setapartgirlM AGA Z I N E

LESLIE LUDYS

FEB/MAR 2015

THE SUBTLETY OFSELF-JUSTIFICATION p.36

HONORINGYOUR PARENTSAS AN ADULTp.76

VIGILANT HEART CAN A GUY EVER BE

JUST A FRIEND? p.66

PURPOSEFULfemininity p.8

FOUNDERS letter

It is amazingto think back on all that God has done through the ministry of Set Apart Girl these past years. I am humbled and blessed to realize that what started out as a simple website to encourage young women has grown into a ministry that has impacted hundreds of thousands of women around the world. It has tremendously encouraged me to see so many women of all ages who are passionate about living a Christ-centered life. What a joy to be able to invest into your lives and to help inspire you down the narrow way of the Cross!

Lord willing, there are some big changes ahead this year for Set Apart Girl! We are aiming to release our very first print issue within the next few months!

We hope and pray that making the magazine available in print will equip you to share the message with others in your life, as well as read back over the articles that most encourage and inspire you!

We will still be making our online magazine available, but the format might

change a bit as we take our magazine to print. Well keep you posted of the timing and specific plansplease stay tuned to our website for details, and

if you havent already joined our email update list or liked us on Facebook thats another great way to stay in the loop!

- Leslie

LESLIE LUDY is a bestselling author and speaker with a passion for helping women become set apart for Christ. She and her husband, Eric, have been writing and speaking together for the past twenty years. Together they are the authors of twenty-one books that have been translated into over a dozen languages around the world. Eric and Leslie are the directors of Ellerslie Training, a Biblically-focused discipleship college that prepares men and women of all ages for world-impacting Christian service. Leslies newest book, Set Apart Motherhood, encourages young moms to bring Christ into the center of their mothering. Her upcoming release, The Set Apart Woman, encourages women of all ages to embrace Gods pattern for sacred living. The Ludys live in Colorado with their six children. Connect with Leslie on FB and Twitter!

ABOUT THE founder

May this issue breathe new life into your walk with Christ and give you a vision for the beautiful life of purity and set-apartness He has called you to. Know

that each of us are cheering you on as you seek to surrender your existence to

Him!

48 866

8

2686

3676

SET APART FEMININITY // Explore Gods Sacred Intent for Your Life 8 Purposeful Femininity: Unlocking the Secrets of Proverbs 31 Womanhood26 Snakes & Soldiers

SET APART WALK // Cultivate Your Daily Romance with Christ 36 The Subtlety of Self-Justification

SET APART LIFESTYLE // Applying the Gospel to Everyday Life48 Justifications: Lessons Learned by the Set Apart Girl Team

SET APART RELATIONSHIPS // Honoring God in Family, Love, & Romance66 The Vigilant Heart76 Honoring Your Parents as an Adult

SET APART FAMILY // Discovering Gods Heart for Home and Family86 Preparing Our Kids for Real Christianity

IN EVERY issueUnless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the New King James Version.

2015 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This magazine contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this magazine may be repro-duced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Leslie Ludy and Set Apart Girl.

6 setapartgirl playlist

98 kiddo spot

102 weekly devotional

104 sister of the common life

110 our recommendations

LITTLE DETAILS:

IN THIS issue

setapartgirlPLAYLIST

O SACRED HEAD NOW WOUNDED by SelahI have recommended the song O Sacred Head Now Wounded beforebut its worth mentioning again! Selahs version has recently become one of my favoritesit is worshipful, beautiful, and powerful! When I was writing my new book, The Set Apart Woman, I would play this song over and over as I wrote. It continually kept my focus on the One who gave everything and is worthy of our everything.

- LESLIE LUDY

COME TO ME by Bethel Music & Jenn JohnsonThis song marks so many moments of seeing the Lords help over the past few years. Its full of Truth, declaring who God is and all that we have in Christ Jesus! And Ive found such encouragement. peace, and strength soaking in this meditation of who He is and championing my soul to look only to Him!

- ANNIE WESCHE

MY MASTER by Christy NockelsThis song draws my heart to remember the heroic rescue and countless redeeming works of Christ in my life. As I remember all that He has done on my behalf and bequeathed to me as His child, beloved, and friendmy heart is refreshed and strengthened in the joy it is to call Him My Master.

- MANDY SAELER

PLAYLIST HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION by Chelsea Moon & The Franz BrothersI love this Americana spin on solid truth! These classic lyrics are a great encouragement to the soul and this particular version brings much cheer to the heart!

- ELSJE ZORNES

10,000 REASONS by Rend CollectiveI appreciate how this song mirrors Psalm 103 in proclaiming Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! It reminds me that Christ is worth all the praise and my joyful response gets to be singing of His glory!

- JESS SCHWARTZ

NO TURING BACK by Brandon HeathThere is so, so much joy in leaving the world behind and following Jesus. Each day I must choose to set my eyes on the Cross before me and this song encourages me to do just that!

- LAUREN ROBERTSON

CARRY MY SOUL by Phil WhickhamThis song has been such a good reminder of living each day with my eyes fixed on Jesusmy goal and my prize!

- HEATHER COFER

SET APART femininity

oPURPOSEFULFEMININITYLIVING IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY

A PROVERBS 31 SERIES BY LESLIE LUDY

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THE WOMEN that I admire mostboth now and throughout historyare women who have chosen to live their lives on purpose for Jesus Christ. They are women who build their lives around His priorities instead of frittering away their time on the meaningless distractions of the world.

Take, for instance, Corrie ten Boom, who traveled the world to share the Gospeleven into her old age. She refused to settle into retirement, even when her

body began to break down. Even when people told her, Its time to take it easyyou deserve it! she knew she had a commission from God. As she put it, I refuse to spend the rest of my life in a pasture when there are so many fields to harvest. I hope to die in harness.

Or Esther Ahn Kim, who, even when she was young and beautiful, exchanged a comfortable, pleasure-seeking lifestyle for prison, torture, and poverty in order to make a bold stand for the Gospel. At a crucial moment of decision, she declared,

I will not live my youthful life for myself; I will offer it to the Lord and bear witness of Him.

It is my greatest desire to live my life on purpose for Jesus Christ, just as these remarkable women did. And yet, growing up amid one of the most selfish, shallow, temporal, pleasure-seeking generations in history, choosing to embrace purposeful femininity is easier said than done. Everywhere we turn, cultural messages encourage us to pursue trivial things instead of eternal ones; to spend

our time, energy, and resources on our own pleasures instead of the glory of God.

SHE ... DOES NOT EAT THE BREAD

OF IDLENESS.PROVERBS 31:21

ITS MY GREAT-EST DESIRE TO LIVE MY LIFE ON PURPOSE FOR JESUS CHRIST...

z

Unless we make a conscious decision build our lives around the things that matter most to Him, well find that our lives quickly begin to revolve around shopping, socializing, texting, tweeting, posting on Facebook, watching movies, perfecting our wardrobes, and other trivial pastimes.

One of the most powerful verses in Proverbs 31 says, she . . . does not eat the bread of idleness (31:27). Idleness is the polar opposite of purposeful femininity. Idleness is that relentless pull to waste our lives on shallow, trivial, selfish pursuits. The bread of idleness often seems appealing at first bite, convincing us that a pleasure-filled existence will bring satisfaction and fulfillment. But God has something very different to say about women who build their lives around temporal things: She who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives (1 Timothy 5:6).

Idleness baits us in a variety of ways. When we are young and single, the temptation to eat the bread of idleness may come in the form of idle chitchat, gossip, and meaningless cultural preoccupations. As we get older, it may come in the form of laziness and self-pity, baiting us with the message, Youve been working so hard serving other people; now you need to take a break and just focus on YOU!

Eric and I had been in full-time ministry for several years when the bait of idleness began to call my name. Ministry life was quite demanding; we were constantly traveling, speaking, writing, and counseling. As an introvert, I often felt drained from these tasks. I knew that I should be turning to Christ to revive my spirit, but after a long day of ministry work, I found myself wanting to take a break from spiritual things. It sounded so much more inviting to settle down with a novel than to study my Bible. A movie-marathon seemed far more appealing than a time of prayer. Slowly, I began to allow trivial actives to consume the majority of my free time.

