2010 esol writing intensive

Welcome to Massey from the Centre for Teaching and

Learning

Martin McMorrow

ESOL Learning Advisor

CTL Online Resources

tinyurl.com/6xy9hy podcast

tinyurl.com/slcvideos video presentations

tinyurl.com/slcalbany Student Learning Centre

owll.massey.ac.nz online writing and learning link

Study Skills Presentations

Wednesdays 12 pm QB5

Mar 9 / Jul 27 Paragraph writingMar 16 / Aug 3 Essay writingMar 23 / Aug 10 Report writingMar 30 / Aug 17 APA referencing

May 11, 18, 25Sep 29, Oct 6, 13 Exam skills

Part 1

• What is academic English?

• How to deal with new vocabulary in readings

• How good is your academic English vocabulary?

Everyday English Academic English

No evidence is given for the claim

The claim is supported by reference to relevant research

Teachers play a big part in motivation because, if you ask me, even if you’re motivated to begin with, if the teacher’s boring, you’ll soon lose your motivation.

Opinion is clear enough Opinion is even clearer

It’s impersonal

Teachers can influence the motivation of their learners. A study by Nikolov (2001) showed how initially positive attitudes to language learning were badly affected by a dislike of the teaching methodology (as cited in Dornyei, 2005, p. 75)

It’s personal.

The sentence runs on in an unfocused way

The sentences are more focused

Teachers can influence the motivation of

their learners. A study by Nikolov (2001) showed how initially positive attitudes to language learning were badly affected by a dislike of the teaching

methodology (as cited in Dornyei, 2005, p. 75)

All sources used must be referenced

in-text

Most paragraphs in the body of your essays and reports should include 1 or more references (author’s surname + year of publication + page if it’s a direct quote)

Dornyei, Z. (2005). The psychology of the language learner. Mahwah, NJ.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

name, initial

(year)title

city

And the full details need to be in your reference list at the end

publisher

Crookes, G., & Schmidt, R. (1991). Motivation: Reopening the researchagenda. Language Learning, 41, 461-512

Davidson, C., & Tolich, M. (2001). Social science research in New Zealand. Auckland, New Zealand: Pearson Education

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behaviour. New York, NY: Plenum

Dornyei, Z. (1994). Motivation and motivating in the foreign language classroom. Modern Language Teaching Journal, 78 (iii), 273-284

Dornyei, Z. (2005). The Psychology of the Language Learner. Mahwah,NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates

Gardner, R. C. (2001). Integrative motivation and second language acquisition. In Z. Dornyei & R. Schmidt (Eds.), Motivation andsecond language acquisition (pp. 1-19). Honolulu, HI: University of Hawai'i Press

Skehan, P. (1989). Individual differences in second language learning. London, England: Arnold

Example reference list (APA style)

More advice on referencing at: http://tinyurl.com/slcvideos http://owll.massey.ac.nz/referencing.php Weds Workshop on March 30th QB5 12 noon

In addition to including referencing, academic English also has:

•more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

•more complex noun phrases

•more use of impersonal structures and fewer ‘you’ and ‘I’

Let’s compare sentences from two paragraphs about ageism – one in academic English and the other in ordinary English same paragraph written in ordinary and in academic English

Comparison of everyday and Academic English

‘Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old.

Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23).


What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time.

The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness.


For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted because people think they’re too young or too old.

Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old.




•more use of impersonal structures


You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on.

A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect.


You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on.A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect.



But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so.

However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

Paragraph in everyday English style

Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean?

‘Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’reyoung or old. What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at thetime. For instance, someone might not get a job or get promotedbecause people think they’re too young or too old. You’d probably thinkthat a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks wasbeing a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every wayexcept for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could callthem ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to standon. But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take ona 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so.

These changes make the same paragraph in academic English more concise, more exact, more focused and more persuasive.

Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean?

Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). The crucial aspect isnot discrimination in itself, but its unfairness. In other words, whether or not age is a relevant consideration in the circumstances. Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect. However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so.




