8/8/2019 50 Reasons Not to Marry a Bengali Woman

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sunday

Tmetro on

NO ONE KNOWS OUR CITY BETTER

The Last Supper in Calcutta; a man who moved the sun INSIDE

CELEBRATION

Join the Together Forever silverjubilee celebration of St XaviersCollege Calcutta Alumni Associa-tion on the college grounds,6pm.

ANNIVERSARY

Attend a programme tocommemorate the 17th deathanniversary of R.D.Burmanat Press Club, 4pm.

MUSIC

Move on to a music conference,atHari Sabha Mancha and TarunSangha ground, Bally,Howrah,3pm.

EXHIBITION

Check out an exhibition ofbags and costume jewellery at De-sign, 108 Raja Basanta Roy Road,11.30am to 8pm

FAIR

Drop in at the North East CraftsFair at KIT Ground,beside Mad-husudan Mancha, DakshinapanShopping Complex,11am to 8pm.

EYE ON ART

Browse through B-Swarga, anexhibition of works byJayanta Roy at Bose Pacia,11am to 7pm.Hello. Its Sunday,

January 3,2010.

SILVER

SCREENTO GO

GREENPAGE 23

CALCUTTA SUNDAY 3 JANUARY 2010Free with The Telegraph XXCE

She is said to be a prized catch.But nearly perfect though sheis, the Bong belle too isnt exact-ly flawless. So, to settle the ruf-fled feather of the Bangali

babu, Metro lists 50 reasons why oneshouldnt marry a Bengali woman. Onlyin her case,making up the 50 is a bit of atough job!

50. She expects you to write poetry abouther eyes. Or at least to be able to reciteBonolota Sen (where she is that beauty)and pretend that you mean it.

49. All expressions of love must be ac-companied by Tagore in his variousmoods.And if you can compare her to aTagore heroine,even bett er.

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8. Her English is better than yours.Andshe will never let you forget it.

47.She will fight with you but treasure allsigns of being married to you.So she willwear that shankha pola and sindurwith jeans, and that gold-coveredloha withher cocktail dress.She has adopted themehndi and chooda too.And the mangal-sutra is a must slip-on every time shesteps out of the house.

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6. And yet for all the fighting, her mod-ern woman airs are gone after mar-riage. O bolechhe is the final word then.In private they snub, in public theyidolise to an uncomfortable degree.

45. She tries too hard not to look Bengali.She will never have the Punjabi oomph,or the south Indian sensuality. But shewill persist in trying. Whats more, shewill tell you with a big smile that so andso storewallah thought she was a Punjabitoday. Contradict at your own risk!

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. Like the accomplished women ofPride and Prejudice, they all sing Ra-bindrasangeet and Nazrulgeeti, dance,paint and recite poetry. God help you if

she takes her talent seriously.

43. She will never get along with yourmother. It is a matter of principle.

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2. They will pet and spoil their husbandslike overgrown babies and then theyllask you not to be a mammas boy. Thetruth is theyd rather you be a wifeyspet.

41. They hate being second to your moth-er but are still far too controlled by theirown mothers.

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0. They remove gift wrappers for hours

and then preserve the paper under themattress.If she had her way, she wouldkeep the sellotape too.

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. She wont leave a single mirror f ree ofstick-on bindis.

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. Her brown nail polish, and brown lip-stick.

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7. Her practical, comfortable, softsoledand not to mention ugly shoes de-signed for painful feet. Also her ugly plat-form heels and boxy block heels.

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6. Her half cup cha. Half cup or one,ittakes the same tea to make.Why does she

persist in asking for half?

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5. Her unwillingness to drive but con-stant requests for being driven around.

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4. Her cotton printed maxis. Or the wayshe drapes a dupatta on it to get the door.

33. After marriage she will stop askingyou if she looks fat. And laugh if you tellher so.

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2. She thinks her FabIndia/ Westside/Pantaloons kurti hides her flab.And thata leisurely stroll in the morning will getrid of it.

