Katie: Have you finished the Holiday letter yet? Scott: Um…it’s August. Katie: Well, get it done early this year, or else I’m sending out a traditional card. Scott: Don’t even threaten such a thing! (4 months later) Katie: I have a nice family picture ready for the Christmas card Scott: Nope…non-holiday letter holiday letter…I’m working on it Katie: Well, I’m working on non-husband husband…let’s see who gets it done first. (Christmas Day) Katie: So…is it safe to call you a total failure now? Scott: Merry Christmas to you too…and one of the geniuses of the non-holiday letter holiday letter is that it is not bound by traditional deadlines such a Christmas. Katie: It’s amazing how loosely you use the term “genius.” (December 28th) Scott (holding a piece of paper): Aye…here it is! Katie: Finally! The Holiday Letter! Scott: Nope…my fantasy baseball rankings; getting ready for next year’s draft Katie: I have two questions for you…what club did Tiger Woods’s wife use and where are your golf clubs?

(December 31st)

Scott: You see….I figured if this non-holiday holiday letter is supposed to be a recap of our year, then it should come out at the very end of the year, so we don’t miss out on covering any miraculous events that happen in the final week of the year. Katie: The only miraculous event that occurred this week was you not sleeping in the backyard. Scott: Speaking of backyards…here’s the Non-Holiday Letter Holiday Letter Katie: I don’t even know what that means…whatever….can you please include, as usual, that I had nothing to do with this garbage? Scott: Already done…read on!

Ladies and Gentleman.......(finally!)……..

Top 10 Reasons You Are Getting This in

10) Isaac and Alyssa can’t type yet…basically, they’re worthless to me 9) Honestly, I’ve been super lazy lately (Katie edit) 8) Katie had no part in it 7) The computer is in the same room as the TV 6) My fantasy football team made the playoffs for the first time in 5 years...thanks, Chris Johnson (Katie edit: I hate you, Chris Johnson!) 5) Is it possible to have too much time on your hands? (I am exploring this possibility) 4) Octomom told me personally that having multiple kids gives you an excuse for stupidity 3) Mad Men is really good (see #7) 2) Lost is really good (see #7) 1) I needed a Top 10 List to start the letter

Top 10 Signs you are at the Abbott House: 10) Better Homes and Garden is there doing a photo shoot 9) You are helplessly looking for a dog to pet 8) There is a man wearing sweats that looks like he just woke up 7) Oh no…wait…that same man is actually on his way to work 6) A small blonde blur went hopping by sputtering gibberish 5) The goddamn Wiggles are on 4) You are unnoticed amidst the chaos 3) There is a 5-month old taking a bottle 2) Dr. Pepper cans outnumber vegetables (and actually all other food combined) 1) There is a lost colony of pacifiers underneath the couch

Abbott Tweets of the Year (note: none of us are actually on Twitter, but I strive to be culturally relevant)

kittykat13: “140 characters are not enough to express how much I love @ikethetyke and @lyssiepooh09” scottstuff37: “Does TiVo deserve its own holiday?” ikethetyke: “This new chick is shackin’ up with us for a bit; I’m lettin’ her use some of my old stuff but she better not jack any of it up” lyssiepooh09: “Its hot in here…let me out!” (world’s first in utero tweet)

Not

Story of the Year: Katie: Sully landing successfully in the Hudson Scott: John and Kate get divorced…rocked my world Isaac: Daddy taking out the trash without being asked on April 14th Alyssa: July 17th…A star is born

Furloughs Fridays: Katie: 10% less money; 10% more husband…lose-lose! Scott: 10% less money; 10% more golf Isaac: Great…even longer lines at the DMV! Alyssa: As long as they don’t furlough mom’s breasts, I’m cool with it!

Mourning: Katie: Arrested Development Scott: Arrested Development Isaac: Being the center of attention Alyssa: Mourning, Noon, Night…it’s all the same…feed me!

Favorite 2009 Fad: Katie: Purse Dogs Scott: Snuggie (Zebra Print) Isaac: Corporate Bailouts Alyssa: Facebook stalking

Comeback of the Year: Katie: Parks and Rec Scott: Sacramento Kings Isaac: Elmo (can you say, “timeless”?) Alyssa: Britney Spears

Public Enemy #1: Katie: Kanye…then Scott until this letter was done…then Benjamin Linus Scott: Tie between Mayonnaise and the Wiggles Isaac: Santa Claus (ref: photo p.2) Alyssa: Public Enemy

Abbott Children 2009 Urban Dictionary WTF: World’s Toughest Father App: Small dollop of apple sauce Twilight: Dad better be home soon or else Mom is going to be mad ShamWow: Could have been Alyssa’s first word, but could have also been gibberish Poker Face: What Isaac likes to do while Alyssa (our Lady Gaga) is sleeping Croc: All of Dad’s excuses according to Mom Wii Fit: What Mommy’s pre-pregnancy clothes now say!