2016 bereavement issue

Bereavement

MonitorTHE FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Information and resources about Catholic funeral rites . . . . . . S3

Technology slowly becomes part of planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S4

Music ministers proclaim Resurrection through song . . . . . . . S6

Why do Catholics pray for the dead? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S12

Listing of Catholic cemeteries in Diocese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S16

S U P P L E M E N T

Pallbearers surround the casket of Father James A. Thompson at his funeral Mass in October 2014. Monitor file photo

CNS photo

And let perpetual

light shine upon them

In this annual supplement, The Monitor

examines trends and resources

related to planning for funerals and

living out the Corporal Work of Mercy of praying

for the dead .

Bereavement THE MONITOR FEBRUARY 25, 2016S2

By Mike Nelson, Catholic News Service

Those involved in planning funeral liturgies know that a lot more goes into this ministry than simply coordinat-ing readings and songs.

There often needs to be special attention paid to family members who are not only grief stricken but who may have fallen away from the church or be at odds with other family members.

A music director at a Los Angeles archdiocesan parish said she worked with a daughter, estranged from her sisters, in planning her mothers funeral. The daugh-ter was worried that there might be hard feelings, a scene or something unpleasant that would mar the liturgy or aggravate the family discord.

Over the course of several meetings, in person and on the phone, the music direc-tor spent several hours with the daughter, helping her choose appropriate music and readings, but also simply listening to her story, addressing her worries and fears, and sharing her own experience of losing her parents.

The music director also made sure that the daughter understood the primary pur-pose of the funeral Mass.

On the day of the Mass, the daughters and other family members were all present. Few sang - not all were active churchgoers - but there was reverence and respect for the liturgy and each other. And there were no scenes. Until the very end.

As the music director, who also was the cantor, sang On Eagles Wings, she no-ticed that as the daughters began to depart the church, they stopped and hugged one another, tightly and tearfully. It was all the cantor could do to maintain her composure and continue as this healing and reconcilia-tion took place.

The belief that God is truly present in the midst of pain and sorrow is key to under-standing what makes a truly meaningful fu-neral liturgy. Indeed, celebrating the funeral rites of the church - the vigil service, the funeral Mass and burial - can make a world of difference to those mourning the passing of a loved one.

Christians celebrate the funeral rites to offer worship, praise, and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God, the author of life and the hope of the just, states the Order of Chris-tian Funerals.

So in a funeral Mass, we celebrate Gods gift of life and the deceaseds reunification with God. Parish ministers who are charged with planning and executing the rites can help family and friends understand this

Music and hospitality are key to funeral liturgies

A SONG OF FAREWELL Alfred Allongo plays the keyboard as Matt Georgetti sings Ave Maria during a funeral Mass at St. William the Abbot Church in Seaford, N.Y. Those involved in planning funeral liturgies know that a lot more goes into this ministry than simply coordinating readings and songs. CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz

through their knowledge and pastoral com-passion and sensitivity.

Being pastorally sensitive does not mean that anything goes with regard to rituals, prayers and songs. A knowledgeable and compassionate priest, music minister or liturgy director will assist the family members or friends who plan the liturgy in making selections from a wide array of choices.

Music in particular is integral to the funeral rites, according to the Order of Chris-tian Funerals. It allows the community to ex-press convictions and feelings that word alone may fail to convey. It has the power to console and uplift the mourners and to strengthen the unity of the assembly in faith and love.

The texts of the songs chosen for a par-ticular celebration should express the paschal mystery of the Lords suffering, death, and triumph over death and should be related to the readings from Scripture.

If there are songs of a nonsacred nature that were beloved by the deceased or some-how special, a reception following the liturgy is the appropriate place for them, as it is for eulogies.

A pastorally sensitive minister also takes time to know the family prior to the liturgy, whether or not he or she knew the deceased personally. That requires a spirit of hospitality on the part of the ministers, since it is often the case that some or most of those attending the liturgy will be family, friends and acquain-tances who may be non-Catholics or inactive Catholics.