Key features of academic English style

obtaining employment may be defined as

the crucial aspect the employment specifications

might be considered no one could claim

In order to write more academically, you’ll need a larger academic vocabulary – and to use the same word as a noun, adjective, adverb etc.

You’re going to see 20 sentences written inacademic English.

Each sentence has a missing word. You’vebeen given the first three letters of the word.What is the word?

Your target is to recognise 16 or more of thewords!

How good is your academic English vocabulary?

1) It’s difficult to define the con_ _ _ _ of beauty.2) The internet gives you acc_ _ _ to information and personal contacts from around the world.3) Evolution explains how simple animals developed into more com_ _ _ _ ones over a long period of time.4) Come to the meeting if you feel you have anything to con_ _ _ _ _ _ _ to the discussion.5) We are not really in competition with them, but there are a few ove_ _ _ _ _ between our products.

conceptaccess

complex

contribute

overlaps

6) She asked me to check the first dra_ _ of her presentation.7) The final cost of the project should not exc_ _ _ $ 10 000.8) It’s impossible to eli_ _ _ _ _ _ crime completely, but this government aims to reduce it substantially.9) Financial experts have det_ _ _ _ _ some signs that the economy may be improving.10) No agreement has been reached but negotiations are still ong_ _ _ _.

draft

exceed

eliminate

detected

ongoing

11) One reason that many goods are manufactured in China is the lower lab_ _ _ costs there. 12) We have to inf_ _ from his silence on the matter that he has nothing he wishes to say.13) A recent sur_ _ _ found that more than 60 % of workers were dissatisfied with their bosses.14) We had to make several calls to the tec_ _ _ _ _ _ support line before anyone came to repair out computer.15) We all ass_ _ _ _ _ _ in the meeting room to hear from takeover news.

labour

infer

survey

technical

assembled

16) The company publishes its ann_ _ _ accounts every September.17) At the moment we don’t ant_ _ _ _ _ _ _ any problems with the new system.18) The internet has become an important med_ _ _ of communication for companies.19) Her work has been a cru_ _ _ _ part of the company’s success.20) Unemployment will be one of the most important iss_ _ _ in the next election.

annual

anticipate

medium

crucial

issues

Massey papers

192.101 English for Academic Purposes192.102 Academic Writing

Massey Academic English Podcast

tinyurl.com/6xy9hy

How to develop your academicEnglish vocabulary

Hong Kong University of Science and Technology: http://uvt.ust.hk/about.html

Hong Kong Polytechnic University: http://elc.polyu.edu.hk/cill/eap/default.htm

University of Hertfordshire: http://www.uefap.com/vocab/vocfram.htm

University of Manchester: http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk

Selected online resources

How to deal with new vocabularyin your academic reading

You need to be selective: There is far too much new vocabulary for you tolearn.

Important concepts for this subject (business law)

Only focus on vocabulary that’s relevant for your future studies – for example, all of this vocabulary comes from the first few pages of a first year business law textbook and needs to be dealt with strategically

Important concepts for all academic research, analysis, argument etc

presumption

disseminate

flora and fauna

validity

nomenclature

solecisms

arbitrary

disclose

derived

adherents

high

lowignore

work out meaning and move on

look it up to confirm and move on

Look it up, file it in your systemwith an example sentence. Review itat the end of the day and week

Choose a different strategy to deal with highly relevant and less relevant vocabulary

futurerelevance

Some practice in working out meaningand moving on

Try to work out the meaning of the highlighted wordin this sentence from a marketing text book

“adequate research of overseas markets is … one of several prerequisites for international marketing success”

things that will make a profit

things that must be done

things that will surprise you

Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118

“it is easy for both consumers and marketing managers to be lulled by the promise of constantly increasing standards of living.

made to feel worried

made to feel embarrassed

made to feel relaxedQuester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118