Instead of reading my Bible or inspiring Christian books, I often turned to shallow novels and magazines. Instead of cultivating meaningful relationships with others, I wasted hours surfing the Internet

I HAD EXCHANGED AN ETERNAL FOCUS FOR

A TEMPORAL ONE.

I was slowly shriveling up from lack of true purpose.

SET APART femininity

for the latest fashion trends and beauty tips. Instead of taking time for personal worship or Scripture meditations, I downloaded the latest music from iTunes. Though I was a Christian leader, I became more in tune with pop-culture than with the Word of God.

Without even realizing what had happened, I had exchanged an eternal focus for a temporal one. With my mouth, I proclaimed that the things of God were most important to me. But with my time and daily choices, I was placing much higher value on the things of the world.

My life began to feel empty and unsatisfying. I was living in pleasure, but

oI was slowly shriveling up from lack of true purpose.

Around that time I heard a true story about a pastor in a persecuted country who was thrown into solitary confinement for over a year because of his faith in Christ. Day after day, he crouched in a tiny cell with no light, no sound, and no human companionship. When he was finally released from prison, his body was weak, but his face was radiant and glowing. His Christian friends asked him, How did you survive? What was it like?

The frail pastor joyfully proclaimed, It was like a dream come true. I was completely fulfilled in the presence of Jesus!

I was slowly shriveling up from lack of true purpose.

Stop for a moment and imagine having all your pleasures and indulgences stripped away. No mall to shop at on the weekends. No coffee bars to make your favorite latte. No Facebook page to post on. No cell phone to text with. No Pinterest to browse. No Netflix or cable T.V. to entertain you. No gym membership to help you de-stress. No hair salons or spas to pamper you. No magazines or books to read. No chocolate desserts or whipped mocha frappuccinos to enjoy.

Imagine losing all contact with those you love. No opportunity to see your husband or friends or children, or even to hear their voices over the phone. Imagine being completely by yourselftwenty-four hours a day.

WOULD JESUS BE ENOUGH TO SATISFY YOU?

That simple question changed my life.

Amy Carmichael, one of my spiritual heroes, made a decision at the age of seventeen to say, Nothing will matter to me again except the things that are eternal. I began to ask God for the strength to live according to that same creed.

With Gods help, I began to change my daily habits to align with eternal

priorities. Eric and I exchanged our movie marathons for powerful times of prayer. Instead of mindlessly surfing the Internet during our spare time, we began studying Scripture and reading inspiring Christian biographies. We talked for hours about what God was doing in our hearts and what we were discovering in His Word.

Something amazing happened as I began to spend my time on Christ-centered activities instead of frivolous ones. Jesus became my all in all, not just in theory but in reality. My relationship with Him began to satisfy all my needs.

I experienced the words of Psalm 16:11: In Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. By seeking pleasure and fulfillment through pop culture distractions, I had settled for temporary, short-lived satisfaction. But as I built my life and my time around the eternal instead of the temporal, I discovered joy and peace that was real and lasting.

My life has never been the same since.

Its not that Ive never watched a movie or read a novel since that season of shifting my priorities. But my approach is far different than it used to be. No longer do I find my fulfillment or identity in shallow pursuits. Rather, I have learned that true

purpose comes only from a truly Christ-centered existence. Not just saying that He is my highest priority, but living as if He is.

My vision for the ministry of Set Apart Girl was inspired by a statement I read in Elisabeth Elliots biography about the life of Amy Carmichael. She wrote, The preoccupations of young womentheir looks, their clothes, their social lifedont seem to change much from generation to generation. But in every generation there seem to be a few who make other choices.

The bait toward idle, shallow, trivial living is present in every generation. But in every generation, there are those who are willing to rise above the mediocre norm and embrace the narrow way of the Cross, exchanging idleness for purposeful femininity. Idle femininity causes us to waste our live on things that are meaningless in light of eternity. But purposeful femininity will change this world for the glory of God.

GAINING ANETERNAL FOCUSThe most important step in embracing purposeful femininity is exchanging

SET APART femininity

a temporal focus for an eternal one. Imagine if today was the day Jesus was coming back for His Bride. Imagine that within a few moments, youll be standing at the threshold of Heaven. Will it matter how many Facebook friends you have or how many trendy outfits are hanging in your closet? Will the latest Hollywood blockbuster seem appealing? Will your fitness goals or career pursuits be relevant?

Jesus told a parable about ten virgins who waited for their bridegroom to come. Five of the women were wise and kept oil in their lamps. The other five became complacent and slothful, letting the oil in their lamps burn out. By the time the bridegroom came, they were unready to meet him (see Matthew 25:12). Standing before the Judgment seat of Christ, we must all give an account for the way that we lived while here on this earth. Will we look back on our lives with shame and regret, or with fulfillment and triumph?

When our Bridegroom comes for us, will our lamps be burning brightly, or will our spiritual fires have been extinguished by worldly distractions and shallow living?

Jim Elliot gave the profound advice, Live every day as if the Son of Man were at the door, and gear your thinking to the fleeting moment. Just how can it

be redeemed? Walk as if the next step would carry you across the threshold of Heaven.

When we live each moment as if our next step would carry us across the threshold of Heaven, it completely shifts our daily priorities. Its not that we should never spend time enjoying the simple pleasures that God has blessed us with here on this earthsuch as the beauty of nature or the fellowship of dear friends. But if pleasure is what we are living for, we are not living in light of eternity.

Contrary to what many women today believe, this life is not about us. We are not meant to spend our years pursuing our own personal satisfaction and happiness. We are here for the glory of God. We have been given a commission by the King of all kings to go into all the world, preach the Gospel to all nations,

SET APART femininity

NO DAUGHTER OF THE KING IS CALLED TO LIVE AN IDLE, SELF-INDULGENT LIFE BUILT AROUND TRIVIAL THINGS.

Will our lamps be burning brightly?

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and walk in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. This will look different for each of us. Some of us are called to literally go across the world in order to proclaim the hope of Christ. Some are called to stay at home and pour out lives out for our families and neighbors. But no daughter of the King is called to live an idle, self-indulgent life built around trivial things.

The Great Commission is not a special call for a few select Christians. It is a sacred claim that our Lord has placed upon every person who is called by His name. Our lives are not to be made up of social activities and cultural diversions. A close study of the Proverbs 31 woman reveals a beautifully purposeful existence: a life that is full of eternal priorities instead of temporal ones. Its true that she spends some of her time on earthly activities, such as preparing food, making clothing, and buying and selling. But all of these tasks have a higher purpose. She does not do them for her own selfish pleasure, but to bless and serve the people God has put in her life, and to fulfill the high calling He has given her. Her life is overflowing with eternally-focused, purposeful activities such as reaching out to the poor, meeting others needs, and teaching about Gods ways.

As you go about your daily life, I encourage you to prayerfully examine the motives

behind why you spend time doing the things that you do. When evaluating any activity, ask yourself these questions: Am I doing this for selfish reasons, or Christ-honoring ones? Is this activity frivolous, or does it serve a higher purpose?

Here are some ways you can tell whether something has eternal value:

It causes you to draw closer to Jesus Christ and/or learn more about Him.

It builds meaningful relationships with people God has put in your life.

It helps you bless others and assists you in sharing the love of Christ with them.

It helps you become better equipped for the things God has called you to.

It leaves you peacefully refreshed instead of agitated and distracted.

It bears good fruit instead of bad fruit in your life (see Galatians 5:19-26).

To evaluate whether your choices are serving Gods purposes for your life, it helps to write down the specific things that you know God has called you to, and then to compare your daily activities against those things. During this season of my life, I know that God has called me to

SET APART femininity

serve Gods purposes for your life rather than your own, you will begin to gain an eternal focus in everything you do.

AVOIDING IDLE CHATTERAnother way that idleness often sneaks into our lives is through the words that we speak and write. 2 Timothy 2:16 says, Shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. The term idle babbling means empty discussion, discussion of vain and useless matters. What a perfect description of much of our modern communication! Facebook comments, Twitter, Pinterest boards, and even blogs can often be breeding grounds for idle chatter,

cultivate my relationship with Him, serve my husband and children, be a keeper of my home, minister to the weak, and encourage women in biblical femininity. When Im evaluating my activities, I look at each of my pastimes in light of whether they are assisting me in those priorities. Reading a book on how to bless and serve my husband? Yes! Spending an hour chatting on the phone while my kids run around the house? No! Emailing a friend who is in need of encouragement? Yes! Texting about trivial things throughout the day? No!

