1.david j.lieberman - never be lied to again

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    Never

    be lied to

    again.

    HOW TO GET THE TRUTH

    IN 5 MINUTES OR LESS

    IN ANY CONVERSATION OR

    SITUATION

    DAVID J.LIEBERMAN, PH.D.

    ST . MA R T I N 'S GR I F F I N NE W YO R K

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    I would like to thank my a!ents, Michael #arsen and Eli$abeth omada. -he success of their a!ency is a clearreflection of their professionalism and dedication. In an industry of !iants, they stand without e/uals.

    My infinite appreciation and !ratitude to arbara and (illiam 0'*ourke, who !ae me the two thin!s eerywriter needs" tran/uility and computer help. And my thanks to #aurie *osin, one of the nation's leadin!freelance editors, for inaluable input and su!!estions.

    (hile much of information in this book is based on newly deeloped and leadin!1ed!e research andtechnolo!ies, I would be remiss if I did not acknowled!e the eolution of the process and contributions ofthose !iants in the fields of human behaiour, lin!uistics, and hypnosis" Milton Erickson, *obert %ialdini,aul Ekman, 2red ootle, Elliot Aronson, Judson Mills, Stephen (orchel, Jack rehm, Stanley Mil!ram, and*ay irdwhistell.

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    A NOTE TO READERS

    -o those in law enforcement" make sure that you check appropriate federal and state laws re!ardin! bothinteriewin! and interro!ation. -hose in the priate sector must use +ud!ment and common sense when usin!

    this system. %aution is always adised when you are dealin! with indiiduals suspected of ille!al acts or illicitactiities.

    -here will be those who will try to use this information to manipulate others and exploit situations. ut doyou hold back information that can help people because of a fear that there will be those who will abuse it3 -olie in a world where information is distributed based upon the dama!e that can be caused by the lowestcommon denominator is to spiral away from pro!ress and away from hope.

    It is with hi!h hope and expectation that the techni/ues in this book will be used appropriately, withbeneolence, and with the purposes for which they were intended.

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    INTRODUCTIONTHE PROCESS AND THE POWER

    4onesty is at the cornerstone of eery relationship, whether it's business or personal. ein! aware of someoneelse's true intentions is undeniably aluable, often sain! you time, money, ener!y, and heartache. (hen you

    know a person's true intent, you hae the power to control the situation, or at the ery least not be takenadanta!e of.

    -here is no !reater ability than consistently and constantly makin! the ri!ht decisions in life. *emember,thou!h, your decisions are only as solid and ri!ht as the facts that you base them on. 5ou will learn how to !etat the messa!e beneath the words, how to know what people are thinkin! when they don't say what's really ontheir mind. A former client of mine put it best when she said, 6It's like hain! a man inside their camp7anoutpost in their head.6

    In an ideal society there would be no need for lies or for this book. ut we lie in a world of deception. Andwhether you want to play or not, you're in the !ame. -he /uestion is, do you want to win3 In romance you

    need neer play the fool a!ain. In business you'll !et the upper hand. (hereer and wheneer you deal withpeople, you'll hae the tools to come out a winner.

    WHAT'S IN THIS BOOK AND HOW TO USE IT

    I'm what is affectionately referred to as a hired !un, a specialist in the field of human behaiour. As a board1certified hypnotherapist with a h.). in psycholo!y, I represent corporations as well as priate indiiduals,and offer a type of leera!e that many hi!h1paid attorneys, top1notch account1ants, and seasoned executies

    cannot.

    -oo often we miss the meanin! behind the messa!e. As you know, people don't always say what they meanor mean what they say. -his book focuses on the truth and how to !et at it.

    -o be an effectie ne!otiator, you must use many strate!ies and techni/ues, all of them relyin! upon theaccuracy of the information you're !ien. -he answers you !et from the world's most powerful supercomputerare worthless if the numbers you !ie it to work with are wron!.

    (e often for!et how easily facts can !et lost in a conersation, ne!otiation, or interro!ation. Abraham#incoln is said to hae posed the followin! /uestion" 64ow many le!s would a sheep hae if you called its taila le!36 62our,6 explained #incoln. 6ecause callin! its tail a le! doesn't make it one.6

    (hile people lie for many different reasons, their lyin! rarely benefits the person lied to. And there's thatone undeniable truth about lyin!. Eerybody does it, but nobody likes it when it's done to them.

    It takes at least two people for a lie to be effectie7one to offer the lie and one to beliee it. And while wecertainly can't stop people from tryin! to lie to us, we can keep them from bein! successful.

    -his book is diided into ei!ht parts, each of which explores a facet of lyin!. -he innoatie techni/ues inthis book will help you fi!ure out if you're bein! lied to. If you are the ictim of a deception, they will assistyou in !ettin! at the truth and in !ainin! control oer the situation. Many of the examples in this book aredrawn from personal relationships and business situations8 certainly most of us can identify with thesescenarios.