“If you watch a Yoplait advertisement that shows other people enjoying a new yoghurt flavour, you might conclude that you would like it too. For services, such vicarious learning is essential, as consumers can rarely assess the benefit directly and have to rely on the experience of others…”

second-hand

enjoyable

common

Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 199

Summary of Part 1

• Key features of academic English

• Keep developing your basic academic vocabulary

• Focus on learning relevant vocabulary: subject-specific and academic vocabulary

• Work out meaning of new vocabulary from context whenever possible

Part 2

• Paragraph writing

• Summarising sources

• Selected grammar issues

Summarising Sources

• We’ll have a look at an example of a summary of a newspaper article

• Then we’ll look at the five-step process I followed in writing this summary

• If you follow the same process, you’ll write effective, concise, relevant summaries without any risk of plagiarism

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for medical schools and top universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ onideas from websites. These included 800 applicationsusing the same story about burning their pajamas when they were eight years old to explain why theywanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005)

Summary of a newspaper report

How do I summarise the sourcetext?

Step 1. Find relevant textStep 2. Highlight key pointsStep 3. Transform into notesStep 4: Choose how to introduce the

referenceStep 5. Expand notes into linked

sentences

Step 1: Find a relevant text

Degree applicants 'copy from web'

Thousands of prospective university students are using the internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions service UCAS reveals.

Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowedmaterial. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the 15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas.

The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:

• 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination for how the human body works..."

• 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"

• 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm grandfather". (text continues)

(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)

Step 2: Highlight the key points

Degree applicants 'copy from web'

Thousands of prospective university students are using the internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions service UCAS reveals.

Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowedmaterial. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the 15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas.

The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:

• 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination for how the human body works..."

• 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"

• 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm grandfather". (text continues)

(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)

Step 3: Transform into notes

• 50 000 apps for top UK unis• 5% borrowed mat from web for pers

statements• 234 used same story about burning

pajamas – age 8 – to show why they wanted to go to med sch

Step 4: Choose how to introduce the reference

• brackets (author, year)

• According to + author (year)…

• Author (year)+ verb …

According to Dunbar and Holmes (2003), cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred …..

Dunbar and Holmes (2003) claim that cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred …..

Cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred to more traditional medical interventions in such cases (Dunbar & Holmes, 2003).

Author (year) + verb + that ....

claim argue

explain

point out provide evidence

suggest

Step 5: Expand notes into linked sentences

A recent analysis of 50 000applications for the most competitive degree courses andtop universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ on ideas from websites. Theseincluded over 200 applicationsusing the same story about burning their pajamas when they were eight years old to explainwhy they wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005)

•50 000 apps for top UK unis

•5% borrowed mat from web for pers statements

•234 used same story about burning pajamas – age 8 – to show why they wanted to go to med sch

Step 5: Write your own sentences which present the information from your source to YOUR audience in the context of your essay

Step 1. Find relevant textStep 2. Highlight key pointsStep 3. Transform into notesStep 4: Choose how to introduce the

referenceStep 5. Expand notes into linked

sentences

Following these steps will help you avoid plagiarism AND make your writing clearer, more relevant and more convincing to thereader.

If you miss out stage 3 and try to construct your paragraph directly from chunks of the original text, your writing will probably be:

• too long• too full of unnecessary detail• unclear about the main point• lacking in flow• plagiarised

Compare the following summaries: in the first one, the writer has missed out stage 3 - they’ve paid too much attention paid to making small changes to the original source and not enough to constructing an argument – ie making a point and then supporting it.

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for medical schools and top universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ on ideas from websites. These included over 200 applications using the same story about burning their pyjamas when they were eight years old to explain why they wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005)

It has been revealed by admissions service UCAS that thousands of university students cheat in their university entrance by using the internet. CFL Software Development checked 50 000 personal statements and found that material had been borrowed in 5% of them. These included medicine, veterinary science, dentistry and Oxbridge applications. When prospective university students had to say why they wanted to study the course they had chosen 234 included something about a dramatic incident of burning a hole in their pyjamas at the age of eight (Degree candidates copy from the web, 2005).

