2 3… · we passively accept what they say about us. when we hear them and are aware of their...
TRANSCRIPT
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Voices affect choices. Choices
become voices. Every day there
are internal voices telling us,
“You’re not good enough, you’re
not strong enough, you’re not
smart enough, or you’re not pretty
enough.” There are also external
voices—friends, parents, teachers—
telling us who we are or what we’re
capable of doing. Some of these voices
tell us the truth, and some tell us lies.
When we are unaware of these voices,
we passively accept what they say about
us. When we hear them and are aware of
their messages, we can actively choose to
listen only to the voices that are telling us
the truth.
Every action we take affects the people
around us and becomes a voice to them.
Something as simple as us choosing not to
pass a soccer ball to a certain teammate makes
a statement. Our voice in their head is saying,
“I don’t trust you.” When we are aware that our
actions affect other people, we can choose to
use our voice for good.
You are here today because you want to affect the next generation. By the time
you complete this training, you will grasp the concept of “Voices and Choices” for
yourself, and be able to explain it to other people. You will be able to implement
a method of teaching using experience and metaphor to connect an individual
student’s morals to his or her daily life. You will also have a working knowledge
of all of the games that we will use.
It is important for our emotional, social, and spiritual health to always be
“sandwiched” in mentoring roles. We should always pursue mentorship for
ourselves, and always seek out opportunities to mentor those around us.
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What is this event going to look like?
ACTIVE EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING
When we talk about experiential learning, we mean that we’re going to
play team-building style games, and then debrief what we learn from
the metaphor of the game. Experiential learning is incredibly powerful.
It incorporates all the parts of a person—mind, body, heart, and social
factors. Unlike traditional forms of learning that “splash” information on
the mind, experiential learning “dunks” the whole self into an interactive
form of learning.
A LARGE GROUP PROGRAM
When a community shares an experience, they have a common language—
anyone in the group can talk with anyone else in the group about their
experience. This means teachers can take what the group learned and talk
about it in classes. Students can talk about their experience with their friends
over lunch. Learning and accountability is greater when a topic is learned by
a large group.
SMALL GROUP MENTORING
By breaking the large group down into smaller groups, each student
receives individual attention. Students gain a sense of comradery. Names can
be used and students feel less intimidated to participate. Group members
have the opportunity to share perspectives and learn more about each
other’s individual stories.
This is where you come in. Your role today is to be a group mentor.
What is a mentor?
A mentor is a person or friend who guides a less experienced person by building
trust and modeling positive behaviors. An effective mentor understands that
his or her role is to be dependable, engaged, authentic, and tuned into the
needs of the mentee. The key to being a good mentor is being a good listener.
Bump Day
There is an anxiety that comes over many people when they are asked to be a
mentor. But let’s not get crazy. The goal of the day is not necessarily to transform
a person in a single day. It’s simply to bump someone in your group.
HELP SOMEONE ELSE
TELL SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR CHANGE
KEEP A CHANGE
FIND A MENTOR
MAKE A CHANGE
MAKE A FRIEND
PLAN TO CHANGE
THINK ABOUT CHANGING
THINK ABOUT ACTIONS
HATE PEOPLE LESS
HATE PEOPLE/DO BAD THINGS
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LECTURE
BOREDOM
CONTROLLABLE
CHAOS
MEMORABLE
EXPERIENCE
The Flux
You may notice that it is hard to keep the right balance between maintaining
control of a group and boring them out of their minds. Finding this balance is
the key to memory retention. Lecture is controllable, but will eventually lead to
boredom. Experiential learning is memorable, but can lead to chaos. The key is to
switch from one to the other as you see boredom or chaos creeping in.
Method
INSTRUCTIONS FOR EACH GAME
Do it first - there will be a set of instructions for you. Just play the game! Have
fun! Write down what you hear the people say and what you see them do.
Draw it out - there will be a set of questions for each game. Read each question
first, understand it for yourself, and then ask it in your own words.