The Bible says that even the small areas of our lives, like eating and drinking, should be done for His glory and not our own selfish pleasure (1 Corinthians 10:31). When you allow your daily activities to

emotional ramblings, showing off of wit and personality, and exalting our own thoughts and opinions instead of Gods thoughts and opinions.

This kind of idle babbling is the opposite of the godly, fruitful, eternally-focused communication that marks a purposeful woman. Romans 14:19 says, Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

The word edify means to build someone up in their faith, to promote another persons growth in Christian wisdom, piety, holiness, and so on. In other words, if you dont have something important, edifying, and God-honoring to say, then dont say it (or post it)! Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, Every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. With all of todays modern technology, its so easy to say or write meaningless words without even thinking about it. But Jesus says we must weigh each word we say (and write) in light of eternity.

If you choose to blog, text, Tweet, or post on Pinterest, Instagram, or Facebook, your goal should be to edify your readers, to build up others faith in Jesus Christ and encourage them spiritually through what you are sharing, or to bless your

friends and family members and remind them of your love for them. If your online communications serve no eternal purpose, they become nothing more than time wasters and distractions, not only in your own life, but in the lives of those you are conversing with.

A great way to figure out whether the words you are speaking, posting, tweeting, blogging, or texting have eternal value is to ask the questions, Do these words point people to Jesus Christ and reflect His nature? Do they serve any higher purpose other than to fill space and sound interesting? Do they honor God, or do they esteem the shallow things of this world? If your words are hollow and meaningless, then its better not to say (or write) them at all.

If idle chatter has become an unhealthy pattern in your life, prayerfully consider taking a season away from all the outlets (blogs, social media, and so on) that seem

JESUS SAYS WE MUST WEIGH EACH WORD WE SAY (AND WRITE) IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY.

to pull you into that habit. Use that time instead for prayer and worship, serving someone in need, encouraging people in your daily life, or reaching out to someone who is lonely. This habit might seem difficult to give up at first, but if you ask God for the grace to make this exchange, He will be faithful to give you the strength you need.

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God has entrusted us with the precious gift of time. Twenty-four hours in every

day, seven days in every weekeach day significant, each hour important, and each moment of value to God. How many of those moments are being spent on things that matter in light of eternity? Only when we are willing to give God the best hours of our dayrather than whatever is left after we have wasted most of our time on trivial thingswill we be able to triumphantly live the purposeful femininity He has called us to. May we wake each morning with the spirit of surrender in our hearts, and declare along with the old hymn:

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King. Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold. Take my intellect and use every powr as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine. Take my heart, it is Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne. Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Only, all for Thee.z

SET APART femininity

PURPOSEFULFEMININITYA PROVERBS 31 SERIES

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In her new book for women of all ages, Leslie Ludy presents a powerful, beautiful vision of becoming wholly consecrated to Christ, showing you how to:

Cultivate Christ-honoring daily habits

Trade unfulfilling distractions for purpose-filled living

Overcome fear and build unwavering faith

Exchange confusion and doubt for joy and confidence

With rich Biblical truths, candid personal stories, and poignant practical insights, The Set Apart Woman will equip you to cultivate a thriving relationship with Jesus Christ.

If you long to rise above the pull and distractions of our culture and enter into all that for which God created and saved you, I urge you

to read The Set Apart Woman.-Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Author and Revive our Hearts teacher and host

We who long to love the Lord our God with all our hearts do well to listen as Leslie speaks into our lives through the pages of this book!

-Bonnie Barrows Thomas, Torchbearers International

Leslies newest book!

THE SET-APART WOMANGODS INVITATION TO SACRED LIVING

COMING TO BOOKSTORES IN APRIL 2015!

AVAILABLE NOW FOR PRE-ORDER! Order at setapartmotherhood.com

from an anonymous WARRIOR-POET

Snakes &SOLDIERS

SET APART femininity

SSolomon, in his famous love song, croons that his woman is a garden enclosed (Sng. 4:12), and there is a whole sphere of lessons in those three words. Our world is brimful of authority, and Solomons statement would indicate that if this garden is, in fact, closed off from the public, someone needs to have the authority to declare it so. If the garden is enclosed it means there must be some amount of regulation as to who and what is allowed in and what isnt.

If she is a garden enclosed someone might ask Who says? Or, Who has the authority to open or close this garden? Or, Who has the key? As you can see, in order for this garden to be either open or closed, someone must be in chargehave the authority, hold the keys! The word enclosed in Hebrew is the word also used for locking or bolting something.

When we lock our cars, we are making a statement that outside of that vehicle is free territory; however, if someone trespasses that lock and breaks in, they are intruding upon property that doesnt belong to them and which they have

no business being in. If they are invited in, it is one thing; if they break in, it is an entirely different matter. When we lock our car, we are making a statement that only the owner of the key has the authority to access the interior of the car and the contents thereof.

Thus, as women, you must understand that you are not just a garden open to the public, but you are a garden that has, if you will, a gatea lockand that there is authority in place to ensure that it remains closed to all that would do it harm, and open to all that would do it good.

Now, this language of authority and gardens brings to mind the first state of mankind. Adam was placed in a garden and given a charge to dress and to keep it. The word dress means to till, cultivate, and serve, and the word keep means to be in charge of, guard, and act as a watchman.

So, God made the universe and has authority over the whole of creation, but He makes a man and places him in

SET APART femininity

a garden enclosed.

a gate keeper is needed.

a miniature universe, called the garden of Eden, in which to reflect the nature of the Creator by doing in that garden what God does over all creation. Within that garden was a woman, which Adam was also responsible, in a sense, to dress and keep, tend and defend, provide and protect. This ought to have been a garden encloseda garden with a gate and gatekeeper, a garden with a lock and someone with the key to lock, a garden with someone to tend that which was within and was on guard for the dangers that might be without. However, Adam stood by while Eve was enticed by the serpent.

Wait! Howd a dragon get in the garden?! Who left the door open? Who neglected to keep watch? Who failed their responsibility?! Adam, Adam, and Adam! The one who had responsibility over the garden, and was the gatekeeper of the garden, and was guardian of the garden neglected to exert the authority he was entrusted in order to protect that which was under his care.

The United States Pledge of Allegiance has an interesting line that garners a lot of debate and attention, but is vitally important for us as humans to embrace and acknowledge. It is that the USA is one nation under God. If an earthly

government fails to recognize that it is under the authority of Almighty God, serpents and dragons are sure to tyrannize the people of that nation. The only source of authority for earthly governance (whether in the family, church, or state) is God Himself. If we neglect authority, we are inviting the presence of the serpent. After all, he enticed our first parents to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evilin essence, convincing them to defy Gods authority, and to exert themselves and their own desires as the final authority. This, as we have seen, was disastrous.

The serpent ought to have met with a soldier at the gate of the garden, and the soldier ought to have told him to get lost in so many words. As a women, you are a garden. There is a soldier that has been given, by God Almighty, the great responsibility of providing for and protecting you. In a single girls life, this is a man called Daddy. A father is

A garden that has a gate, a lock...

it remains closed to all who would

do it harm

SET APART femininity

responsible to know and cherish every blade of grass, every grain of soil, and every tender blossom in the garden of his daughters life. Your father ought to protect you from the serpent as well as any other serpentine characters that often times have over-applied the cologne and only have one thing on their brain cellwhich is that they only want you for your body! If you defy the authority of your father and his role in your life as provider and protector, and if he neglects this responsibility, it wont be long before the dragons will start knocking at the gates! Eve could have easily said to the serpent, Excuse me, but what are you doing here? Do you have permission to be here? If not, I shall quickly fetch the guardian of the garden to slay you!

Now, what to do when you dont have a godly dad? What if a father is more like a serpent than a soldier? The beauty of Gods authority structure is that there are authorities above a father and to which a father is accountable. If a father is abusive, the leaders of the church are to take action; or, in some cases, government authorities may need to step in.

So, whats a girl to do to help keep this garden a place full of life and where Gods purposes may be carried out? First and foremost, submit to godly authority. It starts with God and His Word and flows downward! If your father loves God, he will also be submitted to Gods Word, and therefore will seek to cultivate in the lives of his wife and children a godlinessand yet he will also vehemently drive out worldliness. If your father is a schlub, submit yourself to the most godly and Bible-centered church you can find and allow them to function in their role as guardians of the flock.

