7 steps to raising righteous kids-new.pdf

8/20/2019 7 Steps to Raising Righteous Kids-new.pdf

1/22


2/22


3/22

Foreword

Raising children properly has to be one of the most dauntingtasks for any parent in today’s world – and more so for parents

who want to raise their children as good role models in a worldwhere it’s very hard to keep your identity as a Muslim. Despite theenormity of this job, the number of resources designed to helpparents with this task seem few and far between…

So when I read ‘7 Steps To Raising Righteous Kids’, I was verypleasantly surprised to see so many practical and useful tips to

help parents feel more condent in raising their kids the right way– and in a manner pleasing to Allah SWT Insha’Allah.

We often think that people outside of our homes are the onesto rob our children of their innocence – but little do we realizethat the greatest thief actually lives INSIDE our homes in the

form of media. This is why the research and advice given forparents regarding social inuence and the media in particularwas eye-opening and on-point. It’s something that EVERY parentabsolutely NEEDS to be aware of if they want to protect their kidsfrom the dangers of the outside world.

In short, 7 Steps To Raising Righteous Kids is a practical and

well-thought out report on helping parents and educators guidetheir children to success in the dunya AND the akhirah. I highlyrecommend it for everyone who wants to raise children who areproductive, hardworking and pious.

-Sheikh Alaa ElSayed


4/22

Introduction

Asalamalaikum!

We’re honoured to have you as part of our community! Teaching children to be righteousand getting the balance right between deen and dunya is one of the most challengingaspects of raising children.

That’s why we’ve created ‘7 Steps To Raising Righteous Kids’. We believe wholeheartedlythat raising children begins with nurturing their soul.This 7 Step guide is designed to give you the tools to condently raise children who have

the spiritual and emotional intelligence to deal with everything life throws at them.Giving children the right tarbiya is the right of children over their parents as stated in thehadith:

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah RA, that the Messenger of Allah SAW said: “Each of you isa shepherd and is responsible for his ock. The ruler who is in charge of people is a shepherdand is responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible forthem. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and child and is responsible forthem. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you isa shepherd and each of you is responsible for his ock.”[Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2416; Muslim, 1829]

The Quran is abundant with examples of the parent and child relationship and how theProphets of old raised their families to believe in Allah SWT and become the best people towalk the face of this Earth.

In this short guide, we hope to inspire you to raise your kids with love, compassion,rmness, discipline and above all to raise them knowing you’ve given them the best start in

life.

No matter what your background (parent, guardian, educator), you’ll be able to take the

principles in this guide and apply them to the children in your care.

We’ve designed this guide to be practical and easy to. We’ll also be sending you more tipsto help you via email – so make sure you look out for those Insha’Allah.

To your success!

Muslim Kids TV

ww.muslimkids.tv


5/22

T h e fi r s t st e p i n r a is i n g r ig h t e o u s

c h i ld r e n d oe sn ’ t a c t u a l l y s t a r t w i t h

y o u r k i d s a t a l l… I n f a c t , it st a r ts

w it h Y OU !

Step 1:

It starts with you

Children do as they see – so if you are highly stressed,irritable and angry all the time, then chances are your kidswill be too!

Are your kids simply a watered down version of YOU?

Not long ago, I met a brother who ran an Islamic after schoolclub. He had a boy disobedient to his parents. Out ofdesperation, his parents thought that putting their son in anIslamic environment would miraculously turn him pious. Itdidn’t happen. In fact, it only served to confuse and frustratethe poor boy!

His parents complained to the club’s owner that their son’sbehaviour had gone worse. When they were confronted with

simple questions such as ‘do you pray in your home?’, theparents came to the uncomfortable realization that it wastheir own indierence to Allah SWT that had caused their son

to be indierent to them.

Parents who condemn their children will raise children whoare critical and unkind to others. Those who show no respectto one another will raise children who lack respect for others.


