2014-11-14 headoverheels.pdf

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Head

Over Heels Reversed By Jeff Whitty

Music by the Go-Go's

Inspired by Sir Philip Sidney's "The Arcadia"


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Characters

BASILIUS -- The Duke of Arcadia, 40’s-50’s

GYNECIA -- His Wife, 40’s

PAMELA -- Their Ravishingly Beautiful Oldest Daughter, 18

By Jeff Whitty

Music by the Go-Go's

Inspired by Sir Philip Sidney's "Old Arcadia"

PHILOCLEA -- The Other Daughter, 17

MUSIDORUS -- An Earnest Young Shepherd

PHILANAX -- The Duke’s Fool

MOPSA -- Maidservant to the Duke’s Daughters

DAMETAS -- The Head Manservant

THE ORACLE -- A Female Supernatural Seer

ASSORTED MUSICIANS, SUITORS, SERVANTS, RELIGIOUSSISTERS, UNDERTAKERS, STAGE MANAGERS as well as ALION and A BEAR.


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SONG LISTAct One

1. “Beautiful” / “Throw Me a Curve”

2. “Good Girl”

3. “Get Up and Go”4. “Mad About You”

5. “Automatic Rainy Day”

6. “Vision of Nowness”

7. “This Old Feeling”

8. “My Traveling Heart”

9. “Vacation”

10. “How Much More”

11. “Mad About You (Reprise)”

12. “Our Lips Are Sealed”

Act Two

1. “Head over Heels”

2. “I Get Weak”

3. “Insincere”

4. "Unforgiven" / “Lust to Love”

5. “Here You Are”6. “Apology”

7. “We Got the Beat”

And One Surprise.


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Head Over HeelsFirst, a preface:When the audience walks into the AllenElizabethan Theater, they are entering a party.

They are greeted by any available member of thecompany, whether actor or staff or creatives.Every audience member is helped -- given a

program, shown to their seats or to the bar orrestrooms, etc.

An eccentric and gifted band is jamming in thelobby.

None of the acting company is yet “incharacter.” They are themselves, as real aspossible. They’re actors in a musical called“Head Over Heels.” They offer a friendlyforthright honesty always. If they encounter

friends from the world outside, they say hi totheir friends.

It’s a party.

The audience gets a drink, perhaps. Listens tothe band. Wanders to the house.

There they will discover the set.

The company continues to mingle with the

audience. The interaction is not aggressive. Noone is singled out for the attention of others. The atmosphere is chill. No “audienceparticipation” as we know and dread it.

A few minutes before showtime, the actor whoplays Philanax walks onstage in a casualmanner. He is dressed as a court jester.


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That his clothes may be careworn does notnegate the truth of his immaculate style.

The actor perches on the edge of the stage andchats with nearby audience members. A fewminutes pass. He rises, stands center and waitsfor their full attention.

The cast casually assembles behind Philanax ashe speaks:

PHILANAXSo it appears we are assembled? We are pulled together? Ishould say so. Hello and good evening, dear Audience. Welcometo “Head Over Heels.”

Right now is our twilit moment. We have departed theUniverse of Parking and Getting Programs and Enjoying theMarvelous Ceiling Above Us. (This is the workshop: you see aceiling and must imagine the sky.) We’ve left Reality and havenot yet engaged in our Fiction. We are neither Here nor There. We could go Anywhere in this moment.

We might now perform a cycle of plays about Lyndon B. Johnson! But the glorious presence of our orchestra offers a reverse: asplashy MUSICAL. In this breath of a moment, I must alert you to the Single

Rule of Our Entertainment: the actors are forbidden to deviatefrom the script as written. We cannot adjust a word.. For Ialways follow the rules. I will not deviate from the script. I am the maddeningly handsome John Tufts. I playPhilanax, the Clown. I am a fearless improviser -- but alas, youshall not witness those talents tonight for they are forbidden,as I told you.

John Tufts shall then engage with a member ofthe audience, or the whole audience, however hewishes. “Oh, what a lovely jacket, lady in the

third row, what is your name?” or whatever.Don’t fuck it up.

RULE: Improvisation is most certainly allowed,for now only the Author will collect theaccolades.

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When the improvised moment is over, Mr. Tuftswill then pull a couple of pages of parchmentfrom his back pocket and regard it, and quotealoud the last few words of the exchange asthough it were written upon the page.

PHILANAX... Yes, yes, exactly. See? This IS the script and it’s all here onPage Two. I fear I cannot look ahead for this is all that’s writtenso far. -- Not true, actually!

(reading from the page)“These people behind me, all of us gathered here -- we are yourconsorts, your ladies of the evening and fellas too.”

(he disengages from the script and gestureswith a flourish)

Gentlefolk of the Audience, We are your COMPANY!

The company cheers the audience. One actressof the ensemble goes a little overboard intocheerleader mode. Philanax smiles at her andshe meekly steps back into line.

PHILANAX (cont'd)“Head Over Heels” is based on a book by Sir Philip Sidney, whowas born in 1554. It features the music of a rock band formedin 1978: The Go Go’s. It’s like that, yes. They do not go

together, and they will go together nonetheless. Sir Philipdedicated this story to his sister, the Countess of Pembroke.He told her that it is “but a trifle, and that triflingly handled.”Sir Philip, we shall treat the gift of your source material exactlyas you intended.

Lights shift. Lilting music begins.

PHILANAX (cont'd) The land of Arcadia is held in singular reputation: for thesweetness of its air, the well-tempered minds of its people, and

an Efficiency that defies any unpleasant surprises -- or Surpriseof any sort.

The actors playing Basilius and Gynecia stepforward.

Philanax takes out a deck of cards. For eachactor he introduces, he gives them a card, whichthey take and pocket.

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PHILANAX (cont'd)Ruling over Arcadia is the King, Basilius, who is played byPatrick Cummings. His Queen and wife is Gynecia -- hello,Miriam, you’re known around these parts! Say hi! The King andQueen have two daughters.

Two young female actors step forward.

PHILANAX (cont’d) The King’s elder daughter is Pamela, and her beauty isrenowned across at least several dozen continents.

A moment. Pamela bursts forth.

PAMELA That’s me, yes!

PHILANAXShe is portrayed by the divine Amy Jo Jackson. Good morningPamela!

Philanax gets the audience to applaud for her.Pamela drinks it in, smiling and waving. Whenit ends:

PHILANAX (cont’d)

And there was another daughter too.

Philanax continues without introducing theother actor’s name. A bit down in the mouth,she self-consciously takes a card and melts backinto the company.

PHILANAX (cont’d)And what happens to this family is the spine of our story,though I should also point out Mopsa, played by BritneySimpson, and her father Dametas, who’s played by -- you all

know Kevin! Keep an eye on these avatars as you watch ourentertainment. Notice that I didn’t say “comedy.” Becausecomedy promises a happy ending.

A moment as Philanax gazes with malice -- orperhaps mischief -- to the back of the house.

PHILANAX (cont’d)And so our twilit moment ends.

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An explosion of drums as the play begins.

SCENE ONE -- THE ORACLE1

Two torches come alight, carried by Basilius andhis servant Dametas. The rest of the companyvanishes.

BASILIUSDametas, our fortnight of travel doth end in this damp andsuffocating cave. Yet no Oracle doth appear.

DAMETASWith thy favor I suggest we press forward, My King, and heedthe direction of yon liver-spotted crone -- ? She who malingeredat the cave’s entrance -- ? She bade us follow the odor ofsulphur. “Where the stench is rankest,” said she, “There shaltthe Oracle be discovered.”

They step further into the cave, and face anolfactory assault.

BASILIUS The air doth reek as ‘twere expelled by all of Satan’s flatulent

minions in a loud and angry chorus!

A blind woman appears, bathed in a blue mist.She appears to float.

DAMETASAnd so the directions were true! Behold, My King!

BASILIUSAh!

(collecting himself, smilingly approaching her)

Greetings unto you, good Spectre! I do travel here in search ofthe renowned Oracle.

ORACLEAnd here thy journey ends.

BASILIUSIf thou would’st suffer an introduction -- my name is --

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ORACLEI know.

BASILIUSOur journey began in the land of --

ORACLEI know.

A moment.

BASILIUSN --

ORACLEI know. King Basilius of Arcadia, you seek naught but comforthere: honeyed assurances that your life, so blessed ere now,should forever thus remain.

BASILIUSSuch a small kindness would repay the hardship of our journey, yes --

ORACLEImpatient man. Know you not that nothing is so certain ascontinual uncertainty?

BASILIUSNot when a soothsayer of thy repute doth allay such concerns.

ORACLE(laughs)

A deft attempt, BUT -- a soothsayer am I, but not all I say maysoothe you. Now you give me my gold.

BASILIUSOf course. Dametas?

DAMETASA hundred gold coins for thee. You may count them if you --

She takes the gold and pockets it, notexamining, her gaze fixed on Basilius.

DAMETAS (cont’d)Right, yes, nevermind.

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ORACLENow then. Let us open a book on the past before we examine That Which Shall Come. You have brought unyielding Order toArcadia in thy rule of eighteen years.

BASILIUSIndeed!

ORACLEAnd as your power grows, it fattens Apprehension.

BASILIUSApprehension? Ha! I am known to laugh at fear!

ORACLEWould you have me share the comedy, then? For it doth lie inthe reversals.

BASILIUS(a bit crankily)

Nay! If thy news be grim, thou should spare the telling of it. Ishall return home and bother thee no longer.

ORACLEWE HAVE NO TIME. I shall deliver my divine prophetic visionafter I do this.

(She gasps a pained breath as she starts tochannel. The earth rumbles. She risesterrifyingly.)

Whatever fear you might have suffered ere now is nothing inlight of what I now divine.

BASILIUS Then GET TO IT BY ALL MEANS --

He closes his eyes, terrified.

ORACLEHEARKEN!(musicalized:)

Thy elder daughter breaks men’s hearts for sport, But not with Man shall she find consummation; Thy younger daughter shall thine orders thwart

To love a liar well beneath her station. Thou with thy wife adult’ry shalt commit,

MORE

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And in thy throne another man shall sit. All this on thee this fatal year shall hit.

BASILIUSHuh? Your news inspires such dread I forgot its contents --

ORACLEI shall repeat it only once, in a manner most clear. And it shallbe remembered.

She gestures toward Dametas.

