungle cleaning woman policewoman media person another

as/if desired

GREASE. The costumes in this picture are all in the 1950s period. Anything special is mentioned in the text.

The spoof must move. Pick up cues quickly. No pauses, no dead air. This is particularly important when we move from one scene to another. The action must flow like a film. One scene ends and the next begins almost simultaneously.

Nothing much is required except some tables and chairs, a bench, a desk. However, don't be afraid to "dress up" the scenes if you have the resources. For example, a backdrop for the asylum, more chairs, table with dead flowers.

The spoof is designed to play full stage-forestage/full stage-forestage, etc. However, if you're not using a curtain, the full stage is kept in shadows or in blackness while a forestage scene plays. The props can be moved on and off in the dimness. Show easily adapts to arena staging.

The extra head is nothing more than a styrofoam wig stand with the face hair painted on. The experiment wears an over-sized sweater and the wig stand head is pushed through, resting on one shoulder.

If you can locate some 1950s teenage film posters, put them up in the lobby to help Jet the mood. If you can't find any have the ar t department create some: "I Was A Teenage Frankenstein," "I Was A Teenage Saucer Man," "I Was A Teenage Delinquent," "Life Begins At 16," "Teenage Caveman. Rock, Pretty Baby."

There are several references in the script about "something" being kept in a cage, offstage, at the asylum. This is a running gag with the tossed bones. Although the audience hears whatever it is, it never appears. "Imagination" supplies the horror. In the last scene of the spoof you might consider having some awful "experiment'' wander about gnawing on a large

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Remember that the actor has to sing a nd speak so he must be comfortable in the makeup. Pointed ears, black nose, whiskers, mussed up hair. Furry face. His hands should be covered with a layer of hair, or he can wear black gloves with tufts of hair glued on. His costume(s) covers the rest of his body.

STAGING

WEREWOLF

NO CURTAIN

SETTINGS

TWO-HEADED TEENAGER

LOBBY DISPLAY

BEAST IN CAGE

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STUDENTS ONE AND TWO: (Spoken.) Lookout! (Sing.) Big Bopper, E lvis, too.

STUDENTS THREE AND FOUR: (Sing.) Hey, Buddy Holly, He's a-comin' for you.

STUDENTS FIVE AND SIX: (Sing.) Spreadin' his music every which way,

AL L: (Sing.) The top rock 'n' roller in the U.S.A. RUPERT: (Sings.) Forget about the Creature From The Black Lagoon,

I 'm-a gonna be number one real soon. I 'm living proof, I ain't nothin' but a werewolf, Howlin' all the time!

ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a werewolf, Howlin' all the time!

RUPERT: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a, ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, RUPERT: (Sings.) I ain't nothin but a, ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, RUPERT/ALL: (Sings.) Werewolf! (This time RUPERT runs through the

audience greeting the people as the WEREWOLF did before.) BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't' nothin' but a. . . BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a ... BOYS/GIRLS: (Sings.) Werewolf! BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a ... BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a ... BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! (RUPERT returns to the stage.) RUPERT: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a ... ALL: (Sing; except RUPERT.) You ain't nothin' but a ... RUPERT: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a .. . ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a .. . RUPERT/ALL: (Sing.) I/You ain't a-nothin' but a werewolf!

END OF SPOOF

C'Music: Curtain Call.")

ENSEMBLE: (Spoken.) Heyl (Sings.) Sci-Fi, Rock 'n' Roll and You, Baby, Baby,

Sci-Fi, Rock 'n' Roll and You, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way? We'll be makin' history today!

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ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) S tay if you dare! Remember when,

GIRLS: (Sing. To BOYS.) "The Earth Stood Still?" Ants conquered the world, While you chased your girl.

ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when ... BOYS: (Sing. To GIRLS.) Martians came down,

The whole world was ablaze, While you blabbed away?

ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when ... GIRLS: (Sing. To BOYS.) The world fought King Kong,

While you went to the john? ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Remember when?

Remember when? Relive again. Remember when? (Dancing, hoot and hollers.)

A N ineteen Fifties Rock 'n' Roll Horror Show. Take a little trip to the past, Get ready for a total blast, I t 's a gas.


BOYS: (Sing.) We got a story that'll raise your hair, GIRLS: (Sing.) Make you faint, give you a scare. ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) S tay if you dare ... (The following is played as

if the ENSEMBLE is watching a horror movie at the Drive in.) BOYS: (Spoken.) Lookout! GIRLS: (Spoken.) Watchoutl BOYS: (Spoken.) Lookout! GIRLS: (Spoken.) Watchout! BOYS: (Spoken.) Lookout! GIRLS: (Spoken.) Watchoutl BOYS: (Spoken.) Lookout! GIRLS: (Spoken.) Watchoutl ENSEMBLE: (Spoken.) Oh, no, no, no, no, nol (A girl screams.

Ensemble sings.) A Nineteen Fifties Rock 'n' Roll Horror Show. Come-on along and take a chance. Come-on along and join the dance,

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PRODUCTION NOTES












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MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT ONE



GOLLY! GOLLY!


ACT TWO




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Company

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Find romance. GIRLS: (Sing.) If you're looking for a late night fright, BOY S: (Sing.) We've got the show for you tonight. ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Don't move from the light!

Remember when? Relive again. Remember when? Time to get on with the show!

(SOME CAST MEMBERS EXIT FORESTAGE, LEFT and RIGHT. As they do, BELL RINGS LOUDLY, signalling a change in classes. Others REMAIN ONSTAGE. STUDENTS REENTER from LEFT and RIGHT, carrying textbooks. Among the students are LUCKY, BUDDY, BETTY, /RENE, MAMIE, OPTIONAL OTHERS. MISS CH/CKLET, the school principal, ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT. She is blasting on a whistle. Behind her is the school secretary, MISS SESAME, a tiny creature with a thick sweater buttoned incorrectly and a hair net. She carries a record book.)

MISS CHICKLET: Move along, pupils. No dawdling in the corridors. You have sixty seconds to make it to your next class.

STUDENTS: (Dutifully.) Yes, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: I'm watching you every minute. I have eyes in the

back of my head. STUDENTS: Yes, Miss Chicklet. (STUDENTS EXIT.) MISS SESAME: Pardon me, Miss Chicklet. (Raises her hand like a

pupil about to ask a question.) MISS CHICKLET: Not now, Miss Sesame. Can't you see I'm trying to

keep the traffic moving? MISS SESAME: Yes, Miss Chicklet. Whatever you soy, Miss Chicklet.

You're the principal. (Hand down.) MISS CHICKLET: Any pupil caught dawdling in the corridors will be

reported to the hall monitor! (Another whistle blast. At this point, only MISS CHICKLET and MISS SESAME are ONSTAGE. Another whistle blast.)

MISS SESAME: Pardon me, Miss Chicklet. (Again, she raises her hand like a pupil about to ask a question.)

MISS CHICKLET: (Impatient.) What is it? (Notices the raised hand.) Oh, it's you, Miss Sesame. Still here?

MISS SESAME: (Humbly, hand down.) I try to do my job, Miss Chicklet. I try to do my job as best I can. I try to be the best school secretary Riverdale High ever had. I respect you.

MISS CHICKLET: You're boring me.

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SADIE: I don't hear anything. COACH: Not a peep. DAISY: Louder, Chet. Louder. (CHET pretends to sing louder, going

through the Elvis Presley gyrations without sound.) SADIE: Why doesn't he change into a werewolf? (Suddenly, CHET

stops. He realizes he isn't making music. He touches his Adam's apple as if it held the answer. He looks worried.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Boris, give me that test tube. (BORIS hands it over.) MRS. CRUNCH: (Sniffing the residue.) You idiot! MURDOCK: What is it, Mrs. Crunch? MRS. CRUNCH: This isn't Werewolf Juice. Boris goofed again. OTHERS: Goofed? ARKOFF: If it's not Werewolf Juice, what is it? MRS. CRUNCH: It's an elixir the doctor's been working on.

Whoever drinks this concoction will lose his voice for at least six months.

OTHERS: Huh? MURDOCK: The voice goes into the test tube as soon as the elixir

is drunk. Better put a stopper on that, Mrs. Crunch. MRS. CRUNCH: I'll use my thumb. (She puts her thumb over the

top of the test tube and holds it up.) I'll label it "Chet's Voice." MAMIE: You mean Chet's voice is now in that test tube? MURDOCK: Correct. MAMIE: (Flat.) It staggers the imagination. ARKOFF: Why would you want to invent something like that? MURDOCK: (Innocently.) Why not? (CHET is furiously pointing at

his mouth and trying to say something.) COACH: Look on the bright side. You don't need a voice to play

ball, Chester. (Horrified by his condition, still frantically pointing at his open mouth, CHET EXITS OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT.)

DAISY: Now what am I going to do? RUPERT: (Stands close to CLAUDIA.) You can have your new star,

Daisy. But his name will be Rupert Lydecker. DAISY: It's a deal. MRS. LY DECKER: That's my boy. REPORTER # 1 : This will make a great story. TYLER: It's weird! REPORTER #2: It's fantastic. COACH: It's all because of rock 'n' roll. (RUPERT tosses back his

head and howls.) RUPERT: Ow-woooooool (He kisses CLAUDIA Music: "You Ain't

Nothin' But A Werewolf." Reprise.)

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ACT ONE Scene One



(Music: "Overture")











1


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RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! RUPERT: (Sings.) Uh-huh, huh, huh,

Goodness gracious I'm ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! (RUPERT finishes

his song and the OTHERS flip out. Applause, cheers.) MAMIE: Rupert, you're sensational! IRENE: Wonderful! BETTY: Great! LUCKY: Wild! CLAUDIA: (With admiration.) Rupert, I knew you had it in you! BUDDY: I'm all shook up! DAISY: (Steps to RUPERT.) You will change back into Werewolf,

won't you? I've already designed the album covers. CLAUDIA: No, Rupert. You mustn't. (BORIS RETURNS from DOWN

LEFT, holds a test tube.) BORIS: Here's the refill. One Werewolf Juice. No ice. (BORIS steps

to RUPERT.) MURDOCK: It's up to you, Rupert. RUPERT: (To CLAUDIA, with eternal dignity.) ''To thine qwn self be

true." CHET: What's that supposed to mean? RUPERT: I think Claudia knows. SANDRA: She does. RUPERT: (Announces.) I'm the same guy I always was. I only

needed some self-confidence. Thanks, Doc. CHET: Let me get this straight. (Points to test tube in BORIS' hand.)

That stuff will turn him back into a werewolf? TWO-HEADED TEENAGER: If he drinks it. VEGETABLE THING: Guaranteed. (CHET steps close, grabs the test

tube.) CHET: Give me that. IRENE: Chet, you're not going to drink that? CHET: Wanna bet? (To DAISY.) Why waste the album covers? You

want a werewolf, I'll give you a werewolf. (He gulps down the contents. Smacks his lips in distaste. Returns test tube to BORIS. OTHERS are wide-eyed.)

MISS SESAME: What did it taste like, Chester? CHET: Think of something nasty. DAISY: The press is waiting. Sing, Chet. Sing! CHET: You ain't heard nothin' yet. (To LEADER of school orchestra,

PIANO PLAYER or TAPE PLAYER.) Hit it, professor. (Hips swirling and hands flying, CHET goes into a razzle-dazzle rendition of ''All Messed Up." Nothing is heard. He's mute.)

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MISS SESAME: (Cringes.) Forgive me. (CHET LUMPCRASS ENTERS from LEFT. He's not bad looking, conceited. Something of a bully. Levi's and leather jacket. White T-shirt. Greasy hair.)

CHET: How you doing, Miss Chicklet? How you doing, Miss Sesame? (He moves on to exit, takes out a comb and runs it through his hair.)

MISS CHICKLET: Fine, fine, Chester. You'd better hurry along or you'll be late for class.

CHET: (Indifferent.) We wouldn't want that, would we. It'd be like, you know -- a human tragedy. (He's OUT.)

MISS SESAME: He's what you told me to remind you about, Miss Chicklet.

MISS CHICKLET: If anyone comes looking for me, tell them I'm having lunch in the faculty cafeteria. Today's Tuesday, isn't it? (Thinks.) Hmmmmm. That means macaroni and Velveeta Cheese.

MISS SESAME: Chester Lumpcrass, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: What about Chester Lumpcrass? COACH'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT.) Chester Lumpcrass! He's

the problem! We've got to do something about Lumpcrass! MISS CHICKLET: Who's that making such a racket? This is a high

school, not a pool hall. MISS SESAME: It's Coach Frazzle. MISS CHICKLET: That explains it. (The football COACH, SNOUT

FRAZZLE, ENTERS LEFT. Wears sweat shirt, baseball cap. Sneakers. Whistle around his neck. Football under one arm. He's loud and over-bearing. Doesn't know much about anything except pigskin.)

COACH: Where is he? He's making my life miserable. (Spells it out.) M-i-z-a-r-a-b-1-e-e. Miserable.

MISS CHICKLET: Good morning, Coach. COACH: What's good about it? (Looks about.) I don't see him. MISS CHICKLET: Who? COACH: Who were you talking about -- Lumpcrass, Chet

Lumpcrass. MISS CHICKLET: Don't say Chet. Say Chester. What's he done? COACH: It's that band of his. All my players spend so much time

over at that ''Teen Canteen," they're no good on the field. They break training. They don't get enough sleep.

MISS CHICKLET: Find Chester, Miss Sesame. MISS SESAME: (Checks her book.) Fourth period. Auto Repair. (She

EXITS RIGHT.) COACH: It's this crazy music all the kids have taken up. It's awful.

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END OF SPOOF




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It's loud. It ain't got no melody. All it's got is a beat. They call it rock 'n' ride. I hate it!

MISS CHICKLET: Coach Frazzle, please. After all the years you've been at Riverdale High, and you still say "ain't."

COACH: What does that matter? I'm talking serious here. We've got to get rid of rock 'n' ride.

MISS CHICKLET: Roll. COACH: I ain't hungry. MISS CHICKLET: No, Coach Frazzle. T he music. It's not rock 'n'

.ckk. It's rock 'n' mll.. COACH: Whatever it is, you've got to do something about it. For

starters, close down that ''Teen Canteen." MISS CHICKLET: I don't see how I can. It's privately owned and it's

of f-campus. COACH: I can't win a ball game if my team is rockin' 'n' rollin'

instead of tossin' and kickin'. (Practically growling.) We've got to get rid of that ''Teen Canteen." We got to get rid of rock 'n' roll.

MISS SESAME'S VOICE: (Returning.) Here he is, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: (Turns to voice.) Ah, good. Chester. (MISS SESAME

ENTERS RIGHT, steps back. CHET ENTERS RIGHT.) CHET: You wanted to see me, Miss Chicklet? MISS CHICKLET: Yes, I did, Chester. CHET: Like, uh, what about? (He takes out his comb and runs i t

through his greasy hair, none-too-interested in the conversation.)

COACH: I'll tell you what about. My guys don't think about ball anymore. All they think about is that ''Teen Canteen" and what goes on inside. Music, music, music.

CHET: It's the wave of the future, Snout. The beat goes on. COACH: Don't call me Snout. Call me Coach or call me Mister

Frazzle. But don't call me Snout. CHET: Whatever you say, Snout. You're the coach. Right, Mister

Frazzle? (COACH bristles.) MISS CHICKLET: Your grades are suffering, Chester. Aren't they,

Miss Sesame? MISS SESAME: Chester's grades are quite good. He's passing

everything. CHET: I'm what they call a natural. Good at sports, good at

studies, good at what counts. I'm popular, too. MISS CHICKLET: Good grades? (To MISS SESAME .) Then why did I

want to speak to him? COACH: Rock 'n' roll.

5

RUPERT: (Sings.) Lord, have mercy, I'm ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! RUPERT: (Sings.) Uh-huh, huh, huh,

Lord, have mercy, I'm ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! GIRLS: (Spoken in rhythm.) Hey, mister werewolf, what big eyes you

have. RUPERT: (Spoken in rhythm.) The better to see you with. GIRLS: (Spoken in rhythm.) Hey, Mister Werewolf, what strong arms

you have! RUPERT: (Spoken in rhythm.) The better to hold you with. GIRLS: (Spoken in rhythm.) Hey, Mister Werewolf, what good moves

you have! RUPERT: (Spoken in rhythm.) The better to ... (Sings.) Boogedy,

boogedy, boogedy, boogedy, boogie with you. A-when we're ...

RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Out on a date, RUPERT: (Sings.) At the Friday Night Frights,

Or the ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) High school dance, RUPERT: (Sings.) On a Saturday night. RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Swear that girl's ... RUPERT: (Sings.) A-got me eatin' from a spoon. RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Swear that girl's. ; • RUPERT: (Sings.) A-got me bayin' at the moon.

She sets me on fire when she ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Does the stroll, RUPERT: (Sings.) Sets me on fire when she ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Rock and rolls, RUPERT: (Sings.) Swear that girl's burnin' ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Up my soul, RUPERT: (Sings.) Good golly Miss a-Molly, I'm ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! RUPERT: (Sings.) She's got me shoo bee doo bee do-in' at the ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) High school hop, RUPERT: (Sings.) Rama lama ding-in' till I. .. RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Just can't stop, RUPERT: (Sings.) Bop sha bop-in' tilr I. .. RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Buckle and drop, RUPERT: (Sings.) Lord, have mercy, I'm ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) All messed up! RUPERT: (Sings.) Uh-huh, huh, huh,

Goodness gracious I'm ...

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prove it. RUPERT: I don't have to prove anything to you. CLAUDIA: Would you do it for me, Rupert? RUPERT: For you, Claudia -- anything. I guess you'll always bring

out the wolf in me! This one's for you! (Strong and forceful.) Give Rupert room! Owoooooo! (OTHERS pull hack, aside. RUPERT produces a comb and runs it through his hair. Music: "All Messed Up.")

RUPERT: (Sings, as if he were still the WEREWOLF.) Well, let me tell you little story 'bout a girl of mine. Cutest little thing that you ever did find. A long ponytail and a-big blue eyes, She's got what it takes to make a lone wolf cry.

She drives a fifty-seven Chevy with a-four on the floor, How could any wolf ask for more. A-when she looks at me, 'bout to give me a fit.She makes me feel like I'm the pick of the lit.

She's got me howlin' to the left, howlin' to the right, Howlin' all day, howlin' all night. Man, this wolf is a terrible sight. Goodness gracious, I'm all messed up! Uh-huh, huh, huh, Goodness gracious, I'm all messed up! She puts ...

RUPERT/A FEW BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing, a la The Jordanaires.) Pride in my stride,

RUPERT: (Sings.) A-when I'm feelin' down, Puts the ...

RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Shake in my bake, RUPERT: (Sings.) Clear to the ground,

Makes my ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Liver quiver, RUPERT: When she calls me up,

Got me chasin' my tail a-like a frisky pup. She's got me shoo bee doo bee do-in' at the ...

RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) High school hop, RUPERT: (Sings.) Rama lama ding-in' till I ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Just can't stop, RUPERT: (Sings.) Bop sha bop-in' till I ... RUPERT/BACKUP SINGERS: (Sing.) Buckle and drop,

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MISS SESAME: No, the school musical. MISS CHICKLET: The school musical. I forgot. Chester, I want you

to organize the orchestra. CHET: You've got to be kidding, Miss Chicklet. I've got my

reputation to think of. I'm strictly dance party time. The school musical is for squares. Forget it. (Runs comb through his hair.)

MISS CHICKLET: You won't help out? CHET: I'd sooner eat a jelly fish. MISS CHICKLET: (Offended.) In that case, Chester, I apologize for

taking up your time. So much for school spirit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll have my lunch. (She moves LEFT. MISS SESAME follows after her.)

MISS SESAME: It isn't macaroni and Velveeta cheese, Miss Chicklet. It's baloney sandwiches and pineapple salad. Raisins optional. I respect you. (They're OUT.)

COACH: You're mighty sure of yourself, Lumpcrass. CHET: I'm the best you got on the team, Snout. You know it. COACH: But you're always missing practice! It sets a bad example. CHET: If the other guys can't keep up, that's their problem. Survival

of the fittest. COACH: I'll see you at practice today? CHET: I'll check my schedule and let you know. COACH: (Low, growling. Out to audience.) I hate teenagers who

know they're good. (He EXITS LEFT.) CHET: See you around, Snout. COACH: (Calls back.) Don't call me Snout!II (COACH is OUT.

MAMIE, CHET's girlfriend, ENTERS from RIGHT. Little on the tough side, pretty in her way. Rather dumb.)

MAMIE: Hi, Chet, Lambchop. CHET: Cutting class? MAMIE: Early lunch. (She crosses to him, puckers up, and attempts

to kiss him on the cheek. He nudges her away.) CHET: Hey, Mamie. Knock it off. Someone might see you. I don't

want detention. (OTHER STUDENTS ENTER at this point from RIGHT, to include LUCKY, BUDDY, IRENE, BETTY. They are all, in varying degrees, impressed by the sure-of-himself CHET.)

LUCKY: Boy, do I hate that cafeteria food. BETTY: You call what they serve food? . BUDDY: We should eat at the ''Teen Canteen." IRENE: They charge twice as much for a toasted tuna. BETTY: At least you're sure it's tuna. In the school cafeteria the tuna

could be anything. Last toasted tuna I had tasted like bubble gum.

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LUCKY: There ought to be a law. CHET: You kids are in for a treat. MAMIE: What kind of treat, Chet? CHET: I wrote a new song. It's a blast. Want to hear it? OTHERS: (Excitedly.) Sure. Why not? What do you call it? What's it

gonna be? (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT, IN, stumbling over his feet, is RUPERT LYDECKER. He's a nice enough kid, but awfully unsure of himself. He does his best to cover, but it's not easy. He looks a bit like what would be called in the B0's -- a nerd. His trousers are too short. He wears horn-rimmed glasses and a bow tie with sweater. Carries some schoolbooks.)

RUPERT: Hi. Everybody. Hi. Hello. Hi. (Slowly, OTHERS are aware of RUPERT's presence. They turn to him, unimpressed. RUPERT forces a smile. Voice getting lower and lower.) How you doing ... everybody ... hi ... hello ... hi. ..

BETTY: (Flat.) Hello, Rupert. CHET: Well, well, well. What have we got here? Rupert Lydecker

himself. MAMIE: To what do we owe the honor? RUPERT: Hi, Chet. Mamie. CHET: Did I give you permission to speak to me? (OTHERS laugh,

giggle.) RUPERT: (Uncomfortable.) Gosh, Chet, a person doesn't need

permission just to say hello. (Afterthought.) Does he? LUCKY: In your case, Rupert, maybe he does. CHET: Lucky knows what he's talking about. BUDDY: Mister Lumpcrass is particular who he lets speak to him,

Rupert. CHET: And you, Rupert -- you're not on the list. (OTHERS laugh.) RUPERT: (Forcing himself to continue on.) I wanted to ask you

something, Chet. I wanted to ask you all. Uh, uh, uh ... BETTY: What's he trying to say? BUDDY: Who knows? IRENE: Who cares? (CLAUDIA ENTERS, an attractive, intelligent

teenager. She carries some fliers/handbills in one hand.) CLAUDIA: (Pleasantly.) Rupert is going to be the assistant director

on the school musical. MAMIE: (Flat.) Wow. I'm impressed. CHET: (Snidely.) Did you hear that, everyone? Rupert here is going

to be the assistant. Big deal. (Laughs.) RUPERT: (Bravely.) You're a pretty good musician, Chet. The show

could use you. CHET: I already turned down Old Lady Chicklet.

7

LUCKY: Rupert Lydecker! OTHERS: Rupert Lydecker! SANDRA: It's my brother! CLAUDIA: Rupert! lYLER: Weird! ARKOFF: The missing Rupert Lydecker? MISS CHICKLET: I didn't know he was missing. Why didn't you tell

me, Miss Sesame? MISS SESAME: I tried. (RUPERT struggles to his feet, dazed.) RUPERT: Doc, what happened? (MURDOCK moves in.) MURDOCK: Nothing too serious, Rupert. (As MURDOCK explains,

CHET saunters IN from DOWN RIGHT. Stands back, listening.) Werewolf Juice always goes into reverse when there's a full moon.

BORIS: I'll get a refill. It's ready. (BORIS lumbers OUT, DOWN LEFT.) ARKOFF: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Are

you saying Werewolf and Rupert Lydecker are one and the same?

MURDOCK: They were. OTHERS: (Astonished.) Huh? ARKOFF: That could be illegal. I think. RUPERT: Thanks for everything, Doc. Whatever was inside me you

got out. But if you don't mind, I'd rather be myself from now on. And, Claudia, I appreciate all the things you said about me when you didn't know I was listening.

CLAUDIA: Oh, Rupert. (MRS. LYDECKER hurries IN from UP RIGHT.) MRS. LYDECKER: Where is he? Where's my boy? Where's Rupert? SANDRA: Mother, what are you doing here? MRS. LYDECKER: Rupert, Rupert? (She spots TYLER.) There you are.

(She crosses to TYLER and plants a kiss on his head.) My baby boy.

SANDRA: No, Mother. That's not Rupert. (Indicates.) That's Rupert. RUPERT: Hi, Mom. Catch any butterflies? MRS. LYDECKER: (Crosses to him.) Rupert. (Plants a kiss on his

. forehead.) CHET: (Snidely.) What is this? Rupert Lydecker couldn't sing his way

out of a bubble. You're not going to believe this loser was actually Werewolf?

MURDOCK: It's true. EXPERIMENTS: It's true. CORNELIA: Thok, thok. MRS. CRUNCH: The doctor never lies. CHET: (To RUPERT.) If you and Werewolf are one and the same ·•

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(Room quiets down.) Students, ladies and gentlemen, members of the press, faculty and staff members of Riverdale High, thank you for coming. Are you having fun? (ALL cheer, applaud. DAISY motions them to calm down.) Splendid. I'm sure I don't have to tell you you're in for a marvelous, fabulous time. Shellac Records intends to make Werewolf the biggest rock star of the decade. Tonight the whole world will know -- A wolf is howling, baby. Howling! (Gestures STAGE LEFT in sweeping fashion.) I give you -- Werewolf!

WEREWOLF'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) Ow-wooooooool COMPANY: (Calling back.) Ow-woooooooo! (Applause.

WEREWOLF runs IN and jumps onto the bench, so he is easily seen above the crowd. As WEREWOLF starts to sing, he jumps from the bench and takes CENTER. OTHERS pull aside so that WEREWOLF is the focus of attention. REPORTER WITH CAMERA gets down on one knee and snaps a picture. Music: ''All Messed Up." [Partial]. WEREWOLF Sings. He barely gets into the song. Little more than the opening lyrics.)

WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Well, let me tell you little story, 'bout a girl of mine. Cutest little thing that you ever did find. A long ponytail and a-big blue eyes, She's got what it takes to make a lone wolf cry. (There is a crash of thunder. WEREWOLF falters. His voice is going. He's unsteady on his feet. OTHERS stare in alarm.

TRANSFORMATION EFFECT REPEAT: THUNDERCLAPS and FLICKERING LIGHTS [Optional strobes).

R UPERT clutches his throat.) I RENE: What's the matter with him? B UDDY: He's flipping out. DAISY: Werewolf! Werewolf! What's wrong? (WEREWOLF stops

singing, clutches his neck, thrashes about violently.) WEREWOLF: Aaaaaaaaaugh -- ! (He drops to his knees. EFFECTS

GO WILD as OTHERS crowd around him.) OTHERS: Werewolf! Werewolf! Werewolf! (BLACKOUI Hold for

several seconds -- enough time for WEREWOLF to EXIT in· blackness and to be replaced by the true RUPERI The SOUND EFFECT(S) FADE(S) and, slowly the LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL. The scene is as we left it. OTHERS crowded around the fallen WEREWOLF/RUPERI BEm and IRENE scream.)

LUCKY: Look! B UDDY: It's Rupert!

67

MAMIE: What do you mean "pretty good?" IRENE: Chet's the best there is. BETTY: He's dynamite. LUCKY /BUDDY: Dy-na-mjte. (CHET steps to RUPERT and grabs him

by the sweater.) CHET: Did you hear that, Rupert? I'm the best there is. The best.

Now, let me hear you say it. CLAUDIA: Stop that, Chet. (CHET twists the sweater.) MAMIE: I hate violence. CHET: I'm waiting, Rupert. RUPERT: (Hates every second of it, chokes out the words.) You're -

the -- best -- Chet. The -- best -- there -- is. Dy-no-mite. CHET: (Releases grip.) Why, thank you, Rupert. I appreciate your

appreciation. (More laughter. RUPERT avoids CLAUDI.A:s glance. He's terribly embarrassed. CLAUDIA puts on a happy face and passes out the fliers.)

CLAUDIA: Here are the details about the school musical. Dates, times for auditions. We'll need all the help we can get.

IRENE: Squaresville. BETTY: Kid stuff. MAMIE: The school musical is a no-thrill rampage. CLAUDIA: Here's a flier for you, Chet. CHET: (Takes it.) Thanks. CLAUDIA: Rupert's right, you know. The show could use· you. CHET: Is that a fact? (Without looking at the flier, he crumples it

into a ball.) Ping-Pong. (He bounces it off CLAUDIA. She stiffens. OTHERS laugh. CLAUDIA is amazingly calm as she fights to control her temper. She turns and EXJTS DOWN RIGHI OTHERS go "0000000000011 to indicate CLAUDIA is steaming. Calls after her.) Hey, like no offense, Claudia. Can't you take a joke?

MAMIE: Forget about her, Chet. Claudia Dalton has no sense of humor.

I RENE: Besides, she's a home room representative. RUPERT: Claudia is a nice girl. She doesn't deserve treatment like

that. (OTHERS are aghast! CHET freezes in place. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, RUPERT realizes he's in .bki trouble. He swallows hard and seems to shrink in front of our eyes.)

CHET: (Ominous.) Did I hear a mouse squeak? (OTHERS point to RUPERI CHET slowly turns and, step by measured step, he moves to the shaking RUPERI)

BETTY: I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Rupert.

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LUCKY: . You're going to get it now. BUDDY: Pow! MAMIE : There's going to be violence. I know there's going to be

violence. IRENE: I better get the school nurse. BETTY: Tell her to bring plenty of bandages and iodine.

(Surprisingly enough, CHET appears quite subdued. He holds up a hand to silence the OTHERS.)

CHET: There's nothing to fear. I'm not going to bruise Rupert. I'm not going to tear him apart. I'm not going to total him. Do you know why, Rupert? (Meekly, still afraid a fist is going to fly, RUPERT shakes his head.)

RUPERT: No. (Music: "You're a Loser.") CHET: (Sings.) Listen close, I'll tell you what I see,

A guy without a personality. Everybody knows that he's a clown. He's the biggest loser in this town. Ain't got no style, he ain't got no cool. He's got the class of a witless fool. The way he dresses oughta be a crime. (Spoken.) Face it, Rupert, (Sings.) You're not worth my time.

You're a loserl You' re a loser! You gotta face the facts 'n' just admit,

CHET/GIRLS: (Sing.) You ain't-a nothin' but a, misfit! GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) Every time I see you in the hall, GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) It's funny how you blend in with the wall. GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) You're the biggest loser in this place. GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) If I were you I'd run and hide my face. GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) You're a loser! GIRLS: (Sing.) You're the biggest loser in this place! CHET: (Sings.) You're a loser! GIRLS: (Sing.) If I were you I'd run and hide my face! CHET: (Sings.) You gotta face the facts 'n' just admit, CHET/GIRLS: (Sing.) You ain't-a nothin' but a, misfit!

You're a loser!

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hats and affect a new characterization] OTHERS, in back-ground, converse sub rosa. Make the low hum of party conversation. REPORTER # 1 and REPORTER #2 step DOWN CENTER.)

REPORTER # 1 : Boy, what a break. I've been dying to get inside this mausoleum for years. What a dump. I saw a woman who was wearing a veil over her face. Only it wasn't a veil.

REPORTER #2: What was it? REPORTER # 1 : Cobwebs. REPORTER #2: Great atmosphere. You'll have to admit that. If

you're going to introduce a genuine werewolf, you couldn't pick a better place. (Points to TWO-HEADED TEENAGER.) Great costumes. (Points to VEGETABLE PERSON.) Look at that. Looks real, don't she? (DAISY steps to REPORTERS.)

DAISY : Can I get you something? Cheese, crackers, cola? REPORTER # 1 : We're only here for one thing, Daisy. REPORTER #2: Your new singing sensation. REPORTER # 1 : Werewolf. DAISY : Wait 'til you meet him. Wait 'til you hear him. Fabulous. I'll

give each one of you an exclusive interview. REPORTER #2: (Indicates BORIS.) Where did you get the actors?

Great makeup job on that one. (BORIS has overheard.) BORIS: (Snarls.) I'm not an actor. I'm not wearing makeup. I am

what I am. MRS. CRUNCH: (Steps to BORIS.) That's enough, Boris. (She raises

the walking stick to strike.) BORIS: (Cringes.) No, Mrs. Crunch. Please, Mrs. Crunch. MRS. CRUNCH: Then behave. (BORIS straightens up, continues

serving, loping here and there. CORNELIA continues to spin about the room. "Thok, thok, thok. ")

REPORTER # 1 : You put on a good show, Daisy. DAISY : Thanks to Doctor Mur.dock Dangerfield. REPORTER #2: You mean the kid you've got impersonating Doctor

Murdock Dangerfield. DAISY : No, no. He really is the Doctor. He eats whole wheat. REPORTERS: Ha, ha. REPORTER # 1 : Nice touch. REPORTER #2: Look, Daisy, I've got a deadline. This creep show is

fun, but I'm working. DAISY : I understand. I wouldn't want you to miss your deadline.

(Turns UPSTAGE.) Everyone! (Claps her hands.) Everyone, quiet down. Attention. I have an important announcement. (Claps hands again.) Quiet.

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I feel its magic, Calling my name.

BOYS: (Sing.) Sail away in the twilight, Sail away on a Teen Happy start. Take the time to discover, A Teen Happy heart. I feel its magic, Calling my name.

ALL: (Sing.) A teenage romance, take a chance, Come along on a Teenage romance, take a chance On a Teen Happy Moon.

GIRLS: (Sing.) Little Teen Happy boy, Somewhere there's a Teen Happy girl, Waiting there in the moonlight, On a Teen Happy night. Tell her you love her, It's so, Teen Happy right!


FEW GIRLS/FEW BOYS: (Sing.) A teenage romance, take a chance, Happy Moon. Come along on a Teenage romance, take a chance, Happy Moon. On a Teen Happy Moon. A teenage romance, take a chance, Happy Moon. Come along on a Teenage romance, take a chance, Happy Moon On a Teen Happy Moon! (At the number 's conclusion, CORNELIA EXITS scene, only to RETURN in short order with a tray of crackers and cheese. She moves through the crowd, serving.)

CORNELIA: T hok, thok, thok. (Same for BORIS, who RETURNS holding a tray of drinks in small paper cups. There are at least two members of the press, REPORTER # 1 and REPORTER #2. Each has pad and pencil at the ready. # 1 has a_ flash camera slung over one shoulder. [NOTE: The REPORTERS can be portrayed by GLORIA and JOYCE, if you wish. They can wear

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RUPERT: (Spoken.) I'm not a loser, I'm not! CHET/GIRLS: (Sing.) Big time loser! RUPERT: (Spoken.) I'm somebody, I really am! CHET/GIRLS: (Sing.) You're a loser! RUPERT: (Sings.) Just you wait, wait and see!

Why does everybody always pick on me? GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Sings.) Ain't got no style, you ain't got no cool. RUPERT: (Sings.) I'm not GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop!

A loser! CHET: (Sings.) You got the class of a witless fool. RUPERT: (Sings.) I'm just GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop!

Mixed up ... confused ... CHET: (Sings.) T he way you dress, it oughta be a crime. GIRLS: (Sing.) Doo wop! CHET: (Spoken.) Face it, Rupert, GIRLS:· (Sing.) Doo wopl (Sings.) You're not worth my time. CHET: (Sings.) RUPERT: (Sings.) You're a loser! I'm not a loser!

Big time loser!

You' re a loser!

I'm not a loser!

I'm not a loser!

Big time loser! I'm not a loser!

. CHET/GIRLS: (Sing.) You're a loser!

GIRLS: (Sing.) You're the biggest loser in this place! If I were you I'd run and hide my face! Everybody knows that you're a clown! You're the biggest loser in this town!

RUPERT: (A scream. Sings.) I'm not a loser!. .. (Spoken.) Am I? (At the end of the song, RUPERT is down on his knees, hands to his

ears, blocking out the abuse. His school books are on the floor. CHET crosses to RUPERT and kicks the books away.)

CHET: Be seeing you, Rupert. (OTHERS laugh, EXIT LEFT and RIGHT.) BUDDY: (While leaving.) What a jerk. LUCKY: (Agreeing.) Who cares? IRENE/BETTY: (Calling back.) Loser. (Alone ONSTAGE, RUPERT

drops his hands from his ears and starts to pick up the books. CLAUDIA RETURNS.)

CLAUDIA: Here, Rupert, let me help you. (She crosses over. RUPERT waves her away, stands.)

RUPERT: I don't need any help. T hanks anyway, Claudia. CLAUDIA: It's not true what Chet said, Rupert. Don't listen to him.

You're not a loser. (RUPERT's voice is now strong and direct.) RUPERT: Sure, I'm a loser. Everybody knows it. CLAUDIA: Chet Lumpcrass is conceited and nasty. I hate him.

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RUPERT: Nobody hates a guy like Chet Lumpcrass. CLAUDIA: I do. (Smiles.) You're a good person, Rupert. RUPERT: (Hard.) Maybe I'm tired of being a good person. CLAUDIA: Why, Rupert, that doesn't sound like you. RUPERT: Good. CLAUDIA: What's the matter with you? RUPERT: I'll tell you what's the matter with me. I'm tired of being a

social reject. I'm tired of being a misfit. I'm going to take drastic action. Dras-tjc!