Heres the lovely aspect of all this: if you long for a husband someday, you must understand that he is commanded by God to be a soldier keeping the serpents out of your life. If youre single, you can actually serve your future husband by helping your father understand all the

So, whats a girl to do to help keep this garden a place full of life and where

Gods purposes may be carried out?

SET APART femininity

It starts with

God's Word

intricacies of the garden of your life. Help him know what hurts you and what helps you. Help him understand what delights you and what you find distasteful. Help him know where to prune and where to water, where to nurture and where to root up.

In honoring your fathers place in your life, you are actually serving your future husband. One day, a young man will ask your father for your hand in marriage. When he does this, your father ought to be able to begin taking that young man

on a tour of the garden and showing him the weak spots, the tender spots, the healthy spots, and the spots needing a little extra attention and affection.

Yesthe first soldier of the first garden failed to kill the first serpent. However, if you submit yourself ultimately to God and His Word, you will find a world of blessing in allowing the godly (and I stress that once more) men in your life to guard, protect, provide, and nurture you. Men are indeed fallible, and only Gods authority is perfect. Yet, even now, you can live in such a way that the garden of your life is under the authority of the proper guardian. When your husband becomes that guardian, he will be able to say with 1 Corinthians 11:7 that the woman is the glory of the man. He ought to count you as his glory. If this is to be the case, the keys of the garden must be entrusted to the guardian God has given you, and then you can rest in the peace that the gatekeeper is nurturing you and clobbering the serpents.

...if you submit yourself ultimately

to God and His Word, you will find a world of

blessing in allowing the godly men in

your life to guard, protect, provide, and nurture you.

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kept & guarded.

by LESLIE LUDY

SubtletyTHE

OF SELF-JUSTIFICATION

Many years ago, a close friend challenged me about a particular movie that I liked and had recommended to others. Her words of correction were appropriate and respectful, and she had a position to speak into my life, but I found myself inwardly bristling in self-defense as she spoke. On the outside, I smiled and nodded along as she talked, and even humbly thanked her for sharing her concerns. But on the inside, I was anything but gracious.

Who does she think she is? I fumed as I walked away from the conversation. She has no right impose her own personal convictions on me! Shes just being a self-righteous goodie-goodie!

Looking back, Im ashamed to remember the uncharitable thoughts that I harbored against my friend. Instead of being humble and open to correction, I immediately attempted to justify my position by lashing out at the person who had spoken Truth into my life. After all, if I could discredit the messenger, I wouldnt need to heed the message of conviction she brought. As I drove home, I mentally made a list of all the reasons I shouldnt bother listening to her. By the time I finished my

inner diatribe, I had labeled my friend an uptight, holier-than-thou legalist whose narrow-minded opinion should be thrown out with yesterdays garbage.

How convenient! Now that I had settled the fact that my friends concerns were worthless, I could go along my merry way and not have to change a thing. What a relief.

Be willing to listen to the

Spirit of Gods gentle tug of correction.

From that point on, I had no question in my mind that my friend was totally off-track in her thinking, and even in her walk with God. I actually began to feel sorry for her, truly believing that she was in bondage to legalism and self-righteousness. Whenever I remembered her gentle correction, I would shake my head sadly and pray for her, asking God to open her eyes to how ridiculous and

extreme her concerns were. The more I focused on all the things that were wrong with her, the more I could justify the compromise I was allowing into my life.

The more I focused on all the things that were wrong with her, the more I could justify the compromise I was allowing into my life.But about a year later, God did a major work in my life, and my entire perspective changed. As the Spirit of God purified my soul and purged my life of sin and compromise, one of the biggest areas He challenged me in was my participation in ungodly movies. Id been allowing dark and worldly messages into my heart and mind under the banner of entertainment.

My friend had been rightthe movie shed challenged me about was not pleasing to God, and it wasnt fitting for a daughter of the King to watch, let alone share with

others. Suddenly I realized that the way Id painted up my friend was completely wrong. She wasnt a holier-than-thou legalist. She was a loving sister-in-Christ who simply wanted to point me to Jesus. She was a tool that God had wanted to use to bring gentle correction to my soul. But sadly, I had taken the bait of self-justification instead. I was so interested in defending my choices and not having to change that I had been lying to myself in order to avoid conviction. Thankfully God got my attention and brought me to a place of true repentancenot only in the area of ungodly movies, but in allowing the sin of self-justification to creep into my heart and mind.

God got my attention and brought me to a place of true repentanceSelf-justification is one of the sneakiest and most subtle forms of deceit that the enemy uses in the lives of Christians. When we are not open and eager for the Spirit of God to correct and refine us, we spend a huge amount of time and mental

energy trying to convince ourselves that we are just fine the way we are. When a fellow Christian challenges us with Truth, it either hurts our pride or touches on an area of compromise in our life that we are unwilling to give up. And the only way to avoid admitting that we are in the wrong is to lash out at that person and try to discredit them. If the enemy can get us obsessed with the messengers faults and flaws (whether real or imagined), he can distract us from responding to the Spirit

of Gods gentle tug of correction upon our soul. When we are blinded by self-justification, we often believe that we are seeing clearly to remove the speck in someone elses eye, when in reality we have a huge plank in ours the entire time.

I remember once meeting a young lady who had been a huge fan of one of my books on purity. She promoted the book to all of her friends, and highlighted all of the sections that had personally impacted

her. But then she fell into sexual sin, and suddenly she began to despise the book. Instead of eagerly sharing it with her friends, she criticized and mocked the books message of purity. She even went through the book and made notes in the margins, listing all the reasons she disagreed with the books message. A few years later, when God convicted her of the sexual compromise in her life, she repented and began living in purity once more. Ironically, my book became

When we are blinded by self-

justification, we often believe that we are

seeing clearly to remove the speck in

someone elses eye, when in reality we

have a huge plank in ours the entire time.

one of her favorites again! But while she was enslaved to sin, self-justification had caused her to become obsessed with discrediting the message of purity.

When we truly love our God...then we will actually welcome correction and conviction

The Pharisees were professional self-justifiers. They were so busy proving to themselves and to everyone else that they were just fine the way they were that they completely missed the message of

repentance and freedom Christ came to bring. It was a message that could have set them free. But instead, self-justification blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, and they remained dead in their sins. Self-justification drove them mad with hatred toward Christ, and eventually led to them killing the One who died to save them. As the Pharisees example proves, self-justification is not something to mess with or take lightly!

So can we avoid letting this insidious sin creep into our lives? The key is remaining open and correctable to Gods Spirit at all times. How? By desiring Him above all else. When we truly love our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, then we will actually welcome correction and conviction, because we

know that it will bring us closer to Him. On the flip side, when we have idolatry in our life, we often spurn correction and conviction, because our sin is more important to us than being right with God.

When you hear a message of that brings conviction to your souleven if it stings a bitdont immediately try to justify yourself or start criticizing the person who is speaking Truth into your life. Rather, come before God with a humble spirit, and ask Him to gentle refine and correct you, and make you more like Him. Be willing to admit you are wrong, repent, and walk the other direction. Remember, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (see James 4:6)!

WHAT ABOUT UNGODLY

CORRECTION?

Of course, there may be times when someone attempts to challenge you in an ungodly, un-Christ-like wayspeaking lies or false accusation under the banner of Truth. (Eric and I have experienced this all too many times in our role as Christian leaders.) Should we receive this

kind of correction with an open, humble spirit? No.

James 3:17 reminds us that wisdom that is truly from above has specific characteristics. Namely, it must be, first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

On the other hand, someone who brings a message of Truth in a spirit of harsh anger, envy, strife, discord, hatred, or bitterness is not truly bringing a message from the Spirit of God. As James 3:13-16 points out, Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.

Ill never forget the time when a trusted Christian pastor brought a correction to Eric. For ten minutes, this man screamed obscenities and horrible accusations at Eric. He was nearly wild with rage and anger. Though he claimed to be speaking Truth that hed received from God, he was profane and hate-filled with every word he spoke.

