3 Great Questions

and how to ask them

Why do you ask?

Questions are almost irresistible. . . our brains love a puzzle and answer a question as fast as it is asked (sometimes our mouths take longer)

Questions are influential: they set the frame for a conversation and provide a measuring stick for both power and connection

Questions are necessary because we communicate by isolating information within an endless stream of data. In order to retrieve what we have filtered out or to create new connections between different points in the stream, we need to ask questions.

NLP Models of Language

To influence, you must maintain rapport

To learn, you must connect new information to what you have already stored in your experience

Language is a filter that leaves out most information. Language can

be used to retrieve missing information (Meta Model)

Language can be used to generalize experience to create common ground (Milton Model)

Questions allow us to make meaning together

What is rapport and where do you get some?

Signs of rapport & permission to ask

Rapport means demonstrating connection

signals your intention to be connected

depends on attention, intention and non-verbal cues

matching physiology (postures, breathing, expression, movement)

matching sensory experience (noticing the same qualities)

stories may match or complement

changes intentionally, maintained automatically

How to ask a great question

Form a clear intention for the relationship

Create an appropriate level of rapport

Ask a question that gets to patterns of behaviour

Notice how the pattern relates to your intention

Verify the relationship you notice

How well are you listening?

Pick a partner & practice the pattern

Have a general conversation about why you are here tonight. While you are talking, build rapport by acting as if you were genuinely interested in your partner: match physiology, voice, and language

When you have rapport, ask the question on the next slide

Have a conversation about the answer that follows your interest and your partner’s energy

Offer back exactly the same words your partner uses to verify when you pick up something significant

How much of your time do you spend solving problems?

Why is it a great question?

what do you now know about what motivates your partner?

what do you now know about how what your partner notices?

what do you now know about how your partner responds to problems?

Why not just ask directly?

Your level of rapport has to support the level of detail or honesty you require

People do not always know consciously how they actually respond

The response to a direct question is determined by the frame given by the questioner

What you think you see

may leave things out

Ask yourself a great question

in NLP courses, we prefer to work with patterns rather than with the content of those patterns

when working with language, we sometimes need content in order to make processes available to conscious attention

writing answers preserves the relationships and allows new information to circulate between your conscious & unconscious awareness

now think about something you want - a goal that seems just beyond your reach.

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you got what you want?

Great questions get unexpected answers

the best way to get to new information is to interrupt old patterns

this is a form of ecology check - a way of checking the implications of a goal

if you ask “what’s stopping you?” it implies that obstacles can be overcome; this question sidesteps the issue of whether a goal is possible to take a look at how desirable it is

How do you verify your own answers?

Get to the non-verbal information

There is lots of evidence that non-verbal information trumps language when the two are not in agreement

We can assume that everything we do and have communicates or

demonstrates something about our internal states

Asking about things is less threatening than asking about internal

states and allows for an easier flow of honest information

What is one thing that you can’t get rid of?

What did you learn?

in NLP we use language as a bridge that creates the possibility of connection between two or more people

language works by pattern and generalization so that different people can connect their unique experiences

questions are a way for two people to create meaning together

you need to listen before and after asking a question

great questions lead to new and useful information

Thanks for coming!