CLAUDIA: (Horrified.) No, Rupert, no! Not that! Not suicide! RUPERT: No. CLAUDIA: Then what are you going to do? RUPERT: I'm going to visit the asylum of Doctor Murdock

Dangerfield. CLAUDIA: The asylum of Doctor Murdock Dangerfield?! (SOUND

AND LIGHT EFFECT: sudden CRACK OF THUNDER, STAGE LIGHTS FLICKER INSANELY. RUPERT and CLAUDIA read. The effect quickly passes.)

RUPERT: Yes.CLAUDIA: But, Rupert, no one goes to the asylum. It has an awful

reputation. High on that dark hilltop, surrounded by a lot of dead trees. Even bunny rabbits won't go near the place.

RUPERT: I don't care what people say. I've got to see Doctor Murdock Dangerfield.

CLAUDIA: They say he's ancient. RUPERT: I imagine he is. CLAUDIA: He's a recluse. RUPERT: So? CLAUDIA: Rumors of terrible experiments. RUPERT: He's my only hope. CLAUDIA: A madman? You can't be serious. RUPERT: Don't believe everything people say, Claudia. I read a

book of his once. It was brilliant. You. Too. Can Be Someone &. If anyone can help me, he can.

CLAUDIA: Do you want me to come with you? RUPERT: Thanks, Claudia, but there are some things a teenager

has to do for himself. (Chin up, chest out, RUPERT EXJT� LEFT.) CLAUDIA: (To herself.) This could be dangerous! I'd better get

Rupert's sister. She has to know. (She moves to EXJT RIGHT.) The asylum of Doctor Murdock Dangerfield! Oh, no! (Again, the SOUND AND LIGHTING EFFECT: Sudden CRACK OF THUNDER, STAGE LIGHTS FLICKER INSANELY.)

CURTAIN (If using one.) END OF SCENE ONE

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MURDOCK: Don't you think it would be an ideal place to introduce your new discovery to the press?

DAISY: You mean Werewolf? MURDOCK: I do. DAISY: What's in your asylum? MURDOCK: All sorts of spooky, creepy and scary things. I

understand you're thinking of using the Teen Canteen. DAISY: I was. MURDOCK: Why not do it up right, Miss Plant? (Dramatic.) A

desolate asylum standing atop a barren hill. Dead trees and thorny scrub. A full moon, bats, howls.

DAISY: (Thrilled.) Stop, stop! I love it. Yes, yes. Talk about suitable atmosphere! How much will you charge to use your asylum?

MURDOCK: It's free, Miss Plant. I'm a patron of the arts. DAISY: Call me Daisy. MURDOCK: Everyone's invited, Daisy. And the weather is going to

be perfect. DAISY: Think so? MURDOCK: Know so. Full moon or no full moon, we'll have

thunder and lightning. DAISY: Oh, good. (EFFECT: CRACK OF THUNDER. FLICKERING

STAGE LIGHTS FLASH ACROSS THE CURTAIN. DAISY reads. MURDOCK and DAISY EXJT DOWN RIGHT. LIGHTS CONTINUE TO FLICKER and THUNDERCLAPS CONTINUE TO ROAR OUT, carrying over into opening of next scene.)

END OF SCENE FOUR

ACT TWO Scene Five

The asylum. Night.

CURTAIN(S) OPEN(S) and we c;liscover ALMOST THE ENTIRE COMPANY ONSTAGE. Singing and dancing. MURDOCK and DAISY will ENTER scene as soon as they can. If you can manage it, a large cutout full moon is suspended from overhead. (Music: "Teen Happy Moon.")

ALL STUDENTS: (Sing.) Teen Happy, Teen Happy, Teen Happy Moon.

GIRLS: (Sing.) There's a moon in the distance, Shining bright in the heavens above. There's a moon in the distance, Made for teen happy love.

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You're a loser!

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MISS CHICKLET: Don't be insolent. Coach Frazzle caught you with the evidence.

COACH: Not only red-handed but fur-handed! MISS SESAME: Chester, why did you do it? MISS CHICKLET: Why, why? CHET: (Defiant.) It's not hard to understand. I'm sick and tired of

everyone making a big fuss over fuzzball. I thought if I could make him look bad, the kids would tell him to shove off.

SADIE: You stole my money. CHET: I didn't want money. All I wanted was to make Werewolf

look bad. MISS CHICKLET: It was an irresponsible action. That's not the way

to get along in life. CHET: What is? ARKOFF: What about it, Mrs. Avalanche? You want to press

charges? SADIE: Well, uh, I don't want to cause any trouble. There's already

been too much of that. MISS CHICKLET: I think we should all go to my office and thrash

this out. SADIE: Excellent idea, Miss Chicklet. CHET: Aw, what's the big deal? ARKOFF: It's teenage emotion. Always ready to explode. I've seen it

before. Young man, if you don't shape up, you'll end up a juvenile delinquent. (ADULTS gasp.)

ADULTS: (The most horrible thing imaginable in the 1950's.) A juvenile delinquent!?

CHET: Big deal. COACH: (Shoves him.) Get moving, Lumpcrass. (OTHERS EXIT

DOWN LEFT on FORESTAGE. CHET and COACH follow. To audience.) Juvenile delinquency. Blame it on rock 'n' roll. (As they EXIT, DAISY ENTERS FORESTAGE from DOWN RIGHT.)

DAISY : Yoo-boo. Coach. Young man. Have you seen Werewolf? (OTHERS are OFF, so DAISY steps a�er them, moving CENTER on FORESTAGE.) Yoo-boo. Anybody here seen Werewolf? Woof, woof. (MURDOCK steps INTO VIEW from DOWN RIGHT)

MURDOCK : Psssssst. Miss. DAISY: (Turns.) I'm Daisy Plant. MURDOCK : I'm Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. DAISY: Doctor? You look so young. MURDOCK : I eat a lot of whole wheat. I have the spooky, creepy,

scary asylum on the hill. You must have heard about it. DAISY : I've seen it. Yes, you're right. It is spooky, creepy and scary.

63

ACT ONE Scene Two

Outside the Dangerfield Asylum. [FORESTAGE]

RUPERT APPEARS from DOWN LEFT on FORESTAGE. TYLER, a newsboy, APPEARS from DOWN RIGHT. He carries a canvas bag for holding newspapers over one shoulder. Newspapers in view. [NOTE: He might push on a bicycle.]

It's early evening.

TYLER: (Talking to himself.) "Body of a boy! Mind of a monster.,,

soul of an unearthly thing!" (Notices RUPERT.) Hiya, Rupert. (RUPERT stops. They converse CENTER.)

RUPERT: Hi, Tyler. You deliver papers to the asylum? TYLER: Sure. Why not? RUPERT: Aren't you afraid? Everyone else is. TYLER: I get paid every week. The asylum hasn't missed one

payment. (His business motto.) "I deliver where the money is." RUPERT: (Hopeful.) Then you've seen Doctor Murdock Dangerfield? TYLER: Nope. I've never been inside. RUPERT: But you said you got paid. TYLER: I hit the knocker and an arm comes out from a ·hole in the

wall. RUPERT: You're fearless. TYLER: That's because I dig ''weird." Like tonight. I'm catching the

3-D double feature down at the Uptown Theatre. I Was ATeenage Frankenstein and I Was A Teenage freak From Outer_sm. Plus sele�ed short subjects. (Dramatic.) "Body of a boy!Mind of a monster.,, soul of an unearthly thing!" That's theway they advertise Teenage Frankenstein.

RUPERT: I think I know how a teenage Frankenstein feels. TYLER: That's one thing I've noticed about you, Rupert. You got

empathy. RUPERT: Is that what you call it? Nice talking with you, Tyler. TYLER: Anytime. No pressure. Say, Rupert, what are you doing up

here on Asylum Hill? (RUPERT doesn't want to tell him he's come to see MURDOCK DANGERFIELD.)

RUPERT: Uh, uh --TYLER: Anything wrong? You look kind of funny. RUPERT: Out of breath, I guess. I'm taking a long walk. A hike.

Exercise is good for you.

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Big time loser!

You' re a loser!

I'm not a loser!

I'm not a loser!











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lYLER: Whatever you say, Rupert. See ya. RUPERT: See ya, Tyler. (RUPERT EXITS DOWN RIGHT as TYLER

crosses for DOWN LEFT.) lY LER: "Body of a boy! Mind of a monster,,, soul of an unearthly

�!" Wow. Fan-tas-tic. (CLAUDIA hurries IN from DOWNLEFT. With her is RUPERT's sister, SANDRA. She's a year younger than her brother.)

CLAUDIA: We got to stop him, Sandra. He's not himself. lYLER: Hi, Claudia. Hi, Sandra. SANDRA: Hello, Tyler. We didn't expect to see you here. This is a

terrible place, isn't it? Asylum Hill. lYLER: "I deliver where the money is." Besides, like I told Rupert. I

dig weird. SANDRA: You couldn't find anything weirder than the asylum of

Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. Not in this town. CLAUDIA: (Anxious.) Rupert? You've seen Rupert? lYLER: I was just talking with him. SANDRA: Did you notice anything unusual about him? lYLER: He had a funny look in his eye. SANDRA: What do you mean -- funny? lY LER: You know -- like he was crazed or something. CLAUDINSANDRA: (Worried.) Crazed? lYLER: Let me give you a tip, girls. Don't hang around the asylum.

It's getting dark and the shadows make everything look -creepy.

CLAUDINSANDRA: Creepy? lYLER: Like I was saying, I dig weird. But ''weird" isn't for everyone. CLAUDIA: Tyler, what's inside the asylum? SANDRA: Tell us. lYLER: I've never been inside. CLAUDIA: You must have looked in a window. SANDRA: You can't deliver newspapers to a place day after day

without seeing something. lYLER: I think I've said enough already. If you two are smart you'll

turn around and head back to town. (He EXITS DOWN LEFT, reciting.) "Body of a boy! Mind of a monster,,, soul of an unearthly thing!" (He's OUT.) ..

SANDRA: (Losing courage.) I don't know about this, Claudia. Tyler may be right. "Weird" isn't for everyone.

CLAUDIA: Sandra, no telling what Rupert might attempt. He's depressed.

SANDRA: If my parents were here, they'd know what to do about Rupert.

13

WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Those eyes.

Those lips.

CLAUDIA: (Sings.)

Those lips.

Those eyes.TOGETHER: (Sing.) That face!

BLACKOUT/CURTAIN END OF SCENE THREE

ACT TWO Scene Four

Riverdale High School [FORESTAGE].

We hear the VOICES of COACH and CHET, arguing, from OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT.

COACH'S VOICE: I'm surprised at you, Chester. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

CHET'S VOICE: Aw, come on, Snout. Give me a break. COACH'S VOICE: I oughta break your head. That's what I ought

to do. CHET 'S VOICE: No harm done, Snout. COACH'S VOICE: Don't call me Snout. (Drown by the commotion,

MISS CHICKLET ENTERS FORESTAGE from DOWN LEFT. Followed by MISS SESAME, SADIE, ARKOFF.)

MISS CHICKLET: I don't know what's happening to this school. MISS SESAME: It's the first complaint we've had about Werewolf. ARKOFF: I want to meet this Werewolf. COACH'S VOICE: Here's your chance. (COACH pushes CHET

ONTO STAGE from OFF RIGHT.) MISS CHICKLET: Chester! (COACH ENTERS behind him. He holds

the wolf mask and SAD/E's pocketbook.) Coach found Chester hiding these in his locker.

ARKOFF: Hiding what? (COACH holds up wolf mask.) COACH: This wolf mask. OTHERS: Wolf mask?! SADIE: I'd recognize that face anywhere. That's the face that

attacked me. (Notices pocketbook.) And that's my pocketbook. Every cent I had for the month.

COACH: (Holds up pocketbook for all to see.) There's also a pair of fake wolf paws.

MISS CHICKLET: Chester Lumpcrass, I demand an explanation. CHET: I didn't do anything.

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END OF SCENE FOUR

ACT TWO Scene Five

The asylum. Night.




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That smile. CLAUDIA: They're on a cruise, aren't they? Those ears. SANDRA: They're in the Amazon jungle. Chasing butterflies.

That face. CLAUDIA: You have an unusual family, Sandra. That glare. SANDRA: Tell me about it. On second thought, they might not

That style. know what to do. They've never paid much attention to Rupert. That sneer. CLAUDIA: I'm fond of your brother. We've grown up together.

That hair. Neighbors. Friends. Those paws. SANDRA: Rupert likes you, too, Claudia. But he'd never get up the

That flair. nerve to tell you. You know how Rupert is. Those claws. CLAUDIA: I don't think he should visit the asylum of Doctor

Those eyes. Murdock Dangerfield by himself. Those lips. SANDRA: They say the doctor's been at the asylum for years and

TOGETHER: (Sing.) That face! years and years. I'm surprised he's still alive. WEREWOLF: (Sings.) CLAUDIA: (Sings.) CLAUDIA: We're wasting time. (They start to cross DOWN RIGHT

Those eyes. and, as they do, we hear LOUD, HIDEOUS LAUGHTER from Those lips. behind the STAGE CURTAIN. Asylum inmates? CLAUDIA and

That face. SANDRA freeze.) Listen. That pout. SANDRA: (Lies.) I didn't hear anything. (Again -- the LOUD,

That nose. HIDEOUS LAUGHTER.) Those teeth. CLAUDIA: There it is again. Don't tell me you didn't hear that.

What grace. SANDRA: It's coming from the asylum. (SOUND AND LIGHTING That snout. EFFECT: RACK OF THUNDER, STAGE LIGHTS FLICKER

Those eyes. INSANELY. CLAUDIA and SANDRA react. Scene grows DIM.) Those lips. CLAUDIA: Maybe we should come back tomorrow when there's

That smile. more light. Those ears. SANDRA: That's a good idea. Let's get out of here!

That face. CLAUDIA: Let's. (Terrified, they dash to EXIT DOWN LEFT. Or they That glare. might move into the audience and OUT. SOUND AND

What style. LIGHTING EFFECT: Another CRACK OF THUNDER, more That sneer. FLICKERING OF STAGE LIGHTS. More LOUD, HIDEOUS

Those eyes. LAUGHTER.) Those lips. END OF SCENE TWO

That hair. Those paws.

What charm. What grace.

What flair. Those claws.

Those eyes. Those lips.

Those lips. Those eyes.

TOGETHER: (Sing.) That face!

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ACT ONE Scene Three

Asylum of DOCTOR MURDOCK DANGERFIELD.

The basics: Desk STAGE RIGHT, chair behind it. Hand bell, pad and pencil on desk. Another chair or stool in front of desk. Bench DOWN LEFT. Entrance from outside is OFFSTAGE, UP RIGHt

The SOUND and LIGHTING EFFECTS of previous scene play into opening of this episode. The housekeeper, MRS. CRUNCH, stands CENTER looking deadpan, out into the audience. She's a grim visage. Long black dr�ss, hair pulled back in a bun. Her face is powdered ghostly white and her lips are painted black.

She holds a walking stick. Remains perfectly still until the SOUND and LIGHTING EFFECTS FADE DOWN AND OUt

Effective pause, as all attention focuses on her. She slams the walking stick to the floor in three measured bangs.

MRS. CRUNCH: &2.ci1! (Nothing.) �! (Nothing.) �! (Nothing. She looks LEFT.) Wicked incompetent. (More banging with the walking stick.) Where are you! (Another bang.) .6.2!:i11

BORIS' VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) Patience, Mrs. Crunch. I'm coming. Coming. Boris is coming. Patience.

MRS. CRUNCH: I'm waiting. BORIS' VOICE: Good girl. (VOICE drawing nearer.) Nice and hot ...

tasty ... full of flavor. Hmmm, hmmmm, good. MRS. CRUNCH: What are you mumbling about, you wretched

creature? BORIS' VOICE: No one can make it the way Boris can. No sirree.

Takes talent. Either you have it or you don't. (Pause. Then TERRIBLE SOUNDS, half-human. Garbled GRUNTS and GROANS. BORIS ENTERS. Difficult to tell what he is exa9"ly. But one thing's for sure -- he's horrible. His costume is a mixture of rags and bits and pieces of fur. A section of chain dangles on one ankle. His hair is long and matted. His face is twisted. He walks with a limp and there's a huge hump on his back. BORIS carries a mug and, as he lumbers toward MRS. CRUNCH, he manages to spill half the contents.)

MRS. CRUNCH: (The mug.) What have you there?

15

has LEFT the STAGE, CLAUDIA RETURNS. She looks about as if she expected to see someone special.)

CLAUDIA: Werewolf? (WEREWOLF REAPPEARS from DOWN RIGHT. He gives a low growl. CLAUDIA smiles tentatively.) I felt you were here earlier. Don't ask me how. I just did. (CLAUDIA moves into room and WEREWOLF crosses to meet her.)

WEREWOLF: Claudia. CLAUDIA: I have the strangest feeling we've met before. WEREWOLF: You do? (Music: "Those Eyes, Those Lips, That Face.") CLAUDIA: (Sings.) I look into your eyes and see someone I know.

I look into your eyes and feel the feelings grow. I wonder who you are, tell me, have we met before? I look into your eyes once more.

WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I look into your eyes and see someone I know. I look into your eyes and feel the feelings grow. I've watched you from afar so many times before. I look into your eyes once more.

WEREWOLF: (Sings.) CLAUDIA: (Sings.) Those eyes.

Those lips. That face.

That pout. That nose.

Those teeth. That grace.

That snout. That smile.

Those ears. That style.

That sneer. Those Eyes.

.

Those lips. TOGETHER: (Sing.) That face! WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I look into your eyes and know I shouldn't

stare. CLAUDIA: (Sing.) I look into your eyes, I've seen that look

somewhere. WEREWOLF: (Sing.) You don't know who I am, don't even know my

name. CLAUDIA: (Sing.) I like what I see, just the same. WEREWOLF: (Sings.) CLAUDIA: (Sings.)


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Those lips.

CLAUDIA: (Sings.)

Those lips.



ACT TWO Scene Four














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EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true. All: (Sing.) Take my advice, ''To thine ownself be true!" EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true! ALL: (Sing.) Take my advice, ''To thine ownself be true!"

''To thine own self be true!" WEREWOLF: (Sings.) ''To thine own self be true!" ALL: (Except WEREWOLF, (Sing.) Cha, cha, cha! (At song's

conclusion, WEREWOLF tiptoes OFF.) MURDOCK: I'm going to help you, Claudia, Sandra. CLAUDIA: (Stands.) You are! MURDOCK: Yes. (EXPERIMENTS applaud.) MRS. CRUNCH: (Bangs walking stick to floor.) You may return to

your duties. (EXPERIMENTS make a LEFT TURN and move OFF. Except for BORIS. Another � bone is tossed in from OFF LEFT. It hits the floor with a THUD. CLAUDIA and SANDRA gasp. CLAUDIA steps back. Casually.) Boris, take care of that. And whatever you do, .d2rtt rattle the cage. (BORIS grins in idiot fashion and kicks the large bone, step by step, OFFSTAGE. He's trying to pretend the bone never appeared. ALL watch the maneuver. When BORIS is OUT -- .)

