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7 Honest Reasons Why

Addicts LieBy DAVID SACK, M.D.

Addicts tell lies more often thanthey tell the truth. “I’m not hurting anyone.” “I can stop any

time.” Deception becomes so second nature, addicts will lie

even when it’s just as easy to tell the truth. any don’t even

reali!e they’re fibbing or that other people see through thefa"ade. #iving a double life is e$hausting, so why do addicts

lie%

#1 To Preserve Their Addiction

An addict will do whatever is necessary to maintain their

addiction. If they ac&nowledged the seriousness of the

problem or the harm they’re causing themselves and others,they would be hard'pressed to continue this way of life. (heir

logic, whether conscious or unconscious, is) I need drugs, and

I need lies to &eep people off my bac& so I can continue using

drugs. (hus, lying becomes a matter of self'preservation.

Anything, or anyone, that is going to hinder their drug habithas no place in the addict’s life.

#2 To Avoid Facing Reality

Addiction reorgani!es the addict’s world and consumes their

identity so that the person becomes unrecogni!able to

themselves and others. *ince the truth is too painful to face,

the addict constructs an alternate reality where drugs andalcohol aren’t a problem and the addict is doing e$actly what

other people want and hope for them. (hey say they’ve been

clean for wee&s when, in truth, they got high just a few hours

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ago. (hey say they landed a great new job when they’re

actually dirt poor and homeless.

#3 To Avoid Confrontation

#oved ones rarely sit idly by as an addict self'destructs. (hey

as& +uestions, get angry and inevitably wonder, “If you loveme, why do you &eeping ma&ing choices that hurt me%” (hestress of interpersonal conflict can be overwhelming for an

addict. ithout mature coping s&ills, addicts may do or say

whatever it ta&es to avoid that disappointed loo& in their loved

ones’ eyes or the contemptuous tone in their voice. -r theymay become increasingly defensive, dishing out complaints of

their own in an attempt to draw attention away from their

addiction and toward the other person’s vulnerabilities.

#4 They Are in Denial

ven in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary,denial compels the addict to disavow their problem and ignorethe conse+uences of their behavior. Although denial can serve

a valuable protective function, allowing people to process

information and come to terms with it, in addiction denial can

become pervasive. /or e$ample, addicts may truly believe thattheir family and friends have become the enemy or that their

addiction is not only an acceptable but necessary part of their

life. (he disease uses denial and other sophisticated defenses,

such as rationali!ation, projection and intellectuali!ation, toensure its survival.

#5 They Believe Theyre Different

If the addict ac&nowledges that drugs and alcohol havebecome a problem but wants to continue using, they must

convince themselves that they are the e$ception to the rule.

(he delusion that “I’m not li&e the others, I can handle it”

allows the addict to live outside normal standards of behavior.

#! They Feel Asha"ed

In sober moments, addicts may feel e$treme shame,embarrassment and regret. 0nable to wor& through these

emotions, addicts cope in the only way they &now how) by

using more drugs. (o &eep up appearances, they paint a

picture of themselves to others that is far more flattering thanthe reality.

# Beca$se They Can

*ometimes friends and family match the addict’s denial with

an unhealthy dose of their own. (hey turn a blind eye to

worrisome behaviors and ma&e e$cuses for the addict because

the truth is simply too painful or they’ve tolerated as muchsuffering as they can bear. #oved ones who ignore, enable or

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rescue send the message that lying is acceptable, thus

perpetuating the addiction.

%o &ore 'ies

#ies are a root cause of the isolation most addicts e$perience,

as well as the anger and disillusionment loved ones often feel.hile loved ones can’t force an addict out of denial, there aresteps they can ta&e to illuminate the realities)

• 1ecogni!e that lies fulfill a purpose for the addict and are

not a personal affront. As frustrating as they can be, lies

are a common part of the disease.• hile it is important to understand the purpose of the

lies, it is e+ually important to push past them. (he liesare &eeping your loved one trapped in addiction. In some

cases, addicts are forced to face reality by hitting roc&

bottom, but loved ones can help “raise the bottom” by

staging an intervention, refusing to enable or rescue,contacting a therapist or addiction treatment program,

and pointing out negative conse+uences in real time

2e.g., after a driving under the influence charge3.

• If you catch the addict in a lie, don’t loo& the other way.

#etting them &now what you see will help them face the

conse+uences of their actions.• 4reate a supportive environment that facilitates honesty

rather than engaging in a power struggle or ma&ingthreats. (he lying will stop when the addict feels safe

telling the truth and has the support they need to get

well.

• ncourage involvement in support groups li&e Alcoholics

Anonymous, which replace the automatic response 5 lies5 with rigorous honesty and ma&ing amends. In these

groups, peers hold addicts accountable for their lies and

encourage them to face the unpleasant truth about

themselves without shame or blame.It’s true, addicts lie. And while the lies can’t be ignored, they

are actually a distraction from the real problem 5 the

underlying issues that contribute to addiction 5 and a diversionfrom the solution) finding a path to recovery. -nly by brea&ing

through denial and seeing the truth can the addict begin to

heal.

David Sack, M.D., is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine. He is CEO of Elements

Behavioral Health , a network of mental health and addiction

treatment centers that incldes !romises, "he #anch , "he#ecovery !lace, "he Se$al #ecovery %nstitte, #i&ht Step,

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Clarity 'ay, (orney Healin& Centers and )cida "reatment

Center.