DAMETASI’ve an idea! I shall put QUILL to PAPER, my Lord --

He takes out a quill and paper and writes busily.

BASILIUSSo: my elder child, Pamela --

ORACLEShall fall in love with no man, and too her Innocence will beplucked.

The Oracle points upwards. From the top of theproscenium, a single flag unfurls.

BASILIUSAnd what of Philoclea?

ORACLEShe will remain your obedient daughter; and she will love aman you did forbid.

She points. Another flag unfurls beside the first.

BASILIUS

Dare I ask about my wife?

ORACLEYour Love doth remains as fixed as when you met. AND -- theKing and Queen will commit adultery. Together.

She points. A third flag appears.

ORACLE cont'd

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BASILIUSHow does THAT work?

ORACLENo spoilers will I reveal. And finally: you are the King. No Kingshalt thou be ere long.

She points. A fourth flag unfurls.

Emerging from confusion, Basilius decides totake charge.

BASILIUSNay, I will FIGHT you, Lady of Expensive Special Effects! I willtake Action against your guarantee!

ORACLE“Which is what,” I ask, pretending it is not yet divined.

BASILIUS The Action will birth soon -- it’s in the oven still --

ORACLEI have dealt my card, and you cannot reverse it -- not with anytool you now possess.

BASILIUSNonsense!

ORACLE Then let the game begin. Comedy lies in the Reversals; and Tragedy’s nestled right up in there too.

BASILIUSENOUGH with the tiresome Reversals!

Music signifies that the Oracle is departing.

ORACLEKnow this, King and soon-not-King: behind Everything lies aBoundless and Generous Faith in You. So I leave you with onemore reversal: a prophecy that cannot live Now but might serve you in a future moment. Thus I Sing Open the UnfoldingPageant!

(sings)YOU’RE CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW.

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YOU NEVER FELT SO FAR.WHEREVER YOU WILL GO --HERE YOU ARE.HERE YOU ARE.

She disappears with a miraculous flourish.

BASILIUSAll style and no substance, that one!

DAMETAS(shoves the Prophecy in his pocket, where itdangles out a bit:)

What orders hast thou for me, my King?

BASILIUS(pondering)

Upon the devising of it, you will be informed -- for you are MyAdviser Trusted Most.

DAMETASCould I blush demurely, I should. But what of the Queen? Will you alert her of the horror to unfold?

BASILIUSShe was my Most Trusted Adviser, once. I am not sure when

she was demoted, or why, or by whom, but --(briefly lost in thought, he snaps back)I dare not explore the chaos that lays within Woman. I have notthe tools; ‘tis not a gift granted me. Oh what will I DO?

He turns away, thinking. Dametas looks afterher.

DAMETASI might have enjoyed a word with the Oracle -- even if I wouldthen put on a shroud of premature grief. I abhor uncertainty.

BASILIUSI HAVE THE PLAN!

DAMETASWhich is --

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BASILIUSI must change EVERYTHING! The game is on! We will see whowins!

They bolt offstage. The Oracle appears magically:

ORACLE(to the audience)

You’ve not seen the last of me, trust. I won’t even START withwhat’s in store for YOU. Except for three words: “Long. Night.Ahead.”

(Shouting, off:)NEXT!

SCENE TWO -- THE KING’S CASTLE IN ARCADIA2

Morning. Pamela is dressed by her lady-in-waiting, Mopsa.

Beside her is Philoclea, dressing herself.

PHILOCLEAO sister, thou dost appear most vexed.

PAMELAI did only now decide to screw my face in such a manner. I missour father, and all who gaze on me should know the depths ofmy pain. Is’t convincing?

PHILOCLEAMost. Oh, Take comfort, for he shall return within thefortnight. And thou shalt resume thy place as his most favoreddaughter.

PAMELA

Thy words do comfort me, my most precious, my only sister.

Gynecia enters.

GYNECIADaughters, dress in haste. Forty-seven suitors linger, mostexpectant, at the castle gates.

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PAMELAMost maternal Mother, of these suitors, how many traveledhence to win my hand?

GYNECIAForty-seven.

PAMELA(sincerely gesturing to Philoclea)

And how many traveled hence to win --(she pauses a moment, counting on herfingers)

-- ah, nevermind. Thank you, Mother.

Gynecia exits.

PAMELA (cont’d)Despair not, sweet Philoclea. This surfeit of suitors I see as noblessing.

PHILOCLEA(pleading)

I desire no surfeit --

PAMELAI should give thee less than love were I to give thee hope. For

honesty’s the loving path. And the truth, dear sister, is thatthou art plain.

PHILOCLEAI --

PAMELA(hugging her tenderly, continuing)

Grievously plain. But despair not. The burden of your plainnessis not thine alone to bear. For it doth weigh heavily on ourentire family. Even distant relations suffer ‘neath it.

PHILOCLEAI have long accepted my absence of beauty --

PAMELAHush now and henceforth describe it in a cheery aspect -- as an“absence of disfigurement” perhaps.

Mopsa scoffs.

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PAMELA (cont’d)Mopsa, what noise doth emerge from thy vicinity? Why scoffestthou?

MOPSAMadam: deny me freedom to unloose my tongue -- for it shouldmost certainly offend.

PAMELAWhat ho, my curiosity doth sit up. I give thee leave to ventilatethe belfry of your mind.

A moment.

MOPSAWith your leave, I do suggest that your beauteous reputationdoth inflate your esteem of self, so you lose sight of gentleness.

PAMELA“Gentleness.”

(to Philoclea)Hear you this, sister? Why am I burdened with a Lady-in-Waiting who doth love me not?

MOPSAWere I to see you sad but once then I could love you fiercely.

PAMELA(to Mopsa)

‘Tis only thy “fierce love” that could make me sad. So neitherthee nor I dare make the first attack -- like two hostilekingdoms whose destruction is most mutually assured.

MOPSAAnd so I still my tongu, the better to fetch your gown in silence.

*** MUSIC: “BEAUTIFUL” / “THROW ME A CURVE”

To Philoclea, over music-box music:

PAMELAShe perturbeth me, that Mopsa. She would suggest that I puton a vulgar show of modesty -- I, who provide naught butinspiration to others!

(She sings:)MY LIFE

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IS EVER SO PERFECT.MY LIFEHAS BEEN A BED OF ROSES.AND YOU MIGHT THINK I’M CRAZY --SO WHAT IF I AM?MY HEAD IS FULL OF GOOD THINGS,ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE.

Servants surround Pamela, and in a singlemeasure she changes into an elaborate gown,her hair up, cleavage bursting. She chargesforward, effusive.

PAMELA (cont’d)BEAUTIFUL --IS ALL I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT ME!BEAUTIFUL --EV’RY MOTHER’S DREAM!DAY BY DAY THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING PRETTIER.

SERVANTS MINUS MOPSASO PRETTY!

PAMELABEAUTIFUL!

WHAT --A WONDERFUL LIFE!

PHILOCLEA Thy beauty doth compare to a Helen of Troy.

PAMELAAnd thee, the very image of her cousin.

PHILOCLEA(excited)

Really? What is known of her cousin?

A moment.

PAMELAPrecisely.

MY LIFEIS REALLY QUITE SIMPLE:MY LIFE IS JUST WHAT I MAKE IT.

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AND IF YOU THINK I’M SEEINGONLY THINGS I WANNA SEE, THE TRUTH IS THAT I’M BEINGWHO I WANNA BE --

The servants have rolled in an entire breakfastbuffet behind Pamela. She turns to it, eating theentire thing in a single measure. She dabs herlips with a napkin as she sings:

PAMELA (cont’d)BEAUTIFUL!IS ALL I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT ME!BEAUTIFUL!

Gynecia has entered.

PAMELA AND GYNECIAEV’RY MOTHER’S DREAM!

PAMELADAY BY DAY, THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING PRETTIER.

GYNECIA AND SERVANTS [MINUS MOPSA]SO PRETTY!

PAMELABEAUTIFUL!WHAT A WONDERFUL,A WONDERFUL,A WONDERFUL LIFE!

GYNECIAPamela divine, I now present the suitors who made thecallbacks.

She claps her hands. A group of young menenters, representing various nationalities, allbearing gifts. They are stricken with awe.

SUITORSCAN I LIVE IN YOUR WORLD?WE CAN MAKE IT OUR WORLD!CAN I LIVE IN YOUR WORLD?WE CAN MAKE IT OUR

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SUITORS 1WORLD!CAN I LIVE IN YOUR WORLD?WE CAN MAKE IT OUR WORLD!CAN I LIVE IN YOUR WORLD?WE CAN MAKE IT OUR WORLDCAN I LIVE IN YOUR WORLD?WE CAN MAKE IT OUR WORLD!

SUITORS 2 THROW ME A CURVE,NOT A STRAIGHT NARROW LINE! THROW ME A CURVEAND I’LL MAKE YOU MINE.GET THE MESSAGE, IT’S DIVINE! THROW ME A CURVEOH YOU LOOK SO FINE!

On “fine” Pamela joins in, singing over thesuitors. The choreography gets very “DiamondsAre a Girl’s Best Friend.”

PAMELABEAUTIFUL!IS ALL I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT ME!BEAUTIFUL!EV’RY MOTHER’S DREAM --DAY BY DAY THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING PRETTIER.BEAUTIFUL!WHAT A WONDERFUL --A WONDERFUL --A WONDERFUL --

Pamela stops the music.

PAMELA (cont’d)You suitors do not suit and now must go.

The deflated suitors exit as Philanax shoutsafter them.

PHILANAXPlease pick up a complimentary gift-bag at the exit -- just oneper spurned suitor, now, don’t be greedy --

GYNECIAOver a thousand suitors have you rejected!

PAMELAI seek The One I Love .

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GYNECIAWhen he returns, your father will choose a husband without your favor! You still have time to make the choice YOURSELF.

PAMELABut Mother, that is the Future. I am happy right now. Whymust I borrow pain from the future when I am happy in thepresent?

PHILANAX(”Wha?”)

Wait -- one can live in the PRESENT?

PAMELAOne cannot live in the future, for it would stop being itself!

(changing the subject)I’m hungry.

(big finish)A WONDERFUL LIFE!

Riff riff riff -- and crashing final chord.

Pamela marches off with Gynecia, Mopsa, andthe rest. Philoclea is alone.

VOICE

Pssst.