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. She will pester you to try tangra andgule fish while you want just chingrimalai curry.

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0. Saris are a must on all occasions andmost unattractive at times.Its invariablya taant or a dhakai in the mornings,which fluffs up around her already gener-ous middle and makes her look dumpyand unsexy. It isnt as sexy as a crepe orvibrant as a Kanjeevaram.

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. She will make you bend in front of herand fix her sari pleats, although you haveno clue how to, in a manner that is inequal parts helpless and in equal parts

authority. Only she knows how to do that.

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8. She says eeshh but it can get veryhissy depending on her mood.

27.She dives for the weekly magazine andhides it somewhere until she has finishedreading it. And by then its time for thenext weeks edition.

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. The overpowering smell of coconutoil or other hair oil the day before theywash their hair,is enough to make youwish you never fell for those lustrouslocks.

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. Or worse,they use henna in their hai r,and leave everything from the bathroomto the pillowcase smelling of mehndi.

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. She will force you to make the morn-ing tea and the afternoon tea on week-ends.Unlike a proper Indian wife whodknow that its her job to do so!

23. Granted, you wouldnt want aMayawati. But do you really want a Ma-mata Banerjee?

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. You really dont want a Bengali moth-er-in-law. Says blogger Jo:They will feed

you enough shorshe maach and bhaattomake you fat, then complain that you areputting on weight,ques tion your virilityand their plans of becoming a grandmomsoon.

21. She will gossip. She knows who youchecked out at work, or who is morefavoured by the boss.

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. She is dominating. She will controlthe colour of your underwear if she hadher way.

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9. She takes possessiveness to a newhigh. And gives it new meaning. A fewwomen having a crush on the boyfriendis an ego boost but god save the hus-band if he is caught being chivalrous toany woman.

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8. Shes suspicious. As a mother she will

check your phone bill to see how muchyouve spent on talking and texting yourgirlfriend.As a wife,she will still do it, tosee whether you are in constant touchwith that hot colleague.

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7. They dont like sports.And have lesspatience than most of her tribe with the

sports channel.So what if you were thelocalpara champ in your youth!

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6. She prefers stability over risk.So shewants you to settle for a fixed deposit overthe stock market and a good MNC over astart-up with possibilities. And thencomplain when those risks taken bysomeone else pay off.

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5.Theres a stark contrast in her,pre andpost marriage. So your wife will not bethe woman you dated.

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. Her son will always come beforeyou.

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. In the train/bus/plane she will expectyou to give her the window seat.If thereis just one,your son/daughter gets it.

12.She will spend her life obsessing abouther pet and later her son/daughter. Alsoher bonsais and cacti. And she expectsyou to do the same.

11. She will expect you to help with thechildrens maths homework. Even if sheis a science graduate and had three pa-pers in maths.

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. She must feed the kid during a 16-minute Metro journey and she will pre-serve a half-decaying,smelly banana forthe purpose.As if the kid would get mal-nourished if the feeding happened 16minutes later!

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. Same for the classwork/homeworknotebook. They have to be pulled out andscrutinised right in the middle of acrowded Metro compartment.

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. The really beautiful ones leave for Bol-lywood. The ones who are left behind arenot worth marrying.

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. She is supposed to be a mix of Bi-pashas oomph and Konkonas intellect.Wake up, kid!

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. Whats with the bad dancing whendrunk?

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. The modern Bong woman often smokesmore and drinks more than her husband.But it doesnt mean she is liberated.

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. She might be travelling the world,butshe is still papas little girl.And no mancompares to her Daddy to find a place inher heart. She will always be daddys

lakkhi meye.

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. Shes sexy. There something aboutthose eyes and the dusky skin. She lookslike she has promise. But she seldomlives up to it.

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. All you can do is ogle discreetly.She is afirm practitioner of mind over matter.Shes the quintessential tease.

1. And yet, despite it all, she is just toogood for you.Sorry men.

Poulomi Banerjee and

Malini Banerjee

50 REASONSnot to marry a Bengali woman

GoodMORNINGCALCUTTA