SANDRA: You know where Rupert is? MURDOCK: Yes. CLAUDIA: That's wonderful, Doctor. SANDRA: (Jumps up.) He's all right? MURDOCK: Apparently. CLAUDIA: Apparently? I don't understand. MURDOCK: Rupert was a nice kid. I'll do what I can to help. CLAUDIA: What do you mean -- WQ.i? MURDOCK: Trust me. Now you must leave. It isn't wise to linger in

the asylum. SANDRA: Who's lingering? MURDOCK: Leave everything to me. I'll show you to the door.

(Gestures UP RIGHT.) If you please. SANDRA: We'll do whatever you say, Doctor Dangerfield. CLAUDIA: Anything if it will help Rupert. (CLAUDIA EXITS UP RIGHT,

followed by SANDRA. and then MURDOCK. As they cross UPSTAGE, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, LOUD SHRIEKS AND - · SCREAMS from OFFSTAGE DOWN LEFT. SOUND OF SOMETHING BEING SHAKEN FURIOUSLY. MRS. CRUNCH turns to the sound of the COMMOTION.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Boris! Boris! You bjrdbrajn! I told you not to rattle the cage! (With walking stick raised on high for an attack, MRS. CRUNCH moves OFF, DOWN LEFT. After MRS. CRUNCH

59

BORIS: What does it look like, Mrs. Crunch? It's cocoa. Hmmm, hmmm, good. You know the doctor likes the way I prepare it.

MRS. CRUNCH: You flatter yourself. Watch what you're doing. You're spilling most of it on the floor.

BORIS: Clumsy, clumsy Boris. I'm a baaaaagd boy. MRS. CRUNCH: Let me see that. (She grabs away the mug, sips.

Smacks her lips. Frowns.) You put in too much milk. I can barely taste the cocoa.

BORIS: Last time you said I put in too much cocoa. You could barely taste the milk.

MRS. CRUNCH: Wicked creature. BORIS: (Snatches back the mug.) You're jealous because the doctor

doesn't like the way you prepare his cocoa. Now, now, jealous housekeeper. Jealous housekeeper. Now, now.

MRS. CRUNCH: Insolent creature! (She puts mug on bench, moves back to BORIS.) I've had enough of your rudeness. I'll show you. (She lifts high the walking stick, as if preparing to strike.

. She doesn't bring it down, however -- just keeps it on high. Doesn't matter. BORIS reacts as if she were striking him with the wood. He falls to the floor, making painful gestures with his face and body -- reacting to the "imaginary'' beating.)

BORIS: No! No! Nol No, Mrs. Crunch. Please, Mrs. Crunch! Stop, Mrs. Crunch! You're hurting me, Mrs. Crunch! I'll be good, Mrs. Crunch! Another chance, Mrs. Crunch. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mercy, mercy! Boris will be a good boy. Please stop! Oh!

MRS. CRUNCH: Fool. MURDOCK'S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) What's going on in

there?! (BORIS freezes.) MRS. CRUNCH: (Walking stick still on high.) Now see what you've

done. You've disturbed Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. BORIS: (Still on the floor.) I'm a baaaaaaad boy. MRS. CRUNCH: You're wicked, Boris. Wicked. (BORIS sucks his

thumb.) MURDOCK'S VOICE: What's going on, I say! MRS. CRUNCH: (Lowers walking stick.) Nothing to concern yourself

with, Doctor. It was Boris. He was being unruly again. MURDOCK'S VOICE: Boris, eh? Well, we must make allowances,

Mrs. Crunch. MRS. CRUNCH: Must we? (Wearing a doctor's white smock,

MURDOCK DANGERFIELD ENTERS. Wait a minute! -- he's not aged. In fact, he looks about 14. He's barely a teenager. His voice is young and his manner is as youthful as a sixth grader. He steps behind the desk.)

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MURDOCK: You know I like things to be peaceful. Helps my concentration.

MRS. CRUNCH: You spoil him, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. You permit him to get away with too much.

MURDOCK: I feel I owe him something. He didn't turn out the way I planned.

MRS. CRUNCH: So few of them do. MURDOCK: Don't rub it in. (BORIS stops sucking his thumb and

gets to his knees. He "knee-walks" to the mug on the bench.) BORIS: Just the way you like it, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield.

Hmmm, hmmm, good. (He grabs the mug and knee-walks to the desk. MRS. CRUNCH and MURDOCK stare at him, betraying no emotion. It's as if BORIS is some curious "experiment.") Hmmm, hmmm, good. Hmmm, hmmm, good. Mrs. Crunch doesn't like the way I make your cocoa, but that's because she's jealous. Jealous, jealous housekeeper.

MRS. CRUNCH: (Scoffs.) Bah. BORIS: (Holds up cup.) Go on, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. All for

you. MRS. CRUNCH: What Boris didn't spill. (MURDOCK takes the mug.) BORIS: Hmmm, hmmm, good. (MURDOCK looks into the mug. A

look of distaste creeps across his face.) MURDOCK: I've changed my mind. I think I'll have Ovaltine. Later. MRS. CRUNCH: Wise. (BORIS frowns.) MURDOCK: Boris. BORIS: Yes, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield? MURDOCK: Go into the laboratory and fetch back the test tube

I've been working with. BORIS: (Brightly.) The one with the bubbles? MURDOCK: Yes. The one that bubbles and burps. You can do that,

can't you? BORIS: Burp? MRS. CRUNCH: bl,QI The doctor means fetch the test tube he's

been working with! BORIS: Oh, yes, I can do that. No problem. MRS. CRUNCH: Then do it. BORIS: Leave it to me. (Making those terrible half-human squnds,

BORIS limps from the room, DOWN LEFT.) MRS. CRUNCH: He's a trial. I hope he doesn't spill any of your

youth elixir the way he spilled the cocoa. MURDOCK: You're too hard on Boris. He does his best. But I am

worried. MRS. CRUNCH: About Boris?

17

from William Shakespeare. (Music: "To Thine Own Self Be True.")

MURDOCK: (Sings.) You shouldn't worry 'bout the way things be. Don't you go climbing someone else's tree. If you look closely and don't try so hard, You'll find the grass is greener in your backyard.

MRS. CRUNCH: (Sings.) Don't be a part of someone else's game. Don't call yourself by any other name. Take my advise, my friend and just be you,

MURDOCK/CRUNCH: (Sing.) EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) "To thine ownself be true!" Be your own star, Sha la la la la la la la la la! Live your own dream, Sha la la la la la la la la lal Show the whole world, Sha la la la la la la la la lal Who you are! Sha la la la la la la!

BORIS: (Or BORIS and one.or two EXPERIMENTS, SING.) Boom ba ba, boom ba ba, Boom ba ba,

EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true! CLAUDIA: (Sings.) Don't try to travel someone else's road, EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true! SANDRA: (Sings.) Don't try to carry someone else's load, EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true! CLAUDINSANDRA: (Sing.) Don't try to fit in someone else's shoe, MURDOCK/CRUNCH/CLAUDINSANDRNEXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) "To

thine own self be true!" CLAUDINSANDRA: (Sing.) EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.)

Be your own star, Sha la la la la la la la la! Live your own dream. Sha la la la la la la la la la! Show the whole world, Sha la la la la la la la la la! Who you are! Sha la la la la la la!

BORIS: (Or, BORIS and one or two EXPERIMENTS, SING.) Boom ba ba, boom ba ba, Boom ba ba boom!

ALL LEADS: (Sing.) Be your own star, Sha la la la la la la la la la!

Live your own dream. Sha la la la la la la la la la! Show the whole world, Sha la la la la la la la la la! Who you are! Sha la la la la la lal

BORIS: (Sings.) Boom ba ba, boom ba ba, Boom ba ba!

EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) Be true. ALL: (Sing.) Take my advice, "To thine ownself be true!"

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ACT ONE Scene Three













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afraid of my creations. They're unconventional but harmless. MRS. CRUNCH: They're like everybody else. MURDOCK: Only different. SANDRA: They're different all right. MURDOCK: Your names, please? CLAUDIA: Claudia. Claudia Dalton. SANDRA: Lydecker. Sandra Lydecker. MURDOCK: Experiments, be polite. EXPERIMENTS: Hello, Claudia Dalton. Hello, Sandra Lydecker. CORNELIA: Thok. GIRLS: Uh, uh, uh -- (Feebly.) Hello. MURDOCK: Experiments, what's my name? Who am I? EXPERIMENTS: Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. Mad genius. CORNELIA: Thok. (EXPERIMENTS applaud.) MRS. CRUNCH: Do you still doubt? (It's all a bit much for

CLAUDIA and SANDRA. However, they're determined.) CLAUDIA: I'm impressed. Honest. SANDRA: It isn't every day a girl gets to meet a mad genius. MURDOCK: Tell me about Rupert. CLAUDIA: Rupert is a wonderful boy. He's bright and intelligent

and kind. But he has no self-confidence. He wanted to be someone else. Anyone but himself. He read one of your books and was convinced you could help him.

MURDOCK: Tell me, young ladies, have you seen anything of a werewolf in the neighborhood?

SANDRA: (Matter-of-fact.) Why, yes. Strange that you should mention that. He hangs out at Riverdale High. He's popular.

CLAUDIA: He's going to be a rock 'n' roll star. (EXPERIMENTS applaud.)

MURDOCK: Would you say he's happy? CLAUDIA: Werewolf? Yes, I would. Except -MURDOCK/MRS. CRUNCH/BORIS: Yes? CLAUDIA: There's a look in his eyes. MURDOCK: I'm sorry to hear Rupert wasn't happy being himself. TWO-HEADED TEENAGER: There's no point in me being anything

but what I am. VEGETABLE PERSON: You are what you are and that's it. _ . FELINE: Meow. Be yourself and stand tall. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. BORIS: Always trying to please someone else is a losing game. I

ought to know. CLAUDIA: Why couldn't Rupert see that? MURDOCK: Simple. Rupert is a typical teenager. To tear a page

57

MURDOCK: No. The youth elixir. Up until now no one would suspect I am actually ninety-four years old.

MRS. CRUNCH: That's because you don't look a day over fourteen. MURDOCK: I don't feel a day over fourteen, but I fear my luck is

running out. Each time I drink the youth elixir I have to double the dose.

MRS. CRUNCH: (Alarmed.) That's dangerous, isn't it? MURDOCK: It could be deadly. (MRS. CRUNCH gasps.) The next

swallow could be my last. MRS. CRUNCH: There's always the possibility the next swallow will

be effective but harmless. MURDOCK: It's possible. Possible but risky. (LOUD BANGING OF

ASYLUM DOOR KNOCKER. Both MURDOCK and MRS. CRUNCH react.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Visitors? At this hour. MURDOCK: We never have visitors. People are too frightened to

come here. (Thinks of something.) Ah, I know. The paper boy. The one who's into ''weird."

MRS. CRUNCH: Tyler. No, it wouldn't be Tyler. He's already been paid. (MORE BANGING.)

MURDOCK: They'll go away. In a moment the knocking will cease. You'll see. I'm never wrong about these things. (MURDOCK and MRS. CRUNCH listen. Pause. MORE BANGING.) I was wrong.

MRS. CRUNCH: Whoever they are, they're certainly persistent. MURDOCK: I've ordered more chemicals and electrical coil from

the supply house. Perhaps it's a late delivery. MRS. CRUNCH: I'll have Cornelia attend to it. (She steps to the

hand bell on the desk top, picks it up and rings it. Puts it down.) Cornelia! (MURDOCK sits behind the desk. CORNELIA, the maid, ENTERS from UP LEFT. She's a robot. Rather clumsily built. Her torso is a large cardboard box painted silver. Her face is painted silver, too. She wears white gloves. Her movements are mechanical and jerky. Whenever anyone

. speaks, she tilts her head in the direction of the sound.) CORNELIA: (What passes for speech.) Thok, thok, thok. MRS. CRUNCH: Yes. The front door. Don't let them in and don't let

them see you. Take the packages to the laboratory. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. MRS. CRUNCH: Thank you, Cornelia. (Walking like a mechanical

toy, CORNELIA EXITS for the front door, UP RIGHT.) MURDOCK: She didn't turn out too well, either. She's always

malfunctioning.

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MRS. CRUNCH: You're too hard on yourself, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. You're a genius. Never forget that.

MURDOCK: A genius who is likely to turn into a wrinkled old mummy at any moment. (BORIS RETURNS.)

BORIS: Doctor, I think you'd better take a look at him. He's acting strangely again.

MURDOCK: Who? BORIS: You know. Your latest. MURDOCK: Give him something to eat. That will calm him down. MRS. CRUNCH: It always does. BORIS: He's got the appetite of a beast. MURDOCK: Hardly surprising. (BORIS lumbers OFF, making those

terrible vocal sounds.) RUPERT'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, UP RIGHT.) You can't keep me

out! I'm coming inf I've got to see Doctor Murdock Dangerfield!

CORNELIA' S VOICE: Thok, thok, thok. MURDOCK: (Stands.) What on earth? MRS. CRUNCH: Someone's in the hallway. CORNELIA'S VOICE: Thok, thok, thok. RUPERT'S VOICE: I'm coming in, I tell you. Don't try to stop me! CORNELIA'S VOICE: Thok, thok, thok. (Looking as confused and as

helpless as only a robot can, CORNELIA swirls back INTO the room. She's so disoriented by RUPERT's aggressive arrival that she spins about as if she were out of control, eventually sitting on the bench. Head bowed, motionless. RUPERT ENTERS.)

RUPERT: Doctor Murdock Dangerfield! I've got to see Doctor Murdock Dangerfield! It's a matter of life or death!

MRS. CRUNCH: How dare you push your way in here. This is private property. No visitors allowed! (Gesturing.) Out! Out!

MURDOCK: One moment, Mrs. Crunch. I'm curious. Who are you, young man?

RUPERT: My name is Rupert. Rupert Lydecker. I'm a student at Riverdale High. I'm sick of my life.

MRS. CRUNCH: That's not our problem. Out, out. MURDOCK: Why do you wish to see the doctor? RUPERT: I read his book. MRS. CRUNCH: Which one? RUPERT: "You, Too, Can Be Someone Else." (Suddenly, CORNELIA

springs alert. Head up.) CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. MRS. CRUNCH: You may leave us, Cornelia. (CORNELIA gets up

and EXITS UP LETT. RUPERT watches with great interest.)

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CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. (CORNELIA gestures UP RIGHT.) MURDOCK: Thank you, Cornelia. MRS. CRUNCH: That will be all, Cornelia. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. (CORNELIA EXITS UP LETT.) Thok,

thok, thok. (CLAUDIA and SANDRA ENTER. Scared out of their wits. Look about nervously.)

CLAUDIA: Did you notice that maid? I wonder where she's from? SANDRA: You know where she's from. This asylum. She's a robot. MRS. CRUNCH: Yes, yes. What is it? CLAUDIA: We'd like to see Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. MURDOCK: I'm Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. CLAUDINSANDRA: You're Doctor Murdock Dangerfield? MRS. CRUNCH: I'm Mrs. Myrtle Crunch, the housekeeper. CLAUDIA: You can't be the doctor. You're too young looking. MURDOCK: Proper nutrition. Exercise. Plenty of sleep. Early to bed,

early to rise. MRS. CRUN_CH: Cornelia said you're looking for someone named

"Rupert." SANDRA: Rupert Lydecker. CLAUDIA: He's a friend. SANDRA: He's my brother. CLAUDIA: He came here two days ago. He felt Doctor Dangerfield

could help him. (WEREWOLF creeps INTO SIGHT, EXrREME DOWN RIGHT, leans against proscenium arch. He can see and hear the OTHERS. They can't see him.)

SANDRA: He thought Doctor Dangerfield was a genius. MURDOCK: 11 a genius. CLAUDIA: (To MURDOCK.) I don't know who you are, but would

you please tell Doctor Dangerfield we're here. MRS. CRUNCH: But this � Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. CLAUDIA: You can't be serious. We're not fools. MURDOCK: I'll prove it to you. Only a genius like myself could

have created what I have created. They will speak for me. CLAUDIA: What have you created, Doctor?

. MURDOCK: (Gleefully.) It's time for show and teUI (Picks up hand bell from desk.) Ding-dong! Ping-dong! Ping-dong! Everybody out of the pool! (As in Act One, EXPERIMENTS ENTER from UP LEFT and LEFT and form a straight fine at STAGE CENTER. BORIS ENTERS and joins the lineup.) Aren't they marvelous? (SANDRA and CLAUDIA, mesmerized by fear, grab each other's hand for support.) Won't you be seated? Please. (Their eyes never leaving the lineup, CLAUDIA and SANDRA move to bench and sit. They're too frightened to run.) You mustn't be

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MRS. CRUNCH: Yes, Doctor. BORIS : Don't answer it, Doctor. No telling who it might be. MURDOCK: They'll go away. In a moment the knocking will cease.

You'll see. (ALL listen. Pause. MORE BANGING.) BORIS : Wrong again. MURDOCK: See who it is, Mrs. Crunch. MRS. CRUNCH: Yes, Doctor. (She steps to the hand bell. Picks it

up, rings it. MURDOCK puts clipboard on desk. CORNELIA ENTERS from UP LEFT.)

CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. MRS. CRUNCH: The front door. Whomever it is -- no admittance. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. (CORNELIA EXJTS for front door.) MRS. CRUNCH: We must be extra careful, Doctor Murdock

Dangerfield. If anyone should trace the werewolf to this asylum

MURDOCK: I don't need you to remind me of the consequences, Mrs. Crunch. I'd be exposed and my work would cease.

BORIS : What good is your work, anyway? I've never understood it. Look at me. (MRS. CRUNCH lifts the walking stick and moves for BORIS. As usual, he cringes and cowers.) Nol No! No, Mrs. Crunch. Please, Mrs. Crunch! Stop, Mrs. Crunch. (CORNELIA RETURNS.)

CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. MURDOCK: What!? CORNELIA: Thok, thok. MURDOCK: Two teenage girls asking about Rupert? CORNELIA: Thok. MRS. CRUNCH: (Lowers walking stick.) I was afraid of this. Send

them away, Doctor. MURDOCK: No. They may be of some help. I've got to get Rupert

back into this asylum. Show them in, Cornelia. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. (CORNELIA EXJTS for front door. MURDOCK steps CENTER.) MURDOCK: (To MRS. CRUNCH.) Act perfectly normal. BORIS : In this place? MRS. CRUNCH: (Gestures DOWN LEFT.) Take those bones back to

the laboratory. And whatever you do, don't rattle the cage. It infuriates him. (BORIS makes a nasty face at MRS. CRUNCH and EXJTS, making those vile half-human sounds.)

MURDOCK: Do you think we ought to offer them refreshments? MRS. CRUNCH: I suggest we find out what they know and get rid

of them. MURDOCK: Wise. (CORNELIA whirls back INTO VIEW.)

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CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. RUPERT: That's a robot, isn't it? MURDOCK: I designed her. I built her. Alas, she's prone to

malfunction. RUPERT: Are you Doctor Murdock Dangerfield's assistant? MURDOCK: Assistant? MRS. CRUNCH: Stupid boy. This isn't Doctor Murdock Dangerfield's

assistant. (Without thinking.) This is Doctor Murdock Dangerfield himself! (MURDOCK is horrified that she's spilled the beans.)