PHILOCLEAWho is’t dost hiss from the shadows? Present yourself.

VOICEClose thine eyes and extend thy hand.

PHILOCLEA(doing so, smiling)

Thou shouldst plug up my ears also, for thy voice gives thee

away.

Musidorus, a young shepherd, enters. He placesher hand on his chest.

MUSIDORUSWhat dost thou feel?

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We hear, faintly, the bass line of “Mad AboutYou.”

PHILOCLEAI do feel thy heart, but faint! I shall investigate more carefully --

She puts her head on his chest. The bass linegrows louder and accelerates slightly.

PHILOCLEA (cont’d)‘Tis my proximity doth make it race!

MUSIDORUSYou are medicine, milady, to ignite the heart.

PHILOCLEALet us exchange positions. Eyes closed, hand extended --

He does so. Philoclea starts to place his hand onher wrist -- then places it on her neck.Musidorus smiles, surprised and wooed.

The bass line plays again.

MUSIDORUSAnd I too feel thy heart -- but soft and far away.

PHILOCLEAWould’st thou draw thine ear to my -- décolletage ? Thou fearednot do so in our childhood days.

MUSIDORUSBut in the intervening years, what were flatlands are now madefor climbing.

PHILOCLEAA gentle hike, perhaps --

MUSIDORUSYes. But with a boyish, sexless spirit I will plant mine ear --

(he puts his ear high on her chest)-- here.

The bass line plays again, as quickly as a heartattack.

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MUSIDORUS (cont’d)Like an hysteric thy heart doth beat at the bars.

PHILOCLEAWhat would thee diagnose?

MUSIDORUS(nervously)

Thou knowest well as I the cause. Yet to name it should dispelour childhood frolics.

PHILOCLEA(heaving, a bit)

Those divertissements I would outgrow in favor of adultpursuits, whate’er they be.

MUSIDORUS Together such pursuits we might discover.

PHILOCLEAMy heart, which could not race faster, yet races faster still!

Musidorus replaces his ear on her chest.

Gynecia enters.

GYNECIAShepherd, peel your earlobe from my stainless daughter!Explain thyself!

MUSIDORUS(stammering)

Erm. Um. Hm.

GYNECIA Thy stuttering improvisations do not persuade. Dost not thyflock in adjacent meadow repose, easy prey for breakfasting

predators? I command thee, Shepherd: shepherd not my lambbut tend to thine own livestock.

MUSIDORUSUm.

A moment. He runs off.

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PHILOCLEAYou do abuse my childhood friend.

GYNECIAHis eyes are as a drunkard’s, inebriated with romance. Hisflagon of love should never touch thy lips. Consider him not,for he is of lowly station.

PHILOCLEASo you would have me never know of love at all?

GYNECIA(with empathy)

Sweet daughter. If I would allow you a Musidorus, the Kingwould then destroy him. I could not play the card if I possessedit.

PHILOCLEA(rediscovering)

Allow the game to continue. We cannot see what will transpire.

GYNECIAI am not Enforcer, but Informer of the rules by which we play.And forget not that I am included in the game and feel itsoutcomes.

PHILOCLEA‘Tis only innocence between us now.

GYNECIALet not the wonder in your eyes be dimmed by Love’s pursuit --OR its capture. That wonder is your greatest treasure, GoodGirl. Claim it. Protect it. Lock it up. ‘Tis so easy to lose, onemay never see its passing.

(reflecting briefly on herself, she changes thesubject)

Why don’t we converse on topics of less heat?

A moment.

GYNECIA (cont’d)A week ago I did provide a luncheon for the Sisters of the Order. They would happily cloister you at their Shack of Nuns.

PHILOCLEAI beg you, let us speak not of the Sisters today.

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GYNECIA(looking offstage)

And lo, daughter, ‘tis like my words did conjure thy future madeflesh!

A group of grimly cloaked women enters in astylized, Kabuki-like manner.

They are played by any available member of thecompany. They hum in a rather creepy harmony.

Philoclea edges away slightly.

GYNECIA (cont’d)(selling as hard as she can)

What marvelous times they must enjoy! Just -- look at them --

PHILOCLEAIf I commit to the Sisters’ holy vows, I will never know of :ove.

GYNECIA(desperate)

Love’s hammer would assault thy gentleness. ‘Twould forge thysoul into a callus dead and gray: and this sad gray callus, thysole passenger into menopause.

PHILOCLEASurely in the looking-glass you see not reflected a sad graycallus?

Gynecia collects herself. Primly:

GYNECIANay, the looking-glass reports but that which lies upon thesurface, and if the surface satisfies no further needs onepursue. In such a manner, affix a smile upon thy lips andrecover from thy temper; daughter, it discomfits all who love

you.

Philoclea remains stone-faced.

GYNECIA (cont'd)One day thou shalt offer thanks to me.

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PHILOCLEAI cannot imagine such reversal; on this day I suffer an abruptdrought of gratitude.

GYNECIA(easing up)

If empty of gratitude, then let us fill of yonder butterhorns andnummy jams. I request thee join me at breakfast, daughter, for‘tis the reason I did enter our scene.

PHILOCLEAI have misplaced my appetite.

GYNECIA Then join me when it emerges, my resilient child.

(she goes to exit, then turns)Remember: a frown, reversed, doth make a smile.

She encourages Philoclea to smile. Which shedoes, wanly.

Gynecia exits, leaving Philoclea. The smile falls.

The sisters loom behind.

*** MUSIC: “GOOD GIRL”

PHILOCLEAI’M GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL,SO EVERYBODY LOVES ME.I'M GONNA DO WHAT THEY SAY --LET THEM CHOOSE THE ROLE THAT I PLAY.

GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL,GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL.GOOD DOG, GOOD GIRL,GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL.

The Sisters are looming behind her.

PHILOCLEA (cont’d)I'M GONNA SMILE 'TIL IT HURTS --

The sisters join in, making Philoclea jump.

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SISTERSAHH AHH AHH --

PHILOCLEASO EVERYBODY LOVES ME.I'LL BEND OVER BACKWARDS,SWALLOW ALL MY ANGRY WORDS --

GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL,GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL.GOOD DOG, GOOD GIRL,GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL.

PHILOCLEA AND SISTERSGOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL,GOTTA BE A GOOD GIRL.GOOD DOG, GOOD GIRL,GOTTA BE A GOOD GIRL.

PHILOCLEAALL I WANT IS FOR EVERYONE TO LOVE ME.

SISTERSOOHH AH OOHH --

PHILOCLEA

(over them, to the audience)And on my grave will be an epitaph:“ALL I WANT IS FOR EVERYONE TO LOVE ME.”R.I.P.

I know not the spell to unbind myself. Oh to leave Arcadia so Imay look back as a spectator! But I here I am: Philoclea. Noprincess she, but prisoner.

I’LL GET DOWN ON MY KNEES,I’LL SAY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE --

The sisters loom over Philoclea, who drops to

her knees and covers her ears.

SISTERS 1GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL GOTTA BE A GOOD GIRL.GOOD DOG, GOOD GIRL,GOTTA BE A GOOD GIRL.

SISTERS 2YOU’RE GONNA SMILE TIL ITHURTSSO EVERYBODY LOVES YOU.

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SISTERSGOOD --

PHILOCLEAI am trapped by my very nature --

SISTERS(creepy musical dismount)

-- GIRL --

They disperse, leaving the song unresolved.

A trumpet sounds loudly. Pounding drumsbegin.

Pamela enters, excited, followed by Gynecia.

PAMELASister, the trumpet makes its oompah sound!

PHILOCLEASuch tidings mean our father doth return!

PHILANAX(dashing in, pulling out little opera glasses)

And the King carries with him a gigantic REVERSAL! -- oh,

nevermind, that’s Dametas.

PAMELANay, Fool, I feel a Reversal already! I expected to suffer overFather’s absence for at LEAST another month! I was rehearsingit!

(gasping, to herself)Who AM I now?

(searching)Anyone? Anyone? I need context --

Basilius blasts onstage, carrying an exhaustedDametas, who he drops into a standingposition.

PAMELA (cont’d)Father!

GYNECIAMost beloved!

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They surround Basilius, covering him in kisses.

Mopsa runs to Dametas.

MOPSAFather! I missed you so!

She grabs him in a big hug. He doesn’t respond --not from tiredness, but from great discomfort.

Mopsa takes one of his arms, then the other,and positions them in a hug.

DAMETASAh yes. Hugging . Hello.

Basilius pushes his family away.

BASILIUSYour repertory of fondness distracts me from a matter mostimperative.

GYNECIAWhat inspires your sweaty desperation?

BASILIUS

I will announce it only once. Hearken, my servants!

SERVANTSHEY!

BASILIUSAnd my family!

GYNECIA, PAMELA, PHILOCLEAHEY!

BASILIUSWhere is my Fool?

PHILANAX(slouching from underneath something)

Hey.

BASILIUSNow everybody, listen!

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ALL HEY!

BASILIUSWell, that Oracle? Madly charming in person, bubbling overwith giddy news.

GYNECIAWhat is it?

BASILIUS The members of our house will take a lengthy holiday as far from here as possible.

GYNECIAWHAT?

BASILIUSWho’s up for an adventure?

(sings)IF YOU GET UP AND WALK AWAY,LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND --GO AHEAD AND TAKE A RIDENO TELLING WHAT YOU'LL FIND.

GYNECIA

But --

BASILIUS(hushing her)

THE WORDS YOU SAY DON'T MEAN A THING, THEY FLY RIGHT BY MY EYES.LOOK IN THE MIRROR, DON'T LOOK AT ME!MAYBE THEN YOU'LL REALIZE --

Philanax sneaks behind Dametas, and removesfrom his pocket the paper on which the prophecy

was written. He reads it.

PHILANAXOH, OH, OH --

CHORUSOH, OH, OH --

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BASILIUSSO GET UP AND GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOW,GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOWGO, GET UP AND GO --

Ordering the servants, who are anxiouslychatting:

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BASILIUS (cont’d)NOW'S THE TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE!ACTIONS SHOUT OUT LOUD.SO CUT THE TALK AND MOVE YOUR FEET 'CUZ WORDS GET LOST IN CROWDS!

(to some malingerers)QUIT TALKING, START WALKING NOW!

DAMETASQUIT TALKING, START WALKING NOW!!

BASILIUS AND DAMETASSO GET UP AND GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOW,GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOW,GO!GET UP AND GO --

The servants vanish off right.