The work of ministering and consoling those who attend a funeral Mass is the work of the entire parish community: the parish staff who oversee the planning and imple-mentation of the funeral rites and parish-ioners who pray each Sunday for the souls who have gone before us.

We do not journey alone in this world, nor should we be alone as we prepare to enter Gods kingdom, or as we bid farewell to those who go before us. Our funeral rites can help make that transition more com-forting and make Gods kingdom on earth more real to us all.

A time to mourn, a time to rejoice

The funeral rites [offer] worship, praise and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God.

ANGELIC HYMNS A choir sings at the funeral Mass for Msgr. Edward Strano in St. Clement Church, Matawan, in 2014. Monitor file photo

For more on the role of music at funerals in the Diocese of Trenton, please see page S6.

BereavementFEBRUARY 25, 2016 TrentonMonitor.com S3

ANGELIC HYMNS A choir sings at the funeral Mass for Msgr. Edward Strano in St. Clement Church, Matawan, in 2014. Monitor file photo

Lead you into paradiseAn overview of Catholic funeral rites and practices

The Catholic funeral rite is divided into several parts, each with its own pur-pose. This overview, prepared by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, explains some of the components of a Catholic burial.

Vigil Service (Wake)At the vigil, the Christian community keeps watch with

the family in prayer to the God of mercy and finds strength in Christs presence (Order of Christian Funerals, no. 56).

The Vigil Service usually takes place during the period of visitation and viewing at the funeral home.

It is a time to remember the life of the deceased and to commend his or her soul to God. In prayer we ask God to console us in our grief and give us strength to support one another.

The Vigil Service can take the form of a Service of the Word with readings from Sacred Scripture accompanied by reflection and prayers.

It can also take the form of one of the prayers of the Office for the Dead from the Liturgy of the Hours. The clergy and your funeral director can assist in planning such service.

It is most appropriate, when family and friends are gath-ered together for visitation, to offer time for recalling the life of the deceased. For this reason, eulogies are usually encour-aged to be done at the funeral home during visitation or at the Vigil Service.

Funeral LiturgyThe funeral liturgy is the central liturgical celebration of

the Christian community for the deceased. When one of its members dies, the Church encourages the celebration of the funeral liturgy at a Mass.

When Mass cannot be celebrated, a funeral liturgy outside Mass can be celebrated at the church or in the funeral home.

At the funeral liturgy, the Church gathers with the fam-ily and friends of the deceased to give praise and thanks to God for Christs victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to Gods tender mercy and compassion, and to seek strength in the proclamation of the Paschal Mystery.

The funeral liturgy, therefore, is an act of worship, and not merely an expression of grief.

Rite of Committal (Burial or Interment)The Rite of Committal, the conclusion of the funeral rite,

is the final act of the community of faith in caring for the body of its deceased member. It should normally be celebrated at the place of committal, that is, beside the open grave or place of interment.

In committing the body to its resting place, the commu-nity expresses the hope that, with all those who have gone before us marked with the sign of faith, the deceased awaits the glory of the resurrection.

The Rite of Committal is an expression of the communion that exists between the Church on earth and the Church in heaven: the deceased passes with the farewell prayers of the community of believers into the welcoming company of those who need faith no longer, but see God face-to-face.

The Churchs reverence and care for the body grows out of a reverence and concern for the person whom the Church now commends to the care of God.

This is the body once washed in baptism, anointed with the oil of salvation, and fed with the bread of life. This is the body whose hands clothed the poor and embraced the sor-rowing. The human body is so inextricably associated with the

ENTRUSTED TO GOD Mourners grieve at the interment of a family member in the Catholic News Service file photo. Catholics are enjoined to treat the body with care, out of a reverence for the person whom the Church now commends to Gods love and mercy. CNS file photo.

Prayer for the DeadIn your hands, O Lord,

we humbly entrust our brothers and sisters.In this life you embraced them with your tender

love;deliver them now from every evil

and bid them eternal rest.The old order has passed away:

welcome them into paradise,where there will be no sorrow, no weeping or

pain,but fullness of peace and joy

with your Son and the Holy Spiritforever and ever.Amen.