At first we were not quite sure how to respond. The man was a Christian leader. Could it be that he was seeing something important that needed to be corrected in Erics life, even though his manner was way off-track? But as we prayed about the situation, God gently reminded us that His Word clearly explains the difference between wisdom that comes

from above, and wisdom that is earthly and demonic. This mans correction had none of the qualifications of Heavenly wisdom, and all of the characteristics of earthly, demonic wisdom. We were not to humbly heed this kind of challenge. Rather, God led us to forgive this man, disregard his accusations, and move on, keeping our eyes on Jesus.

Be willing to admit you are

wrong, repent & walk in the other direction.

AVOIDING THE SELF-JUSTIFICATION

TRAP

The principle of Heavenly wisdom verses earthly wisdom is important to keep in mind when it comes to guarding our hearts against self-justification. When we become entrenched in self-justification, well often excuse anger, strife, discord, slander, gossip, bitterness, and pride under the banner of speaking Truth or standing for righteousness. Many young Christians today do this through blogs and social media postings as a way of lashing out against other Christians they disagree with. They are so convinced that they are right and the other person is wrong that they will excuse ungodly behavior and prideful or disrespectful attitudes in order to get their point across.

But God does not communicate His Truth in an ungodly way, as James 3 clearly shows us. So if you find yourself lashing out at fellow Christians because of their convictions, or disagreeing with them in a harsh, angry, or prideful manner, thats a strong indication that youve become blinded by the sin of self-justification. Remember my attitude toward the friend

who corrected me about the movie? I truly believed I was in the right and she was in the wrong. I felt that my critical thoughts toward her were completely justified. But a closer look at my heart attitude showed that the opposite was true. Self-justification had blinded me to Truth, convincing me that I had every right to remain exactly as I was and ignore the conviction God was trying to bring into my life through her words.

When you are free from the sin of self-justification,you become a moldable vessel in the faithful Potters hands, and He is able to make you more and more like Himself.

If self-justification has crept into your life, dont wait another moment before repenting and choosing a different path,

by Gods grace. If you truly desire to be close to God, then you must remain open and ready to receive His correction instead of shrouding yourself under the false protection of self-justification. Contrary to what the enemy wants us to believe, being corrected by Gods Spirit is actually one of the most amazing gifts that God gives us. He does it because He loves us. Proverbs 3:12 says, Whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights. So instead of balking when conviction comes or attempting to shoot the messenger who brings godly correction into your life, begin humbly receiving it and allowing it to make you more Christ-like. When you are free from the sin of self-justification, you become a moldable vessel in the faithful Potters hand, and He is able to make you more and more like Himself. What an amazing privilege!

+

Contrary to what the enemy wants

us to believe, being corrected by Gods

Spirit is actually one of the most

amazing gifts that God gives us!

+commonJUSTIFICATIONS

a team article

STARTING IN HIGH SCHOOL and ending just few years ago, I was an avid movie and TV show watcher. In college especially, I would use TV shows as a chance to unwind, relax, or even just as background entertainment as I worked on a design project. I justified this with the following excuses: Well, I deserve a chance to unwind. Its a fun, quirky, and...er...mostly innocent show anyway. All my friends are watching it, so it cant be that bad. Its not like I am watching an R-rated movie or anything. It is filmed with an artistic style so that probably means that, as a designer, I should watch it.

Those are some of the excuses I told myself and, for the most part, these shows would have been deemed fine to watch by most Christians in America. However, roughly two to three years ago, God began to convict me of many areas of my life that were not honoring to Him. This process of sanctification didnt start with movies, but eventually His Holy Spirit began to point out how this area of my life wasnt in alignment with how He desired me to live. It was as if He was asking me what the result was of watching

It doesnt hurt to unwind in front of movies or TV on a regular basisand besides, what I watch is better than what most other people watch.

justification:

jess

these shows. Was the time I spent vegging in front of a screen bearing good fruit or bad? I think my first response to this conviction was something less than holy and along the lines of, Well, its not bearing bad fruit, God. Cant we just say its bearing no fruit, or status quo fruit? Besides, what am I going to do if my friends have a movie night? Or how will I be able to handle not knowing what happens to that TV hero? As I thought about those excuses, I could see how they reflected a lukewarm nature. I certainly had no desire to be like the lukewarm church discussed in Revelations 3:16! In John 15 Jesus says, Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit (John 15:2). I can see now that during that time God had begun a work to prune away things which werent bearing any fruit for His glory.

When I let the Lord begin His pruning process, there were two big areas that I noticed were being affected by TV shows and movies: time and thoughts. Clearly, the amount of hours I spent in front of that silver screen was eating away at precious time I could have been doing something more productiveor at least more wholesome. The second big area this bad habit was influencing was my thoughts. When watching a particular TV show series I noticed that I was constantly thinking about it, wondering how the main characters would

allow His pruningprocess

get out of whatever sticky situation they found themselves in, chuckling over some witty saying, etc. It wasnt until I began to cut shows out of my life that I really realized how much they were affecting my thoughts! The Lord made it clear that what I was allowing to enter my mind through movies and shows was influencing areas of my life that I didnt think could possibly be affected by it. At first, I just began to be more careful about what I was watching. Eventually however, as the Spirit began to shed light on different facets of my life that werent reflecting His holiness, I thought, Hmm, I wonder if I cut out romantic movies if I wont have to struggle so much with wanting an earthly Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet? Or, If I cut out all PG-13 movies, I wonder if Ill have more wholesome, less battle/conflict-related dreams?

At first, cutting back on the screen time was challenging. I had to learn to be content not knowing the plight of various TV show characters and I had to practice how to gently excuse myself from movie outings with friends to the latest superhero flick. Over time, however, it has been much easier to continue to cut out movies and shows. The result has definitely been worth it! Long bicycle rides out into the country to spend time talking with my Savior have increased dramatically, Ive had much more time to spend on worthwhile things, and my emotions and thoughts are so much more grounded in Christ! If you havent done so before, I highly encourage you to take a season away from the screen (and even some books!) to spend time focusing on eternal things rather than temporal. I think you will find it to be a rich, rewarding, and sweet time spent with Jesus.

...emotions and thoughts are so much more grounded in Christ!

heather

OH MY this is one I have come up against many, many times over. It is so easy to allow the busyness of life dictate the time we spend in quiet with the Lord (or if we even spend any time with Him at all). I have gone through seasons of my life where I look back and realize it has been several days since I spent any significant amount of time in the Word or in prayer. And I usually realize it when I begin feeling frazzled and stressed and out-of-sorts. Temptations to be frustrated and brusque and impatient and unloving are much more difficult to resist. Somewhere along the line when I give into the justification I am too busy to take time out of my day to be with my Savior, I start subconsciously stating He is not my priority. I am saying I can live this life without Him, in my own strength. And as a result, I see the damaging effects begin to seep into every area of my life.

If I believe Jesus is my source of life, then I will do whatever I can to spend time with Him. Even when I cant sit down and have hours of uninterrupted time with Him, I will go steal away when I see the opportunity of spending precious minutes in His presence. And this doesnt come out of a legalistic I must have my quiet time to be spiritual kind of mentality, but one that desires to be with Jesus and cultivate my relationship with Him no matter what other busyness comes my way.

My schedule is simply too busy to set aside focused time to spend with God today.

justification:

Psalm 63:1 says, O God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.

Psalm 105:4 says, Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face evermore!When this is the disposition of our hearts, taking time to be with God will not simply be another part of our dayanother item to check off on our to-do list. It will be something that we long for. It will be something we fight to see happen. We will cut out other things in our day that would keep us from it. And the more we spend time with Him, the more we will want to spend time with Him. When we begin our day acknowledging Him and our need for Him, delighting in Him, and growing in our love for Him, we will walk through the rest of our day with a peace and joy that only comes from seeking and living in the knowledge of His continual presencepresence that gives us what we need to live the life He has called us to live.

If I believe Jesus is my source of life, then I will do whatever I can to

spend time with Him.

Seek the Lord

& His strength;

seek His face evermore!

Its okay to give into a little bit of laziness or self-indulgence when youre dealing with sickness.

justification:

THIS ONE really hit home for me this week. Even now, as I was coming over to sit down and write my part for the team article, so many thoughts came through my headOh, Grace, you did so much today; its time to take it easy. Dont you realize you may need to have surgery done later this week? You need some time to mentally prepare for that. You havent been sleeping well, and you need a nap. Dont you feel that intense pain? Why would you try to write with that going on?? Go lay down with your heating pad. And the war inside my head waged strong. It is a humbling thing to live with chronic sickness/pain/fatigue, and it has been even more humbling for meespecially this weekas I have realized how easily I let myself fall into the pattern of justifying wrong actions based on how I feel from one day to the next. This thought pattern cannot remain!