GYNECIABut “Get Up and Go” WHERE?

SERVANTSHEY!

BASILIUSIt’s all a wonderful secret.

SERVANTSHEY!

PHILANAXYou have no idea, do you?

SERVANTSHEY!

BASILIUSNo.

PHILANAXI suggest Bohemia, then.

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BASILIUSBohemia?

PHILANAXBohemia is the land of my people, where We Live as One inEndless Harmony.

BASILIUSI heard it was the land of unwashed carnival folk.

PHILANAXBOTH are true. AND could not be further from where you find yourself.

BASILIUS(turning to the group)

BOHEMIA IT IS, EVERYONE!

GYNECIABut who shall occupy your royal throne while we’re away?

BASILIUSI entrust my throne to --

(considering, he suddenly points at anaudience member)

HIM! / HER!

The lucky “pointed at” audience member ispulled onstage. Basilius removes his crown andplaces it on his/her head, crowning our NewKing.

NOTE: The New King shall henceforth be treatedwith deepest Reverence, as the New King holdshighest status in our Universe.

The actors clear the stage, leaving our New King

dangling in delicious discomfort as ...

The Oracle appears, with dramatic orchestralaccompaniment. She pulls a cord, and thecorresponding proscenium flag plummets to theground.

She whips out a binder of papers.

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ORACLEBy the way -- I’m the Only One Who’s Got the Script. That’sright. And I predict I’ll see you later.

She vanishes.

The music picks back up with “GO! GET UPAND GO!”

Our New King is whisked offstage, vanishingforever.

And is feted briefly backstage as one doesRoyalty, and is then returned to the audience.

Philanax retrieves the fallen flag.

SERVANTSGO! GET UP AND GO!

MORE SERVANTSGO! GET UP AND GO!

ALL GO! GET UP AND GO!GO! GET UP AND GO!

SO GET UP AND GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOW,GO!IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF MOVING SLOW,GO!GET UP AND GO --GO,GET UP AND GO --

BASILIUS To Bohemia!

ALL GO!

At end of applause, the household heads stageleft.

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Musidorus bursts in from the opposite side,followed by raggedy musicians holding an oddmenagerie of instruments.

MUSIDORUSMy good Lord I beg you pause, for I have business to conductbefore your party parts. Leaves. Before your party leaves.

He slumps, insecurely.

BASILIUSMost ill-timed is thy pressing business, shepherd.

MUSIDORUSWord did sweep through town of your departure and that youmay not return. This circumstance does force me to theundertaking that I’m undertaking.

BASILIUSWhat is it, pray?

MUSIDORUSI boldly make proposal for your daughter’s hand.

Gasps from all but Basilius, who is still. Thenhe laughs. And laughs and laughs.

BASILIUS(to Philanax)

Fool, thy title soon may be usurped.(to Musidorus)

Young shepherd, suitors by the thousand do precede thee, menof position, men of boundless wealth -- thy betters who do seekthe hand of Pamela.

MUSIDORUSI pursue not Pamela, but Philoclea.

BASILIUSOh.

(squinting)REALLY?

(shrugging)And how dost thou wish to profess thy love?

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MUSIDORUSIn tuneful song, my liege.

BASILIUS(to the others, waiting)

Our time runs short! Away to Bohemia, all!

PHILOCLEA(stopping him)

Father, this shepherd has long been a friend to us. Though hiserrand may provide no satisfaction, his attempt should providehim comfort. For -- my own heart doth break to be releasedfrom his friendship.

She lowers her head, emotional.

BASILIUS They never stop coming around, do they?

GYNECIAOur many suitors?

BASILIUSNo. All these -- emotions. Bubbling up from everybody all thetime.

(he exhales, frustrated)

Hasten thy suit so I can forbid it all the quicker.

MUSIDORUSI begin with an apology.

BASILIUSStrong start.

MUSIDORUSMy musicians are ill-rehearsed, as I woke them in the tavernonly moments ago. I composed the tune while moving here at a

brisk canter.(he turns to the musicians, whispering)So. When we get to the bridge, I’d like just a tiny diminuendobefore --

BASILIUS(rudely)

A ONE AND A-TWO AND A --

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*** MUSIC: “MAD ABOUT YOU”

Musidorus snaps to attention as the musicstarts.

The musicians are half too tinny and half toobombastic, and wavering a bit off-key.

After several measures, Musidorus misses hisentrance.

MUSIDORUS(stopping the band)

I do apologize, we must begin again. I did miss my entrance.

BASILIUS Time doth waste much like thou dost my patience.

Musidorus turns back to the musicians.

MUSIDORUSAnd a-one and a-two and a --

Musidorus stands awkwardly as the intro playsagain. The tension is excruciating and it shows.

PAMELA(loudly)Were he a RANDY shepherd I might comprehend his appeal. Buta dull shepherd doth defy all logic. And worse, he is a dullEFFEMINATE shepherd.

PHILOCLEAHush!

Musidorus gets his entrance cue from the band.

MUSIDORUS(totally off key)I’M MAD ABOUT YOU.

(stopping the band again)I did miss my KEY I’m so SORRY --

BASILIUS(gesturing to the band)

FOR THE LOVE OF THE MAKER DON’T STOP!

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The band continues as Musidorus catches uptimidly.

MUSIDORUS-- ABOUT ME, BABE.A COUPLE OF FOOLS RUN WILD AREN’T WE?

He catches himself in a bit of a “show choir”pose and drops his hands. As the rhythm kicksin, he affects a confident, chilled-out posture.

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)PUSHING THE DAY INTO THE NIGHTTIME,SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE TWOWE START TO SEE --

Two servants drop a large object, which crashesloudly on the ground. Musidorus flinches.

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)(singing both parts)

I’M MAD ABOUT YOUMAD ABOUT YOULOST IN YOUR EYESASON ASIDEMAD ABOUT LOVEMAD ABOUT YOUYOU AND I, I, I --

Basilius interrupts, while the percussioncontinues under:

BASILIUSWhat ill did my ears afflict that they should be so assailed?Cease thy suit so we may consult the object of thine affection.

(to Philoclea)My daughter, would’st thou take this shepherd’s hand?

Philoclea, tortured, considers.

PHILOCLEAGentle Musidorus, by my tears you see that I am moved --indeed by this and every moment we have shared.

(sighing)But ‘tis best for all that I decline thy suit.

MUSIDORUSBut what of your wishes?

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PHILOCLEAWere it only my Fate affected I would fly in an instant. But allmy family would be shaken, for I would then not be thedaughter who cares for them. I cannot play my hand and I amfinished.

MUSIDORUSIf that is true, so is mine. I could never provide for you anyway.

PHILOCLEACount your blessings that I am gone from sight.

BASILIUS There’s the daughter I do love. Heed her, shepherd boy.Should’st thou pursue thy fancy further, I will sate thy hungerwith my sword -- a welcome meal for such a scrawny sheep-nanny.

(turning to Philoclea)And daughter -- do not engage again with him, by glance orword or thought! With this matter now settled, let all of usaway!

He charges out, followed by the rest of thehousehold. Philoclea looks back.

MUSIDORUS

(calling)I shall not unremember the drumming of thy heart!

They are gone.

MUSIDORUS (cont'd)Goodbye, my more-than-friend.

He puts his hand on his heart. The bass lineresumes.

Musidorus is alone on the suddenly empty stage -- cleared of set and actors. The full orchestra joins in and the sound is lush, rocking andbeautiful. Musidorus sings in a voice now richand full.

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MUSIDORUS (cont’d)I'M MAD ABOUT YOU.YOU'RE MAD ABOUT ME, BABE.COUPLE OF FOOLS RUN WILD AREN'T WE -- -- --

He sings the rising notes into a key change.Riffage.

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)MAD ABOUT YOU!LOST IN YOUR EYES!MAD ABOUT LOVE!YOU AND I!I’M MAD ABOUT YOU!LOST IN YOUR EYES!MAD ABOUT LOVE!YOU AND I! --

He continues. Over the sound system we hearcrackly stage manager-type voices:

STAGE MANAGERBackstage is ready to go into the travel scene, over.

SECOND STAGE MANAGER The shepherd dude is still onstage, over.

STAGE MANAGERHow are we gonna get rid of him, over?

SECOND STAGE MANAGERI could engage the trapdoor, over.

STAGE MANAGEROh good idea, over.

Musidorus sinks into a hydraulic trap in the

floor, his voice echoing and fading away.

SECOND STAGE MANAGERWanna join me for a drink at Martino’s at intermission, over?

STAGE MANAGERI’m already drunk, over.

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SECOND STAGE MANAGERI am too. LOL. Over.

ALONG THE ROADWAY3

A rolling carriage enters, pulled by a rather fake-looking pair of horses. On a platform atop it arePhiloclea, Pamela, Philanax and Mopsa.

In the lower compartment: Gynecia andBasilius.

GYNECIAMost fevered spouse, the sun shall set ere long. Our servants,horses, fool and -- let me see -- THY FAMILY hath earned arespite, no?

BASILIUS The further from Arcadia the happier the King.

GYNECIANo King art thou ‘til to Arcadia we return.

BASILIUS

I beg thee, Madam, strive for an enforced cheer.

GYNECIABut such a cheer would not match the mood of your wife. I donot recognize thee of late, Basilius; and yet I love you as I didwhen we first met. How can this be?

BASILIUS(annoyed)

Why ponder your emotions? Why traffic in what you cannotMEASURE?

(shouting)HOLD -- my servants, horses all! Here we shall make camp.(more softly, to Dametas)

Dametas, among the men select the stoutest for protection ofmy daughters. Neither the appointed guards nor any other maleis permitted to address them.

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DAMETASAt this very moment your Fool, your MALE Fool, does kiki withthem in manner boisterous and shrill.

BASILIUSHis nature is harmless as a sleeping limbless eunuch. I suspecthe “walks in the reverse direction,” if you understand me. Anyother man who consorts with my girls will face the bruising ofhis man-purse, if not its clean removal.

DAMETASI will stand a ferocious guard myself, My King.

BASILIUSI declare thee not only My Adviser Trusted Most, but Guard ofMy Daughters’ Innocence.

Up top, Pamela is deeply engaged in the writingof a document.

PHILOCLEAPamela, your tongue is stilled in a manner most unique.

Pamela is absorbed in her writing and does notrespond.