For more information on Catholic funerals in the Diocese of Trenton, including If We Die with the Lord, We Shall Live with the Lord: Reflections on the Order of Christian Funerals, by Bishop David M. OConnell, C.M., visit www.DioceseofTrenton.org/Catholic-Cemeteries

human person that it is hard to think of a human person apart from his or her body.

What about Cremation? While the Church continues to hold a prefer-

ence for corporeal burial, cremation has become part of Catholic practice in the United States and around the world.

In April 1997, the Holy See granted an indult for the United States to allow the diocesan bishop to permit the presence of the cremated remains of a body at a Funeral Mass. Later that year, they confirmed the special texts and ritual directives, which were then pub-lished as an appendix to the Order of Christian Funerals.

However, the Order of Christian Funerals Appendix on Cremation states: Although cremation is now permitted by the Church, it does not enjoy the same value as burial of the body. The Church clearly prefers and urges that the body of the deceased be present for the funeral rites, since the presence of the human body better expresses the values which the Church affirms in those rites (no. 413).

In addition, cremated remains must be buried or placed in a mau-soleum, not scattered or in other ways dispersed. Resources on the USCCB website are available to help better explain and deepen the Cath-olic understanding of cremation as an option for the final disposition of the body.

U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops

Bereavement THE MONITOR FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Catholic News Service

In an age where people order groceries, plan vacations, find love or news updates online, it should be no surprise that some aspects of funeral planning are also slowly making use of although not quite embracing technology.

Its happening in small steps, in other words, not at warp speed.

Funeral homes are primarily still places where people actually sit down with a funeral director and plan the wake, funeral service and burial for their loved one. They also choose neces-sary purchases, pay the often costly bill and fill out plenty of forms including one to obtain a death certificate.

In recent years, more funeral homes have set up websites offering details of the services they provide but prices are not usually listed. These sites often provide checklists of things bereaved families should consider and resources for dealing with grief.

Funeralone, a technology and con-sultation firm for funeral homes based

in Detroit, urges modern funeral homes to tap into social media not only to be competitive in todays market but to provide a service for families to connect or to find support in their grief.

A 2012 blog on the companys web-site lamented that one in five funeral homes were still not online, and less than half of funeral homes were using social media.

But in 2015 number of funeral homes are at least testing the waters of new technology. In the Diocese of Tren-

CREATING A PLAN ONLINE Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, Mount Laurel, offers online visitors information about the benefits of burial or internment at a Catholic place of rest, encourages family members to begin planning for funeral arrangements ahead of time, and allows people to request personal, in-home meetings about burials. Screenshot

Technology slowly becomes part of burial planning

ton, Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cem-etery has a website jesusbread oflife.net that allows people to learn more about the richness of being buried at a Catholic cemetery and offers the ability to request personal, in-home appoint-ments to discuss burial or interment.

For example, many funeral home websites advertise that provide memo-rial videos with music and photos of the deceased that can be shown at the funeral homes.

Many homes also offer, for a fee, to

livestream the funeral or vigil service for out-of-town guests unable to attend in person.

Some parishes have their own media ministry and already livestream Sunday Masses or other events so fam-ily members should check with what their parish provides before lining up this service with a funeral home.

Another technological newcomer to funeral and burial planning is apps such as iFuneral where people can identify personal decisions about how they want their own funeral, thus leaving out the guesswork for grieving family members.

Today there are online memorials and places to light virtual candles for the deceased. Families are also using crowdfunding websites seeking charity donations or help with burial costs.

But will technologys entrance into the very personal and often grief-ridden work of funerals have a negative effect? Its still too early to tell, Carla Sofka, a

Social media ... provide a service for families to connect or find support in their grief.

See Technology S11

S4


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And he will raise you up on eagles wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.

The refrain from On Eagles Wings, a hymn written by Father J. Mi-chael Joncas, is a common soundtrack to Catholic funerals, including ones across the Diocese of Trenton.