God is a God of order and constancy; He is not swayed by times and moods. I am to be like Him. It really came down to something as simple as that. Complaining, whining, self-pity, over-indulgence these things do not bring glory to God; thus I cannot continue to participate in them. I, as a temple of the living God, cannot host anything in meHis dwelling placethat does not align with who He is. No matter how I feel.

Ive dealt with fairly significant health issues for most of my life, and fairly severe ones for the past two and a half years. It has not been easy, and I have not always responded correctly. God, in His great mercy, has been faithful to woo me to Himself so gently, so lovingly, and to open my eyes to my failures. He has chiseled and pruned, molded and kneaded; He has not left me alone to wallow in myself. And, through it all, I have come to understand some very basic truths that seem so simple, and yet were so profound in my own life.

1.Sickness/chronic pain/exhaustion/fill-in-the-blank does not change your calling as a child of God. You are called to love Him, to serve Him, to bring Him glory with your life, to seek Him, to call on Him, to know Him, to live and die for Him. What a calling this is! Revel in itdive into it with excitement to know Him and be known of Him more and more!

grace

2.Even if I dont physically have what it takes to even so much as get out of bed on any given day, God still calls me to Himselfto deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. This may play out differently in physical ways from day to day, but God remains the same.

3.There is no provision for self-anything in the life of one bearing the name of Christ. In Him, for Him, and because of Him do we live and breathe. We cannot be using every breath for Him and His glory if we are wasting it on self-pity, self-deprecation, discouragement, frustrations, and every other emotion that I know all too well comes along with constant pain and sickness.

4.The diagnoses of this world must not control us. I have incurable, lifelong pain, continual surgeries, and such other things in my diagnosis. I have been told to expect depression, to find a counselor and go to therapy, etc. And the temptation grows stronger when outside voice is given to these things. And yet, when we truly know our God, there is such joy. There is a longing to share His goodness with everyone around you. Your focus becomes outward, and there is no time for despondency because of your diagnosis, whatever it may be. Listen to His voice, and His diagnosis: LIFE, and that more abundantly, in Him.

5.We must take every thought captiveevery single one. Does this edify and build up? Does this strengthen and fortify? Is this drawing me closer into the throne room of God? Is this profitable? The requirement to take every thought captive or to be still and know that He is God doesnt diminish just because well, I hurt really bad today, so Im going to just wallow in the juicy steak of despair and discouragement for a while.

Dear ones, dont let the enemy use whatever it is in your life that you struggle with (pain, health issues, etc.) to justify drawing you away from the One who loves and desires you. Allow the King of kings to use this trial to refine and purify You for His serviceoh! what an honor and joy it is to live life for Him in every situation and circumstance!

Take every thought captive - every single one!

HAVE YOU EVER believed these lies? Have you ever justified your actions based upon these falsehoods? Have you ever pledged your allegiance and surrendered your will to Queen Emotion and then excused all that followed her parade through your life?

Interestingly enough, the role that many of us as women give to Queen Emotion is actually the role that the Spirit of God is to have in our lives (yes, you read that right!). Living according to the swaying of our hearts and the flutters of how we feel, manipulating others based on how we act, and being controlled by the angry steam or giddy bubbles that well up in our hearts all testify of a life that is not being guided by the Spirit of God. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit (Rom. 8:5).

Your emotions rule you and define you. They guide your day-to-day living, direct the decisions that you make, and determine the way you treat other people. Naturally, your emotions will control youespecially as a womanyou really cant help it! All must hail Queen Emotion!

justification:

mandy

mandy

Your emotions and my emotions, if not fully surrendered to the Spirit of God and daily held in check by the power of Gods Word in our lives, are infinitely dangerous. The displacement of emotions control is a must if we truly desire to follow Jesus Christits a part of the command to deny ourselves. If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me (Matt. 16:24, emphasis added).

There cannot

be room left for

emotion to rule.

If we are claiming to live lives that are set-apart for Christ, there cannot be room left for emotion to rule. Every thought must be taken into captivity, we must live with a wide-eyed vigilance, and we must guard our hearts with all diligence that Christ might be honored in our inner (wo)man and by what flows out of our lives (2 Cor. 10:5; 1 Pt. 5:8; Prov. 4:23).

Please note that I am not intending to suggest that emotions are bad, wrong, or evil. Emotions are a good thing, even a blessing from God Himself! Imagine if there was no cresting joy in your heart when spring finally arrives after the cold of winter. Or if in the birth of a new baby, everyones faces were flat-lined. Emotions are a gift. Emotions can be a beautiful accent in the human life, but only when they are just thatan accent that serves the agenda of God in our lives.

If youve struggled with justifying your actions, thoughts, and attitudes based on what you think and how you feel, take some time to be alone with God and walk through this area. Acknowledge your wrong to God; ask for His forgiveness and for His grace to enable you to walk His way. As you step forward, ask God to sensitize you to the onset of emotion and for His strength to spring into obedience. God delights to lead His children in triumph!

As Oswald Chambers said, When obedience is in the ascendant, He will tax the remotest start and the last grain of sand to assist you with His Almighty power!

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ 2 Cor. 2:14a

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THE VIGILANT

HEARTby Jasmin Howell

I PREFACE THISarticle by saying I have always been incredibly social and I love people. This quality has been a blessing in my life the more I have learned to speak and act in relationships with wisdom, but in my youth it sometimes got me in trouble. I have such excitement and joy being around others, but as I grew from a young girl into a young woman, I was not overly cautious with how I expressed my excitement, or to whomparticularly in my friendships with guys. No, I have not always had discretion or wisdom in my relationships, but I am thankful that I can stand with Paul who expressed his gratitude for the saving work of Christ, and say, thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57).

As a little girl, I always preferred the company of boys and I always had plenty of boys whom I considered friends. In my young mind, boys seemed more reliable. It was confusing to me that one day a girl would be my friend, but the next day she was an enemy. Girls seemed flippant and I didnt ever know what to say to other girls because I was afraid of them. But with boys I could just be myself. I didnt understand or enjoy the emotional

games girls played or the way they talked behind each others backs. They would laugh together and have fun, but behind closed doors they were exceptionally mean to one another. When all the girls in my class wanted to make bracelets or be hall-monitors, I wanted to go outside and play soccer. So I played soccer with all the boys in the class. I became their buddy and blissfully thought I could exist in a carefree world of boys without consequences.

Then came Danny. My best friend and I would ride our bikes with Danny and his friend Kenny. In the summer months before grade six, the four of us would go everywhere together. We had a blast, but then one day Danny handed me a note. It read, Dear Jasmin, I really like you. Do you want to be my girlfriend? What?! This wasnt supposed to happen. I was grossed out and wrote him a note back, with all of the eleven-year-old tact I could muster, that read, Dear Danny, I really like you as a friend, but I dont like you the way you like me. It was the first time I realized that maybe being friends with boys was more complicated than I had originally thought. This happened time

and again throughout my school years. Couldnt we just be friends? I began to become familiar with saying the words, Sorry, but I only like you as a friend. Was it really possible to only be friends with a guy?

When I graduated high school, I started to realize something that I hadnt before. My enjoyment of the friendship translated to the guy, I think youre fun and I like being with you. My natural excitability translated as You are really exciting and amazing! And my carefree attitude unfortunately blinded me to the fact that the other two messages were being delivered helter-skelter everywhere I went. For years I had remained completely and totally naive. In truth, I may have chosen to be naive because I didnt want to address the possibility that my actions

I really like

you as a friend,

but...

contributed to the problem. This naivet caused me no little discomfort when the burden of responsibility fell on me to say, Im sorry, I only like you as a friend and back pedal out of the friendship. It always led to tricky situations with guys which I afterwards wished I had avoided.

The Bible uses these strong words for a girl like I was: As a ring of gold in a swines snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion (Proverbs 11:22). Doesnt sound very beautiful, does it? But what does it mean to have discretion? Discretion comes from the word discreet, which is defined as being careful and using good sense in our speech or actions towards others. This verse shows that being guarded and careful is valued and wise in Gods sight. It protects us and those around us and is the guard we place on our hearts which allows Christ to cultivate in us the in-

corruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:4).