PHILOCLEA (cont’d)What trance doth enmesh her?

PHILANAXShe requested “context.” The world she enjoyed is upended, andnow she must find her lover.

PHILOCLEABut surely she loves not a quill!

PHILANAX

I suggested she compose some verses, in which she mightdescribe the lover she desires. Then she herself might knowwhere to search. And lo, I unleashed a Fierce Poetess.

PHILOCLEA(beseeching Pamela)

Oh darling, read to us what thou hast writ so far.

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PHILANAXIndeed, Madam. Consider us not a real audience, but that of aworkshop.

PHILOCLEAA workshop?

PHILANAX‘Tis the spirit of a workshop to parade one’s most excruciatingfancies for an audience of throwaways. After this, the Artist willthoughtfully revise his work to please a crowd who matters.

PHILOCLEA(encouragingly)

Mopsa, would’st thou not die to hear Pamela recite her verses?

MOPSANo better verb could you select, Madam.

Pamela swoons suddenly.

PAMELABut stay, O --.

PHILOCLEAAttend to her --

PAMELANay -- nay --

(collecting herself)I must not rush from my creative fugue, lest I experiencetrauma.

(blinking)Who am I? Where am I?

(examining the others)Ah yes, I recall thee, and thee, and her. Alas. I am now returnedto this grim and joyless plane. Being uncreative, none of you

can understand my Sorrow.(takes a healing breath)All right, let the unveiling commence.

(all business)Hearken. None dare cough or crinkle candies during my recital. This verse is the first, and almost finished:

(reading:) “My beauty’s known in many lands, From India to China.

MORE

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If you desire to take my hand You must have --”

(frustrated)I cannot find a proper word with which to rhyme! My instinctssuggest a word that starts with “V” --”You must have a vuh --vuh --.” Oh, I have no hope of finishing. Do forget I wrote it.Here’s another.

(reading from her parchment) “If you have one, I’ll smile on thee, For two I’ll fall to bits. For ONE won’t win my ardency -- I need a PAIR of --”

(again frustrated)“Jugs.” That does not rhyme. “Slits”? That makes no SENSE! O -- poetry is DIFFICULT, dear sister -- even more so to write thanread! ‘Tis like a PLUG doth block up what should freely flow.

PHILOCLEAWhat sort of word dost thou seek?

PAMELAA word of many elements, compressed into a tiny andaccomodating box; a word not to parade in high society but torelish in private -- in a lover’s bedchamber, perhaps -- candles --a lutist in the corner -- none but us do know of our mischief --except perhaps the lutist -- and in such private bliss that word

gets ridden like a gutter-strumpet to delight all attendingparties!

Mopsa has pieced the mystery together. She isstunned.

MOPSAMadam, you might stand upon the brink of revelation -- asurprise indeed not only to yourself!

Pamela gasps as inspiration strikes.

PAMELABut hush now. Mopsa, busy my quill! For in my mind is writ averse complete: “Whether thou be a knight or knave, A giant or a runt, Thou shalt not win my maidenhead Unless thou hast a --”

PAMELA cont'd

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Blaring trumpets interrupt her as Gyneciaenters.

GYNECIA The soothing trumpets of the night have sounded. Daughters,into your gowns, which await you in your tent.

PHILOCLEA AND PAMELAYes, mother.

GYNECIASwiftly now!

Philoclea and Gynecia exit. Mopsa stops Pamela.

MOPSAGood madam, I beg you stay.

PAMELAMy verse is lost to legend, like those of Euclid.

MOPSAIn a manner plain yet most considered do I suggest -- that Isuspect your love’s attraction doth not lean in ways expected.

PAMELA

Do you suggest I seek an alien sort of love?

MOPSANay, your love resideth in a landscape most familiar.

PAMELAYou pique me lately, Mopsa, rousing in my heart a passionmost disquieting.

MOPSAYet passion is a word to make a mouse’s love a lion’s.

PAMELAForget’st thou not a hateful sort of passion.

MOPSAAnd such a passion I do rouse in you?

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PAMELAPerchance, for thou dost come at me with smugness all thetime.

MOPSAWith smugness, yes, in prior days, but candor in the present!Not all that’s unaccustomed need be hostile. Cast aside yourweapons, Madam.

PAMELAAnd present myself unarmed to my adversary?

MOPSAAfter my countless indulgences in our years together, you seeme still as a foe? Madam put away your pique and find yourhumor!

*** SONG: “AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY”

PAMELAHah. Humor?

(sings)YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM AND THE TEMPERATURE FALLS. THE MOOD DISAPPEARS,CHASED AWAY BY THE GATHERING STORM THAT IS HERE --

I LOOK UP: PAINTED SKY FULL OF MEMORIES.AND THIS HOUSE HAS NO ROOF TO SHELTER ME.

IT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAYWHEN I SEE YOU.IT'S THE PERFECT CONSOLATION PRIZE,A LITTLE PIECE OF BLUE,IT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY,IT’S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY.

MOPSA JUST WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLDIS TOGETHER AND WHOLE,YOU COME AROUND --DRAGGING YOUR PERMANENT CLOUDAND THE WEATHER TURNS COLD.

HANG AROUND FOR A REPEAT OF HISTORYFALLING DOWN IN THE HOLE YOU DUG FOR ME.

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IT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAYWHEN I SEE YOU.

MOPSA AND PAMELAIT'S THE PERFECT CONSOLATION PRIZE,A LITTLE PIECE OF BLUE.

MOPSAIT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY,AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY.

MOPSA AND PAMELAAND WHEN YOU SEE THE REACTION YOU CAUSEDOES IT MAKE YOU SAD?

PAMELADO YOU EVEN REALIZE THAT YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG?

MOPSA(emotional beneath an arch dignity)

Should you not relieve me now, I’ll offer resignation at our journey’s end. Though in truth I know not then where I shouldgo.

PAMELA(emotional beneath an arch graciousness)I will pen a commendation most persuasive.

MOPSAI thank you, Madam.

PAMELA Thou art excused. I shall attempt to dress myself.

MOPSA

I take my leave with gratitude, Madam, and wish thee favor.

Mopsa turns to go, music drops out briefly. Shethen turns, fiercely.

MOPSA (cont’d)IT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAYWHEN I SEE YOU.

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MOPSA AND PAMELAIT'S THE PERFECT CONSOLATION PRIZE,A LITTLE PIECE OF BLUE.

(riffage between them)IT'S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY,IT’S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAY,

(sadly)IT’S AN AUTOMATIC RAINY DAYWHEN I SEE YOU.

Mopsa goes. Pamela is confused and bereft.

A CLEARING IN THE FOREST 4

Musidorus enters, exhausted, chasing thetravelers. He weeps pathetically.

Nearby, a large pile of rubbish, partly covered bya sheet.

MUSIDORUS(looking off left)

In the distance they do make encampment.O praise the Maker! I may get some rest.

Alas no bed have I, nor clothes to change,No minted boar brush tooth scrubber. I fearMy trailing after Philoclea provesIll-planned.

He discovers the rubbish.

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)But hey, what’s here? Yon rubbish mightProve treasure for a trav’ler unequipp’d.

He lifts a blanket, revealing two skeletons. Hescreams.

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)Unlucky pair, will you become a threesomeEre long? When dead I shall not put you outBy eating much. But look -- I do espy A note within one clutched and bony hand.

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He takes the note, and reads:

MUSIDORUS (cont’d)“O traveler, behold and now applaud: These sad remains are of our theater troupe,Who met demise for lack of serious message.”

(dropping the note)O ‘tis a cruel business, that, and gladAm I that I did not that life pursue.

VOICE IN FOREST WHAT HO!

MUSIDORUSA voice!

VOICE IN FOREST Who is’t trespasses here?

MUSIDORUSO fearsome voice, take pity, I’m unarmed.

VOICE IN FOREST A liar you make of yourself! ‘Tis darkbut I do spy a pair of arms at least. The King (now “ex-”) commands his guards

To execute all vagabonds and thievesAnd meddlers and pole-dancers.

MUSIDORUSI do swear That as a shepherd I am none of those!But doth a barnpole count? One drunken night --

Philanax emerges.

PHILANAX

Thou art a gullible sort of shepherd.Hey, friend.

MUSIDORUSDear Philanax!

PHILANAXHow doth you do?

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MUSIDORUSMost dreadful. Yes, the love-struck MusidorusWill meet his much-deserved end ere long.He thought he could extend the game, but no:For without Love he has no cause for Life.An action by itself is not enough for ManWhen Circumstance trumps Possibility.He played a foolish card by following,For in this twilight he shall not survive.

PHILANAX That’s true of Musidorus -- not for You.So let him die.

MUSIDORUSWhat say’st thou?

PHILANAXLet him die,So like the Phoenix You may be reborn.Ay, let us hold his o’erdue funeral.And since his ears are dead and deaf, we canrecall what in him we did most despise.

Philanax gestures for him to begin.

MUSIDORUSEmotional, he was.

PHILANAX The tears!

MUSIDORUSNot known for bravery.

PHILANAXBetter described

As cowardice. And not a virile man.No creature made for sex did he portray.

MUSIDORUSNay?

PHILANAXHe possessed a swagger not unlikeA spastic marionette.

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MUSIDORUS Thou mak’st me laugh.

PHILANAX To laugh at one’s own flaws doth set the stageFor Transformation. Now choose a role That by the King and all his kin may longGo undiscovered.

MUSIDORUS This discarded bagOf costumes might inspire a plan.

PHILANAXSo strip! To Hades now doth Musidorus go,A vision of the past. The empty canvasis free to paint himself as he desires.

(sings) THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER REVEAL ABOUT THE WAY YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU FEEL.KEEP THE SURFACE, SMOOTH, CALM AND COOL --EYES AS DEEP AND BLUE AS A SWIMMING POOL.AND WITH A MASK OF CERTAINTYYOU’LL BE A HERO! WHO COULD DISAGREE?LIKE A PICTURE THAT'S BEEN PAINTED

AND IS HANGING ON THE WALL:AN ADMIRED BUT UNTOUCHABLE ---- REFLECTION!A VISION OF NOWNESS!

MUSIDORUS AND PHILANAXA VISION OF NOW!

Musidorus has stripped down to his underpants,which he’s about to peel off.

PHILANAXI bid thee halt!

MUSIDORUSBut why?