Roger Pisani, director of music and liturgy in the Catholic community of St. Peter, Point Pleasant Beach, says that Joncas, who he has known for a couple of decades, wrote the song after the unexpected death of a family member of one of Joncas fellow semi-narians.

As a result, it brings to the funeral liturgy a blend of recognition of human grief, but also a profound trust in the power of Christs resurrection that makes it a recurring selection for funer-als, Pisani says.

Across Diocese, hymns strike familiar chord of resurrection

MINISTERING THROUGH MUSIC The adult choir of St. Barnabas, Bayville, is led by Joe Antono-wicz, who says that music at funeral Masses can be a way to remind friends and family of the power of Christs resurrection. Photo courtesy of Joe Antonowicz

In Funeral Masses, Pisani said, We kind of do three things we com-mend the deceased to the love and mercy of God; we acclaim the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, just as we do at every liturgy; and we comfort and console the grieving.

Musics role is to help the assem-bled Church engage the purpose of the liturgy and participate in it.

Sacred music has an integral role in the funeral rites, since it can console and uplift mourners while, at the same time, uniting the assembly in faith and love, according to the 2007 document Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Wor-ship, released by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. Music should never be used to memorialize the deceased, but rather to give praise to the Lord, whose Paschal Sacrifice has freed us from the bonds of death.

For Joe Antonowicz, who leads

music ministry in St. Barn-abas Parish, Bayville, songs like On Eagles Wings are a chance to remind ourselves of the power of Christs triumph over death.

We speak of the resur-rection at the forefront of our belief, Antonowicz said, but it seems like we only sing about it during Easter season! So we try to help families choose songs which are based on the resurrection.

The process of choos-ing music for the funeral varies across parishes, but often involves comfort or bereavement ministers, sometimes accompanied by musicians, sitting with families to talk about their loved ones lives and find music that illustrates their journey of faith.

In addition to On Eagles Wings, there are a handful of hymns that have made themselves popular selections for sharing the joy of the resurrection in the context of a time of grief and hope.

A lot of people love the song Be Not Afraid, Pisani said, and a more recent one is David Haas setting of You

See Music S10

Music should ... give praise to the Lord, [who] freed us from the bonds of death.

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St. Barnabas S 33 Woodland Road, BayvilleLosing a loved one is never easy. Do you need to talk? Are you in shock, afraid or feeling guilty? Some people find it helpful to join a support group to help with their healing. There is no one way to grieve. Every person has their own style and timetable. When in a support group many emotions will flow from your grief work. We will have a support group starting on April 5th at 7:00 PM for six (6) consecutive weeks. Come journey with us toward healing and reconciliation.

For more information or to register for the sessions, please contact Terry Damiano at 732-269-2208 x 120

St. Paul Parish, PrincetonBereavement Support GroupContact: John Twamley 609-924-1743Meeting Place: Parish Spiritual CenterTime: 7:00PM on Monday Evenings8 Week Session April 4 May 23

PARISHBereavement

Ministry DIRECTORY

St. PiuS X ChurCh BEREAVEMENT MINISTRYIn an effort to support those who have lost a loved one, St. Pius X Church offers several groups to minister to them. Journey through Grief is designed to comfort adults who have lost a loved one. Companions on the Journey is an ongoing support group. Rainbows addresses the special needs of children and teens grieving any serious loss, be it death or divorce. Amazing Grace is a post-abortive support group offering comfort, reconciliation and healing to those suffering the spiritual and emotional pain of abortion.

Contact St. Pius X Parish Office, Forked River: 609-693-5107

St. Joseph Church in Toms River Bereavement MinistryLet us offer you the love, care and support you seek as you journey through the loss of a loved one.Our 8-week program runs twice a yearfall and spring.