Even in mere friendship, our words, interaction, and dress are all saying something and can give a guy hope for more than friendship; in my case, my overenthusiastic nature needed to be tempered with a careful spirit towards the guy involved. How were my actions going to affect him? Throughout my teenage life until I later met my husband,

EVEN IN MERE FRIENDSHIP, OUR WORDS, INTERACTION, AND DRESS ARE ALL SAYING SOMETHING

I had a thought in the back of my mind that if a guy misinterpreted our friendship and decided that he wanted to date me, it was not my responsibility that he felt that way. He was the problem by reading too much into the situation. What I didnt know was that I was sometimes sending mixed messages. Because of how God designed the male-female relationship primarily for marriage and intimacy, the nature of our interactions with guys are constantly communicating something.

So how can we exert carefulness in our friendships with guys? As I discovered time and time again, being a too-friendly-friend with a guy and interacting with him without a guard on my actions, words, or enthusiasm created a lot of unnecessary confusion for my guy friends and for me too. The thing about being friends with a guy is that ...neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of

man, in the Lord (1 Corinthians 11:11), meaning that our interactions with each other have a reciprocal impact. At some point I realized that in my heart there was the matter of what my true focus was in looking for friendships with guys in the first place. As a young woman growing in the Lord, I realized that my friendships with Christian guys almost always came with an unspoken question. It is the same question that many girls have in their minds when a new guy enters their worldIs this the one? In an attempt to sort out that answer for myself instead of trusting Gods plan and waiting for it to unfold, I entered into friendships with guys to investigate if perhaps they had the character qualities I was searching for.

When God began to unearth the heart at the root of my intentions, I saw that I

WHEN WE KEEP our eyes forward and set our gaze on Christ, He leads us away from a path of self-serving

behaviors in our friendships with guys and leads us instead to the path of life, where our delight

and satisfaction is first and foremost Christ.

What is the focus

of our thoughts

and emotions?

opened the door to friendships to see if there was the possibility for more. When I discovered there wasnt and the guy didnt have the kind of character I longed forwhich was most often the caseit was impossible to take back the things I had said or done in the friendship or the emotional time and energy I had invested. Putting my heart on the line was emotionally exhausting. Looking back on my life, I cannot think of a single time I became friends with a guy without the thought, Is he the one? crossing my mind at least once. Though I maintained my physical purity until marriagein fact, my husband was the first man I ever kissedpurity is not merely a physical notion, and that is where the idea of discretion is vitally important for us as girls. Each time we open the door to friendship with a guy, we open the possibility for a deeper relationship. This deeper, intimate re-lationship found within marriage is a beautiful design and the wise teacher in Proverbs gives us guidance for how our priorities are to be in this area of our life: Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life...Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure (Proverbs 4:23-26, RSV). Our responsibility is to keep our heart with vigilance, which means that we must act

as watchmen over our own hearts and ponder the path of our feet. How are we walking in our relationships? What are we thinking about? What is the focus of our thoughts and our emotions?

Friendships with guys can be blessings and a lot of funmany marriages are the result of God-given friendships. When both a guy and a girl enter into a friendship with discretion and a guard on their hearts, then there is the possibility for a God-led friendship to blossom into more as He leads. This was the case with my husband Mike and me. We maintained a friendship for four years, but we often hung out together with our families or with larger groups of people. We had the opportunity to observe and enjoy each other within the context of others, and

KEEP YOUR

HEART WITH ALL

VIGILANCE, FOR

FROM IT FLOW THE

SPRINGS OF LIFE

were always incredibly guarded about being together alone because we both had a desire to honor our future spousewe didnt know our friendship would lead in our marriage to each other. It was the only guy friendship in my life that grew into a romance because it did not begin with an investigation, but with a heart to honor God. Both Mike and I were at the place where, though our admiration and affection for each other grew and our friendship became more and more enjoyable, we walked with careful stepswith a guard on our hearts, our words, and our interactions with one another. Only with our eyes fixed on Christ can a friendship with a guy ever produce the fruit that brings God glory. If we trust that He can bring the one into our lives, then we dont have the need to engage guys in friendships to test the waters. When we keep our eyes forward and set our gaze on Christ, He leads us away from a path of self-serving behaviors in our friendships with guys and leads us instead to the path of life, where our delight and satisfaction is first and foremost Christ.

by Heather Cofer

This past fall we were up in the mountains with my family for a mini-vacation. While we were walking around in the adorable mountain town browsing the

quaint little shops, my dad came across something he really liked. Now, my dad is the most amazing gift-giver I have ever met, but it is very hard to buy things for him. So when I had a chance, I snuck

back to the shop to purchase the item for him. While there, I began chatting with the lady helping me, telling her how excited I was to find something for my dad I knew he would like. I then rambled a bit about how thoughtful he was and how appreciative I was of him. She was obviously somewhat taken aback by how openly I was praising my dad and expressed how sweet it was that I had

HONORING YOUR PARENTS AS AN ADULT

T

THERE IS NO AGE GIVEN WHERE WE ARE LET

OFF FROM FOLLOWING THIS COMMAND

such a good relationship with him, which she seemed quite touched by.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon I pondered my interaction with the woman in the shop. After a while it dawned on me just how unusual it is to hear an adult child speaking well of their parents. There seems to be an underlying thought even amongst many Christians that once you reach adulthood youre not required to honor your parents anymore. There is so often the tone of resentment and criticism when people mention their mom or dad in conversation.

Sadly, we also live in a world where many parents greatly hurt their children during their childhood years, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. So it is understandable why a great number of people justify bitterness and dishonor toward their parentsgetting them back for the pain they experienced growing up. And ultimately, no matter how good or bad parents are, every single one is sinful and does wrong toward their

children at some point or another. My son is not even two, and I have already had to repent many times of ways I have acted in a sinful, selfish way toward him.

Although each one of us can probably look at our parents and see things they could have done differently or think of things we disagree with them, we still have a decision to make. As Christ followers, we are called to follow all of Gods laws, one of which is clearly stated in Exodus 20:12 as well as a number of other places in the Bible: Honor your father and your mother Jesus actually rebuked the Pharisees because they were justifying not following this command (Matthew 15:5-9). In Romans 1:30 Paul specifically mentions disobedience to parents coming as a result of people turning their back on God. There is no age given where we are let off from following this commandin fact, it is quite clear this is something that is to be obeyed no matter how old we are (Proverbs 23:22).

For some, this may not be a difficult command to obey. But for others, this may be very difficult to come to terms with. It may feel like honoring and respecting their parents is a dismissal or ignoring of

HONORING OUR PARENTS

BEGINS IN OUR HEARTS

past hurt, or is giving allowance for their parents to control their lives forever. This is not the case at all.

First of all, honoring our parents begins in our hearts. This means we must forgive anything we may be holding against our parents (Colossians 3:13). If we refuse to give up bitterness toward them, we are hindering the healing work of the Holy Spirit and keeping Him from giving us Gods love for them. We also need to allow the Lord to show us ways in which we may need to seek forgiveness from them for any dishonor we have shown them. Often it is through our humility that the Lord will begin to work in the lives of others who have done wrong against us, even if we dont see it outwardly right awayif ever.

Once our hearts are clear before God, we can then ask Him to guide us in what it looks like for us specifically to show honor to our parents. It could be holding our tongues in order to prevent an argument, even if we disagree with what is said. It might be going to them to seek their counsel, even if in the end we choose to do something differently. It might mean going out of our way to spend time with them, write them an email, or make a phone call just to show them we care about them being in our lives.

Its also good to remind ourselves that our parents have lived longer than us, and so just by reason of age will have more experience and wisdom in certain areas than we have. So, even if your

parents arent Christian, they probably still will have a wealth of knowledge in other practical areas of life. If you go to them in humility, asking their opinions and listening to what they have to say, it can go a long way in displaying respect for them.

However it looks for each one of us personally, the Lord will honor our obedience to Him. We can know that for sure, because of what is said in Ephesians 6:2-3: Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. God always keeps every one of His promises, and this is no exception.