6/22

Model good behaviour in front of your children at all times

Be extra careful of the values you instil in your children indirectly. Eg., if thephone rings and you tell your child to answer it and say you are not home, you’reactually teaching your child that it’s OK to tell lies

Take the time daily to connect withyour child. Ask your child abouttheir day and the things that matterto them. The Prophet SAW wasalways in the habit of doing this withchildren so they would feel important– and is one of the reasons whychildren loved him SAW so much

Praise your children when they havedone something good and help themfeel happy about their achievements

Abu Hurayrah RA said: “The Prophet SAW kissed Al-Hasan once while Al-Aqra’Ibn Haabis was sitting with him, so Al-Aqra’ said to the Prophet SAW: `I have tenchildren; never did I kiss any of them.` The Prophet SAW therefore looked at himand said: ‘Allaah will not be merciful with the one who is not merciful to others.‘” [Al-Bukhaari]

-If you have stressful circumstances, then focus on using salah to connect withAllah SWT. This shows children that salah is a powerful weapon in dealing withstress

-Focus on being a good Muslim as much as possible so your children can see rst

hand what being a good Muslim is all about

If you want o raise righteous kids, here’s our golden rules for being the

best parent you can be:

Allah will notbe merciful with the onewho is not merciful to

others.[Al-Bukhaari]

ww.muslimkids.tv


7/22

1)The dua of Ibraheem AS:Rabbi hab lee minassaaliheenTranslation:

‘My Lord ! grant me (ospring) from the righteous’'

(Surah As-Saaat, V100)

2) Rabbana hab lana min azwaajinaa wa zurriyyaatinaqurrata aAAyunin wajAAalnaa lilmuttaqeena imaamaaTranslation:

‘O our Lord! grant us in our wives and our ospring the joy of our eyes andmake us guides to those who guard (against evil)’

(Surah AL-Furqan ,V74)

3)Rabbi ijAAalnee muqeemas salati wamin

zurriyyatee rabbana wtaqabbal duAAa

Translation:

‘O my Lord ! Make me one who establishes regular prayer and(also) from my ospring , our Lord, accept my invocation’

(Surah Ibrahim ,v40)

The Virtue of Dua! Make a lot of dua! As parents,

you need ALL the helps you can

get! So arm yourself with the

best of duas for your family:


8/22

Here’s our top strategies toenforce positive discipline in

your home:

Step 2:

Positive Discipline

We must actively look for ways to teach our children with love and understanding

so we’re encouraging MORE of the good behaviour.

P o si t i v e d i sc i pl i n e m e a n s f o c u si n g

o n T E A C H I N G k i d s t h r o u g h

‘ l e a r n i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s’ w h e n t h e y d o s o m e t h i n g w r o n g .

Be an ‘empathic’ parent when disciplining your child – this means trying tounderstand why your child is behaving badly and taking appropriate action whenYOU are in a calm state

Anger is almost always you wanting to control your child whilst simultaneouslyfailing to control yourself – so never yell or get mad

ww.muslimkids.tv


9/22

If you feel angry and have theurge to yell, say ‘Aouthobillahiminash-shaytaani rajeem’ and giveyourself a time out until you calmdown

Always connect before you correct– this means showing your childyou love them and discipliningthem with love

Always focus on the behaviourand not the person. Never makeyour child feel low by telling themthey are stupid or silly, but instead,focus on the behaviour of the childbeing inappropriate

Never punish by spanking – this only teaches kids that violence is a means toan end. Rather, remove privileges such as removing play time or their favouriteactivity and explain to them WHY they can’t do it. This way, kids associatethat good behaviour means they can have fun, and bad behaviour means theycan’t!

Specically point out which behaviour you want your child to stop and tell

them WHY they need to stop so they understand the deeper reasons behindyour requestN

The Prophet SAW never reprimanded

a child or belittled themin anyway. He SAW

never hit a child, never yelled and ALWAYS

spoke to children with love and compassion

NO EXCUSES! __________


10/22

Step 3:

Cultivating Tarbiya

T a rb iy a h re fe rs t o th e ge ne r a l

u p b r in g in g an d e du c at io n of a c hi ld

a n d th e m an n er s an d b eh a vi ou r th e y d o w h ic h ar e p l ea s in g to A ll ah

SW T.