MURDOCK: Mrs. Crunch, hold your tongue! (Aghast by her outburst, MRS. CRUNCH turns aside.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Forgive me, Doctor Dangerfield. Forgive me. (She "holds" her tongue as the DOCTOR ordered -- with her fingers.)

RUPERT: You must be the grandson. Or the great-grandson. Or the great-great-grandson.

MURDOCK: Only a brave young man or a desperate young man would enter this asylum. We have nothing to do with the outside world. We don't want to know anything about it.

RUPERT: That can't be true. MRS. CRUNCH: (Tongue free.) What makes you say that? RUPERT: The asylum gets newspapers every day. I know the kid

who delivers them. MURDOCK: Tyler. MRS. CRUNCH: We don't "read" the newspapers. RUPERT: Then what do you do with them? MRS. CRUNCH: Silly. We line the bottom of the cages. RUPERT: Cages? (On "cages" a l.arg.e. bone is tossed in from OFF

LEFT. It looks like a human thigh bone. RUPERT stares at it, picks it up so audience can get a good view. RUPERT is pop-eyed. MRS. CRUNCH steps LEFT, YELLS OFF.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Mind your table manners in therel I don't want a grease stain on the carp�t!

RUPERT: Gosh. What kind of dog do you keep? The Hound of the Baskervilles?

MURDOCK: Go along, Mrs. Crunch. See what's keeping Boris with. the bubbles and burps. (MRS. CRUNCH steps to RUPERT, gives him a dirty look. Grabs the large bone away from him.)

MRS. CRUNCH: I don't like visitors in the asylum. (She EXITS DOWN LEFT.)

RUPERT: She's not too friendly, is she? MURDOCK: Sit down, young man. (Indicates chair in front of

desk.) Tell me your problem.

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RUPERT: (Doubtful.) Are you certain you're Doctor Murdock Dangerfield?

MURDOCK: I'm certain. (RUPERT sits. MURDOCK sits on edge of desk, picks up pad and pencil a la psychotherapist.) I'm listening, Rupert. (RUPERT is anxious to blurt out his dilemma. He speaks nonstop.)

RUPERT: It's this way. I don't want to be who I am. MURDOCK: What's the matter with the way you are? RUPERT: Ask anyone who knows me. I'm a loser. No personality.

Not popular. I try too hard. I dress like a jerk. I'm too tall. I'm too short. I'm dull. I'm shy. I have no future.

MURDOCK: I see. (Writes.) The usual teenage complaints. Interests? RUPERT: I like music. MURDOCK: Piano? Violin? Cello? RUPERT: No, I like to sing. I'm going to be the assistant director on

the school musical. MURDOCK: Will you get to sing? RUPERT: I'd be too embarrassed to be on stage where people

would stare and could make fun of me. That's why I work backstage.

MURDOCK: I see. (Affecting a mid-European accent.) You have, Rupert, vhat Dr. Freud vould call ''the teenage inferiority complex syndrome." Very common, ja.

RUPERT: The book said a person could change his personality. MURDOCK: (The phony accent.) Vith hard vork and concentration,

10. RUPERT: (Unknowingly picking up the accent.) I don't vent to ve ve.

(Corrects himself.) I mean -- I don't want to be me. I'll do anything to change my personality. You've got to help me, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. You're my last hope. You're my � hope.

MURDOCK: One should never give up hope. Keep hoping, Rupert. (Suddenly, RUPERT gives MURDOCK a hard stare.)

RUPERT: Hey ... wait a minute. What are you handing me? (Jumps up, points a finger at MURDOCK.) You're not the doctor. You can't be the doctor.

MURDOCK: Why not? RUPERT: You look younger than me and I'm a teenager. No one

looks younger than a teenager. MURDOCK: (Jumps off the desk, boasts.) What you see is what

you get. I am not only a doctor, I am a genius! So what if my peers kicked me out of the medical profession? Who needs peers? (Moves CENTER, engrossed in his boasting.) They never

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CLAUDIA: (Bravely.) Onward and upward. SANDRA: I just thought of something, Claudia. CLAUDIA: What? SANDRA: What if we don't come back? (They move RIGHT when

another CRACK OF THUNDER and MORE FLICKERING OF THE LIGHTS ERUPT. They scream. CL.AUDIA runs OUT, DOWN RIGHT. Confused, SANDRA runs OUT DOWN LEFT, only to realize her mistake almost immediately. She runs back IN.)

SANDRA: Claudia! Claudia! Wait for me! (She runs across the FORESTAGE and OUT as the LIGHTS CONTINUE TO FLICKER and, now and again, we hear a THUNDERCLAP. WEREWOLF ENTERS FORESTAGE from DOWN LEFT.)

WEREWOLF: Ow-wooooooooo .. .l (He holds his paws high and, moving fast, tiptoes across the FORESTAGE and OUT. From behind the curtain we hear that AWFUL, HIDEOUS LAUGHTER from the asylum, as in Act One, Scene 3. HOLD SOUND and LIGHT EFFECTS and carry them over into opening of next scene.)

END OF SCENE TWO

ACT TWO Scene Three


MRS. CRUNCH stands CENTER as in opening Act One, Scene 3. SOUND and LIGHTING EFFECTS FADE DOWN and OUT. Pause. She slams the walking stick to the floor in three measured bangs.

MRS. CRUNCH: B2rn_! (Nothing.) �! (Nothing.) �! (BORIS lumbers IN from LEFT. He holds a straw basket filled with large bones.)·

BORIS: Whaaaaa? MRS. CRUNCH: What are you doing? BORIS: (Holds up basket.) What does it look like? I'm getting rid of

these bones. If I don't tidy up from time to time, that laboratory will look like an elephant's graveyard. (LOUD BANGING OF DOOR KNOCKER. MRS. CRUNCH and BORIS react.) Listen. The front door.

MRS. CRUNCH: I heard. (MURDOCK ENTERS from RIGHT, clipboard in hand.)

MURDOCK: The door.

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SANDRA: Who were you talking to? lYLER: No one. I was quoting the great advertising they got outside

the Uptown Theatre. Up on the marquee. Three days only. CLAUDIA: Three days only for what? lYLER: Three days only to see The Wasp Woman. CLAUDIA: Sounds lurid. lYLER: All about this woman who wants to wrench the wrinkles

from her face. Only wasp enzymes will help. It's highly educational.

SANDRA: It sounds gross and repulsive. If you don't watch out, Tyler, you're going to go stark raving mad. Your obsession is not healthy.

lYLER: I can't help it if I'm into weird. CLAUDIA: Everybody knows you're into weird. Who else would

deliver newspapers to Doctor Murdock Dangerfield's asylum? lYLER: Aw, I'm not afraid of the asylum. How come you two are

up here again? CLAUDIA: Uh, uh -SANDRA: Uh, uh --lYLER: Don't tell me you're out hiking. CLAUDIA: Yes. That's it. Exercise. lYLER: Know what I think? SANDRA: What? lYLER: I think you being here has something to do with Rupert's

disappearance. He disappeared the day I saw him outside the asylum. Same day I saw you two.

CLAUDIA: That doesn't prove anything. lYLER: Guess not. (Shrugs.) See ya. CLAUDIA/SANDRA: See ya, Tyler. (TYLER crosses DOWN LEFT.) lYLER: "A beautiful woman by day -- A blood-thirsty queen was12

by night, Truly horrific, Three days only." (Voice trailing off.) "A beautiful woman by day'' -- A blood-thirsty queen wasp by night ... "

CLAUDIA: We would have to meet "Mister-Into-Weird" just when I was getting my courage up. He's suspicious.

SANDRA: Never mind about Tyler. I hope they'll let us in. CLAUDIA: They'll either let us in by the front door or we'll find a

window and climb in. Even if we have to break the glass. SANDRA: What if Doctor Murdock Dangerfield doesn't know

anything about Rupert? CLAUDIA: He must know something. Rupert went to see him and

he never came back. We can't let anything stop us, Sandra. SANDRA: You're right. (Bravely.) Onward and upward.

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understood my work, anyway. I took a common alley cat and turned her into a feline half-human. I did the same with a vegetable. I created a youth serum that keeps me forever young! In this asylum wonders are created, Rupert. Wonders! You saw the robot.

RUPERT: I've seen robots before. No big deal. MURDOCK: Perhaps this will convince you I am who I say I am.

Murdock Dangerfield. Genius! (He dives for the hand bell and rings it furiously.) Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Everybody out of the pool! (Answering the summons, some of the DOCTOR's EXPERIMENTS ENTER from UP LEFT and LEFT. To include: FELINE, a half-human/half-cat creature; VEGETABLE PERSON, a girl resembling a large carrot or something leafy; TWO-HEADED TEENAGER, CORNELIA. There is room, of course, for additional creations that meet the imagination! They form a straight line at STAGE CENTER. RUPERT is agog.) Aren't they marvelous?

RUPERT: Gosh. MURDOCK: (To EXPERIMENTS.) Say hello to Rupert. EXPERIMENTS: Hello to Rupert. MURDOCK: Don't be funny. Do it right. One at a time. FELINE: Hello, Rupert. RUPERT: (Wary.) Hi. VEGETABLE PERSON: Hello, Rupert. RUPERT: Hi. C ORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. RUPERT: Hi. TWO-HEADED TEENAGER: Hello, Rupert. RUPERT: Hi. MURDOCK: Never mind about the other head. It hasn't learned to

speak yet. I'm working on it. RUPERT: (Astonished.) Golly, maybe you really are Doctor Murdock

Dangerfield, after all. MURDOCK: (Quoting as he indicates EXPERIMENTS.) "Honor the

craftsman for his craft." (As song begins MRS. CRUNCH and BORIS RETURN and join in. [or may sing from OFFSTAGE, if desired.] RUPERT sits in front of desk. Wherein MURDOCK and OTHERS inform us that all mann�r of weird and wonderful and strange things can happen when the doctor is working on "a dark and stormy night." Music: "Dark and Stormy Night.")

MURDOCK: (Sings.) On a dark and stormy night, When the moon is full and bright, There's a doctor in a lab, so dark and drab,

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A terrifying creature lying on a slab. What a vision, a delight, On a dark and stormy night!

MURDOCK/MRS. CRUNCH/BORIS: (Sing.) On a dark and stormy night,

When the kids are tucked in tight, An experiment, they say, is underway, If you come to visit be prepared to stay. What a vision, what a fright, On a dark and stormy night!

MRS. CRUNCH: (Sings.) Be our guest. BORIS: (Sings.) Take a tour. MURDOCK: (Sings.) But, we can't guarantee you'll return for sure. MRS. CRUNCH: (Sings.) It's amazing, BORIS: (Sings.) Hair raising. MURDOCK: (Sings.) Did you say, you'll be staying overnight? MURDOCK/MRS. CRUNCH/BORIS: (Sing.) There are many

experiments you can see, There are many experiments you can be, Diabolically, wonderfully, Ghastly! (MURDOCK pulls RUPERT aside to confer with him as MRS. CRUNCH, BORIS and EXPERIMENTS continue singing.)

MRS. CRUNCH/BORIS/EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) On a dark and stormy night,

When the moon is full and bright, It's all so queer, a fact I hear, Every week another student disappears. Doesn't anybody know, where they go, On a dark and stormy night?! (Spoken, snickering.) I'm sure we know ... (Sing.) Where they go,

On a dark and stormy night! On a dark and stormy night!

MURDOCK/MRS. CRUNCH/BORIS/EXPERIMENTS: (Sing.) On a dark and stormy night!

RUPERT: (At end of song, he leaps up.) I believe you, Doc! You're who you say you are!

MURDOCK: (Modestly.) Of course. Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. Genius. (MRS. CRUNCH claps her hands at BORIS and gestures DOWN LEFT. BORIS gives her a dirty look, snaps his teeth rather viciously, and lumbers away. Before he leaves the STAGE, he stops and smiles at the audience.)

BORIS: Hmmm, hmmm, good. (He's our RUPERT steps to the

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MISS CHICKLET: Calm down, Sadie. MAMIE: You're sure it was Werewolf, Miss Avalanche? SADIE: I wasn't wearing my glasses, but I know a dangerous wolf

when I see one. CHET: (All innocence.) What's up? IRENE: Werewolf attacked Sadie Avalanche. CHET: Golly. SADIE: Not only that. He stole my pocketbook. I've been robbed.

Every penny I had for the month was in that pocketbook. ARKOFF: I better look into this. MISS CHICKLET: Come along, Sadie. We'll let the school nurse

have a look at you. (MISS CHICKLET and ARKOFF help SADIE OUT, LEFT. IRENE and BETTY assist. CHET moves CENTER.)

CHET: Hey, you, Mamie. MAMIE: (Coolly.) Are you speaking to me, Mister Lumpcrass? CHET: What do you think of your hero now? Not only is he a

freak, he's a thief. MAMIE: Honestly, a girl these days can't trust anyone. Man or wolf.

(With a toss of her head, she EXJTS after SADIE and the OTHERS. Pleased with his mischief, CHESTER moves CENTER.)

CHET: (To himself, expansive.) I haven't even started! By the time I get done with fuzzball, he'll be behind bars where he belongs. lo jail -- or in a zoo! (CHET runs OFF, UP RIGHI) Ow-wooooooo .. .! (As CHET howls and EXJTS -- .)

CURTAIN END OF SCENE ONE

ACT TWO Scene Two

Outside the Dangerfield Asylum [FORESTAGE].

EFFECT: CRACK OF THUNDER. FLICKERING STAGE LIGHTS.

TYLER ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT. He's been delivering newspapers · to the asylum again. Canvas sack over one shoulder. And, again,

he's mouthing some advertising for a current horror flick.

TYLER: "A beautiful woman by day -- a blood-thirsty queen wasp by night, Truly horrific." (CLAUDIA and SANDRA ENTER FORESTAGE from DOWN LEFT. They're tense.)

CLAUDIA: Hi, Tyler. We thought we heard your voice. TYLER: Yeah. It's me.

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END OF SCENE TWO

ACT TWO Scene Three







MURDOCK: The door.

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SANDRA: Do you want to watch Mamie get her hand hair-sprayed? CLAUDIA: I can live without it. (CLAUDIA EXITS RIGHI) SANDRA: So can I. (SANDRA follows CLAUDIA OUI CHET

practices a few low growls.) CHET: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. SADIE'S VOI CE: (From OFFSTAGE DOWN RIGHI) Oh, my feet. My

poor, poor feet. (SADIE ENTERS. She wears a baggy cloth coat with a ratty fur collar over her apron. Hat. Carries pocketbook. Uncomfortable because of her tired feet, she waddles CENTER. CHET puts on the wolf mask and leaps STAGE LEFT, cutting off SADIE's avenue of exit. He raises his paws and makes threatening gestures.)

CHET: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. SADIE: (Terrified.) Help! Help! Mad dog! Mad dog! Help! (CHET drops low, and then rears up, arms outstretched, claws ready

to rip and tear. Growls. This is too much for SADIE. She faints -- but not before CHET has time to grab her pocketbook.) Hellllllllppppppppp ... (MAMIE, IRENE, BETTY run back IN. CHET runs DOWNSTAGE, RIGHT, on FORESTAGE. Looks back, quickly LEAVES the scene.)

IRENE: Good gracious. Look! BETTY: It's Mrs. Avalanche. MAMIE: Sadie. (MISS CHICKLET ENTERS. DETECTIVE ARKOFF is

behind her.) MISS CHICKLET: What is it? What's happened? I RENE: It's the cleaning woman. BETTY: Mrs. Avalanche. MAMIE: Sadie. (SADIE moans.) SADIE: 00000000. 00000000.

ARKOF F: I'll handle this. Give me a hand. (ARKOFF, /RENE and BETTY help the dazed SADIE to her feet.)

SADIE: 00000000. 0000000.

MISS CHICKLET: What happened, Sadie? I RENE: Can I get you a glass of water? Pepsi? SADIE: It was him. The one they call "Werewolf." ARKOF F: (To MISS CHICKLEr) Did she say "werewolf?" MISS CHICKLET: He's not enrolled as a student. He just hangs

about. · ·

A RKOF F: Werewolf? SADIE: (Excitedly.) He came at me. He was going to bite me. He

was going to claw me. He was going to murder me! 0000000. 0000000. 0000000. (CHET RETURNS, RIGHI No mask or wolf hands.)

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EXPERIMENTS.) RUPERT: · Truly amazing, Doctor. MURDOCK: Thank you. RUPERT: What are they good for? FELINE: The doctor hasn't figured that out yet. Meow.VEGETAB LE PERSON: But it will come to him in time. lWO-HEADED TEENAGER: He's a slow worker. RUPERT: Can you help me, Doctor? Can you give me a new

personality? Out with the old, in with the new? CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. MURDOCK: I might be able to help you. RUPERT: I'll do anything you say. (BORIS RETURNS pushing what

looks like a garden cart on wheels. Atop the cart are all kinds of weird-looking bottles and beakers, lab equipment.) FELINE: Look, Doctor. It's the bubble-and-burp. BORIS : Bubble-and-burp. EXPERIMENTS : Bubble-and-burp. (MURDOCK starts to cross for the

cart. MRS. CRUNCH stops him. As RUPERT continues to admire the EXPERIMENTS, she speaks in a stage whisper.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Doctor, what are you going to do? MURDOCK: This teenager is like all teenagers. He's in misery.

Possibly psychotic. He's desperate enough to try anything. I shall test my ''youth elixir'' on him. If he survives, then I'll know it's safe to drink. Double dose and all.

MRS. CRUNCH: What if he doesn't survive? MURDOCK: (Shrugs.) Win some, lose some. (BORIS plucks a test

tube from the weird paraphernalia on the cart.) BORIS : Here we are, Doctor. Your bubble-and-burp. (Stab at

humor.) Two cents back on the test tube. MRS. CRUNCH: Silence! (BORIS' attempt at levity infuriates MRS.

CRUNCH. She raises the walking stick. Same business as before. BORIS cowers.)

BORIS: No! No! Please, Mr�. Crunch! Stop, Mrs. Crunch! I'll be good.

MURDOCK: Stop this nonsense. Give me that. (MURDOCK grabs the test tube.)

BORIS : Hmmm, hmmm, good. (MRS. CRUNCH lowers the walking stick. MURDOCK steps CENTER.)

MURDOCK: (Soothingly.) I think this· will help you, Rupert. RUPERT: (Curious.) What is it? MURDOCK: It's a tonic. FEL INE: Doctor Murdock Dangerfield is good with tonics. Meow. RUPERT: It'll give me a new personality?

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MURDOCK: I hope so. However, I must warn you -RUPERT: About what? MRS. CRUNCH: There is always an element of -- danger. MURDOCK: That is correct, Rupert. Danger. Here is the tonic. It

may do the trick or it may not. The decision is yours to make. RUPERT: I told you I'll try anything. MURDOCK: I thought so. In that case, Rupert -- (Holds up the test

tube.) Ocink! (RUPERT takes test tube.) OTHERS: Drink! TWO-HEADED TEENAGER: Down the hatch! BORIS: Drink! ALL: (Chanting.) Clug-a-lug! Clug-a-lug. Clug-a-lug! (RUPERT holds

the test tube nervously for a moment. Should he or shouldn't he?)