    P A R T 1

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    -his part explores the ten fundamental laws of human behaiour, the principles that !oern our thinkin!. 0nceyou learn these laws, you'll know how to !et the truth out of anyone. (ith an understandin! of how the brain

    processes information, you will be able to easily influence other people's decisions.

    P A R T #

    INTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS

    4ere's the bi!!est truth in a book about lyin!" we lie loudest when we lie to ourseles. (e all know someonewho absolutely refuses to beliee that his or her spouse is unfaithful, despite all the warnin! si!ns. -hissection shows you how to become aware of and eliminate those internal blockers that keep you from seein!what's really !oin! on.

    P A R T $

    E%TERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS

    -his section lets us in on the psycholo!ical secrets of the experts. 5ou will discoer how the pros7fromprofessional poker players to master ne!otiators7keep you from perceiin! the facts in an ob+ectie fashion,een affect your ability to ealuate information. -he influence of the pros is enormous8 they can hae a

    powerful impact on your perception of reality7unless, of course, you'e read this book and can outthinkthem.

    Note to reade rs: -hrou!hout all of the examples in this book the pro1nouns he andshe are used alternately. -his was done to make the

    lan!ua!e less sexist, not to indicate that one sex is more likely to lie in !ien situations than the other.

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    SIGNS OF DECEPTION64e that has eyes to see and ears to hear may conince

    himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are

    silent, he chatters with his fin!ertips8 betrayal oo$es out of

    him at eery pore.6

    7S I 9 M : ) 2* E : )

    -his part contains a catalo!ue of forty1six clues to deception, diided into seen sections. -he clues can beused independently or in con+unction with one another. (hile some are excellent indicators by themseles, allclues should be iewed within the context of the situation at hand8 they are not absolutes.

    Some of these are so subtle that they can easily be missed unless you pay close attention. 0thers may be!larin!ly obious. In some instances you'll be lookin! for lies of omission7what's missin! that should bethere. 0ther times you'll be dealin! with lies of commission7thin!s said or done that are inconsistent with therest of the messa!e.

    0ccasionally you won't hae access to all these clues" you mi!ht be on the telephone, for instance, and not beable to see the body of the person you are talkin! to. It's not necessary to memori$e these clues, for in time theywill become second nature" you will !radually become more familiar with what to look for, what to listen for,and what to ask for, to !et to the truth.

    %ertain ariables such as !ender, ethnicity, and cultural back!round can influence how we interpret ariousclues7 the use of !estures and personal space, for example. 2or the most part, thou!h, these factors are

    ne!li!ible and can be i!nored.

    Some of the clues draw on traditional psycholo!ical disciplines such as body lan!ua!e and psycholin!uistics.-hese are used to detect discrepancies between the erbal and the nonerbal messa!e. 5ou will also be usin!more sophisticated methods deeloped as a result of my research in the field of human behaiour. 0ne suchtool, psycholin!uistic emphasis ;#E

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    to your adanta!e.S E C T I O N 1

    BODY LANGUAGE

    0ur fin!ers, hands, arms, and le!s and their moements offer a fascinatin! insi!ht into our true feelin!s. Mostpeople aren't aware that their body speaks a lan!ua!e all its own8 try as they will to deceie you with theirwords, the truth can be always silently obsered.

    5ou may already hae read or heard about some of these clues, but they are only a small portion of thetactics that you will learn.

    C L U E 1

    -he #an!ua!e of the Eyes

    o or little direct eye contact is a classic si!n of deception. A person who is lyin! to you will do eerythin! toaoid makin! eye contact. :nconsciously he feels you will be able to see throu!h him7ia his eyes. Andfeelin! !uilty, he doesn't want to face you. Instead he will !lance down or his eyes may dart from side to side.%onersely, when we tell the truth or we're offended by a false accusation, we tend to !ie our full focus andhae fixed concentration. (e lock eyes with our accuser as if to say 65ou're not !ettin! away until we !et tothe bottom of this.6

    C L U E 2

    -he ody eer #ies

    L a c k i n g A n i m a t i o n

    -he hands and arms are excellent indicators of deceit be1cause they are used to !esture with and are moreeasily isible than our feet and le!s. ut hands, arms, le!s, and feet can a l l !ie us information if we'rewatchin! carefully. (hen someone is lyin! or keepin! somethin! in, he tends to be less expressie with hishands or arms. 4e may keep them on his lap if he's sittin!, or at his side if he's standin!8 he may stuff his handsin his pockets or clench them. 2in!ers may be folded into the hands8 full extension of the fin!ers is usually a!esture of openness.

    4ae you eer noticed that when you're passionate about what you're sayin!, your hands and arms wae all

    about, emphasi$in! your point and coneyin! your enthusiasm3 And hae you eer reali$ed that when youdon't beliee in

    what you're sayin!, your body lan!ua!e echoes these feelin!s and becomes inexpressie3

    Additionally, if you ask someone a /uestion and her hands clench or !o palm down, this is a si!n ofdefensieness and withdrawal. If she is !enuinely confused at the accusations or the line of /uestionin!, herhands turn palm1up as if to say 69ie me more information8 I do not under1stand6 or 6I hae nothin! to hide.