Please contact Celine Fowler at 732-349-0018 ext. 2223

Bereavement Group at St. David the KingPRINCETON JUNCTIONMinistry Team: Nanci Bachman, Jeanne Hardingham and James Mahlmann will schedule their next Bereavement Group Sessions beginning in April. The six ses-sions A journey from Grief to Healing will be held on Wednesday evenings from 7 8:30 PM. For more information please contact Nanci Bachman at [email protected] or call 609.275.7111 ext 311.


A Time To Hope A Time To HealIf you are experiencing pain and loss resulting from the death of a loved one we invite you to become part of our support group. We offer afternoon, 1-3 pm, and evening, 7-9 pm, sessions for eight consecutive Mondays at Holy Eucharist Church. Our first meeting will take place on March 14, 2016 and continue through May 2, 2016.

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Music plays powerful role in healing, honoring deceased

Are Mine. I think that phrase dont be afraid thats a time when we as humans and as Christians need to hear that.

Antonowicz said that at St. Barn-abas, their comfort ministers sit with a family to find songs that express notes of hope and personality.

It can be a difficult time for peo-ple, so we try to make it as personal as possible and try to accommodate all the wishes of the family and the deceased, he said. Occasionally, there are favorite songs of the deceased that the family will incorporate into the liturgy, which is totally appropriate because this is the last liturgy of their former life on Earth and now going into their heavenly life.

Rene Hatzold, director of sacred music at Corpus Christi Parish, Willing-boro, said that she has prepared a list of hymns for families to help them select the ones that best honor a persons life.

Since the family picks most of the music themselves, the music often speaks deeply to them a lot of time people will pick out hymns which were favorites of their loved one. Its very powerful. I get a lot of notes back from the families telling me how much it helped them get through the Mass, get

through the funeral itself.Antonowicz has seen music play a

powerful role of solace during funeral liturgies. No matter if an attendee at the funeral is a daily communicant or has not stepped foot in a church in years, they often are moved by music in a way that words alone cannot express.

Im a firm believer that music, for the most part, transcends human-ity, Antonowicz said. It can move the spirit in any direction to joy, to sorrow, to repentance, to trust. Music is something otherworldly...It can really bring the family into a comfort space.

A lot of times theyll come back in after a service and say that really was so beautiful, I appreciate all that you did. Its something that touches their heart and soul.

Pisani said that music can highlight or accentuate certain elements in the funeral rite that often become some of the most memorable from the Mass.

There are certain times in the liturgy where the ritual itself, together the music, is very, very powerful, he said. For example, the incensing of the casket at the final commendation rites that can be a very powerful mo-ment. There are certain hymns or songs that seem to engage the deepest levels

Continued from S6

of understanding but also bypass the mind and go directly to the heart.

Maintaining ones composure while leading song for a clearly-emotional assembly of family and friends can be difficult.

To be able to lead music during the period of time when its obvious that something has really hit a chord with people - sometimes that can be a tough thing to do, Pisani said.

For those making preparations for a funeral, either ahead of time or after the loss of a loved one, many times funeral homes or parishes will include a stipend for the musicians in the cost of the services, taking one less thing to worry about off of the plate of a griev-ing family.

Many times, individuals will ask for specific songs to be included at their fu-neral Mass, which can be a way of shar-

ing this is what I think my life, my Christian journey, has been marked by these images, these Scripture passages, these songs and I offer that to you as a way to celebrate my faith and your faith, as well, Pisani said.

There are some religious com-munities, such as the Sisters of St. Joseph, who serve in our parish, who as a practice plan their own funeral arrangements, as far as the scripture and the music. It can take some of the fear that is natural in dying away, and it can also be a way of easing some of the burdens on our family, to be able to maybe have a few less details to work out when that time comes, said Pisani.

The age of the person being bur-ied can also impact the music selected and how it is performed. Hatzold said that for an upcoming funeral Mass for a child in the parish, the funeral choir will be singing a prelude featur-ing the childrens song Yes, Jesus Loves Me.

When my parents died, without the music there, it [would have been] twice as hard to get through it, Hat-zold said. Music lightens the burden of the loss.

Music lightens the burden of the loss.