Drive it home - this is your chance to drive home the point of the game. A
metaphor for each game has been written out for you to use, but you are
not required to use this metaphor if something more applicable to your
specific group comes up during the “Draw it out” section. The questions are
there as a tool for your use.
BEST QUESTIONS
What? The goal is to find out from the group’s perspective, what actually
happened during this game. When asking these questions, make sure
to involve multiple people from different perspectives - the winner, the
loser, and the person who stayed detached from the game should all
answer this question.
So what? The goal is to find out why it matters how each individual acted
during the game. Draw out connections between students’ actions during the
game and actions they take in their everyday lives. “Do you always get mad
when things don’t go your way, or is this a one time thing?”
Now what? The goal is to see the steps necessary to change. A great question
would be, “How would you like to respond differently the next time you face a
situation like this?” The goal as the leader is to ask questions that will take them
somewhere they would not go themselves.
Mentor tips
CREATE TRUST
People tend to be more genuine and open if they see someone be honest
and open. It is very helpful to take some time at some point to tell a genuine
story about yourself. The story is not meant to get you attention or take the
focus away from the people in your group, it’s a tool used to help create an
atmosphere of trust and openness. The more genuine you are, the more
genuine people will be in return.
CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT
Establish your authority at the beginning of the day. Do this by using a
commanding voice to call the group to order and appearing you know what
you’re doing (we didn’t say you need to feel like you know what you’re doing…
just appear that way!)
TWO PERSON KNEE TO KNEE
Instruct your group to find a partner,
Have each pair face each other with their knees touching.
Have them touch hands, pinkies, or fists.
Require them to make unbroken eye contact for 60 seconds
Have one person tell the other person about themselves. Here are some
conversation options:
Describe every person in your family. What do they look like? Who do you get
along with best and why?
What would you like to be when you grow up?
Name one thing you have hated about today so far. Name two things you like
so far. Name one thing you look forward to about the rest of the day.
Would you rather have fingers the size of legs or legs the size of fingers
and why?
Have them report back what they learned about the other person.
Ask them whether it was more difficult to be the speaker or the listener and why.
This game helps break down social barriers, and it can encourage those students
who haven’t spoken all day to speak up.
NOTES
Control the environment. A good circle where everyone can make eye contact
is critical to a group’s success. Make sure that the group is safe. People are
welcome to disagree, but personal attacks are unacceptable.
CREATE CONVERSATION
Ask probing, open-ended questions. Never ask yes or no questions unless there
is a follow-up question like “why?”
Speak less; listen more. The purpose of the debrief time is to allow the group
to “uncover the truth” rather than being taught a lesson. The barometer for
this is that you should only be talking 20% of the time, and your group should
be talking 80% of the time. Silence is the sound of the gears in peoples’ heads
spinning.
Be patient. This is the most difficult job of the facilitator. Let the group struggle.
Allowing them to go through the process is critical. Not completing an activity
may be more valuable than succeeding. There may be more learning happening
in a group sitting in silence than in a group that talks the whole time.
Some groups are tough
Even after following all the mentor tips, it can be difficult to get conversation
going in some groups. Here are two techniques you can use to get the
conversation rolling:
GROUPS OF FOUR
Break your group into groups of four:
Have your group answer these questions and report back to you what they find
What’s your name?
What is one thing that is unique about you?
What is one thing you all have in common? (Nothing obvious like “we’re all
boys.” Find something that you think is totally unique about your group!)
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Double or Nothing
DO IT FIRST:
Participants sit in a circle.
Give each person an index card.
Give dice to one person and lay a pen in the middle.
Say: “The goal of this game is to write all the numbers between 1 & 100.
The trick is that there is only one pen. Pass the dice around the circle.
Each person rolls the dice once. If you get doubles, grab the pen and start
writing the numbers from 1-100 as fast as you can. The dice continue to be
passed around the circle. If someone else rolls doubles, they get the pen
and start writing on their card. First person to 100 wins!”