The idea here is to raise children who have an awareness of Allah SWT in all oftheir actions. In essence, your aim is to help your children build taqwa. Contrary to

popular belief, Taqwa doesn’t mean to fear Allah.Taqwa is the idea that you should always guardyourself against any behaviour which would earnthe displeasure of Allah SWT.

Taqwa, when coupled with imaan makes for a well-rounded believer. You simply cannot have taqwawithout imaan (faith in Allah). So how can youcultivate this in your children?

Sometimes the best place to start is often thesimplest. Ensure you are adhering to the basic rulesof Islam. This starts with following the ve pillars

of Islam and staying away from haram and activelypursuing goodness. If your children see you making

an eort in pleasing Allah SWT, they too will aspire to that. If they see you keeping

away from haram, they too will do that.

Taqwa, whencoupled with

imaan makes fora well-rounded

believer.

ww.muslimkids.tv


11/22

So here are our top strategies to help instill tarbiya in your

children:

Share stories from the life of the Prophet SAW who is the best ever example of a perfectcharacter in human history. Ask your children questions and get their minds engaged whentelling stories. Help them understand the morals and the reasons behind the story

Make ‘family salah time’ a priority. This helps establish the second pillar of Islam while givingchildren a sense of unity with the family

Teach your children halal and haram and openly remind everyone in the family. Don’t ‘laydown the law’, rather, explain and guide with love and understanding. If you explain toa child rather than shout or bark orders, you help them understand why we should orshouldn’t do certain things

Always focus on attaining the pleasure of Allah SWT rather than focusing on punishment.Focusing on the negative may only serve to push children away from the remembrance ofAllah

Good tarbiya starts from birth! Listen to beautiful recitations of the Quran daily, encourage

children to make dua when it rains or when they are sick etc

One of the best gifts you can ever give your child is teaching them the salah. Begin byteaching them the Fatiha so that every time they recite it, you ALSO earn a reward

Encourage children to be responsible from a young age by allowing them to have a pet suchas a cat. Kids learn responsibility, kindness and caring towards Allah’s creatures and it buildscompassion in them

Get your kids involved in a charitable cause – encourage them to save for charity and help infund raising events by giving so they learn the meaning of sharing, caring and helping others

Teach your children to remember Allah SWT in the morning and the evening, whensomething good happens and when something bad happens. Teaching them awareness ofAllah at a young age is going to go a LONG way in helping them build taqwa

Of course, there are many, many things you can do to help a child gain the correct tarbiya– but don’t be discouraged if it takes longer than you expected to see results. All learning

processes require a LOT of practice – so keep at it and keep making dua for your kids!


12/22

Step 4:

Enrichment

This is an area that’s actively pushed by child psychologists as being essential to the growthand development of a child.

From an Islamic perspective, enrichment can be done in SO many ways. We have a beautifullyrich history full of examples from the Prophet SAW and the other Prophets of how they taughttheir children.

A key area of enrichment is using the appropriate tools and materials to support daily learning.UC Berkeley brain researcher Marian Diamond and author of "Magic Trees of the Mind: Howto Nurture Your Child's Intelligence, Creativity, and Healthy Emotions from Birth throughAdolescence" says that enrichment is essential in developing children's intelligence andcreativity.

In other words, if you want to instil the right behaviour and the right mindset in your kids, thenyou have to start as early as possible and do as much as possible to help them.

E n ri ch m e n t is t he i d e a of s up p or ti n g

t he d e v e lo pm e n t o f a ch il d’ s

br a in w it h a pp ro p ri a t e l ea r ni n g

e xp e ri e n ce s su ch a s p la y an d

ed u ca ti on a l a c ti v it ie s.

