2014 Addition of Awkward Family Feedback

Meet . . . . .

Last minute Lonnie

Sally Structure

Rita Rambles

Anna Analyze

Textless Tim

Forgetful Fred

Last Minute Lonnie

• Strong ideas are developed too late or not as fully as higher scoring essays• There is some analysis but not enough• PLAN:Work on fleshing out and developing ideasUse transitions more effectively to show stronger relationships between your ideasSome of these essays may even need an additional paragraph or two

Sally Structure

• The main organizing structures of a full response may be missing or partially missing.• See notes on thesis and topic sentences• Make sure there is a clear intro and conclusion• PLANThink about which ideas belong in the same paragraphOrganize your discussion so that everything connects back to your topic sentence, and by extension, thesis.Take the time to write a lead in (hook) and write a solid conclusion

Forgetful Fred

• Remember the prompt asks you to analyze the literary techniques used to characterize the speaker• You may have focused just on the characterization instead of linking

this to a number of poignantly used lit techniques• You may have overlooked one huge technique• PLANRework some of your topic sentences to include lit tech + characterizationMake sure that you get rid of summary and stick to language and lit device choices that Oates makes to present Judd to readers

Textless Tim

• Remember the prompt asks you to “support your analysis with specific references to the passage”- that means ample and sophisticated use of the text• Be sure to utilize (i.e. embed and discuss quotes you select)• Use partial quotes rather than lengthy references• PLAN• Use at least 3 pieces of textual support per body paragraph• Select the best portions to help illustrate and connect to a point your

are making• Pare down lengthy use or unrelated use of the text

Analyze Anna

• The prompt asks you to ANALYZE the techniques Oates uses to characterize the speaker.• To analyze is to break the passage down, examine details and then

interpret• You either had minimal analysis or it was hidden beneath too much

summarizing• PLANCut all summaryFocus on details and examine what the use of a word- crevice even- might reveal about Judd’s introspection, etc.Analyze sentence patterns and punctuation (you might want to revisit David Lodge’s note about SOC

Rita Rambles

• Great ideas, Rita, but get some control!• Your main points are lost in a sea of jargon or disorganization• You may need to reign in some of your discussion to focus on using

and economy of words or focus on the best pieces of your analysis• PLANGet rid of any fluff or repetition in your wordingUse more focus and control nuances of language to push yourself toward mastery- see the 8/9 rubric

Group break out:

Now:1. Find your similar awkward family members2. Reread your work and find areas that are problematic3. Share these problem areas and solicit specific feedback4. Use the rubric and the example as an anchoring guide

Closure and Reflection:

Grab two post its and write a specific plan for revision. Point to your family area and/or a paragraph or portion of the essay that you plan on revamping. Think ADD, REJECT, REWORD, RETHINK, EXPAND, more so than EDIT.