Leadership systems that create powerful companies

A Brain-based Approach to Understanding Conflict Styles

Inform Canada Conference

September 27, 2010

Facilitated byNancy Dranitsaris, BA, RIHR

About the Speaker

Personality & behavioural change expert with over 20 years’ experience working with individuals, couples, teams, leaders and organizations to eliminate dysfunction and maximize potential

Consultant, Caliber Leadership Systems offering an holistic, systems-based approach to leadership & organizational development and behavioural change

Practitioner & Trainer, Striving Styles® Personality System, a neuro-psychological framework for development & behavioural change

Leadership Coach helping leaders & entrepreneurs achieve their potential

About the Session

Just when you are having a great day, someone calls and presses that “button” that changes everything.

Why does this happen and what can you do to prevent and manage your responses?

Knowing what your buttons are and in what situations they are most likely to happen helps you to recognize how you behave when they get pressed, so that you can shift your behavior back.

Knowing your Striving Style can help you understand the self-protective behaviors that are ignited when dealing with difficult calls.

Why We Call Them “Difficult Clients”

Tendency to blame others when they press our buttons

We say we are getting our “buttons” pressed because we are taking things personally

Training is focused on sorting people into groups that we can then deal with them in a specific way. i.e. Bulldozer, Sniper, Know-it-all

Don’t always look to ourselves to understand our own reactions – to be self-aware

Need to look at the mechanics of what is happening in us that causes us to change our behavior

What is Self Awareness?

The ability to perceive and understand our own emotions and the behavior that flows predictably from them

The awareness of the self as separate from the thoughts that are occurring at any point in time – observing self

Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to choose thoughts and respond to the situation rather than simply thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from events and reacting emotionally

It is Normal to React

Some people’s behavior elicits emotional reactions Can shift us from objective responses to emotional

reactions Understanding how this works and behaviors

associated with emotional reactions can help us stay neutral

To do this, we need to understand how the brain “downshifts” when we have our buttons pressed

Make choices to respond differently

What “Button” Get’s Pressed?

There is an actual “button” that gets pressed in our emotional brain. It is called the amygdala

This causes us to shift from self-actualizing to self-protective behavior

Our reaction is no longer logical, it is emotional

We are less able to deal with the client skillfully

NEO CORTEX

The ‘Thinking’ Brain

Left Right

Words Creativity Patterns

Sequences Imagination

Analysis Whole picture

LIMBIC BRAIN

The ‘Feeling’ Brain

1. Five senses

2. Emotional Memory

3. Context

REPTILIAN BRAIN

The ‘Survival’ Brain

• Basic body systems

• Desire to avoid harm

Our Triune Brain

The Amygdala – Our Danger Detector

Self-Protective behavior is initiated in the emotional brain when the Amygdala is activated

It has a critical ‘gate keeping’ role determining ‘friend or foe’

It assesses for ‘emotional salience’ - the ‘danger detector’ – triggers the stress and ‘fight or flight’ responses

Self-Actualizing vs. Self-Protective

During conflict or stress, the amygdala is used to guide how we react more than the rational brain

Easier to react as it takes less immediate effort on our brain’s part

Surviving is instinctive, automatic and based on the perception of threat

We are more reactive when tired, sick or when our buttons are pushed

Our brain “downshifts” from our Self-Actualizing System to our Self-Protective System

Switching to Our Self-Protective System

When downshifting, When downshifting, full use full use of the rational brain of the rational brain is suspended and is suspended and more control is given more control is given to to our lower our lower brainsbrains

We react using We react using emotional reasoning, emotional reasoning, protecting ourselves protecting ourselves from perceived from perceived threatsthreats

Are We Really Being Attacked?

We protect ourselves when we We protect ourselves when we feel feel we are under attack we are under attack

It is normal and natural for us to It is normal and natural for us to become defensive when the become defensive when the attack is realattack is real

However, there are times when However, there are times when we are defensive when there is we are defensive when there is no direct attackno direct attack

We are defensive because we We are defensive because we feel attacked and respond as feel attacked and respond as though it is realthough it is real

Personality Dictates Style

Not everyone behaves the same when they are feeling threatened

How we react is largely based on our Personality or Striving Style

When handling difficult calls, the other person inadvertently frustrates our predominant need

Although we may be using all of our skills, once we downshift, we adopt the self-protective behaviors of our Striving Style

These behaviors are predictable and easily recognized

What are Striving Styles?