PHILANAXFamily show.

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PHILANAX (cont’d) TO KNOW THE WORLD, COMPLEX AND WIDE --

MUSIDORUS TO BE TEMPERAMENTALLY TRANQUILIZED --I’LL FACE MY FOES, SHOW FEAR OF NONE.

PHILANAXLET NO OBSTACLE MAKE YOU COME UNDONE.

MUSIDORUSI'M A CURIOSITY!NOTORIOUS, THEY'LL NEVER GET WHAT THEY SEE.

MUSIDORUS AND PHILANAXLIKE A PICTURE THAT'S BEEN PAINTEDAND IS HANGING ON THE WALL,AN ADMIRED BUT UNTOUCHABLE --

MUSIDORUS-- REFLECTION!A VISION OF NOWNESS!

MUSIDORUS AND PHILANAXA VISION OF NOW --A VISION OF NOW!

MUSIDORUS(holding up leather armor)

What thinkest thou of this?

Philanax busts out laughing.

PHILANAX‘Tis the armor of an Amazon!

MUSIDORUS

‘Twould be cunning as a fox to take on such a female quality.

PHILANAXWell-hatched is thine ingenious plan. Now that thou thought itup, thou really should’st!

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MUSIDORUS(donning the armor)

AND WITH A MASK OF CERTAINTYNO INTERFERENCE WILL GET THROUGH TO ME!

Philanax reaches into his pocket and drawsfierce war-paint on Musidorus.

MUSIDORUS AND PHILANAXLIKE A PICTURE THAT'S BEEN PAINTEDAND IS HANGING ON THE WALL.AN ADMIRED BUT UNTOUCHABLE --

MUSIDORUS-- REFLECTION!A VISION OF NOWNESS --

MUSIDORUS AND PHILANAXA VISION OF NOWNESS --A VISION OF NOWNESS --A VISION OF NOW!

Philanax gives a “thumbs-up” and runs off.

Now disguised, the platform under Musidorusraises him up. He lifts a sword, triumphantly, lit

by a dazzling light.

MUSIDORUSA VISION OF NOW!

THE CLEARING - NEXT MORNING5

Basilius and Gynecia have tea as the servantsbreak camp.

BASILIUSBy sleeping thou did’st miss the boozy frolics of the servants.‘Tis a gift indeed to live on puny means, for one can make somuch of so little.

(No response.)By thy silence thou wishest me to ask if thou art angry.

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GYNECIAI do but share a moment with myself, for I know that she atleast will listen. Or wilt thou snatch me from my solitude aswell?

BASILIUSYour passivity contains in it a measure of aggression.

GYNECIA Thou did’st upend our lives without consulting me, whoshareth in the outcome! But lo, our daughters enter, now let usmimic cheer.

Pamela and Philoclea enter.

PAMELA(whispering noisily)

They are fighting, Philoclea.

PHILOCLEA‘Tis but the conflict that does sometimes come of love.

PAMELAWhat does that suggest of love’s constancy?

PHILOCLEA

That it is sometimes tested -- but their love could never beinconstant.

They wait a moment.

PAMELA‘Tis best that I squash their hostility.

PHILOCLEA Thou might only fan the flames.

PAMELA(offended)I am not ungentle . Please.

(crossing to her parents, loudly and airily)Philoclea, I wish for parents like to those in storybooks! Not thestory where the parents toss their children in the foundlingfarm, or where they sauté their young in a tasty fry-up. I referto the stories where little of note occurs, where the parents areserene and do not fight.

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She buttons the speech with a meaningful gazeat her parents.

BASILIUS(lightly)

Let not our small disputing give you doubt: I love your mothergreatly.

GYNECIAIt doth appear that some need reassuring.

BASILIUSUnderstand this, daughters: as a young man I believed that lovewas in the capture and kill. I was a most esteemed hunter. Butthen a tart-tongued lady of privilege did knock my head about.

Gynecia smiles.

BASILIUS (cont’d)I put away my trophy-case to marry her. She needs no pedestal.By breathing she doth prove herself my greatest prize. And ourlove, unchanged, has weathered all this while.

PHILOCLEAWhen you met him, Mother, was he dreadful?

*** MUSIC: “THIS OLD FEELING”

GYNECIAIn secret I enjoyed his rashness, though I hid it ‘neath my fierceupbraiding of him.

BASILIUSAnd ‘tis her upbraiding of me now that doth recall myinfatuation when we met.

(sings) THIS OLD FEELING, IT'S NEW TO ME --

I'M NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD BE.I'D TATTOO MY VOW FOR ALL TO SEE TO PROVE HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME!

A MILLION TIMES SAID IN AS MANY SONGSBUT BEFORE YOU, I COULD NEVER SING ALONG!

THIS OLD FEELING --

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GYNECIA THIS OLD FEELING THAT I’M FEELING --

BASILIUSIT'S GOT ME UP!

GYNECIAMY HEAD IS REELING!

BASILIUSI CAN’T BELIEVE --

GYNECIAMY HEART YOU’RE STEALING --

BASILIUS-- MY GOOD LUCK.I'D WAIT AT YOUR DOOR --

GYNECIAI’LL BE ALWAYS AT YOUR SIDE --

BASILIUS-- TILL ETERNITY

GYNECIA

UNTIL THE END OF TIME --

BASILIUSBECAUSE YOU MEAN --

GYNECIA-- BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE!

BASILIUS-- THAT MUCH TO ME!WELL, A MILLION TIMES SAID IN AS MANY SONGS

BUT BEFORE YOU, I COULD NEVER SING ALONG --I LOVE YOU!OH YES, I DO --

GYNECIAI LOVE YOU!OH YES, I DO --

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BASILIUSI LOVE YOU!OH YES, I DO --

BASILIUS AND GYNECIAYES, I DO --


Behind them, a lion emerges from the forest andstalks toward them. They do not notice.

BASILIUSI LOVE YOU!OH YES, I DO --


BASILIUS AND GYNECIAYES, I --

The orchestra stings as the lion snarls andsnaps at them. The family scatters amidst muchshouting.

Basilius draws his sword and circles the stalkinglion. With a roar it disarms Basilius. Turning, itstalks toward Philoclea, cornering her.

BASILIUSOh Maker please deliver us your aid!

Suddenly Musidorus (as the Amazon) roarsonstage and battles expertly with the lion, whoflips and cartwheels and flies from reach.Finally, Musidorus severs the lion’s head andholds it aloft, accompanied by cheers.

BASILIUS (cont’d)Most Amazonian warrior, the fate of my House is forevermoreentwined with thee!

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Behind Musidorus a bear emerges from theforest. The family freezes, and Philoclea timidlypoints.

MUSIDORUSAnd now this card is played? Game on!

Musidorus battles the bear, who seems to havedeveloped the ability to pick up a sword andparry with it. Musidorus decapitates the bear aswell, and falls to the ground, gasping.

BASILIUS(calling to servants, who have entered)

Fetch wine and food for this brave Female!

GYNECIAMost valiant creature, when I find my breath I shall spend it allon gratitude.

PHILOCLEASo shall we all. Courageous sister, I am Philoclea, thegrievously plain daughter of King Basilius. And thy name is -- ?

MUSIDORUS(improvising)

Cle -- O -- Phila. My name is Cleophila, fair -- Philoclea.

PHILOCLEAA name that does resemble mine, yet with such valiance inaspect! I thank thee beyond any words yet coined.

Pamela is struck dumb with attraction.

PAMELAI’m bashful. Do make my presence known, sister.

PHILOCLEAOh I do forget thee, Pamela; please let me introduce --

PAMELAClee ohhh pphhhilla. Thy name doth make my body tingle downto parts uncharted -- ere now.

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MUSIDORUSA dram from the next village’s apothecary will repair thee, Iexpect!

(turn his attention to Gynecia)Fair maiden, you must complete a trio of these sisters.

GYNECIA(blushing)

Oh heavens --

Pamela pushes her aside.

PAMELAShe is my ancient mother and she’s taken besides.

BASILIUS(to Musidorus)

Thy tongue is honeyed as thy sword is sharp, divine Cleophila.In battle thou dost cut a figure most fearsome, but inconversation thou art most pleasingly effeminate.

Musidorus is puzzled.

All four gaze on Cleophilia, smitten.

PHILOCLEA

But pray, Cleophila, tell us how you came here to this road?

MUSIDORUSMany adventures have I passed in diverse lands, to make theworld see the excellency of Amazons. But the unmerciful seadeprived me of all my company, and aimless wand’ring guidedme to here.

PHILOCLEAPoor traveler, abused by fate!

MUSIDORUSNay, ‘twas but a sacrifice for the rescue of beauty’s perfection.

PAMELAOh! Gracious, thank you. In return I declare myself yourservant and eternal shadow.

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MUSIDORUS(not looking at Pamela)

Nay, ‘twas Philoclea I did save.

PAMELA(trying to make sense of it)

Did thy eyes drop from thy skull? Do let us search upon theground. Everyone, stop your feet --

PHILOCLEA(to Musidorus)

Thou art acquainted with thy beauty so thou can’st not helpbut fall into its discourse.

MUSIDORUSIf there be beauty it is in mine eyes, which thy happy presencehas imparted unto them.

BASILIUSAllow me to obtain this much of thee: that thou wilt remainamong us, to ease thine own travail and grace us with thycompany, and so the time should lightly fly.

Gynecia steps forward as time passes.

THE CAMP, OUTSIDE THE TENTS6

Two large tents occupy the stage. A party isunderway in front of them. A group of musiciansplays a rollicking tune. Philoclea attempts toteach Musidorus a complicated court dance.

GYNECIA(to the audience)

A fortnight hath the Amazon been with us.

On Musidorus and Philoclea:

MUSIDORUSMy feet show grace in battle but now prove my adversary.

PHILOCLEA‘Tis a complex dance for any! Try once more --

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MUSIDORUSI am thy student for so long as thou wilt endure me.

PHILOCLEAPerhaps my student forever thou shalt be.

MUSIDORUSYou said you loved a shepherd once. Doth he linger in thythoughts?

PHILOCLEAWith endless regret I reflect on him, at night while sleep eludesme, my heavy head at rest upon a pillow wet with tears.

MUSIDORUSI should not see thee sad, new friend.

PHILOCLEAO modest Cleophila, for thirteen days I’ve known thee -- and yetI feel I’ve known thee all my life.