DRAW IT OUT:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
How many of you never rolled doubles, or didn’t get the pen for very long?
How did it feel?
Ask the group: Why did you treat the winner differently from the rest of
the group?
Whose voices did you hear?
How did you choose which ones to listen to?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
What do you think the dice might represent? In other words, has there
ever been another time you felt like the people around you were rolling
doubles but you couldn’t? (succeeding in school, winning at sports,
looking prettier than you, etc.)
Ask the winner: have you ever been in a situation before where you were
rolling doubles, and the people around you started uniting against you
because you were successful? Why do you think people do that?
When things get competitive, do you normally get angry and aggressive,
or do you detach and pull away?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
You do not have control of your circumstances (the dice), but you have
control of how you react to them. What might you do different the next
time you feeling like things aren’t going your way?
DRIVE IT HOME:
The dice represent life circumstances. Some people always roll doubles in
life. Some people never do. You can’t control the dice; you can only control
your reaction to them.
NOTES
Middle Name Game
DO IT FIRST:
Have participants sit in a circle.
Give each person an index card.
Say: “Write down your ‘ideal middle name.’ It can be anything you want it to
be. It can be funny, serious, something you wished everyone knew about
you, or your actual middle name. Whatever you want (example: Bobby
“Action” Jackson).”
Have every person share their name.
NOTE: This game teaches you a little bit about each person, and it gives
you permission to use their names.
DRAW IT OUT:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
Why did you choose this name? Who were you trying to impress or make
laugh? Yourself, your friends, me, someone who is not here?
We all listened to someone’s voice when we picked out name. Whose
voice did you listen to when picking?
What does this name tell us about you?
Do you think this name is closer to the real you than the name your parents
gave you? Why or why not?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
Have you ever wanted to reinvent yourself? What would you change?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
What role do you see yourself taking in this group?
Today, how can we as a group be encouraging voices to each other?
DRIVE IT HOME:
Each of you is unique. Some of you tried to make us laugh, and we like
you for it. Some of you told us a story about yourself. I’m so glad you are
unique, and I am glad you are here today.
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Notes:
Negotiation
Do it First:
Have everyone stand in a circle with one person in the middle.
Say: “You can talk, but you can’t talk about the game. Your goal is to switch
places with someone across the circle from you. The person in the middle
is going to try to take the spot of one of the people switching. If your spot
gets taken, you are in the middle. Every time you successfully switch, you
earn a point. However, if you get caught and go to the middle, you lose all
your points. You may not switch with the person next to you. At the end
of the game, the person with the most points wins.”
Draw it Out:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
What method did you use to decide who to switch with? How did you
build trust? How is this similar to everyday life?
How many people refused to trust anyone in this game?
Did anyone leave you “hanging out to dry”? Did you choose to switch with
them again?
When you built up a lot of points, did it change the way you made choices?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement: “People don’t need words
to communicate a lot of things.” Why or why not?
Have any of you ever developed trust with someone, and they turned out
to not be trustworthy?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
How do you develop trust in response to your experience? What are some
good ways to develop trust?
Drive it Home:
This game is all about “negotiating” which people you will trust. Every time
you switch with someone, you take a risk. You expose yourself. Some
people will hang you out to dry. You need to remove those people from
positions of trust in your life. Some of you have been burned, and refuse
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to trust anyone after that. But love and life are all about opening yourself
up to risk by trusting. Choosing not to trust is choosing not to live! Name
some people in your life you would trust to switch with you every time.
If you can’t name someone today, you must make it your goal to find
someone as soon as possible!
NOTES
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Leader:
Create a “Safe Road.” Draw it here so it’s
easy to remember. This grid is 10 x 8. All
mats are different sizes, so make sure
you line it up!
Example
NOTES
Minefield
Do it First:
Lay the grid out on the ground. Each leader creates their own key.