Marian says that "If you provide early enrichmentwhile the brain is growing rapidly you can get larger

ww.muslimkids.tv 1


13/22

Children’s brains before they hit their teenage years are considered to bewhat’s known as ‘plastic’ which means they are easily mouldable and veryeasily inuenced.

A child who has had a good variety of enrichment experienceswill blossom in their intelligence and a child given the right Islamic

enrichment will by Allah’s will, lead to a more righteous child.So how do we ensure that kids achieve the right kind of enrichment?

Here’s our top tips:

Use stories of the Prophets to support the development of morality

Use the environment around you to nurture a mind which is both curious and in awe ofAllah SWT – go outside and teach your children about the weather, the seasons, the oceans,animals, trees etc., so they learn to be grateful to Allah and to ponder Allah’s existence

Find a good Islamic club or madrassa that has a mix of both deen and dunya so they seereligion as something that can improve their lives

Psychologists have found a positive correlation between children who excel in sport andthose who excel in every area of their life – so get kids into sports!

Feed a curious mind with fun activities! Children learn through play, so make sure you havethe right materials to help support their mental, emotional and spiritual growth

Enrichment isn’t JUST about what to GIVE your child to encourage their potential and their

growth.

Enrichment is ALSO about knowing what NOT to do to damage young, fragile minds that are easilyimpressionable.

Don’t allow your kids to have too much free time. There is a saying that an ‘empty mind is the houseof Shaytaan’. This is so true! Getting kids involved in activities instead of letting them ‘veg’ out in frontof the TV or listening to music is going to raise kids who are motivated and hard-working, rather thankids who are lazy and indierent.

Limit children’s screen time and ensure that the screen time they have is appropriate. Provide yourchildren with Islamic games, videos and interactive media that are fun and support your child’sdevelopment. We’ll talk more about this in Step 7.


14/22

Step 5:

The Islamic Home

Here’s our top tips to ensureyou have a home that is

conducive to learning and thelove of Allah SWT:

Much of this comes back to YOU and your spouse and the processes you put inplace to ensure your family is unied for success.

A family that prays and plays together will STAY together! Teach your kids thatSalah is the crux of your religion and that if they don’t have salah, how can theypossibly talk to Allah!

Have an ‘iqamah time’ which is xed for each salah, and if possible, have your

children take turns to call the Iqamah

ww.muslimkids.tv 1

T h e I sl a m i c h o m e i s c r e a t i n g t h e

r i g h t e n v i r o n m e n t i n t h e h o m e w h i c h

g e a r s k i d s f o r su c c e s s i n b o t h t h e d u n y a a n d t h e a k h i r a h .


15/22

Send boys to the mosque with their fathers as muchas possible – this is ESSENTIAL, because you areraising tomorrow’s leaders!

Raise your kids to respect others and help around

the home. Give them chores to do to help buildtheir independence and to help them realise theyare part of a team

Teach your kids to make dua often. When it’sraining, when they are sick or travelling, these andother times were mentioned by the Prophet SAS asthe best times to make dua

Family charity projects teach compassion and givingfor others

Family time means put your phone/laptop away and giving each other fullattention!

Make a point of attending Islamic talks together as a family. Start your kidsearly and encourage learning in them from an early age

Turn Islamic calendar events into a family aair –so during Ramadan ensure

that even the youngest kids can get involved by doing dhikr, joining salah,doing extra good deeds etc.

Allocate a day in the week to complete family time. Give time to your kids

An Islamic home takes consistency, dedication and most of all practise on a dailybasis to ensure the right values and ideals are being taught.

1


16/22

Step 6: Getting

The Balance Right

ww.muslimkids.tv 1

G e t t i n g t h e b a l a n c e r i g h t be t w e e n

d e e n a n d d u n y a i s e s se n t i a l i n

e n su r i n g y o u r k i d s a r e p r i m e d f o r su c c e s s a n d r e a d y t o t a k e o n t h e

w o r l d .