Pamela lurks darkly outside the festivities.

PAMELA(mocking viciously under her breath)

“O mehmeh Cleophila, for thirteen days I’ve known thee and yet

I neeny neeny blah blah blah.”

On Gynecia, as the lesson continues in thebackground:

GYNECIA The Amazon doth lift the mood of all. Though cultured not she nonetheless revealsa cultivated mind; and wit that cutsexcept it woundeth none. But still, she troublesmy intuition -- I am not sure why.

Yes, something is off about the Amazon.

On the party:

MUSIDORUSGood lady, I must take my leave a moment.

PHILOCLEADost thou seek a companion?

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MUSIDORUSYes, a piece of earth in need of water.

PHILOCLEA(laughing)

‘Tis not a lady who doth speak so plain.

Musidorus starts to form a reply, then turnsand goes.

He passes behind Gynecia without noticing her.Safely distant, he turns upstage, looks right andleft, and proceeds to take a noisy standing leak.

Gynecia turns and sees him standing. She turnsback to the audience, her mouth an “O.”

GYNECIAMost gifted Amazon!

The leak continues. And continues. Andcontinues. Gynecia’s eyes widen accordingly. Itends with a “squirt, squirt, squirt.”

Gynecia turns toward him again, at whichmoment he gives a prominent shake. He heads

back to the party.

GYNECIA (cont’d)But hold! She is a counterfeit of she!No woman but a masculine intruder --Oh quick now, I must raise a loud alarum!

She turns as though to move into the party. Shestarts laughing, and turns back to the audience.

GYNECIA (cont’d)

But then again what SPORT! I do admirehis insubordinate and feminineendeavors. Of what mischief is he made!Virility doth show itself in menwho misbehave. And I have long adoreda male of reckless quality. In truthI thought I married such a man, but no.Familiarity hath bred a stranger.A love that promised wild abandon

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now delivers much efficiency.‘Tis not a destination of my choosing,But I knew not of vigilance until The vise had closed. And now? Oh Hell,my heart is fixed upon the scalawag.

*** MUSIC: “MY TRAVELING HEART”

Intro begins, on piano.

GYNECIA (cont’d)Whoever he is shall remain to be seen. The trickster will trick and I’ll not intervene.He might be an answer to what I deny:that cunning reversal that wants no reply --

Music drops out.

GYNECIA (cont’d)“What if?”

The band kicks in.

GYNECIA (cont’d)No pain is there in wond’ring on the past:the road untraveled is forever closed.

No, it is wond’ring on what yet may comethat maketh pain from possibility.(sings)

JUST WHEN I THINK IT’S DONE IT STARTS AGAIN -- THIS FEELING CREEPS IN FROM THE COLD.I SWEAR WITH A HEART STRETCHED TAUT AS A WIRE,I SWEAR MY HEART, I NEVER WANTED TO ROAM.I SWEAR WHILE THIS HEART IS PULLED LIKE A MAGNET FROM POLE TO POLE.

IS ALL I’M LEFT WITH A TRAVELING HEART?

A LOVER NO LONGER IF I WOULD DEPART.NEXT TIME I SWEAR I’LL BE TRUE FROM THE START AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY TRAVELING HEART.

At the party, Basilius watches the Amazon,smitten.

GYNECIA cont’d

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BASILIUSOUR TIME TOGETHER, I LOSE MY SENSE OF ME.ALL I SEE IS MY TRAVELING HEART.MY RUSTED CHARMS NO LONGER BRING ME LUCK!I’LL STAY INSIDE MYSELFWHAT ELSE CAN I CAN DO?I AM BESIDE MYSELFI WONDER, MY NEW LOVE, DO YOU LOVE ME TOO?

IS ALL I’M LEFT WITH A TRAVELING HEART?A LOVER NO LONGER IF I WOULD DEPART.NEXT TIME I SWEAR I’LL BE TRUE FROM THE START AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY TRAVELING HEART.

Philoclea directs the assembled group.

PHILOCLEAOne, two --

As the instrumental section begins, allassembled break into an impossibly elaboratecourt dance, with Musidorus featured.

He performs a nifty bit of footwork.

ALL

Hey!

He is framed on either side by Basilius andGynecia.

BASILIUS AND GYNECIA THAT’S ALL I’M LEFT WITH -- A TRAVELING HEART.A LOVER NO LONGER IF I WOULD DEPART.NEXT TIME I SWEAR I’LL BE TRUE FROM THE START AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY TRAVELING HEART.

Basilius and Gynecia come together as partnersand waltz around the stage.

BASILIUS AND GYNECIA (cont’d)ALL I’M LEFT WITH -- A TRAVELING HEART.A LOVER NO LONGER IF I WOULD DEPART.NEXT TIME I SWEAR I’LL BE TRUE FROM THE START AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY TRAVELING HEART.

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Clap! Clap! They break apart and face theaudience.

GYNECIA JUST WHEN I THINK IT’S DONE --

BASILIUS JUST WHEN I THINK IT’S DONE --

BASILIUS AND GYNECIA JUST WHEN I THINK IT’S DONEIT STARTS AGAIN.

PHILOCLEA’S TENT 7

In her well-appointed tent, Philoclea lies in bed,head on her pillow.

A sad strain begins.

*** MUSIC: “Vacation”

PHILOCLEA(a gorgeous ballad:)

CAN'T SEEM TO GET MY MIND OFF OF YOU.SO FAR FROM HOME WITH NOTHING TO DO --NOW THAT I'M AWAY,I WISH I'D STAYED. TOMORROW'S A DAY OF MINE THAT YOU WON'T BE IN.

WHEN YOU LOOKED AT ME, I SHOULD HAVE RUN,BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FOR FUN.I SEE I WAS WRONG --AND I'M NOT SO STRONG --I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ALL ALONG THAT TIME WOULD TELL:

A WEEK WITHOUT YOU, THOUGHT I'D FORGET; TWO WEEKS WITHOUT YOUAND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER YOU YET.

VACATION,ALL I EVER WANTED --

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VACATION,HAD TO GET AWAY --VACATION,MEANT TO BE SPENT ALONE --

VACATION,ALL I EVER WANTED --VACATION,HAD TO GET AWAY --VACATION,MEANT TO BE SPENT ALONE --

A WEEK WITHOUT YOU,I THOUGHT I'D FORGET. TWO WEEKS WITHOUT YOU ANDI’M STILL NOT OVER YOU YET --

Musidorus approaches Dametas, who guards thetent.

DAMETASAmazon, state the cause of thy approach.

MUSIDORUSI would bid goodnight to sweet Philoclea, who grew ashen andflew from our merriment.

DAMETAS‘Tis my charge to protect the Princesses from Distraction.

MUSIDORUSNay, thy charge is more specific!

(framing it) To protect them from MASCULINE distraction.

DAMETAS That is what I said! It is my charge! To protect them as I protect

my Mopsa.

MUSIDORUS(flirtily)

Then we agree -- handsome! And certainly you see naught herebut Woman, harmless and soft despite her fierce pretensions.

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DAMETAS(a little aroused)

A great Muchness of Woman do I behold in thee. But I amtroubled in my liver, or thereabouts, for I sensed somethingamiss when you accompanied our company. A mysterymalingers and Dametas gives chase -- but the body has not yetappeared.

MUSIDORUSOh do let me pass, you strong Provider, you. It is the root of mynature to mean well. Gaze into my eyes, I do not lie to you.

DAMETAS Just now I heard a wistful strain emerge from her tent-flap. Weshould allow her to marinate in her melancholy.

MUSIDORUSYet by not accosting this melancholy I would not be her Friend!I am Nothing if not her Friend. Allow me to offer comfort, lest you be addressing a Spectre!

Dametas considers. Then:

DAMETASNaw.

MUSIDORUS(good-natured)Fine then, I submit.

DAMETAS‘Tis best.

MUSIDORUSAh, yes.

(considering)I wonder if I might rest my hind upon thy knee, so we could, as

they say, “reset the game.”

DAMETASYour hind? Right now?

MUSIDORUSYes! But only on one condition. I only agree to this maneuver if you promise to tell me long-winded stories of your youth.

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These last several nights I observed you mesmerizing otherswith your stories, and they seemed as if HYPNOTIZED. I awaitmy turn.

DAMETAS(aroused)

Stories of my youth, eh?

MUSIDORUSYes! When you were virile. I do not lend my hind for nothing.

DAMETASOf course I’ll tell you! Both of us benefit then in this exercise,the teller and the told. So sit, sit!

Musidorus perches on his knee.

MUSIDORUS cont'd

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DAMETAS(aroused, about to launch into a long tale)

I was quite the hellion back then, make no mistake of it --

MUSIDORUSWonderful! The game is reset and everyone wins. Can I go innow?

DAMETASYes, hurry in by all means -- despite my unspecific misgivings --

MUSIDORUSMany thanks, I’m sure. Blessings on thy family.

He enters the tent. Dametas considers.

DAMETASI am moved. Nobody asked for my stories before.

Inside the tent:

MUSIDORUSPhiloclea, ‘tis I.

PHILOCLEAOh leave me be lest I depress thee to a stupor.

MUSIDORUSPhiloclea, use me as thy pillow. I will thus take on thy tears.

PHILOCLEAHow thou dost undo me with thy simple kindness.

MUSIDORUSUnveil thy heart to me.

PHILOCLEA

A fortnight ago I turned from my true love. I made his ardency alaughingstock. I knew no other way. And only in the losing ofMusidorus did the treasure of him show its worth.

MUSIDORUSWould that I could make thee happy, by a simple word orrevelation --

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PHILOCLEA Thank thee for thy kindness, Cleophila. I declare that -- givenPamela’s uneven temper as of late -- thou art more sister thanmy sister.

PAMELA(from somewhere)

HO THERE! I HAVE HEARD IT!

Pamela emerges angrily -- and awkwardly -- fromunder the bed as music begins.

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*** MUSIC: “HOW MUCH MORE”

PAMELA (cont’d)Red-handed have I caught you both, conspiring to exclude me!

PHILOCLEAPamela, what dost thou suggest?

PAMELAI know not what doth run amok betwixt you but I have eyes.

(raging to Musidorus)EVERY NIGHT I SEE YOU WALKWALKING BY AND WALKING BY.YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD SO CLOSE TO HERSI COULD CRY, YEAH, I COULD CRY!