Bad summary

Good summary

Sample Assignment Question

Discrimination in the workplace has two victims: in the short term, those

discriminated against suffer; but in the longer term, organisations themselves suffer from their own discriminatory

practices. Discuss in relation to the New Zealand business environment.

Paragraph Structure

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted.

Sample Paragraph – first half

On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.

Sample Paragraph – second half

Features of a well-made paragraph

• Builds on what’s been said already• Focuses on the essay question• Makes ONE clear basic point• Supports this point with argument,

references to research & examples• Each sentence builds on earlier

sentences• Comes to a conclusion


1. Builds on what’s been said already

Start your paragraph with a bridge

First part summarises previous paragraph

Second part introduces new topic

Start your paragraph with a bridge

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices.

This is not the case with ageism …


2. Focuses on the essay question

Discrimination in the workplace

Essay Question

Organisations suffer as well as individuals

New Zealand business environment

General topic

Claim which needs to be discussed

Context


Essay Question

General topic

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined

as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist

because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other

staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.

Essay Question



Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.


Essay Question


New Zealand business environment

General topic


Context

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.


3. Makes ONE clear basic point

In an argument essay, each paragraph should have a sentence which expresses an opinion on the question in relation to the topic of the paragraph.

This topic sentence should normally be short and near the beginning.

Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem.


4. Supports this point with argument, references to research & examples


One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect.

argument and examples

topic sentence


Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8).

references to research

topic sentence


5. Each sentence builds on earlier sentences

Your paragraph construction toolkit

5.1 repetition and variation of key words

Don’t be vague – remind the reader what you’re talking about in every sentence – don’t rely too much on ‘it’ – hoping they’ll guess what was in your head when you wrote it!

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray ……

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped …


5.2 When you do use it / its and they / their make sure it’s clear what they refer to

Because its legal status is less clearly marked, it is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem.

Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand …… Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen

Subject matches subject of previous sentence and there are no ‘competing’ nouns

Try not to use it more than once without reminding the reader what it refers to.


5.3 This ….

…. there is a clear legal framework ….This is not the case with ageism ….


5.4 this / these or such + noun phrase summarising previous sentence(s)

….. organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is ….

Such discrimination appears to be common ….


5.5 Linking words ….

Don’t keep your argument a secret. Share your logic with your reader. Use linking words and phrases to tell the reader how this next sentence relates to the one before.



For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old.



On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy



Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture ….

5.5 Linking words

CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

Similarity and Difference

ORDER OF IMPORTANCE

first

secondly

next

meanwhile

later

then

afterwards

finally

on the other hand

conversely

similarly

likewise

however

furthermore

as a result

in fact

yet

also

in addition

GIVE AN EXAMPLE

GIVE AN EFFECT/ RESULT

ADD A CONCLUSION

for example

for instancetherefore

thus

consequently

as a result

in brief

all in all

indeed

in other words

in short

in the end

5.5 Linking words

Use linking words and expressions to guide your reader through the argument in each paragraph.

former / latter There are two major approaches to blah, YYYY

and ZZZZZ. The former, devised by Smith (1985) consists of AAAA, BBBB and CCCC......

The latter, the ZZZZZ model, was developed by Hassan and Watanabe (1993), and …….

Firstly, ……There are a number of drawbacks to this

model. Firstly, ……… . Moreover, ……… .

Finally, and most significantly, …….

Thus, though functionalists and Marxists both discern common features in education, they draw radically different conclusions. For functionalists, education is a means of resolving many of the divisions and tensions of modern society. Marxists perceive this conception of education as fundamentally flawed, since, for them, capitalist societies are inherently unfair to the majority of the population. Therefore, they seek to extend the scope of education, so that its main role is to enable people to reject, rather than passively accept those divisions.

See www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk and www.academicenglishgenerator.com for more examples and suggestions for expanding your range of expressions

http://www.phrasebank.man.ac.uk/

http://www.academicenglishgenerator.com/


6. Comes to a conclusion

So, try to tie your concluding sentence to each paragraph back to the topic of the essay

Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.



