Choosing to Forgive

Reconciliation: God’s Way!

Chinese Symbol for “Conflict”

DangerOpportunity

C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters

• “When he gets to his pew and looks round him he sees just that selection of his neighbors whom he has hitherto avoided. You want to lean pretty heavily on those neighbors. Make his mind flit to and fro between an expression like 'the body of Christ' and the actual faces in the next pew. It matters very little, of course, what kind of people that next pew really contains. You may know one of them to be a great warrior on the Enemy's side. No matter. Your patient, thanks to Our Father Below, is a fool. Provided that any of those neighbors sing out of tune, or have boots that squeak, or double chins, or odd clothes, the patient will quite easily believe that their religion must therefore be somehow ridiculous."

2 Corinthians 5:18-20

• “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

4 Steps to Dealing with Conflict

• G: Glorify God• E: Eye Examination• R: Restore the Relationship• M: Make Peace

Step #1: Glorify God

• How?• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do

not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.”

Proverbs 3:5-7

Step #1: Glorify God

• Surround the issue and people involved in prayer.

• Ask “how can God get glory out of this situation?” Then pray to that end in mind.

Step #2: Eye Examination

• “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

• Matthew 7:5• Two kinds of logs:– Log A: Attitudes– Log B: Behavior

• How do you remove the log once you see it?

Step #2: Eye Examination

• Seven “A’s”– Address everyone involved– Avoid ifs, buts, and maybes (Don’t make excuses!)– Admit specifically what you did– Acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused– Accept the consequences– Alter your attitudes and/or actions– Ask for forgiveness

• Taken from PeaceMaker Ministries www.peacemaker.net

Luke 4:16-30

• “But in truth, I tell you, there were many widows in Israel in the days of Elijah, when the heavens were shut up three years and six months, and a great famine came over all the land, and Elijah was sent to none of them but only to Zarephath, in the land of Sidon, to a woman who was a widow. And there were many lepers in Israel at the time of the prophet Elisha, and none of them was cleansed, but only Naaman the Syrian.”

My Reality

This is Steve.

MLK

• “Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick-sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.”

Ephesians 2:14-16

• “For He Himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through His cross, thereby killing the hostility.”

Turn and Talk

• What walls: racial, mental, emotional, or spiritual, do you need to help break down for your friends?

Step #3: Restore the Relationship

• “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”

• Galatians 6:1• “If your brother sins against you, go and…

• A. Tell him his fault because it’s your spiritual gift• B. Tell others his fault because he’s an idiot• C. Tell him his fault & remind him of it on a regular basis• D. Tell him his fault, between you and him alone.

Step #3: Restore the Relationship

• “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” Prov. 19:11

• When should I overlook?– Is the offense seriously dishonoring God?– Has it permanently damaged a relationship?– Is it seriously hurting other people? – Is it seriously hurting the offender him/herself?

• If you answered “no” to all 4, then overlook.

Step #4: Make Peace

• “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.”

• Romans 12:18-19• How can I make peace with someone who I

still have difficulty with?

Step #4: Make Peace

• Practice the Four Promises of Forgiveness– "I will not dwell on this incident.”– "I will not bring up this incident again and use it

against you.”– "I will not talk to others about this incident.”– "I will not let this incident stand between us or

hinder our personal relationship."

This is Christa.

Who do you need to forgive?