Parents fear that their children will get lost in the world andabandon morality and deen.

There is also the fear that without correct religiousknowledge, children may fall victim to religious bigotry andextremism.

Islam has always taught the middle road with the focus onliving a balanced moral and religious life. Let your kids havefun within reason. Allow your kids downtime to chill out andrelax.

Never allow your kids to sacrice their values though for

some worldly gain, because this is when problems occur.One of the best way to get the balance right is to help yourkids have ambition that is geared towards a cause.

So if you want your kids to be wealthy, teach them thattheir wealth can’t be to fund an excessive lifestyle, rather, itshould be used to benet mankind. This will ensure your kids


17/22

It ’s essential to control how your

children spend their free time.

Never allow young children to dictate to you what they want to do – rather, structuretheir day and ll it with activities that include learning, deen and sports or other activities

they enjoy.

Arrange play dates with your child’s friends! This is a great way to encourage social

interaction whilst simultaneously keeping an eye on who their friends are.

It’s great to give kids a goal to work towards such as wanting to be a teacher, a dentistetc. and then encouraging them to always keep the end in mind. However, if you areoverly harsh and overbearing, you’ll do nothing but suocate your child’s development

and suppress their natural talents and gifts.

Sheikh Alaa ElSayed gives a brilliant piece of advice on raising kids – he says that kidsshould be raised with love and taught to love Allah, and that our job as parents is to

teach them right from wrong. However, it’s Allah’s job to guide. We can’t force guidanceon anyone.

This is a beautiful piece of advice that is missing in so many homes. Do your best andmake a lot of dua that Allah SWT guides your kids to success in the dunya and the akhirah- ameen!

Liberate your children from the shackles of Shaytaan and teach them to be the slaves ofAllah and not society. When you place your focus on pleasing people, you will always be

disappointed. When you focus on pleasing Allah, you will always be happy.

Finally, teach your kid the importance of istighfar – repentance to Allah SWT. Every singlechild, no matter how righteous they are, will at some need Allah’s forgiveness. If youteach your kids to turn in repentance to Allah SWT and ensure they understand that AllahSWT is Most Merciful, they will always feel they have a way back to Allah. Those who arenot taught this can easily fall under the trap of turning away from Allah completely.

1


18/22

Step 7:

Social inuence

S o c i a l i n fl u en ce is o n e of th e m o st im p o r t a n t a s pe ct s o f

r a i si n g r ig h te o u s k id s. T h is m e a n s e n s u r in g c h i ld r e n h a v e

t he r i g h t f r i en d s a n d i n fl u e nc es . I t a ls o m e a n s c o n t r o l le d

sc r e e n ti m e , u s e o f s oc i a l m e d i a a n d t h e I n t e r n e t .Teach your kids how to make good choices with friends and get to know who their friends are. Keep anopen line of communication with your kids so they feel comfortable sharing issues with you.

Social media such as Facebook and Snapchat are dangerous ground for young minds. Theseenvironments allow bad behaviours to develop easily because of a perceived lack of consequencesallowing bullies and people that prey on others.

The basic advice is – children under the age of 16 should not to be on ANY social media platforms.

Children must be taught how to use media. IT IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOUR and you cannot expect yourchildren to navigate dangerous environments on their own. That may be harsh, but in a world whereidentities can be cloaked very easily, it’s just not worth taking the risk.

Here are some great ips: Always makes sure your computer/tablet/laptop etc. are password protected and only allowyour kids monitored and timed access

Limit their exposure to less than an hour a day and encourage them to get fresh air and exerciseor read a book instead

Ensure you use parent controls to block inappropriate content

Preview video games and limit the use to no more than an hour

Reserve media time for rainy days or as a treat when kids have done their homework and theirchores

ww.muslimkids.tv 1


19/22

The Media Education Foundation published research specifically

on media and violence. Here’s a summary of their key findings:

One of the single biggest impacts on a child’s behaviour outside of the immediate

family is media.

