It Takes More than Just the Two of You

It Takes ThreeFirst Baptist Church, Garland

March 16, 2008

www.LeeJagers.wordpress.com

How it looks,

What it requires,

How to maintain it

Intimacy

It’s like the Trinity – our ultimate model

Complete Trust• 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be

troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me

• 16:6 But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.

Accurate Reflections• 14:7 If you really knew me, you would

know my Father as well.

• 14:24 These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

• 16:13 He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

• 16:15 All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.

Beautiful 17:13 Spirit of truth

17:7 Counselor

15:26 Spirit of truth

15:26 Counselor

14:16 another Counselor

14:17 Spirit of truth

14:26 Holy Spirit

17:25 Righteous Father17:10 Holy Father17:3 you, the only true God15:1 My Father is the gardener

Each Other’s Glory12:28 Father, glorify your

name! 13:31 Now is the Son of

Man glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself and will glorify him at once.

14:13 so that the Son may bring glory to the Father

15:8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

16:14 He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you.

17:1 Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you.

17:4 I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.

17:5 And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

God, the FatherGod, the Son

God, the Holy SpiritFor each other… they offer

Complete trustAccurate reflections

Beautiful descriptionsEach other’s glory

Impact of the Trinity on Marriage

• 17:20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

God Wants Intimacy• He wants us to have intimate

relationships with Him.– “. . . that they may be one even as We

are.” – John 17:11

– “that they may all be one; even as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be in Us . . .”

– John 17:21

Oneness Illustrated

I in you

And you in me

How it looks,

What it requires,

How to maintain it

Intimacy

Intimacy Requires Privacy

• Sanctification – “set apart + belonging to”– 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

• Privacy is not secrecy!– privacy can be shared and still be

private. Secrecy cannot.–Secrecy breeds sickness.

Intimacy Requires Cleanliness

• High Priest and the animal sacrifices– Nearness to God requires holiness

• Surgery– Scrubs

• Nearness to our spouse requires cleanliness– of body– of thought

Intimacy Requires Knowing• Notice, Study, Focus, Admire, Explore

– Song of Solomon 7:1-9– What is your favorite ____ ?– You have a gift of ______ .– You changed your ______ .– I saw this _____ that I thought might interest you.– How do you feel about _____ ?

• Learning and knowing is not evaluating.

Intimacy Requires Relationship

• It cannot be achieved alone• Relationship implies attunement.

– e.g. Love Languages – Gary Chapman• Words of Affirmation • Quality Time • Receiving Gifts• Acts of Service• Physical Touch

• Relationship implies transparency

Intimacy Requires Relaxation• Rested, Fun-loving, Playfulness, Humor• Responsibility and tasks and achievement

pull us away from intimacy.

Intimacy requires leisure time• to reflect• to savor• to be

Intimacy Requires Vulnerability

• Guardedness is the opposite of vulnerability

• It can hurt• Conflict resolution skills• Iron sharpens iron• Humility• What’s my role?

Intimacy Requires Surrender

• Surrender needs to be more than a military term!

• Surrender goes against the grain of autonomy and self-control.

• Surrender is more than compliance of behavior. It is more than obedience.– Obedience is submission to authority.– Surrender is being willing rather than

willful.– It is an entrusting from the heart

Intimacy Requires Humility

• Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for ht interests of others.”

• When you’re into someone else’s space, you are the guest. You are not entitled to anything.

Intimacy Requires Fidelity• God hates adultery

– Exodus 20:14– Leviticus 18:20; 20:10– Proverbs 7– Malachi 3:5– Matthew 5:27-28; Mark 10:11-12; John 8:1-11– Romans 7:2-3– Ephesians 5:3-5– Hebrews 13:4

• Fidelity is more than commitment

It Takes More than Just the Two of You

It Takes Three

How it looks,

What it requires,

How to maintain it

Intimacy

Love – Fear – Intimacy

Love promotes intimacy.Fear is the opposite of love.

Fear blocks intimacy.

Get Past Your Fears

• Self-protection: • “I fear my partner’s response.”

• Overprotection: • “I do not want to hurt my mate’s feelings.”

• Rationalization: • “It won’t make any difference anyway.”

• Misbelief: • “Avoidance is the proper/Christian thing to do”

• Denial: • “My partner never makes me angry.”

Honor Differences

But God has so composed the body, . . .That there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.

1 Corinthians 12:24-25

Unity + Diversitymeans

Closeness & Acceptance+ + +

Separateness, Self-sufficiency & Space

We Should Be Able to …

• Present a balanced picture of both our strengths and our vulnerabilities.

• Make clear statements of our beliefs, values, and priorities, and then keep our behavior congruent with these.

• Stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get pretty intense.

We Should Be Able to …

• Address difficult and painful issues and take a position on matters important to us.

• State our differences and allow others to do the same.

The Dance of Intimacy, Harriet Lerner

Importance of FaithA secular source states, “Couples who actively practiced their faith together –

and who tended to view marriage as having a transcendent meaning – tended

to be happier, to have less conflict, to work more as a team, and to engage in less of what we have called the danger

signs.”Fighting for Your Marriage

By Howard J. MarkmanScott M. StanleySusan Blumberg

Respect Male/Female Differences

versus

Know the Difference

Know the Difference betweenSensuality and Sexuality

---Know the Difference betweenGetting Physical and Getting

Verbal

Communication 101

Listen

ActivelyEmpathicallyPersonally

Communication 102

TalkPersonally with transparencyPersonally with vulnerability

Personally with honesty

Basking in Oneness

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;

I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.I have eaten my honeycomb and my

honey;I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Eat, O friends, and drink;Drink your fill, O lovers.

Song of Solomon 5:1

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It Takes More than Just the Two of You

It Takes Three

www.LeeJagers.wordpress.com