The Lord will use this obedience for our good and His glory, just as He does in every area of our lives that is submitted to Him. It is absolutely amazing to see examples of children (adult children) who have chosen to take the Lord seriously in

THE LORD WILL USE THIS OBEDIENCE FOR

OUR GOOD & HIS GLORYthis area, and have seen incredibly things take place as a result. Where there was once a chasm of hurt, there is now a vast expanse of grace and forgiveness. Where there was once contention and strife, there is now joy and unconditional love.

I can testify of Gods incredible faithful-ness in this area. Because of deliberate choices I made to listen to, respect, and honor my parents as I grew up, I now have a very precious relationship with them as an adult. I can go to them for counsel, and they relate to me not only as a daughter, but as a friend.

Dear sister, if you have been hurt or neglected by your parents in any way, the Lord longs for you to lay it in His hands. As you submit this area of your life to the refining work of Christ, you will not regret it! He can take even the most broken of relationships and use it to make you a testimony of His supernatural grace and love! +

JUNE 5-6

2015

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setapartgirl presents THE 2015 ANNUAL CONFERENCE

JOIN LESLIE LUDY & OTHER GUEST SPEAKERSAn event for women of all ages!

UNDIVIDED heartThe passion of a Set Apart Woman

setapartgirl presents THE 2015 ANNUAL CONFERENCE

Based on LesliesBRAND NEW BOOK!

JOIN LESLIE LUDY & OTHER GUEST SPEAKERSAn event for women of all ages!

UNDIVIDED heartThe passion of a Set Apart Woman

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The Annual BRAVEHEARTED MAN Conference

JUNE 12-14, 2015WINDSOR, CO | OR ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

Hosted by Eric Ludy

The Bravehearted Man Conference is a weekend designed to stick the grit back in the Chris-tian man, the pluck back in the preacher, the growl back in the father, the purpose back in the husband, and the life back in the believer. This conference will pull no punches and promise no comfort. It will not be a retreat, but rather a call to the front lines of warto see men made ready, in this hour of dire need, to live strongly, suffer joyfully, and die singing

for the Glory of Jesus Christ. Are you ready to make a courageous stand?

the COURAGEOUS standGAINING A SURE FOOTING UPON THE WORD OF GOD

AN EVENT FOR THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE!

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Part 10 of the series :CHRIST-CENTERED MOTHERING

brou

ght t

o yo

u by

:

PREPARING OUR KIDS FOR REAL CHRISTIANITY

Dreaming Gods Dreams For Our Children

by LESLIE LUDY

NOT LONG AGO, Hudson felt God speak to him about his future. He learned about the many needs in the country of Cambodia and feels called to be a missionary there someday. Already, hes begun to prepare to live overseas, even though hes only nine. Hes been challenging himself to eat more rice (something he doesnt really like), and do extra homework in hopes that he can graduate early and begin language study and missionary training during his teen years.

It has been really exciting to see his passion to share the Gospel begin to develop such a young age. While I know that Hudsons future plans may shift a bit as he grows up, its clear that God has been working in his heart to give him a deep burden for reaching the lost. He is aware that choosing the life of a missionary may mean discomfort and difficultly, but he is catching the vision for the kind of poured-out existence that God has called him to live.

As mothers in todays world, we hear count-less messages about helping our children achieve their full potential and realize their destiny. Enabling our child to go after their dreams and pursue happiness is consid-ered one of the loftiest achievements of parenthood. We are often led to believe that an excellent mother is one who gives

praying DILIGENTLY

her children the opportunity to do whatever they want to do, go wherever they want to go, and achieve personal satisfaction. Encouraging our kids with inspiring self-ful-fillment messages such as do what makes you happy! is considered healthy for a childs outlook and future.

But when we train our children to be self-fo-cused as they think about their life and future, we are diminishing their understand-ing of the Gospel and limiting what God can do through their lives. Self-fulfillment and the pursuit of personal happiness isnt all its cracked up to be. A life built around selfish desires only leads to emptinessas is clearly evidenced in the miserable, wasted lives of the rich and famous that we see on the tabloids and in the news. Celebrities have everything that supposedly brings fulfillment. Yet they dont have anything beyond self to live for, and their lives lack true purpose which often plunges them into drugs, alcohol, affairs, depression, and even suicide.

Jesus said, Whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My

Happiness is found in the center of Gods will.

sake will save it (Luke 9:24). In other words, when we encourage our kids to cling to their lives, make their own plans, and pursue their own dreams, we are not leading down the path of true life.

The Bible makes it clear that the only kind of lifestyle that brings real happiness and fulfillment is one of self-denial and sacrificial love. So why not encourage our children toward that kind of future, instead of a shal-low and self-focused one?

Sometimes people look at me cockeyed when I tell them that my son is preparing for the mission fieldthat hes training for a life of hardship, suffering, challenge, hard-work, and spiritual battle. Dont you want him to be happy and comfortable when he grows up? Dont you want him to get a well-paying job and live the American dream? their in-credulous statements and comments imply.

Yes, I long for my children to find true hap-piness. But I know that it doesnt come in the package that most people today think it does. Happiness cant be found in material comforts, personal success, or the American dream. Happiness is found in the center of Gods will. And Gods will for our childrens lives is usually very different from what our society applauds.

SURRENDER THEIR LIVES & RADICALLY LIVE FOR HIM

& RADICALLY LIVE FOR HIM

Thats not to say that having a nice house or well-paying job is bad. But if that is the ultimate dream we have for our children, we are not dreaming Gods dreams for their fu-tures. He desires them to be ambassadors of the Gospel, no matter where they live or what they do. Money and possessions should only serve that goal.

My deepest desire for my children is that they would surrender their lives to Jesus Christ and radically live for Him, holding nothing back. Most of the men and women Ive met or heard about who have chosen this life are not among the rich, famous, comfortable, or successful. Rather, they are the true heroes of the faith that Hebrews describes as destitute, afflicted, ill-treated. But the Bible also says that these are men and women of whom the world is not worthy. My ultimate dream is that my chil-dren would be counted among these great heroes of the faithnot applauded by this world, but applauded by Heaven.

As Christian parents, we must always re-member that this earth is not our homeor our childrens home. We are merely pilgrims passing through, and our true citizenship is in Heaven. So as we help our children shape their vision for the future, lets be sure we are promoting them down a path of real Christianity. Lets be sure we are not passing on a soft Gospel in which they

SET APART familycan live a self-focused life and tag Jesus on somewhere in the background. Lets be sure that they are pursing Gods dreams for their livesnot the worlds empty allurements.

Remember that God has entrusted our chil-dren to us for a short season, not so that we can cling to them and shape their lives according to our own desires. Rather, He gives them to us so that we can surrender them back to Him.

One of the most powerful stories Ive ever read is the story of John Patons father in 1858, on the day that John left for the mission field. His father had always desired his son to live a poured-out life for Jesus Christ. He had prepared him, trained him, and helped him discover a passionate, vi-brant, daily relationship with Christ. Now, John was grown, ready to sacrifice his very life in order to bring the Gospel to the lost. His father knew that he would very likely never see his son again once he left for the mission field. Here is Johns description of their parting:

My dear father walked with me the first six miles of the way. His counsel and tears and heavenly

He gives them to us so that we can surrender

them back to Him.

conversation on that parting journey are fresh in my heart as if it had been but yesterday; and tears are on my cheeks as freely now as then, whenever memory steals me away to the scene. His tears fell fast when our eyes met each other in looks for which all speech was vain! He grasped my hand firmly for a minute in silence, and then solemnly said: God bless you, my son! Your fathers God prosper you, and keep you from all evil! Unable to say more, his lips kept moving in silent prayer; in tears we embraced, and parted.

I ran off as fast as I could; and, when about to turn a corner in the road where he would lose sight of me, I looked back and saw him still standing with head uncovered where I had left him gazing after me. Waving my hat in adieu, I was round the corner and out of sight in an instant. But my heart was too full and sore to carry me further, so I darted into the side of the road and wept for a time. Rising up cau-tiously, I climbed the dyke to see if he yet stood where I had left him; and just at that moment I caught a glimpse of him climbing the dyke and looking out for me! He did not see me, and after he had gazed eagerly in my direction for a while he got down, set his face towards home, and began to return, his head still uncovered, and his heart, I felt sure, still rising in prayers for me.

I watched through blinding tears, till his form faded from my gaze; and then, hastening on my

FULLY SURRENDERED