Say: “Your goal is to find a safe path across the grid. You are allowed to
move as far as you can until you blow up. Then you start back over at the
end of the line. A new participant begins the journey, and attempts to
make a better choice at the site of the last error.”
For added difficulty, with every mistake made, make the participant
“handicapped”—restrict the use of one or both legs, or add a blindfold.
Draw it Out:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
How did you go about choosing which direction to go? Whose voices did
you listen to? Why?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
How do you go about making choices? Do you watch people cross the
path before you, and learn from their mistakes, or do you “have to learn
the hard way?”
How does working together help/hurt you succeeding in your objective?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
What kind of choices have you made before that “blew up”? What could
you have done differently?
What could you learn from this game that might help next time you are
making a tough decision?
Drive it Home:
Every decision has consequences. Bad choices can blow up your life.
Some of you learn from the choices of others, but others of you are too
stubborn to do that, so you find your own way. That thought process will
oftentimes end with you getting blown up! Think about asking for help!
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Blind Count
DO IT FIRST:
Have participants sit in a circle facing away from each other.
Say: “No one is allowed to look at each other. Your goal is to count to 20
with each person contributing at least one number, but never two in a
row. The person to your left or your right cannot say the next number. If
two people talk at the same time, or say the same number twice, you have
to start over.”
DRAW IT OUT:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
How did it feel when your group got stuck? What got in the way of you finishing?
How did you deal with it when you got frustrated?
How did you choose when to speak and when to listen?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
Have you ever been in another situation where you should have spoken
up, but didn’t? What happened?
How do you choose who you will let speak into your life?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
What made this group successful/unsuccessful? What would you change
now that we’re done? How is that similar to success in your life right now?
DRIVE IT HOME:
When you listen to people, you succeed. When you use your voice, you
have to speak up in order for everyone else to succeed. Your friends
cannot succeed in their relationship with you if you don’t listen to them,
or if you aren’t willing to tell them your opinion when it is your turn.
Notes:
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Group Juggling
Do it First:
Have participants stand in a circle.
Pull out 8-10 tennis balls.
Say: “We’re going to trust you with this game. It can get out of hand quickly,
but we trust you. If anyone throws a ball at a person, they are going to be
removed from the group. Toss the ball to any other person in the circle.
Everyone must toss the ball to someone who has not yet caught it until it
returns to the original thrower. That is now the order of ball tossing. Each
person will only catch from one person and only toss to one person. If you
drop a ball, we start over.”
Add balls to the game as the group begins to succeed to make it more difficult.
Options: Add different shaped balls/items. Have one ball go in the opposite
direction. Have one ball go around the outside. Have them figure out how
to move the ball in the original order the fastest they possibly can.
Draw it Out:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
What helped the group succeed? What caused the group to fail?
If you dropped a ball, how did it make you feel?
When someone else dropped a ball, was your reaction encouraging or
discouraging? Why do you think that was?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
What do these balls represent in your life that you are juggling?
What are some of the similarities between this game and the “things you
juggle”? What are some of the differences?
What helped the group succeed? What caused the group to fail?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
What choices did you make during this game that affected everyone else?
What could you have chosen to do differently?
What are some of the best ways that help people you know deal with stress?
Drive it Home:
The tennis balls represent things that we are juggling—school work, sports,
family, friends, college prep, etc. We have to figure out how to juggle them
gracefully. We have to rely on other people to do their part and concentrate
on our own part. Or they can represent words that are being tossed
around—a well communicated message leads to success. A ball tossed too
hard can hurt the entire group.
NOTES
Handcuffed
DO IT FIRST:
Have participants choose a partner.
Give each pair two handcuffs.
Players place loops of the handcuffs over their wrists, interlocking with a partner.
Say: “The game play is simple: try to get unconnected from your partner. The
handcuffs must stay on your wrists, and no breaking or cutting the handcuffs.
This will seem impossible, but it’s not.”