RUPERT: (Announces.) Here goes. Sink or swim. (He brings the test tube to his lips. Drinks. TRANSFORMATION EFFECT: THUNDER-CLAPS and FLICKERING LIGHTS [STROBES, if possible]. RUPERT drops the test tube, clutches his throat.) Aaaaaaaaugh -- I (ALL gather round him as he starts to gag and choke. He drops to his knees in dramatic fashion. EFFECTS GO WILD. BLACKOUT. Hold for several seconds. In the total BLACKNESS, the SOUND OF THUNDER and/or WEIRD TONAL IMPRESSIONS continue to be heard. OTHERS sing, or hum, off-key. Music: "A Dark And Stormy Night." Eventually, the SOUND EFFECT(S) FADE(S) and the LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL. ALL are still gathered, huddle-fashion, around the fallen RUPERT. Their words and voices are excited. The dialogue overlaps.)

ENSEMBLE: (Except WEREWOLF. Sing. Reprise: "Dark and Stormy Night.") On a dark and stormy night, When the moon is full and bright, An experiment, they say, is under way, If you come to visit be prepared to stay. What a vision, what a fright, On a dark and stormy night. What a vision, what a fright, On a dark and stormy night. On a dark and stormy night. On a dark and stormy night.

FELINE: (At end of song.) What's the matter with him? TWO-HEADED TEENAGER: Is he all right? VEGETABLE PERSON: Why doesn't he get up? CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok.

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It's because, GIRLS: (Sing.) It's because, MAMIE: (Sings.) I admit, GIRLS: (Sing.) She admits, MAMIE: (Sings.) I got bit! GIRLS: (Sing.) This is it, MAMIE: (Sings.) I admit, GIRLS: (Sing.) She got bit, MAMIE: (Sings.) This is it, GIRLS: (Sing.) She admits, MAMIE: (Sings.) By a wolf with a fit,

I got bit! GIRLS: (Sing.) This is it, MAMIE: (Sings.) I admit, GIRLS: (Sing.) She got bit, MAMIE: (Sings.) This is it, GIRLS: (Sing.) She admits, MAMIE: (Sings.) And my heart is a-flit,

I got bit! GIRLS: (Sing.) This is it, MAMIE: (Sings.) I admit, GIRLS: (Sing.) She got bit, MAMIE: (Sings.) This is it, GIRLS: (Sing.) She admits, MAMIE: (Sings.) And I feel like a twit, MAMIE/GIRLS: (Sing.) I/She got bit! MAMIE: (At end of song.) Werewolf definitely brings out the beast

in me. IRENE: Lucky you. BETTY: I wish he'd kissed me. IRENE: Maybe he likes your scent. (CHET slinks IN DOWN LEFT on

the FORESTAGE. He's wearing phony werewolf hands and carries a werewolf mask. His jacket is zipped up tight. He overhears.) I don't know what Chet's going to say about this.

MAMIE: Like I told Sandra. Forget about Chester Lumpcrass. He's past history. He never appreciated a special woman like myself, anyway. It took a werewolf's kiss to bring me to my senses.

BETTY: I got some hair spray in my locker. Let's spray your hand so the kiss can be preserved for all eternity.

IRENE: Great idea. MAMIE: Ow-wooooooo .. .! Oh, why must a teenager fall in love?

(Still holding out her hand, MAMIE and OTHERS EXIT LEFT.)

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Oh, what a feeling it was, And I won't,

GIRLS: (Sing.) And she won't, MAMIE: (Sings.) No, I won't, GIRLS: (Sing.) No, she won't, MAMIE: (Sings.) I won't ever wash again.

It's because, GIRLS: (Sing.) It's because, MAMIE: (Sings.) I admit, GIRLS: (Sing.) She admits, MAMIE/GIRLS: (Sing.) I/She got bit! MAMIE: (Sings.) I got bit, I got drooled on,

Kissed by a werewolf. I got bit. What a turn on. Oh, what a feeling it was, And I won't,


And I feel, GIRLS: (Sing.) And she feels, MAMIE: (Sings.) This is it, GIRLS: (Sing.) This is it, MAMIE/GIRLS: (Sing.) I/She got bit! MAMIE: (Sings.) Remember Cinderella,

When she finally found her fella, How romantic, a fairy tale like this. I feel like Sleeping Beauty, Awakened by her cutie, How he claws at my heart, He claws at my soul, He woke me with a kiss!

I got bit, I got chewed on, Kissed by a werewolf. I got bit, somewhat spewed on. Oh, what a feeling it was, And I won't,

GIRLS: (Sing.) And she won't, MAMIE: (Sings.) No, I won't, GIRLS: (Sing.) No, she won't, MAMIE: (Sings.) I won't ever wash again!

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BORIS: Hmmm, hmmm, good. MURDOCK: Get up, Rupert. Get up. ALL: Get up, Rupert. Get up. (RUPERT "EXPLODES" from the huddle.

That is, he leaps up and pushes the OTHERS aside in a fury/ He dashes DOWNSTAGE and snarls and growls into the audience. Can this be RUPERT LYDECKER, distraught teenager of Riverdale High? Hord to believe because what the audience is seeing is a large, mean-looking, short-tempered -WEREWOLF! NOTE: The WEREWOLF is played by a different actor than the actor portraying the non-werewolf RUPERI He, of course, can be played by the same actor, but this cuts down significantly on the makeup and costuming effect. ABOUT HIS COSTUME: He wears similar clothing to what RUPERT wore -pants too short, sweater, bow tie. Only much too small for him. Bushy hair. Pointed ears. Furry hands, furry face, no eyeglasses. CONSULT PRODUCTION NOTES.)

FELINE: (Delighted.) Look, everyone. Meow. Doctor Murdock Dangerfield has done it again.

VEGETABLE PERSON: A new creation. lWO-HEADED TEENAGER: A werewolf. FELINE: It's no chihuahua. BORIS: Hmmm, hmmm, good. CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok. (EXPERIMENTS applaud.) MRS. CRUNCH: But he wasn't supposed to be a werewolf!

(WEREWOLF slinks DOWN RIGHT, laps his paws. Steals sly glances at the OTHERS.)

MURDOCK: He must have drunk the wrong potion. How could this hove happened? (Moves to cart, checks some test tubes, reading labels.) "Lizard Girl," "Monkey Mon," "Supermarket Checker," "Youth Serum."

MRS. CRUNCH: Youth serum? Boris, you imbecile. You handed the doctor the wrong test tube. You gave him Werewolf Juice.

OTHERS: Werewolf Juice? BORIS: (Quickly.) Not to worry, Doctor. There's plenty of antidote.

You can turn him back in a minute. (BORIS steps to cart and . begins to rummage through the scientific junk.)

MURDOCK: My apologies, Rupert. Everything will be all right in a moment. (In response, WEREWOLF gives a low, menacing growl.)

MRS. CRUNCH: (To BORIS.) Hurry up, you incompetent. (BORIS messes with the tubes, picks one up. Reads label.)

BORIS: Here we are, Doctor Murdock Dangerfield. Werewolf Antidote. (He hands the antidote to MURDOCK UfSIDE

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DOWN. Naturally, the small amount of liquid spills to the floor. ALL, but WEREWOLF, are aghast.)

MRS. CRUNCH: Watch what you're doing! BORIS: Oops. MURDOCK: The antidote! EXPERIMENTS: Bummer. MRS. CRUNCH: Y2.u. -- (She raises the cane as if to hit BORIS. He

drops to the floor and grabs MURDOCK around one leg.) BORIS: Forgive me, Doctor. Forgive me! MURDOCK: (To WEREWOLF.) I'll mix up another batch. It'll take

some time. WEREWOLF: (Forceful.) ,MQ! (Startled, ALL jump back. BORIS pulls

away from MURDOCK . WEREWOLF stalks CENTER. He's strong and powerful and lethal in manner and voice.) No. (Growls.) This is the way I want to bel The complete opposite of what I was! No one will kick sand in my face now. No one will say I'm dull. From this day on, Rupert Lydecker is loaded with personality and -- ,bim! ! ! (He throws back his head and gives out with a long, spiralling, high howl. OTHERS stare in shock and amazement at the new RUPERT.)

MURDOCK: No, Rupert. No. WEREWOLF: (Threatening.) I'm getting out of here. I'm leaving.

Don't anyone try to stop me! FELINE: Meow. What are you going to do? WEREWOLF: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to live!

Live! Ljye! (Another toss of the head, another howl -- this one louder than the first. RUPERT runs from the room and OFF, UP RIGHT.)

MURDOCK: Quick! He mustn't get away! Someone will see him! (ALL chase after RUPERT. Dialogue overlaps as they EXIT UP RIGHT in pursuit.) Come back, Rupert!

MRS. CRUNCH: Come back -FELINE: Meow --CORNELIA: Thok, thok, thok --OTHERS: Rupert! Rupert! Rupert! (BLACKOUT/CURTAIN.)

END OF SCENE THREE

ACT ONE Scene Four

Outside the asylum [FORESTAGE].

WEREWOLF runs IN from OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT. He looks into the audience and claws the air with his paws.

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SANDRA: Down the stairs. Straight ahead. CLAUDIA: Follow your nose. SANDRA: You can't miss it. CLAUDIA: It's Thursday. Sauerkraut and frankfurters. DAISY: Tell all the kids. I want a big turnout. I'm even going to

invite the school faculty. What could be better -- Teen Canteen and a full moon. (She EXITS RIGHT.) Ow-wooooooo ... !

CLAUDIA: He's all anyone can think about. Werewolf. SANDRA: Do you think we should have told that detective about

Rupert going to the asylum? CLAUDIA: That would be the worst thing we could do. Rupert

would never speak to us again! SANDRA: What are we going to do, Claudia? CLAUDIA: We're going to have lunch. (SOUND OF GIRLISH

LAUGHTER from OFFSTAGE RIGHT. CLAUDIA and SANDRA read. MAMIE moves INTO SCENE. She holds out one hand as if it needed drying. She's in a euphoric state. GIRL STUDENTS are behind her, talking excitedly.)

AD LIBS: Imagine! He must like you, Mamie! What a thrill! He's something else! (MAMIE stops CENTER . She points to the middle of the outstretched hand.)

MAMIE: He kissed me. He kissed me right there. I'm never going to wash this hand again.

CLAUDIA: Who kissed you? SANDRA: Chester Lumpcrass? MAMIE: Chester? Forget about Mister Lumpcrass. He's past history.

Werewolf kissed me. CLAUDIA/SANDRA: Werewolf? IRENE: He told Mamie she was a charming young woman. (MAMIE

giggles.) MAMIE: He knows class when he sees it. BETTY: Then he took her hand and licked it with a smooch. MAMIE: (Sighs in romantic fashion.) He kissed me. IRENE: Like he was Prince Charming. MAMIE: (Sighs.) Like I was Cinderella. IRENE: That must have been some kiss. MAMIE: Better believe it. (Music: "I Got Bit.")

(Sings.) I got bit by the love bug, Kissed by a werewolf. I got bit by a big lug,

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ARKOFF: Jungle? CLAUDIA: The Amazon Jungle. SANDRA: Catching butterflies. CLAUDIA: It's an unusual family. ARKOFF: Is this some kind of joke? CLAUDIA: Find him, Detective Arkoff. Please. ARKOFF: Did he say where he might be going? Any ideas? (Neither

CLAUDIA nor SANDRA want to mention the asylum.) CLAUDIA: Uh, no. SANDRA: No. ARKOFF: I don't have much to go on. He's probably a runaway. SANDRA: Not Rupert. Never. ARKOFF: Where will I find the principal's office? (CLAUDIA indicates

LEFT.) CLAUDIA: Down the hallway. Tum left. SANDRA: Then right. CLAUDIA: Then left again. ARKOFF: If he turns up, let me know right away. CLAUDIA: Yes, yes. We will. (ARKOFF EXITS LEFT as DAISY ENTERS

from DOWN RIGHT, bubbly and excited.) DAISY: Where is he? Where's Werewolf? I don't want to waste a

minute. There's a lot to do. CLAUDIA: I think you'll find him in the cafeteria. DAISY: Wait until you hear about the sensational press debut I'm

preparing. I intend to introduce Werewolf with a fabulous party. Do you know where I'm going to have it?

CLAUDIA: No. SANDRA: Where? DAISY: The Teen Canteen. Isn't that fabulous? Don't you just love

it? The latest teen sensation will meet the press in a teenage hangout. It's perfect. It's ideal.

CLAUDIA/SANDRA: (Flat, mimicking DAISY's enthusiasm.) It's fab-u-lous.

DAISY: You haven't heard the best part. CLAUDIA: What's that? DAISY: I introduce Werewolf to the world when -- there's a full

moon. How's that for a publicity tie-in? CLAUDIA: Full moon? That's tomorrow night. DAISY: Yes, yes! Now you know why I'm so excited. It's a dream

come true. Which way to the cafeteria? CLAUDIA: Down the hallway. Turn right. SANDRA: Then left. CLAUDIA: Then right again.

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WEREWOLF: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (He's delighted with his growls. Moves CENTER on FORESTAGE and howls. We hear OFFSTAGE VOICES of the pursuers.)

ASYLUM CHARACTERS' VOICES: Rupert! Rupert! Rupert! Come back, Rupert! Come back! .RuJ.2m! (WEREWOLF turns to the sound of the VOICES and gives a low, threate ning growl. In a moment, out of breath, MURDOCK APPEARS from DOWN RIGHI Behind him are MRS. CRUNCH and BORIS -- and any of the EXPERIMENTS who can squeeze INTO VIEW without any hassle.)

WEREWOLF: Don't take another step! I'm warning you. MRS. CRUNCH: Careful, Doctor. MURDOCK: You must come back, Rupert. No one must see you

like this. WEREWOLF: If you take one step toward me, I'll bite. MRS. CRUNCH: He's turned vicious, Doctor Dangerfield. MURDOCK: That's always a bad sign. BORIS: Hmmm, hmmm. Not good. MURDOCK: Consider my position, Rupert. WEREWOLF: Don't call me Rupert. Rupert is gone. He's never

coming back. MURDOCK: I can't risk problems with the authorities. MRS. CRUNCH: If anyone found out about the experiments, Doctor

Murdock Dangerfield would be in serious trouble. WEREWOLF: What's that to me? MURDOCK: Please come back to the asylum, Rupert. WEREWOLF: No! MURDOCK: I'll prepare the antidote. WEREWOLF: Nol BORIS: I'll make cocoa. WEREWOLF: Cocoa is for wimps. MRS. CRUNCH: Doctor, if we make a rush we might be able to

grab him. MURDOCK: Go for it. (As one, MURDOCK, MRS. CRUNCH, BORIS,

OTHERS move for WEREWOLF. Instead of retreating, WEREWOLF leaps toward them with a fierce growl.)

OTHERS: (Jumping back.) Qh! WEREWOLF: I warned you once. I won't warn you again. MURDOCK: But, Rupert --WEREWOLF: (Definite.) There is no Rupert, Forget about Rupert

Lydecker. MRS. CRUNCH: What will we call you?

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WEREWOLF: I hove only one name now and that name is -Werewolf!

OTHERS: (In awe.) Werewolf. (To emphasize his power, he leaps toward them again, growling. And, again, they pull back. WEREWOLF spins around and lopes for DOWN LEFT.)

MURDOCK: Where are you going? (WEREWOLF stops in its tracks and speaks the line directly into the audience.)

WEREWOLF: Where om I going? Where else? Rock 'n' roll paradise -- The Teen Canteen! (He runs OUT, howling. NOTE: As soon as WEREWOLF says "Rock 'n' roll paradise -- Ibe. Teen Canteen!" we hear a burst of MUSIC from behind the curtain. MURDOCK and OTHERS quickly turn and EXIT DOWN RIGHI As the CURTAIN OPENS, we find ourselves in the Teen Canteen, with Music: "Golly, Golly'' underway.)

END OF SCENE FOUR

ACT ONE Scene Five

The Teen Canteen.

The basics: small table DOWN RIGHT with a couple of chairs. Another DOWN LEFT with chairs. A third with chairs placed for the best stage picture. UPSTAGE CENTER some chairs for the band. The kitchen is OFFSTAGE RIGHT. Entrance from outside is OFFSTAGE LEFT. [NOTE: If a CURTAIN is used, there should be enough time to quickly, and quietly. set up the props as Scene Four plays on FORESTAGE. If not, begin the scene with STUDENTS carrying in the props and placing them in position and singing as they do so. The important thing is that the action flows without interruption. From WEREWOLF's last lines in previous scene to "Golly, Golly." LUCKY and BUDDY are at the "bandstand." One has a guitar (or a sax, bass -- whatever). The other also has a guitar (or he might play drums). CHET is leader. Holds guitar. The stage musicians, of course, are pantomiming the "playing" (unless they can actually play.)] ALSO ONSTAGE: M AMIE, IRENE, T Y LER, BETTY. Two waitresses, in uniform, JOYCE and GLORIA. OPTIONAL EXTRA STUDENTS. DAISY PLANT, music talent scout, sits DOWN RIGHT. Wears a tailored suit, hat, and gloves. Rhinestone eye wear. (Music: "Golly, Golly.") CHET: (Sings.) Got a little song that I want you to sing,

It'll make you wanna rock, make you wanna swing. Gonna be a real big hit some day, A blast from the past from your local dee-jay; They'll be rockin' and a-rollin' at the high school hop

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WEREWOLF: Help yourself. (MISS SESAME, all a-twitter, reaches out and touches him. She's thrilled. Giggles.)

MISS SESAME: A genuine werewolf. It sends shivers up and down my spine.

MISS CHICKLET'S VOICE: Miss Sesame. (OFFSTAGE BLAST OF WHISTLE.)

MISS SESAME: I'm on the way, Miss Chicklet. (More giggles. She EXITS LEFT. STUDENTS clutter around WEREWOLF.)

IRENE: Sit with me, Werewolf. BETTY: No, with me. MAMIE: Me. (STUDENTS pull WEREWOLF OFF, RIGHI As they do

so, WEREWOLF cranes his neck to look again at CLAUDIA. STUDENTS and WEREWOLF are OUI)

SANDRA: No one's got time for anything since that Werewolf's shown up. Do you think he is a werewolf? Couldn't he be a hairy boy?

CLAUDIA: I don't think anyone cares one way or the other. He certainly is popular.

SANDRA: I'll say. CLAUDIA: Have you noticed his eyes? There's something about

them. SANDRA: He sure was staring at you. CLAUDIA: That's your imagination. Come on, Sondra. Let's eat.

(They start to cross RIGHT, but are stopped by the -entrance of POLICE DETECTIVE ARKOFF, a young woman wearing a trench coat.)

ARKOFF: Excuse me. (CLAUDIA and SANDRA stop.) Could either one of you young ladies tell me where I might find a Claudia Dalton?