Striving Styles™ are personality styles that determine our behavior

Organized around getting a predominant need met Eight distinct striving styles Physiological, hard-wired in the brain Are most likely to be happiest, healthiest and able

to achieve our potential when meeting our need Most likely to shift to self-protective behaviors

when that need is frustrated

Self-Protective Behaviors

Each Striving Style has a group of self-protective behaviors that gets activated when their button is pressed

Based on two scales Assertiveness – How much energy is going into

asserting their position, ideas, emotions Responsiveness – How much energy is going

into responding to the other persons position, ideas, emotions

Four distinct response patterns

AVOID(Visionary, Intellectual)

ACQUIESCER(Artist, Socializer)

AUTOCRAT(Leader, Stabilizer)

ATTACKER(Performer, Adventurer)

EMOTE

ASK TELL

CONTROL

Low HighAssertiveness

High

Res

pons

iven

ess

Low

Striving Styles - Self-Protective Behavior

Driving Style – AutocratHigh Assertive, Low Responsive

LEADER STYLELEADER STYLE Need to be in ControlNeed to be in Control

STABILIZER STYLESTABILIZER STYLENeed to be SecureNeed to be Secure

When these people can’t get When these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they: Try to get back in control Try to get back in control

with facts, logic, and with facts, logic, and reasonreason

Repeat the same thing Repeat the same thing over and over againover and over again

Become aggressive, Become aggressive, autocraticautocratic

Take an opposing positionTake an opposing position Unable to hear the other Unable to hear the other

personperson

Avoidance Style – AnalyticalLow Assertive, Low Responsive

VISIONARY STYLEVISIONARY STYLE Need to be PerceptiveNeed to be Perceptive

INTELLECTUAL STYLE INTELLECTUAL STYLE Need to be KnowledgeableNeed to be Knowledgeable

When these people can’t get When these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they: Become more impersonal Become more impersonal

and objectiveand objective Withdraw and try to get Withdraw and try to get

awayaway Take a position of Take a position of

intellectual superiorityintellectual superiority Passive aggressive Passive aggressive

behavior – say they will do behavior – say they will do something then don’tsomething then don’t

Change the subjectChange the subject

Amiable Style – AcquiescerLow Assertive, High Responsive

SOCIALIZER STYLESOCIALIZER STYLE Need to be Connected Need to be Connected

ARTIST STYLEARTIST STYLE Need to be Creative Need to be Creative

When these people can’t get When these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they: Take others behavior Take others behavior

personally personally Make value judgments – Make value judgments –

feel the person is rude, feel the person is rude, ungrateful, etc.ungrateful, etc.

Feel victimized, martyred, Feel victimized, martyred, use guilt or shame use guilt or shame

Try harder to help despite Try harder to help despite how they feelhow they feel

Withhold helpWithhold help

Expressive Style – AttackerHigh Assertive, High Responsive

PERFORMER STYLE PERFORMER STYLE Need to be RecognizedNeed to be Recognized

ADVENTURER STYLEADVENTURER STYLE Need to be SpontaneousNeed to be Spontaneous

When these people can’t get When these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they: Overpromise and not Overpromise and not

deliver deliver Become argumentative Become argumentative Express both emotions and Express both emotions and

opinions without regard for opinions without regard for impact on othersimpact on others

Try to manipulate Try to manipulate emotions of othersemotions of others

Talk more, listen lessTalk more, listen less

Building Self-Awareness

Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self-Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self-Actualizing behaviour indicates that your button Actualizing behaviour indicates that your button has been pressed has been pressed

Our challenge is:Our challenge is: to know when we are in our Self-Protective Styleto know when we are in our Self-Protective Style to know when others are in theirs and not react to know when others are in theirs and not react

to itto it to accept it as normal and natural to accept it as normal and natural to keep from making it habitual to keep from making it habitual to work to minimize it to work to minimize it to keep from triggering this behavior to keep from triggering this behavior

in othersin others

Self-Actualizing Tips

Practice of Mindfulness – Developing an observing self

Personality Assessment – Striving Styles™ Get feedback from others – friends, peers, loved

ones Learn to accept what you do and do not have

control over Learn techniques for de-personalization Develop awareness of what triggers you to

“downshift” – words, tones, etc. Learn to recognize when its happening so you can bring yourself out of it

Our Approach

Striving Styles Personality System is a neuro-psychological framework for development, behavioural change and achieving potential

Can be integrated into any development program Audit existing programs to ensure design & delivery

reflect personality, emotions and how the brain learns Facilitate organizational change, eliminate dysfunction

and disengagement Build expertise of anyone involved in training,

development & behavioural change by becoming a Practitioner

Evo lutio n o f Jung ’ s Psycho lo g ical Type & the MBTI®

Leadership systems that create powerful companies

Contact us We offer a range of services – organizational, leadership &

team development, succession, performance & rewards, cultural change & coaching

We offer a Practitioner Program for anyone interested in using the SSPS in their L&D programs.

www.CaliberLeadership.com416.406.3939

ndranitsaris@caliberleadership.com