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professor of social work at Siena College in Albany, New York, told The Atlantic magazine in 2014.

One thing Sofka, who has been studying the combination of technology and grief since the mid-1990s, does know is that people who watch funerals online still need that personal connection and should reach out to others and share stories about the deceased, not just view the service in isolation.

And as with any use of modern technology that makes an event more accessible or easier to plan, the basics of what is happening and why, cant be forgotten with the speed of the Wi-Fi connection.

Funerals, after all, have a very distinct purpose.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, in its website section on bereavement and funer-als, emphasizes the significance of how the church mourns and buries its dead.

Through private prayer and public funeral rites, we strengthen our faith and hope, comfort those who mourn, and bury the bodily remains of the deceased with care befitting what was the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Continued from S4

Technology increasingly aids planning for burials


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Praying for the dead might not make sense to nonbelievers but for Catholics it is part and parcel of the faith tradition, rooted in Old Testament read-ings and supported by the Catechism and the Churchs funeral liturgy.

Our faith teaches us to pray for the dead, said Bishop Edward K. Braxton of Belleville, Illinois, in a 2015 All Saints Day reflection, stressing that although people hope that those who die are with God and the angels and saints, it is not necessarily a guarantee.

Scripture teaches that all of the dead shall be raised. However, only the just are destined for the kingdom of God, the bishop wrote.

According to the Catholic Encyclo-pedia, the clearest Bible reference about prayers for the dead is from the Second Book of Maccabees. When soldiers were preparing the bodies of their slain comrades for burial they discovered they were wearing amulets taken from a pagan temple, which violated the law of

Deuteronomy, so they prayed that God would forgive the sin these men had committed.

The New Testament echoes this notion in the second letter of Timothy when Paul prays for someone who died named Onesiphorus, saying: May the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that day.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church also has something to say about prayers for the dead, stating: All who die in Gods grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven. (No. 1030)

The Roman catacombs where early Christians were buried also were places of prayer.

Today, prayers for the dead begin at the moment of death, often when fam-ily members are gathered around the bedside of the person who has died.

Prayers for death and grieving are among the Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers, published in 2007 by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops which includes prayers immediately after death, prayers for mourners, prayers at graveside and a more general prayer for the dead.

Of course these prayers continue in the funeral liturgy, which is the central

liturgical celebration of the Christian community for the deceased, according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bish-ops overview of Catholic funeral rites: www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/bereavement-and-funerals/overview-of-catholic-funeral-rites.cfm.

The funeral liturgy, the website points out, is an act of worship, and not merely an expression of grief.

It is a time when the Church gath-ers with the family and friends of the

deceased to give praise and thanks to God for Christs victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to Gods tender mercy and compassion, and to seek strength in the proclama-tion of the Paschal Mystery, it adds.

The prayers in the funeral liturgy express hope that God will free the person who has died from any burden of sin and prepare a place for him or her in heaven.

Why do Catholics pray for the dead?

REQUIEM TERNAM One of the Spiritual Works of Mercy, acts which are especially encouraged during this Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy, is to pray for the dead. Stock phot0

See Prayer S14


George S. HasslerFuneral Home

Brian T. HasslerManager

NJ Lic. No. 4054

George S. HasslerOwner & DirectorNJ Lic. No. 3193

A Catholic Family Serving Our Community Since 1978.

980 Bennetts Mills RoadP.O. Box 1326

Jackson Twp., New Jersey 08527www.hasslerfuneralhome.com

Phone732-364-6808

Fax732-364-8592

Gary T. BowcockDirector

NJ Lic. No. 3385

Braun Funeral Home106 Broad StreetEatontown, NJ732-542-0383

Bedle Funeral Homes601 Broad Street

Keyport, NJ732-264-0499

212 Main StreetMatawan, NJ732-566-1962


Timothy W. Everett, Manager | N.J. Lic. No. 3506

John M. (Mark) Arnold, Owner | N.J. Lic. No. 4236Carmen C. Huber | N.J. Lic. No. 3983

The funeral rite is a prayer for the dead, designated by the Church as the liturgy of Christian burial, wrote Bishop Braxton in his reflection.