I WANT TO BE THAT GIRL TONIGHT!GIRL TONIGHT, GIRL TONIGHT --

HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKEBEFORE I GO CRAZY , OH YEAH?

(On each “crazy” she tears at her costume,leaving it in tatters.)

PAMELA (cont’d)CRAZY , OH YEAH?HOW MUCH MORE HEARTACHEBEFORE I GO CRAZY , OH YEAH?CRAZY , OH YEAH-YEAH!

She’s now in her undergarments.

PHILOCLEA‘Tis like a mad scene in a tragedy --

MUSIDORUS-- where none is left alive.

PAMELALOVE IS IN YOUR EYESMAKING ME CRYWHY ISN'T IT ME?

I’M LOOKING GOOD

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JUST LIKE SHE WOULDIF SHE COULD BE ME --

She raises a large vase above her head.

PAMELA (cont’d)HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE --

PHILOCLEAPamela, no!

The music stops completely.

Pamela is wild-eyed and breathing hard.

A moment of suspense.

PAMELA-- BEFORE I GO

(smashing the vase, music kicks back in)CRAZY, OH YEAH?CRAZY, OH YEAH?HOW MUCH MORE HEARTACHEBEFORE I GO

(clearing a table with a sweep of her arm)CRAZY, OH YEAH!

(upending the bed)CRAZY, OH YEAH!(destroying everything she can)

CRAZY OH YEAH --

The tempo drops out. Pamela riffs soulfully and jams with the band.

PAMELA (cont’d)I GO CRAZY --MMM-HMM OH YEAH CUH-RAAAAZZZZY --

BWAPPIN BE DEBOP CUH-RAAAAZZZYYY --CUH CUH CUH CUH RAAYYYYY,RAY RAY RAY CUH CUH CUH,CUH RAAAZZZYYYY --CRAZY,OHHHHH YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Big finish! She gasps for air. Pamela andMusidorus are frozen in shock.

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PAMELA (cont’d)(delicately)

Now that I’ve exposed my vulnerable side, I will soon return toCleophila, moist and o’errun with apology.

(getting close to Musidorus, whispering)Drop. Her.

She exits.

PHILOCLEAOh follow her, intrepid Cleophilia. She is but jealous.

MUSIDORUS Thinkest thou?

PHILOCLEAWhy should I deserve all of thine attention?

MUSIDORUSBecause -- Oh, I have no words to express my passion for thee,fair one.

PHILOCLEABut easily laid aside is the passion for a friend.

MUSIDORUS

I wish for more than friendship with Philoclea.

A moment.

PHILOCLEAI now do comprehend thy meaning. I fear I cannot help thee. Iam not that way designed.

MUSIDORUSBut nay, I know thou art.

PHILOCLEAYour ardency does recall one on whom I turned my back afortnight ago -- oh but wait --

MUSIDORUS(sings gently, a capella)

I’M MAD ABOUT YOU ...LOST IN YOUR EYES ...

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He puts her hand on his chest. The orchestrapicks up the bass-line beating of his heart (as intheir first scene together).

Philoclea’s eyes widen.

PHILOCLEAMusidorus?!

MUSIDORUSMAD ABOUT LOVE ...

PHILOCLEA The completeness that is Cleophila is completed in Musidorus!

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEA(singing together)

YOU AND I!(music kicks in)

SOMETHING 'BOUT YOU!RIGHT HERE BESIDE ME -- TOUCHES THE TOUCHED PART OF MELIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE!

PHILOCLEAPUSHING THE NIGHT INTO THE DAYTIME

WATCHING THE SKY'S FIRST LIGHT --

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEAWHILE THE CITY SLEEPS!

PHILOCLEAMAD ABOUT YOU!

MUSIDORUSMAD ABOUT YOU --

PHILOCLEALOST IN YOUR EYES!

MUSIDORUSREASON ASIDE --

PHILOCLEAMAD ABOUT LOVE!

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MUSIDORUSMAD ABOUT LOVE --

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEAYOU AND I!

PHILOCLEA(radiant)

How Joy unfolds in Everything!(sudden panic)

But nay! I beg assurance I am dreaming you!

MUSIDORUSI am Musidorus, and thou art my Princess!

PHILOCLEAI am at slumber; my life Awake cannot ALLOW a Musidorus.

MUSIDORUSI did’st reveal myself; you cannot unremember me.

A moment. She makes a connection.

PHILOCLEAI know now -- all contradiction, all reversals are Included! OAdoring Universe!

They move together. A moment. They almostkiss. An idea strikes her.

PHILOCLEA (cont’d)We must fly! We can get past Dametas; but O -- he will givechase ‘til he deports us back to Father. Yet we must risk it; Iwill not abandon thee again.

MUSIDORUSIn my little HOLIDAY JAUNT through the Wild, I observed a lot

of hungry animals and a lotta human skeletons. We have notresources to survive!

PHILOCLEAOh, always with the damned resources!

A new thought crosses her mind, and shelaughs.

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MUSIDORUSBut why this laughter, my capricious love?

PHILOCLEAI wanted to leave home to get perspective,Beyond the way they see me. “That’s The GirlWho Always Does What’s Best For Everyone.” The view from here -- is No. I’m now The GirlWho Always Does What’s Best for HER .

Into music:

PHILOCLEA (cont’d)(deciding)

Sweet Musidorus, Fortune will revealOur method of escape; it wants but time.We will not fly from them; and nor will weConfront them. They make a diet ofDelusion, so why interrupt the feast?

(sings)CAN YOU HEAR THEM? THEY TALK ABOUT US, TELLING LIES --WELL THAT'S NO SURPRISE.

CAN YOU SEE THEM?

SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM? THEY HAVE NO SHIELD,NO SECRETS TO REVEAL --

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY SAYIN THE PETTY GAMES PEOPLE PLAY --

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEAHEY-EY!

MUSIDORUS

You wanna?

PHILOCLEAYes.

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEAOUR LIPS ARE SEALED!

They laugh, excited.

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Pamela enters with an enormous bouquet offlowers -- to find the lovers kissing. Shecollapses in sobs to the ground.

Mopsa enters and sees her. She goes to Pamela’sside with genuine concern:

MOPSAHUSH, MY DARLING --DON'T YOU CRY.QUIET, ANGEL --I’M ALWAYS BY --

We add a measure or two of drums.

Pamela looks up at Mopsa and makes arealization. She launches toward Mopsa andthey embrace in a full-on kiss.

The triumphant Oracle reappears and points atthe first flag, pulling a cord. It descends fromthe proscenium.

ORACLE(as if in a TV commercial)

“Need a reliable return on your investment? Trust the Oracle.”

She winks and does an OK sign with her fingers.She vanishes. A single flag remains.

PAMELA‘Twas only thy lips that could unlock the riddle and continuethe game! O Radiant Universe!

MOPSABut what should we do now?

PAMELAWe should “Live in the now” now, and live in the future next!

Key change! As ensemble joins, a radiant Mopsaand Pamela turn out and belt:

MOPSA AND PAMELACAN YOU SEE THEM?

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MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEA(overlapping, in a separate world)

CAN YOU SEE THEM?

MOPSA AND PAMELA THEY TALK ABOUT US, TELLING LIES --WELL, THAT’S NO SURPRISE.CAN YOU SEE THEM?SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM --

MUSIDORUS AND PHILOCLEASEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM --

MOPSA AND PAMELA THEY HAVE NO SHIELD,NO SECRETS TO REVEAL!

MOPSA, PAMELA, MUSIDORUS,PHILOCLEA, ENSEMBLE

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SAYIN THE JEALOUS GAMES PEOPLE PLAY --HE-EY!

Gynecia appears:

GYNECIAI’ll remain true to my true love.MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

BASILIUSI will remain true to myself.

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

MOPSA, PAMELA, MUSIDORUS,PHILOCLEA, BASILIUS, GYNECIA,ENSEMBLE

OUR LIPS ARE -- HMMM!

Dametas enters and finds the two flags on thefloor. He picks them up and examines them.

Philanax sprints on and takes them away fromhim.

End of Act One.

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ACT TWO

The Village of Interval

Breathless, Philanax takes center stage.

PHILANAXRemember when I was narrating? That conceit faded awayeffortlessly, didn’t it? Fellow travelers, now in our story we willpause in the Village of Interval, well past midway to ourdestination. One flag remains to fall, and much implausibilitywill be required to pull it down. Please feel free to rise andstretch your legs and enjoy Act Two. Go and explore. And drinkand make water and buy souvenirs. And please meet at leastone stranger. I guarantee that there’s someone in this theater --someone you’ve never met -- who is much more fun thanwhoever you came with. Now go!

-- and this leads us to an intermission longerthan usual, but not so long that it feels long.

We will not announce that this is happening.

It should be a Surprise.

It’s an intermission driven by the Disappearance

of the Stage Managers, and only when they arefound can we move on to Act Three.

Meanwhile all over the theater, different thingsare happening to engage the audience at a levelof their choosing.

It’s like a party. It is a party.

At the End of the Interval, Philanax takes centerstage.

PHILANAX (cont’d)Ladies, gentlemen and those in-between, it’s nearly time. Pleasetake your seats.

Pamela has edged onstage and beams lovingly atthe audience.

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PHILANAX (cont’d)Hello Amy Jo, do you need something?

PAMELA(still beaming)

I know not this “Amy Jo.” I am in character now and cannotimagine such a person.

PHILANAXI beg your pardon, Pamela. Then Act Two is nigh?

PAMELAYes. The Stage Manager doth announce it on yon intercom.

PHILANAXAnd why dost thou beam with such radiance?

PAMELAI am grateful to live inside a comedy. I do feel for the wretchedsouls who find their lot in tragedy, their sorrows repeated nightafter night like an endless execution -- while the slaveringaudience cries, “More heads! We want more heads!” In contrastI bring nothing but pleasure and amusement to all, and myaudience just gets drunk.

PHILANAX

And where, most lovely Pamela, dids’t thou see our storydescribed as comedy?

PAMELAHearest thee not these very halls ring with laughter? Especiallyfor my lines.

PHILANAXCheck the Playbill. Our entertainment is not so advertised. And‘tis the soul of tragedy that its characters -- like you: well-meaning and oblivious -- watch in horror as Fortune turns its

wheel to sorrow, crushing them as though it never knew mercy.

PAMELAAn image horrifyingly drawn. But ‘tis far too

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