CLAUDIA: I'm Claudia Dalton. SANDRA: She's Claudia Dalton. (ARKOFF takes out a police wallet

and displays badge.) ARKOFF: Detective Arkoff. You called my department about a

missing person. SANDRA: Claudia, you didn't! You know Rupert would hate that. CLAUDIA: I was desperate. (To ARKOFF.) It's her brother. Rupert

Lydecker. ARKOFF: (Pockets badge.) How long has he been gone? SANDRA: Two days. ARKOFF: I can't accept a missing person's report until the individual

has been gone for at least seventy-two hours. (To SANDRA.) What about your parents, miss?

SANDRA: They can't help. They're in the jungle.

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might even say intellectually stimulating. (STUDENTS applaud.) Nonetheless, there are strict rules.

MAMIE: Like? MISS CHICKLET: There are no animals allowed in the school

building. STUDENTS: Huh? LUCKY: You can't call Werewolf an animal, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: Why not? BUDDY: He walks on two feet. MISS SESAME: So does a kangaroo. IRENE: He talks. MISS SESAME: So does a parrot. BETTY: He sings. MISS SESAME: So does Bing Crosby. MAMIE: He's educational. TYLER: He's weird. WEREWOLF: Can't I monitor a few classes? I won't be any trouble. CLAUDIA: Miss Chicklet, Rupert Lydecker is missing. MISS CHICKLET: Not now, Claudia. I've got so much on my mind. MISS SESAME: You handle things well, Miss Chicklet. I respect you. MISS CHICKLET: I'll call the Chairman of the School Board. He

might be able to suggest something. IRENE: Don't forget, Miss Chicklet, Werewolf could put Riverdale on

the map. MISS CHICKLET: I'm not sure that's such a good idea. (From

DOWN RIGHT ENTERS SADIE AVALANCHE, a member of the janitorial staff. She has a soiled apron over a house dress. Bandanna on her head. She carries mop and pail.)

SADIE: Beg pardon, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: What is it, Sadie? SADIE: Mind if I leave early today? I've got an appointment with

my podiatrist. My corns have been hurting something awful. MISS CHICKLET: Very well, Sadie. But be here on time in the

morning. SADIE: Yes, ma'am. (SADIE turns, EXITS.) CLAUDIA: Why won't anyone listen to us about Rupert!

(WEREWOLF stares at CLAUDIA.) He could be hurt or something dreadful. Rupert may need help.

BUDDY: Come on, Werewolf. Cafeteria time. MISS CHICKLET: No dawdling in the hallways. (She blasts the

whistle, EXITS LEFT. MISS SESAME steps nervously to WEREWOLF.)

MISS SESAME: May I touch you for good luck?

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Stompin' and a-strollin' till their feet won't stop. Say, golly, golly!

CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) The whole wide world is rockin' off its trolley,

'Cause everybody's singin' ... CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Hey! Wop, bop a loo mop a wop bam boom,

Move over, little girl, gimme some room. I'm feelin' real good, feelin' real tall, I'm writin' golly, golly on the bathroom wall. Makin' my moves on a pretty little dolly, She'll be rockin' and a-rollin' and a-singin', golly, golly!

Golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) The whole wide world is rockin' off its trolley,

'Cause, everybody's singin', CHET/CHORUS: (Sing.) Golly, golly! (Spoken.) Heyl (Instrumental

dance break.) CHET: (Sings.) Hey, ho, Joe, what-a you know?

Say, you ain't got no get:up and go? Feelin' like you can't make it through the day? Listen real close, let me show you the way. You'll be jumpin' and a-cookin' like a hot tamale, And all you gotta do is say,

CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Say, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly!

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CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHORUS: (Sings.) Golly, golly, golly, golly! CHET: (Sings.) The whole wide world is rockin' off its trolley, CHET/CHORUS: (Sing.) 'Couse everybody's singing',

Golly, golly! Golly! golly! Golly, golly!

IRENE: (At end of song.) Hey, Gloria. A small order of fried onion rings. If it's not too much trouble.

GLORIA: It's what I get paid for. (GLORIA tokes a pad from her apron pocket and a pencil from behind her ear. Writes.)

BETTY: I'll hove the some. With a cherry Coke. GLORIA: Two midget orders of burnt circles. One sour cola.

(GLORIA EXITS into kitchen.) TYLER: Hey, Joyce, what hove you got that's weird? JOYCE: How about a hamburger? (Takes pad from apron pocket,

pencil from behind her ear.) TYLER: That's not weird. JOYCE: Then you've never had it here before. TYLER: With a root beer. Plenty of foam. JOYCE: Scorch one cow patty and frost the slurp. (JOYCE EXITS

into kitchen.) DAISY: (Applauding.) Fabulous, Chet. Fab-u-lous. You were

fabulous. (CHET moves to DAISY. Curious, MAMIE steps behind him.)

CHET: You really dug it, Miss Plant? DAISY: Chet, baby, how many times have I told you? The name is

Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. I'm much too young to be called Miss Plant.

MAMIE: Is she the lady from the record company? (CHET pushes MAMIE back.)

CHET: Don't crowd me, Mamie. I'm talking business. MAMIE: Golly, can't a person show interest without being spoken to

in a cruel fashion? CHET: Zip it. (MAMIE pouts.) DAISY: The way I see it, Chet, the timing is perfect. You're ready

and the market is hungry. (She stands, moves DOWN CENTER as she speaks. CHET follows her and MAMIE follows CHET.) Rock 'n' roll is the wave of the future.

CHET: My own words, Miss Pl----. (Smiles.) Daisy. DAISY: Everybody's words these days, Chet. The record company I

represent doesn't take on just any talent.

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Just listen to what's happening today. BOY S: (Spoken in rhythm.) We got horror flicks,

Take your pick. Now, listen up, It's coming quick.

We got martians, mummies, to name a few, The Blob, The Creature, zombies, too! Can't forget about the teen werewolf, (To the girls.) And then, pretty baby, there's you.

ALL: (Sing.) Hey! Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, baby, baby, Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way? Just listen to what's happening today.

GIRLS: (Spoken in rhythm.) We got rock 'n' roll, For young and old. It's on the move, It's big and bold. We got Elvis, Buddy, to name a few, Jerry, Chuck, Little Richard, tool Dion, Frankie, Annette and Roy. (To the boys.) And then pretty baby, there's you!

ALL: (Sing.) Hey! Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, baby, baby. Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way? We'll be makin' history today!

Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, baby, baby. Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way? We ' l l be mokin' history today! (At song's conclusion, WEREWOLF ENTERS from LEFT. He stops, howls.)

. WEREWOLF: Ow-wooooooooo ... ! (STUDENTS are delighted. · Applaud.) ·

BUDDY: Look who's here! IRENE: Werewolf. STUDENTS: Hi, Werewolf! WEREWOLF: Hi, gang. (MISS CHICKLET ENTERS from RIGHT. MISS

SESAME behind her. MISS CHICKLET blows the whistle.) MISS CHICKLET: Your attention, please. (She gets it.) I realize the

presence of a werewolf on campus is -- provocative. Some

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END OF SCENE FOUR

ACT ONE Scene Five

The Teen Canteen.



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Let's see what he has to say that's so extra special air express urgent. (Reads.) "Hello, Mother, hello, Father -- "(To CARMEN.) Rupert was always a polite boy. (The letter.) "I don't want to alarm you, but I am going away. You will probably never see me again. Please don't worry about me. This is something I have to do. Your loving son, Rupert." (Alarmed.) I don't understand. What's Rupert talking about? Never see him again? There must be some explanation? (She looks into envelope for further information and recoils.) Ugh. (She tips the envelope upside down and tufts of hair fall out.) What is that stuff? Looks like hair. (CARMEN picks up the hair, studies it.)

CARMEN: It is hair, Mrs. Lydecker. MRS. LYDECKER: How thoughtful. Rupert obviously put in a lock of

his hair. So I would have something to remember him by. (CARMEN has the hair in her extended palm.)

CARMEN: No, Mrs. Lydecker. This is werewolf hajr. MRS. LYDECKER: What? Werewolf hair? CARMEN: People in this part of the jungle know about such things.

I fear for your son, Mrs. Lydecker. He's in big trouble --MRS. LYDECKER: I'll get Mister Lydecker and we'll return to

Riverdale at once. Poor, poor Rupert! My baby boy! He's gotten in with the wrong crowd. (MRS. LYDECKER hurries OUT, DOWN RIGHT. CARMEN holds out her palm and blows away the hair.)

CARMEN: (To herself.) Once a werewolf, always a werewolf. There is nothing you can do, Mrs. Lydecker. (Shaking her head in sympathy, CARMEN EXITS after MRS. LYDECKER. The rushing SOUND of JUNGLE DRUMS. SPOTLIGHT OUT. LIGHTS UP ON MAIN STAGE. STUDENTS unfreeze.)

TYLER: If I were you, Sandra, I'd get in touch with the police. IRENE: Pronto. SANDRA: That's the last thing Rupert would want. BUDDY: Let's not get too serious about anything. After all, we're

only young once. MAMIE: Let's worry about what really counts! CLAUDIA: Rupert's disappearance. MAMIE: Now. LUCKY: Rupert's disappearance? Are you kidding? (Music: "Sci-Fi,

Rock 'N' Roll And You, Baby, Baby.") BOY AND GIRL STUDENTS: (Sing.) Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you,

baby, baby, Sci-fi, rock 'n' roll and you, don't mean maybe. The feeling's here to stay, is there any other way?

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MAMIE: It don't? Doesn't? DAISY: Only talent that's hot. Only talent that can shake up the

rock 'n' roll generation. MAMIE: Chet's got it all. Voice. Looks. Me. CHET: (Annoyed.) Will you shut upl MAMIE: What did I say? (She pouts again. Sits at one of the tables.) CHET: I'm the talent you're looking for. I write lyrics, compose. I

got a great way with a song. I can sell myself, too. DAISY: All true, Chet. I wouldn't be here if I thought I was wasting

my time. (COACH ENTERS with MISS CHICKLET and MISS SESAME. COACH carries football.)

COACH: Look around at this place, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: I see what you mean, Coach Frazzle. It's popular. MISS SESAME: Extremely so. COACH: That's not what I mean! (COACH steps to DAISY and

CHET, points to CHET.) He's supposed to be at practice. (NOTE: Deep background activity, non-distracting.)

CHET: I can't waste my valuable time on pigskin anymore. (Combs his hair.)

COACH: What, what? CHET: I'm through with football. COACH: Am I hearing right? MISS SESAME: He said he was through with football. COACH: I heard what he said! MISS SESAME: (Cringes.) Sorry. MISS CHICKLET: First you turn down the school musical, and now

football. COACH: It's an outrage, that's what it is. (NOTE: as scene plays,

WAITRESSES will ENTER and serve soft drinks to those seated at tables. OTHERS pay little attention to COACH, MISS CH/CKLET, MISS SESAME.)

DAISY: Who are these people, Chet? CHET: Coach Snout Frazzle'. COACH: Cut the Snout. CHET: (Indicates.) That's Miss Chicklet, the school principal. (Looks

at MISS SESAME.) I forget who that is. MISS SESAME: It's me, Chester. Miss Sesame. School secretary. CHET: Oh, yeah. How you doing, Miss Sesame? MISS SESAME: I'm fine, thank you for asking, Chester. COACH: This is not a social hour! MISS SESAME: (Cringes.) Sorry. COACH: You, Lumpcrass, get back to the playing field. DAISY: I'm afraid you don't understand, Coach. Chet is going to

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be a big star. COACH/CHICKLET /SESAME: Star? DAISY: Rock 'n' roll star. COACH/CHICKLET/SESAME: Rock 'n' roll? DAISY: He'll be the new James Dean, if James Dean could sing. MISS CHICKLET: Chester, who is this woman? CHET: Daisy Plant. DAISY: Talent coordinator for Shellac Records. We've been looking

for a new personality. Someone who can explode on the music scene and I've found him. (Announces.) Here's tomorrow's rock 'n' roll sensation today. Chet Lumpcrass. (STUDENTS, WAITRESSES applaud.)

COACH: (To MISS CHICKLH) What did I tell you about this rock 'n' roll? It's going to spread through the school like the flu. Everything's going to fly apart.

MISS SESAME: This could be serious, Miss Chicklet. MISS CHICKLET: I'm afraid so. I had no idea. Something must be

done. COACH: For starters, this Teen Canteen has to go. MISS CHICKLET: (While EXITING.) I'll speak to the School Board. I'll

speak to the Mayor. I'll speak to the school custodian. (EXITS.) MISS SESAME: You're so decisive, Miss Chicklet. I respect you.

(FOLLOWS.) COACH: (As if the name tasted bad in his mouth.) Rock 'n' roll.

(EXITS.) CHET: Don't pay them any attention, Daisy. They're squares. MISS CHICKLET: Adults. A teenager's cross to bear. CHET: You said it. (SOUND: From OFFSTAGE comes the WAILING

HOWL OF WEREWOLF. ALL freeze. Unfreeze. React.) JOYCE: What was that? GLORIA: It sounded strange. (Melodramatic.) Like a tormented soul. TYLER: (Delighted.) It sounded -- �! MAMIE: Collective hypnosis. Or something. (SOUND: Another

WEREWOLF HOWL.) JOYCE: That's not imagination. GLORIA: Maybe I should call the dogcatcher. Anybody know the

number? CHET: Ah, forget about the mutt. I got a � song to introduce. AD LIBS: Great.

Let's hear it. New song, huh? Rock, rock, Chet. We're ready.

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voice trailing off as she over-articulates each word.) Down -there -- in -- the -- Amazon -- jungle -- chasing -- butterflies. (EFFECT: STUDENTS freeze in awkward poses as STAGE GOES, FAST, TO BLACK OR DIM SHADOWS and a GREENISH SPOTLIGHT or CIRCLE OF TROPICAL GLOW is thrown DOWN RIGHT. SOUND OF JUNGLE DRUMS, BIRD-CALLS. We are now somewhere in the Amazon jungle.)

MRS. LYDECKER'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN RIGHT.) Oh, look, Carmen, it's a Grizzled Skipper! Don't make a sound. Quiet. I'll catch him. (Extending out from OFFSTAGE DOWN RIGHT is a butterfly net. It makes several stupid swipes in the air, as if trying to bag a bug.) Gotcha! (MRS. LYDECKER, RUPERT's mother, steps INTO VIEW. She's a goofy lady, wearing a khaki safari outfit. Knee socks, short pants, son helmet.)

MRS. LYDECKER: My first Grizzled Skipper! And the butterfly isn't even native to the Amazon. Oh, joy. (She dips into the butterfly net and pulls out a moth. Produces a magnifying glass. Studies moth.) This is not a Grizzled Skipper. It's nothing but a common moth. Ah, well, Mister Lydecker might like to have a look. Could be a Garden Tiger Moth. Also rare. (She drops the moth back into the net. Pockets magnifying glass. Her eye catches something on wing. She squints.) What's that? Can it be -- (Reqdies net.) A Brazilian Cabbage Butterfly. Yes, yes! (She steadies for the swing. CARMEN steps IN beside her. She wears a sarong type of costume with a necklace of flowers. Or her costume can be any native garb. She holds an envelope in one hand.)

CARMEN: For you, Mrs. Lydecker. (At the same instant CARMEN says the line, M_RS. LYDECKER swoops with the net. Misses.)

MRS. LYDECKER: Oh, no. Look what you made me do, Carmen. I mi!!sed my catch.

CARMEN: I'm sorry, Mrs. Lydecker. This came for you at the hotel. It's marked "urgent," Extra special air express.

MRS. LYDECKER: Extra special air express? Urgent? I hope nothing· has happened to Scindr.a. (She snatches away the envelope, opens it. Takes out letter, scans it.)

CARMEN: Bad news? MRS. LYDECKER: I can't tell yet. (Checks signature.) It's signed

"Rupert." (Thinks.) Rupert, Rµpert. Sounds familiar. Rupert? Rupert?

CARMEN: Isn't Rupert your son's narne? MRS. LYDECKER: Oh. Iha.t Rupert. This is a letter from my son.

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MAMIE: You mean and "howl." TYLER: Weird. (CHET APPEARS DOWN RIGHT. He's fuming.) CHET: You're all traitors. T hat's what you are. Traitors. MAMIE: How can you say that, Chet? CHET: Easy. I used to be the one you looked up to. I was the big

man on campus. As soon as this Werewolf creep shows up, you switch sides.

BETTY: Don't take it personal. IRENE: We've got a right to be friendly with anyone we want. CHET: Have it your way. If you're not with me, you're against me. LUCKY: That sounds like a threat. CHET: Could be. (Cold.) I'll be seeing you around, former "friends."

(He turns and EXITS DOWN RIGHT.) MAMIE: Wait a minute, lambchop. I'll come with you. CHET'S VOICE: Who needs you? (Calling back.) Get lost! MAMIE: Chet doesn't mean half of what he says. IRENE: Oh, yes, he does. BETTY: Half is more than enough. TYLER: He's jealous of Werewolf, that's all. IRENE: Chet wants to be the center of attention. BETTY: All the time. BUDDY: Chet can get pretty nasty when he wants. LUCKY: Aw, what can he do? (CLAUDIA ENTERS from LEFT,

SANDRA with her.) CLAUDIA: Listen, everyone, this is serious. OTHERS: Hi, Claudia. LUCKY: What's up? CLAUDIA: It's been two days now and, still, no news. IRENE: No news about what? SANDRA: My brother. Rupert. BETTY: Rupert? MAMIE: What's he done? CLAUDIA: He hasn't done anything. He's djsg12pegred. MAMIE: That's something. OTHERS: Disappeared? LUCKY: What are you talking about? CLAUDIA: No one's seen him. He hasn't been home. SANDRA: Missed all his classes. IRENE: T hat doesn't sound like Rupert. BUDDY: He'll turn up. BETTY: Rupert Lydecker, runaway. SANDRA: My brother is no runaway. I don't know what my parents

are going to say. (Looks DOWN RIGHT on FORESTAGE, her

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Rock, baby, rock. DAISY: And what do you call your fabulous new song, Chet? CHET: I call it --All: Yegh? CHET: (With gusto.) Teenage Motorcycle GjrH ALL: Teenage Motorcycle Giel! DAISY: I love it! (CHET takes CENTER as if he were the young Elvis

Presley. Hips swirling, body gyrating, he rocks into -- (Music: "Teenage Motorcycle Girl.")

CHET: (Sings.) Teenage motorcycle girl, You're the cruelest in the world. You stole my heart, my leather suits, Crashed my bike, you dyed my boots, But I love you, I love you, Teenage motorcycle girl. Ooo - ooo - ooo ooo!

Teenage motorcycle girl, You're the toughest in the world. You pulled my hair and made me shout, Scratched my eyes and punched me out, But I love you, I love you, Teenage motorcycle girl. Ooo - ooo ooo - ooo oool

You know ... (The song is interrupted by the WEREWOLF's entrance. WEREWOLF leaps IN and thumps to the floor. The entrance cuts off CHET's song. ALL look to WEREWOLF, bug-eyed. NOTE: If you wish, the WEREWOLF can now wear different clothes, something that fits properly. WEREWOLF looks to one group, snarls. Group pulls back with a communal gasp. WEREWOLF looks to another group. Growls. Group pulls back.)