He noted that many parishes regularly disregard the emphasis of this liturgy by printing funeral programs which say: the Mass of the Resurrection: A Celebration of Life, even though the person has obviously not yet been raised from the dead.

According to the Catechism, most Catho-lics who dont merit hell still need purification before entering heaven and pass through a state when they die that the Church describes

Continued from S12 as purgatory.In a question and answer page on Busted

Halo, a Paulist-run website at http://busted-halo.com, Paulist Father Joe Scott said praying for the dead has further origins in our belief in the Communion of Saints.

The priest, an associate pastor at St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Community in Los Angeles, added that living members of this communion can assist each other in faith by prayers and other forms of spiritual support.

Christians who have died continue to be members of the Communion of Saints, he wrote. We believe that we can assist them by our prayers, and they can assist us by theirs.

Prayer for dead has deep roots in Catholicism

After wifes death, writer turns grief into insightBy Catholic News Service

Coping with the death of a spouse is a new journey, or pilgrimage, for many and Bill Dodds, a long-time Catholic News Service columnist, knows all about the bumps and detours along the way.

For years, he wrote columns, and books on family life, with his wife, Monica, who died in 2013.

After her death he began sharing with readers about a new family experi-ence: being a widower after a marriage of 38 years.

Initially, he said he didnt want to write about his grief because he knew too little about it. It was still unchar-tered territory.

As he put it just months after her death: In some ways it seems like years since my wife, Monica, died in January. In other ways, its only yesterday. And that timeline can shift at any moment, with no apparent regularity or rhythm.

He described navigating those first months without his spouse as making my way through unfamiliar sometimes foreign surroundings. Now I write the checks for the monthly bills. Now, in the

evening, the house is very quiet.Dodds wrote that he had been

helped by others whom he described as new pilgrims like me. Others are guides who have been on this path for a long time and remember their first few weeks, months, years. All of us have a similar story to tell but each story is unique.

In those initial months, he needed help of family and friends and the grace of God through the sacraments and through his presence in others.

But each day, he said, he took small steps, even though he admitted the steps often led to a winding, circling, confusing path.

Even before his wife died, when she was in the final stage of uter-ine cancer, Dodds said people were asking him if he planned to write a book about widowhood and grief. At first, he dismissed this idea but eventually he decided to write a book on this subject not for those who are personally going through it but as a tool to help family members and friends of those who lost a spouse. He intended the

A LOSS FOR WORDS A man touches the casket of his wife during her funeral Mass in Johnson City, N.Y. Bill Dodds wrote A Widowers Tale based on his experience with his wifes death. CNS photo/Lucas Jackson, Reuters

book to provide a glimpse to what those early days, months and years of grief can be like.

He expressed these ideas through a fictional novel called Mildred Nudge: A Widowers Tale, published on the second anniversary of Monicas death.

Dodds said he was gratified to hear people tell him the book gave them a deeper appreciation of what a parent or grandparent, friend or family member was going through or that it gave them newfound sympathy and understanding.

He also said it gave him a window into understanding how little he knows about some hardships people suffer such as the death of a child, marriage ending in divorce, job loss, drug addic-tion, chronic illness or pain.


Four Generations of Family Service

Two locations:

www.pepplerfh.com

114 South Main Street Allentown, NJ 08501Phone: (609) 259-7391Fax: (609) 259-1600 [email protected]

Karen E. Peppler | ManagerNJ Lic. No. 4584 NJ Lic. No. 4584

122 Crosswicks Street Bordentown, NJ 08505 Phone: (609) 298-1333Fax: (609) 291-1333 [email protected] Edgar N. Peppler Jr. | ManagerNJ Lic. No. 3926 NJ Lic. No. 3926

Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family

Silverton Memorial Funeral Home2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ

(732) 255-6363

Paula De John, Manager, N.J. Lic. No. 3438Teresa Intelisano, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 3294