Violence in media content has not just increased in quantity; it has also become more graphic,sexual, and sadistic

A September 2000 Federal Trade Commission (FTC) report showed that 80 percent of “R”rated movies, 70 percent of restricted video games, and 100 percent of music with “explicitcontent” warning labels were being marketed to children under 17

By the time the average child is eighteen years old, they will have witnessed 200,000 acts ofviolence and 16,000 murders

Media violence is especially damaging to young children (under 8) because they cannot easilydistinguish real life and fantasy

Two-thirds of Hollywood lms released in 2001 were rated “R.”

Most of the top-selling video games (89%) contained violent content

The level of violence during Saturday morning cartoons is higher than the level of violenceduring prime time. There are 3-5 violent acts per hour in prime time, versus 20-25 acts per houron Saturday morning

Nearly 75 percent of violent scenes on television feature no immediate punishment for orcondemnation of violence

So the basic principle is this – if you want to raise righteous kids, then you need to be actively involved in yourchildren’s media literacy. It is not something to take lightly.

Just because a TV program is aimed at children does NOT mean to say it’s appropriate. Clinical studies suggest thatwatching TV negatively impacts children’s behaviour and can causes aggression and other behavioural problems.

The good news is, as believers we have learned to use media appropriately and have developed digital content thathas tremendous benet. Never before has Islamic knowledge been so accessible via the Internet and mobile apps.

We are at the cusp of a new era for our children as well. There is more high quality Islamic digital content availablethan ever before. Muslim Kids TV strives to bring you this content to teach children the BEST Islamic morals andvalues.

Muslim Kids TV is an amazing resource developed in conjunction with Mashaikh to ensure that children learn aboutIslam in a fun, inspiring and engaging way.

1


20/22

ww.muslimkids.tv

Conclusion

We really hope this report has been valuable in helping you to understand what

it takes to raise righteous children.

Children need lots of love and compassion and need to be taught right fromwrong as soon as they are able to understand.

It’s important to empower your kids for success in their everyday lives byproviding them with the right opportunities to support their mental, social,emotional and above all, spiritual wellbeing.

Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

‘O you who believe! Ward o yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and)severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.’[Quran, 66:6]

It is the right of a child that their parents raise them righteously and this isa heavy responsibility to carry…but thankfully we live in a world where wehave so many resources to make our jobs as parents that little bit easier-alhamdullilah!

So, have faith in your ability as a parent, be consistent with your kids and make aLOT of dua for them. In time, you’ll reap the benets of instilling good tarbiya in

your kids and the eort will truly have been worth it!

JazakAllah Khairan,Brother Michael Milo

www.MuslimKids.Tv

1


21/22

Muslim Kids TV is an amazing one-stop resource designed to educate, motivate,inspire and engage young minds.

By teaching kids the deeper values of Islam in a really unique and fun way, theprograms and content serve to help expand a child’s understanding of moralityas well as encouraging good character and behaviour.

Taking a membership in Muslim Kids TV is one of the best gifts you can give yourchildren. Our exciting programs are endorsed by mashaikh such as Sheikh OmarSuleiman, Sheikh Navid Aziz, Dr Bilal Philips, Sheikh Alaa ElSayed and many

more!

Approved by teachers, adored by parents and LOVED by kids, here’s whyyou’ll love Muslim Kids TV for your kids:

Recitation buddy makes learning Quran easy!

Engaging videos make it fun to learn duas

Great selection of cartoons and programs

Games, quizzes & activities for kids ages 2-11

Keep kids entertained with new content released weeklyFantastic way of nurturing your child’s spiritual development!

Righteous children are not just an asset to the community, but they benet YOU

in the dunya AND the akhirah too!

Overall, Muslim Kids TV is an amazing resource designed to help nurturethe spiritual wellbeing of your children and makes the perfect alternative tomainstream media!

Recommendations

1


22/22

7 steps to raising righteous kids-new.pdf

Documents