BUDDY: Heyl What is this? LUCKY: We've already had Halloween. (TYLER crosses to . WEREWOLF, hand extended.) TYLER: You got a great look there. I'm into "weird." Name's Tyler;

(TYLER extends his hand to WEREWOLF and the critter bites.) WEREWOLF: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. TYLER: (Horrified.) He bit me! MAMIE: Now that's weird. CHET: Hey, fuzzball. You interrupted my music. Apologize.

(WEREWOLF rises to its full height.) WEREWOLF: Musici You call that music?!

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CHET: Yeah, I call what I was doing music. The kids dig my stuff. (WEREWOLF moves fast to CHET.)

WEREWOLF: If the kids dig music, I'll give 'em music. Shove off, loser.

CHET: Loser? Why, you -- (CHET takes a threatening step toward WEREWOLF who growls nastily in his face, snaps his teeth. ALL are in shock by the creature's presence. Backing off, fearful.) Keep cool, friend. Everything's cool. Don't sweat it.

WEREWOLF: (To OTHERS.) You want music? (OTHERS are too much in shock to respond. WEREWOLF gives another growl.) I said -Po you want musk??!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

OTHERS: (Animated.) Yes! Yes! Yes! Please! Music! Anything you say! Go for itl Music, music, music!

WEREWOLF: I'll give you music. You ain't heard nothing yet. Body of a boy! Mind of a monster! (Runs a comb through his hair. To LEADER of school orchestra or PIANO PLAYER.) Hit it, professor! (During song, CLAUDIA and SANDRA will ENTER scene. Music: "Blue Suede Paws.")

WEREWOLF: (A howl.) Ooooow! Well, I'm a big, bad wolf, get a load of my style, A duck-tailed, canine juvenile, A cool daddy-o with a-manicured claws, And if that ain't enough, I got Blue Suede Paws!

Got big brown locks all over my face, I grease my hair so it stays in place. The swingin' est wolf you ever saw, And if that ain't enough, I got Blue Suede Paws.

Blue suede paws, step a little closer. Blue suede paws, lookin' mighty fine, now. Blue suede paws, Everybody's lookin' 'cause, I'm dancin' and I'm cookin' in my Blue Suede Paws! (He lets out a howl, the crowd draws back.)

Ooooowl (Spoken in rhythm.) Now, don't be afraid, (Sings.) I'm as tame as you'll find. Why, Little Red Ridin' Hood's a friend of mine.

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STUDENTS FIVE AND SIX: (Sing.) Spreadin' his music every which way, ALL: (Sing.) The top rock 'n' roller in the U.S.A. WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Forget about the Creature From The Black

Lagoon, I'm-a gonna be number one real soon. I'm living proof, I ain't nothin' but a werewolf, Howlin' all the time!


WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a, ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a, ALL: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a werewolf! (During the following

choral interlude, WEREWOLF runs through the audience, meeting his "fans." He can shake hands with the men, kiss the ladies' hands, give a silk scarf to a "special" lady, again a la ELVIS. All the while howling up a storm!)

BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! BOYS: (Sing.) You ain't nothin' but a, BOYS/GIRLS: (Sing.) Werewolf! (WEREWOLF returns to the stage.) WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a, DAISY: (Sings.) You ain't nothin' but a, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a, DAISY: (Sings.) You ain't nothin' but a, WEREWOLF/ALL: (I/You) Ain't a-nothin' but a werewolf!

END OF ACT ONE

. ACTTWO Scene One

Two days later.

· Riverdale High School.BELL RINGS LOUDLY to signal a change in classes. STUDENTS

ENTER RIGHT and LEFT. Textbooks.

IRENE: It 's the most exciting thing that's ever happened at Riverdale. BETTY: At first I thought it was a mask. I thought there was a

human being teenager under the fur. LUCKY: He really is a werewolf. BUDDY: And how.

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Howlin' all the time! DAISY: (Sings.) A singin' werewolf, what a gas,

Better grab that boy and sign 'm fast, He's gonna be my risin' star, I'm gonna see that wolf go far, (Spoken; an introduction.) Boys and girls, it ain't no charade, The latest star on the Hit Parade! (During the instrumental introduction, WEREWOLF is spotlighted with his back to the audience. He should be dressed in "flashy" clothes a la ELVIS. He turns to the audience on his HOWLING CUE.)

WEREWOLF: (Taking center stage. A howl.) Ooooowl (Sings.) Come on, pretty baby, don't you be no square, Follow my tracks, let me give you a scare. Forget Count Dracula, forget The Blob, I'm-a gonna be your teen heart throb. With my permanent wave, hold the shave, I'll be a canine idol, the latest rave!

I'm on the loose, I ain't nothin' but a werewolf, Howlin' all the time! (Spoken in rhythm.) I said Ooooow!

ALL: (Repeating the howl.) Ooooow! WEREWOLF: (Echo.) Ooooow! ALL: (Echo.) Ooooow! WEREWOLF: (Echo.) Ooooow! ALL: (Echo.) Ooooowl WEREWOLF: (Echo.) Ooooow! ALL: (Echo.) Ooooow! WEREWOLF/ALL: (With howling excitement!) Ooooow! WEREWOLF: (Shouted.) Come on, everybody, let me see you do

'1"he WEREWOLF!" (DANCE INTERLUDE: During the solo, everyone dances to the latest dance, "The Werewolf." NOTE: Here is the chance to create a comic dance. For example, sneaking and stalking about, clawing at the air, walking on all fours, showing teeth, baying at the moon, etc. Above all, be imaginative/)

DAISY: (Sings.) He's on the loose. WEREWOLF: (Sings.) I ain't nothin' but a werewolf,

Howlin' all the time! STUDENTS ONE AND TWO: (Sing.) Lookout Big Bopper, Elvis, too, STUDENTS THREE AND FOUR: (Sing.) Hey, Buddy Holly, he's

a-comin' for you.

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The Three Little Pigs may hem and haw, But they can't say enough about my Blue Suede Paws.

CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue Suede Paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Step a little closer. CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue Suede Paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Everybody's talkin' 'bout my, CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue Suede Paws! WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Cruisin' and I'm drivin',

And I'm jumpin' and I'm jivin' in my Blue Suede Paws! (Dance interlude/instrumental solo.) A wolf about town, I'm a swingin' man. Got the whole wide world eatin' out of my hand. Some folks say, it's the luck of the draw, Let me tell you little secret, it's the Blue Suede Paws.

CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue Suede Paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Step a little closer. CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue suede paws! WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Everybody's talkin' 'bout my, CHORUS: (Sings.) Blue Suede Paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Steppin' and a-strollin', And a-rockin' and a-rollin' in my, WEREWOLF/CHORUS: (Sing.) Blue suede paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Step a little closer. WEREWOLF/CHORUS: (Sing.) Blue suede paws, WEREWOLF: (Sings.) Lookin' mighty fine, now. WEREWOLF/CHORUS: (Sing.) Blue suede paws, WEREWOLF: Everybody's lookin' cause I'm ... WEREWOLF: CHORUS: (Spoken in rhythm.)

Cruisin' and I'm drivin' and I'm,

Jumpin' and I'm jivin' and I'm,

Rockin' and I'm rollin'

Blue suede, Blue suede,


in my. . . Blue suede, Blue suede, WEREWOLF/CHORUS: (Singing.) Blue Suede Paws! (WEREWOLF

finishes the number with a flourish. He's ONLOOKERS are overwhelmed! ALL but CHET, who sits, arms crossed, at the DOWN RIGHT table in a sulk. OTHERS crowd around WEREWOLF, congratulating him. Excited dialogue overlaps.)

BUDDY: Great -LUCKY: Incredible --GLORIA: You were wonderful --

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JOYCE: Fan-tas-tic -TYLER: Really weird -BETTY: Wow --IRENE: Never heard anything like it -- (WEREWOLF loves the

attention. DAISY moves in.) DAISY: Fabulous, fabulous. Step aside, please. Let me in. Move

aside. (She steps beside WEREWOLF.) Let me tell you something. You're dynamite.

OTHERS: D_y-ng-mjte! DAISY: I even like the gimmick. JOYCE: What gimmick? DAISY: What gimmick, she says. (Gestures to WEREWOLF.) The

werewolf mask, the paws. The persona. It's pithy. It's now. It speaks to confused teenagers.

WEREWOLF: I told you I'd give you music. DAISY: My friend, you gave me more than music. You gave me a

glimpse of a future star. (Angry, CHET unfolds his arms.) CHET: Hey, Daisy. I'm the future star. SANDRA: (Innocently.) Has anyone seen my brother? DAISY: The way I see it -- uh, what's your name? WEREWOLF: Call me Werewolf. (OTHERS are fascinated, hang on

every word.) DAISY: The way I see it, Werewolf, the timing is perfect. You're

ready and the market is hungry. WEREWOLF: So am I. � hungry. DAISY: You'll be the new James Dean, if James Dean could sing.

(This is too much for CHET. He jumps up.) CHET: What is this? I'm supposed to be the new James Dean with

pipes. DAISY: Forget it, Chester. I've found what Shellac Records wants -

(Gestures in theatrical fashion.) Werewolf! Oh, the jacket covers will be sensational.

CHET: I'm not letting any drooling fuzzball cut in on my career. (He advances on WEREWOLF, ready for combat. OTHERS, alarmed, pull back.)

MAMIE: Careful, Chet. He bites. CHET: Fight like a -- uh, well, whatever you are. WEREWOLF: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. CHET: Says you! (Before CHET can make his move, WEREWOLF

leaps for his throat. "Grrcccc.rrrrrrr. Grrcccc.rrrrr." CHET tries to push him off, back-stepping. OTHERS watch, "ohhing" and "ahhing." CHET backpedals OFFSTAGE with WEREWOLF holding tight. OTHERS take a step DOWN RIGHT, stare

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OFFSTAGE. SOUNDS of the struggle from OFFSTAGE.) CHET'S VOICE: (Interspersed with WEREWOLF 's "Grrrrrwrrrrrrring.")

You lousy fleabag! You dirty dog! Take off that mask! JOYCE: Look out! They're coming back. (OTHERS jump back as

CHET, defeated, stumbles back ONSTAGE and falls to the floor.) MAMIE: Lambchop! (She starts to move for CHET, but is stopped by

the WEREWOLF's RETURN. He moves to CHET, stands over him. Bares his teeth.)

WEREWOLF: Get lost. Loser. CHET: (Jumps up.) You won't get away with this. You'll get yours! I'll

fix you! (WEREWOLF bares his teeth and growls.) I can wait! You're not number one on my hit parade. You're number one on my biLlist!

WEREWOLF: (Furiously.) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (CHET stumbles OUT, LEFT.) MAMIE: Lambchop, you're still number one with me! CHET'S VOICE: Get lost. (MAMIE hurries AFTER CHET.) DAISY: What a novelty! A singing werewolf. Pat Boone's shoes will

turn green with envy. CLAUDIA: Has anyone here seen Rupert? (RENE: Who cares about Rupert Lydecker? BETTY: We got a new teenage sensation. WEREWOLF: And I'm it! (Music: "You Ain't Nothin' But A Werewolf.") STUDENTS ONE AND TWO: (Sing.) Hey, everybody, take a look

around, There's a new sensation come to town,

STUDENTS THREE AND FOUR: (Sing.) A teenage werewolf, lookin' fine,

The growlin', howlin', hairy kind. STUDENTS FIVE AND SIX: (Sing.) Creepin' all about in the middle

of the night, Bayin' at the moon 'til the broad daylight.

ALL: (Except WEREWOLF.) He's on the loose ... He ain't nothin' but a werewolf, Howlin' all the time!

BOY S: (Sing.) Who's that guy in the monster suit? He walks real tall,

GIRLS: (Sing.) Looks real cute! BOY S: (Sing.) Where'd he come from, where's he been? GIRLS: (Sing.) I hope he looks at me again! BOY S: (Sing.) A teenage werewolf on the rise,

Man, I dig his cool disguise. ALL: (Except WEREWOLF.) He's on the loose.

He ain't nothin' but a werewolf,

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. ACTTWO Scene One

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. ACTTWO Scene One

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. ACTTWO Scene One

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SADIE: 00000000. 0000000.


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SADIE: 00000000. 0000000.


about. · ·



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malfunctioning.

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malfunctioning.

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Those lips.

CLAUDIA: (Sings.)

Those lips.



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Those lips.

CLAUDIA: (Sings.)

Those lips.



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ACT TWO Scene Five

The asylum. Night.




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It's early evening.












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Big time loser!

You' re a loser!

I'm not a loser!

I'm not a loser!











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The asylum. Night.




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You're a loser!

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Big time loser!

You' re a loser!

I'm not a loser!

I'm not a loser!











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ACT ONE



GOLLY! GOLLY!


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Company

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(Music: "Overture")











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MISS CHICKLET MISS SESAME CHET LUMPCRASS COACH SNOUT FRAZZLE MAMIE LUCKY BUDDY IRENE BETTY RUPERT LYDECKER

CLAUDIA DALTON

TYLER

SANDRA MRS. MYRTLE CRUNCH BORIS

MURDOCK DANGERFIELD CORNELIA FELINE VEGETABLE THING lWO-HEADED TEENAGER

WEREWOLF JOYCE GLORIA DAISY PLANT

MRS. LYDECKER

CARMEN SADIE AVALANCHE DETECTIVE ARKOFF REPORTER #1 REPORTER #2 ADDITIONAL STUDENTS EXPERIMENTS, REPORTERS. SEE PRODUCTION NOTES

Ii

principal of Riverdale High school secretary a bully, also a musician hates rock 'n' roll Chet's girlfriend student student another student another student with inferiority complex another student, Rupert's friend delivers newspapers, into ''weird" Rupert's younger sister asylum housekeeper works at asylum, halfhuman mad doctor, forever young asylum maid, a robot half-cat, half-woman half-vegetable, half-girl one head SP.eeks, the other doesn't the new Rupert Lydecker waitress at Teen Canteen another talent scout for Shellac. Records Rupert's mother, chases butterflies of the Amazon Jungle cleaning woman policewoman media person another

as/if desired

GREASE. The costumes in this picture are all in the 1950s period. Anything special is mentioned in the text.

The spoof must move. Pick up cues quickly. No pauses, no dead air. This is particularly important when we move from one scene to another. The action must flow like a film. One scene ends and the next begins almost simultaneously.

Nothing much is required except some tables and chairs, a bench, a desk. However, don't be afraid to "dress up" the scenes if you have the resources. For example, a backdrop for the asylum, more chairs, table with dead flowers.

The spoof is designed to play full stage-forestage/full stage-forestage, etc. However, if you're not using a curtain, the full stage is kept in shadows or in blackness while a forestage scene plays. The props can be moved on and off in the dimness. Show easily adapts to arena staging.

The extra head is nothing more than a styrofoam wig stand with the face hair painted on. The experiment wears an over-sized sweater and the wig stand head is pushed through, resting on one shoulder.

If you can locate some 1950s teenage film posters, put them up in the lobby to help Jet the mood. If you can't find any have the ar t department create some: "I Was A Teenage Frankenstein," "I Was A Teenage Saucer Man," "I Was A Teenage Delinquent," "Life Begins At 16," "Teenage Caveman. Rock, Pretty Baby."

There are several references in the script about "something" being kept in a cage, offstage, at the asylum. This is a running gag with the tossed bones. Although the audience hears whatever it is, it never appears. "Imagination" supplies the horror. In the last scene of the spoof you might consider having some awful "experiment'' wander about gnawing on a large

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Remember that the actor has to sing a nd speak so he must be comfortable in the makeup. Pointed ears, black nose, whiskers, mussed up hair. Furry face. His hands should be covered with a layer of hair, or he can wear black gloves with tufts of hair glued on. His costume(s) covers the rest of his body.

STAGING

WEREWOLF

NO CURTAIN

SETTINGS

TWO-HEADED TEENAGER

LOBBY DISPLAY

BEAST IN CAGE

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MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT ONE



GOLLY! GOLLY!


ACT TWO




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Company

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thigh bone. Or, the human beast might be in a cage. Or, he might walk about holding some bars in front of his face. Or, one of the other EXPERIMENTS might lead him about on a leash. Or, he might wander through the audience during ''Teen Happy Moon." The reporters and guests will assume he's part of the publicity for WEREWOLF's introduction to the press.

If you want a larger cast simply add additional STUDENTS, EXPERIMENTS (good opportunity here for some creativity), REPORTERS. If you want a smaller cast combine some of the characters: IRENE and BETTY can be one character. Same for BUDDY and LUCKY, FELINE and VEGETABLE THING. JOYCE and GLORIA can also double as REPORTERS. CARMEN, too. Some male roles can be switched to female. MURDOCK can become MALVINA, an actress might portray TWO-HEADED TEENAGER. Some female roles can be switched to male (ARKOFF). TYLER might become TESS and so forth. Don't hesitate to adjust dialogue and characters to fit your production requirements.

Thunder, door knocker, wolf howl from offstage (amplified, if possible), ringing school bell, jungle drums, bird calls, hideous laughter.

If, for any reason, you can't obtain a headmask, Chet can wear a cardboard Halloween mask. Or, paint a wolf face on a brown paper bag, eyes cut out. Sadie is so distraught by Chet's scare tactics that she doesn't notice the details.

Full cast on stage with the exception of WEREWOLF and RUPERT. They ENTER, one RIGHT, one LEFT. RUPERT prepares to take his bow. WEREWOLF stands behind. WEREWOLF moves in front of RUPERT. RUPERT moves in front of WEREWOLF. They do this several times and, finally, bow to each other. Then, side by side, out to audience. ALL howl -- 11OW-WOOOOOOOO!11

FINAL NOTE - Remember we're in another time, when cheapiy made teenage horror films were all the rage (1950s). Everything from the acting to the production numbers should be slightly exaggerated.

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A HAIR-RAISING MUSICAL SPOOF IN TWO ACTS

Book by Tim Kelly Music & Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

TIME

The 1950s -- when there were beach movies and motorcycle movies and rock 'n' roll movies and, most importantly, TEENAGE HORROR FILMS!

ABOUT THE SITTING Nothing much is required except some tables and chairs, a bench, a desk. The scenes, however, can be made more elaborate. For example, a backdrop for the asylum, more chairs, a table with dead flowers. The spoof is designed to play FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE/FULL STAGE-FORESTAGE, etc. However, if you're not using a curtain, the FULL STAGE is kept in shadows or in blackness while a FORESTAGE scene plays. The props can be moved on and off in the dimness. The show can be easily adapted to arena staging.

ACT ONE

Scene 1 : Riverdale High School Scene 2: Outside the Dangerfield Asylum Scene 3: Inside the Asylum Scene 4: Outside the Asylum Scene 5: At the

ACT TWO

Scene 1 : Riverdale High School. Two days later Scene 2: Outside the asylum Scene 3: Inside Scene 4: Riverdale High School Scene 5: Back to Dangerfield Asylum. Full moon

FLEXIBLE CASTING

SOUND

CURTAIN CALL SUGGESTION

CHET'S WEREWOLF MASK

Rockin' 'n' rollin' fun.

"Teen Canteen"

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a hair-raisin’ musical spoof in two acts · thunder, door knocker, wolf howl from offstage...

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