Rudolph Intelisano Sr., Director, N.J. Lic. No. 2316Gregory De John, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4261

Pre-need Traditional Cremation Prepaid Insurance Plans Trust Funds


BURLINGTON COUNTYSacred Heart, Mount Holly www.parishofsacredheart.org (609) 267-0209

Holy Assumption, Roebling www.stsfnc.org (609) 499-0161

St. Mary, Bordentownwww.stmarysbordentown.org (609) 298-0261

St. Paul, Burlington www.stkatharinedrexel-nj.org (609) 386-0152

Our Lady of Good Counsel, Moorestownwww.olgcnj.org (856) 235-0181

St. Clare, Florence www.stsfnc.org (609) 499-0161

Assumption, New Egypt www.churchoftheassumption.com (609) 758-2153

St. Peter, Riverside www.jesusthegoodshepherd.org (856) 461-0100

Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery is now open for ground burials and can provide temporary entombments during our mausoleum construction. Each of our ground spaces are double-depth and can accommodate two full casket burials.

Our initial ground burial offerings feature flat marker sections as well as upright monument sections, providing families with choices for their eternal resting spaces.

Construction is well underway for our mausoleum which will feature 1,404 casket spaces in several different configurations; single, true companion, tandem and abbey crypts. The mausoleum will feature indoor and outdoor crypts,

as well as indoor and outdoor niches, and glass niches in the interior.

Along with our outdoor niches, the St. Anthony Garden Columbarium is scheduled to be opened in the spring of 2016, and will offer the added choice of a garden-like setting for families choosing cremation as their final disposition.

For answers to your questions or to receive more specific information about availability, pricing, finance and payment options, please contact Deacon Ed Heffernan at 856-317-6400 or [email protected]. You may also download our brochure on

our website at www.jesusbreadoflife.net. Of course, you can stop by and visit us at 3055 Fostertown Road, Mt. Laurel, NJ 08054.

Call St. Marys Cemetery and Mausoleum at 609-396-3421 for assistance for these diocesan cemeteries: St. Francis Cemetery; St. Stephen Cemetery; Holy Sepulchre Cemetery; St. Nicholas Cemetery.

Parishes with CemeteriesMONMOUTH COUNTYMother of Mary Parish, Asbury Park www.holyspiritasburypk.4lpi.com (732) 775-0030

St. John, Allentown www.stjohnsallentownnj.org (609) 259-3391

Our Lady of Mercy, Englishtown www.moremercy.org (St. Thomas More Church) (732) 446-6661

St. Rose of Lima, Freehold www.stroseoflima.com (732) 462-0859

St. Joseph, Keyport www.stjosephkeyport.org (732) 264-0322

St. Gabriel, Marlborowww.stgabrielonline.com (732) 946-4487

St. James, Red Bank www.stjamesredbank.com (732) 741-0500

St. Catharine-St. Margaret, Spring Lake www.stcatharine-stmargaret.com (732) 449-5765

Our Lady Star of the Sea, Long Branch www.christthekingparishlongbranch.org (732) 222-3216

OCEAN COUNTYSt. Mary, Barnegat http:/ /stmary.shoresurfer.com (609) 698-5531

St. Mary of the Lake, Lakewood www.smlcmt.net (732) 363-0139

St. Joseph, Toms River www.stjosephcemeterytr.org (732) 349-0018St. Maximilian Kolbe, Toms River (Mausoleum only) (732) 914-0300

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Whiting, All Saints Columbarium [email protected] 732-350-5001

Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, call (856) 317-6400 for assistance.

MERCER COUNTYSt. Hedwig, Trenton www.sainthedwigparish.com (609) 396-9068

Sts. Peter and Paul, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton (609) 393-4826

St. Stanislaus, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton www.divinemercyoftrenton.org (609) 393-4826

St. Alphonsus, Hopewellwww.rc.net/trenton/stalphonsus (609) 466-0332

St. Paul, Princeton www.stpaulsprinceton.org (609) 924-1743

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2016 bereavement issue

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