Solution: Pull both handcuffs taut so that handcuff 1 is horizontal and
handcuff 2 is vertical. In handcuff 1, pinch the string together. Feed the string
through the loop in handcuff 2 that goes around the other player’s top wrist
from elbow toward fingers. Pull loop up over the same hand of handcuff 2.
Pull handcuff 1 taut. It should release and the two will be disconnected.
DRAW IT OUT:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
What happened? How did you feel when you couldn’t get out?
How many times did you try the same thing over again? Were your results
ever different? How did that feel?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
What choices have you made in the past do you feel like you are handcuffed to?
Have you ever felt like someone else made a choice that you felt handcuffed to?
Have you ever had a friend that made a bad decision you knew they were
going to be “handcuffed to” for a long time? What was the choice and how
did you react?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
What are some of the techniques people you know have used to get
themselves out of bad situations?
What are some of the things you did during this game that might help you get
out of a difficult position in the future?
DRIVE IT HOME:
You are handcuffed to your choices. It is much easier to get tangled up than it
is to get untangled. Handcuff yourself only to the things you want to be closely
associated with. It takes a few seconds to put handcuffs on… it can take a
lifetime to escape.
There was only one person who had the truth. We never told you that you
couldn’t ask for help. Sometimes, you need to ask for help. Name someone
you respect enough to ask for help when you need it.
NOTES
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Turn Over a New Leaf
Do it First:
Lay a sheet flat on the ground.
Have everyone stand on the sheet.
Say: “This sheet represents a change you want to make in your life. Without
anyone stepping off the sheet, turn it over. If anyone steps off, you start over.”
Draw it Out:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
Did you think it was going to be possible or impossible at the beginning? How
did that affect the way you played?
Do you like being touched or hate it? How do you think that affected the way
you played?
Do you think those feelings affected the other people in your group? Why or
why not? How did you help them cope with these feelings?
Do you think you part of the solution, or part of the problem? Why?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
What do you think the sheet represents? What past decisions do you want to
“turn over” in your life?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
Have you ever tried to “change something” in the past, but obstacles got in
the way? What did you do then to deal with it? What will you do next time?
Drive it Home:
The sheet represents something you want to change. What gets in the way
of you changing? How do you go about making a change? A wide variety of
things get in the way. It takes tremendous courage and work to overcome.
Are you up for the challenge?
Notes:
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Words You Want to Hear
This is your affirmation exercise. Please take your time. Enjoy encouraging each other.
Do it First:
NOTE: Have participants sit in a circle.
Give everyone an index card.
Say: “On one side of it, write the words you have always wished you could
hear from someone.”
Collect them and read them out loud. You have a couple options here. You
can collect all the cards, and read them out loud. You can have students
trade cards and read them to each other. You can have students share their
own and talk about them, and then allow the group to say the words after
each person shares.
This can be an extremely powerful game. By this point in the day, you have
earned the currency to speak into your students’ lives.
Draw it Out:
What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?
Why did you write these words?
Who do you want to hear say them?
So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.
How does your voice affect other people?
Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?
Can you choose to say words like these to other people? How do you think
they will respond?
Imagine a world where people said the things to each other that each person
needed to hear. What could it look like?
Drive it Home:
Imagine what it would be like to hear and share these words every day. What
would it be like if we used our voices for good? Think of one person who
you’re going to encourage with your words today. Come up with a plan to
do it.
Notes:
Personal Debrief
Take some time to journal and answer the following questions. The point of this
exercise is not to beat yourself up (remember - If you “bumped” even one person,
you won!), but to learn from success and failure.
What was the “win” for this event? In other words, why did we do it, and what were
we hoping to accomplish? Answer both questions for you as an individual and for
the whole group.
What did you learn about pulling off an event like this?
What feelings or thoughts did you struggle with as the pressure mounted? How did
you handle those?
What did you learn about yourself?
If we do this event next year, I will... (list as many things as come to mind)
Thank you so much for choosing to be a Hub mentor.We are so grateful to have met you.
Sincerely,The Hub Team
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