Aim for 4 – 10 sentences – 100 – 220 words. If in doubt, consider breaking lengthy paragraphs into two, each with a single point!

Summary: A well-made paragraph

• Builds on what’s been said already• Focuses on the essay question• Makes ONE clear basic point• Supports this point with argument, references to research & examples• Each sentence builds on earlier sentences• Comes to a conclusion

Selected language issues

10) Spelling and Punctuation • english • a students life• studing• reknowned• future carrier• people are quiet friendly

Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

9) Grammar of comparison

• the environment is more clean ..• NZ is not that expensive than ...• fees are quite cheaper than ..

8) Wrong tense or verb form

• My parents send me to New Zealand ...• I choose to study in NZ ..


7) Wrong words

• New Zealand has very beautiful views• nations which are upcoming with ideas• a low number of crime

6) Wrong collocation • Among the vital reasons• the fees are cheaper


5) Wrong or unnecessary preposition

• The reason of coming to New Zealand was for improve my English

• included at the top 200 universities • I would like to discuss about why …• contact to students from Europe• important in these days• both of environment and social background• an interesting opportunity to me• In my point of view ..• I’ve been dreaming for it


4) Wrong form of word (adjective instead of noun etc) • New Zealand is inexpensive comparing to• a political neutral place

3) missing ‘a’ and ‘the’ • New Zealand is very safe country• an important step for future• environment is beautiful• NZ universities have good reputation


2) agreement – especially where the noun doesn’t agree with verb

• statistics has shown …• NZ universities offers

1) singular instead of plural • parent are reassured that their child are ...• one of the major reason is ..• many beautiful place ..


Lost sentences

Subject-verb agreement

Vague pronouns

‘the’

Selected issues

Simple and Complex Sentences

Singh and Mandell (2009) developed an alternative model.

subject verb phrase

Problems with sentence structure normally arise from having too many clauses which are not clearly linked to the main clause!

It will be argued that although the adoption of a single currency with Australia might strengthen New Zealand’s financial system and ease international trade, it is not in New Zealand’s interests because its economy and society are fundamentally different from those of its more powerful neighbour.

Simple sentences – comprising a single clause – are good ways to introduce a new topic without going into detail

In complex sentences (with several clauses) make sure that your main clause is really clear

In the 1960s when little study was devoted to facial expression, like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed expression was culturally determined, that we simply use our face according to a set of learned social conventions, a belief that grew from the emphasis on motivation and cognition in academic psychology that flourished at the time.

Example ‘LOST’ sentence

In the 1960s, little study was devoted to facial expression.

Like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed expression was culturally determined.

In other words, she believed we simply use our face according to a set of learned social conventions.

This belief grew from the emphasis on motivation and cognition in academic psychology that flourished at the time (Brown, 2006).

“Re-packed” version

• The cost of residential houses has increased by 40% in the last two years. This dramatic rise in prices has forced many young people into the rental market.

• In 1999 the two countries resumed diplomatic talks. This improvement in the relationship between the two countries has facilitated the re-opening of trade links.

When the subject is a noun phrase including singular + of + plural it needs a singular verb!

• When a solution to a problem causes

another problem, it should be reanalysed.

Clearer version

• When a solution to a problem causes another

problem, the entire problem-solution process

should be reanalysed.

Avoid vague pronouns like ‘it’

When you’ve mentioned something previously:At the meeting a student spoke about problems in finding housing. The student emphasised…

When the word is qualified by specific information:

Example 1: Qualified by a phrase:The books on the third shelf…

Example 2: Qualified by another noun:The article commented on the New Zealand economy.

Example 3: Qualified by a relative clause:The enquiry that began in 2001…

Aim to use ‘the’ where necessary – it should form about 7% of everything you write (or say) in English

Thank you – and see you during the semester!

Martin McMorrow

Learning Advisor