    Keeping Something In

    (hen a person sits with his le!s and arms close to his body, perhaps crossed but not outstretched, he iseincin! the thou!htI'm keeping something in. 4is arms and le!s may be crossed because he feels he mustdefend himself. (hen we feel comfortable and confident we tend to stretch out7 claim our space, as it were.(hen we feel less secure, we take up less physical space and fold our arms and le!s into our body, into what

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    is almost a foetal position.

    Displaying Artificial Moements

    Arm moements and !estures seem stiff and almost mechanical. -his behaiour can be readily obsered bywatchin! unpolished actors and politicians. -hey try to use !estures to conince us that they're impassionedabout their beliefs, but there's no fluidity to their moements. -he moements are contried, not natural.

    C L U E 3

    -he :nconscious %oer1up

    If her hand !oes strai!ht to her face while she is respondin! to a /uestion or when she is makin! a statement,this is often an indication of deceit. 4er hand may coer her mouth while she is speakin!8 indicatin! that shereally doesn't beliee what she is sayin! to be true8 it acts as a screen, an unconscious attempt to hide herwords.

    (hen she is listenin! she coers or touches her face as an unconscious manifestation of the thou!ht = reallydon ! "ant to #e listening to this. -ouchin! the nose is also considered to be a si!n of deception, as well asscratchin! behind or on the side of the ear or rubbin! the eyes.

    -his should not be confused with the posture associated with deep thou!ht, which usually coneysconcentration and attention.

    C L U E

    -he artial Shru!

    -he shru!!in! of one's shoulders is a !esture that usually indicates i!norance or indifference" 6I don't know6or 6I don't care.6 If a person makes this !esture he or she usually means to communicate that ery messa!e.4oweer, if this !esture is fleetin!7if you catch only a !limpse of it7it's a si!n of somethin! else. -his

    person is tryin! to demonstrate that she is casual and relaxed about her answer, when in fact she re1ally isn't.ecause what she feels isn't a true emotion, she doesn't really shru!.

    -his situation is similar to that of someone who is embarrassed by a +oke but wants to pretend that shethinks it's funny. (hat you see is a 6lips only6 smile, not a bi! !rin encompassin! her entire face.

    SUMMARY

    > -he person will make little or no eye contact.

    > hysical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand moements. (hat arm and handmoements are present will seem stiff, and mechanical. 4ands, arms, and le!s pull in toward the

    body8 the indiidual takes up less space.

    > 4is hand;s< may !o up to his face or throat. ut contact with his body is limited to these areas. 4e isalso unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand !esture.

    > If he is tryin! to appear casual and relaxed about his answer, he may shru! a little.

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    S E C T I O N 2

    EMOTIONAL STATES& CONSISTENCY AND CONTRADICTION

    Indiidual !estures need to be looked at by themseles a n d in relation to what is bein! said. In this sectionwe're !oin! to look at the relationship between words and the correspondin! !estures. esides obiousinconsistencies such as shakin! your head from side to side while sayin! yes, more subtle but e/uallyreealin! si!ns of deception exist. -hese take place at both the conscious and the unconscious leel.

    -hen there are times when we make a conscious effort to emphasi$e our point, but because the !esture isforced it lacks spontaneity and the timin! is off. (hen you know what to look for, this is readily apparent.

    Inconsistencies between !estures, words, and e m o t io n s are also !reat indicators, in that you're presented

    with a dual messa!e. 0ne example is a person who !rins while she expresses sorrow to a friend whose spousehas left her.

    (atch for what is known as the initial reaction expression ;I*E

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    natural rhythm of the messa!e.

    C L U E 6

    %ontradiction and %onsistency

    ot only is the timin! important, but we need to pay attention to the t ype of !esture. -he woman who frownsas she says she loes you is sendin! a contradictory messa!e. An obious incon!ruence between !estures andspeech indicates that the speaker is lyin!. A !ood example is the man who tries to tell his !irlfriend he loesher while shakin! his fist in the air. Similarly, hands ti!htly clenched and a statement of pleasure are not insynch with each other. Make sure that the !esture fits the speech.

    C L U E #

    -he Emotion %ommotion

    -he timin! of emotions is somethin! that's difficult to fake. (atch closely and you probably won't be fooled. Aresponse that's not !enuine is not spontaneous8 therefore, there is a sli!ht delay in the onset of false emotion.-he duration of the emotion is also off" -he response !oes on lon!er than it would in the case of !enuineemotion. -he fade1out7how the emotion ends7is abrupt. So the emotion is delayed comin! on, stays lon!erthan it should, and fades out abruptly.

    -he emotion of surprise is a !reat example. Surprise comes and !oes /uickly, so if it is prolon!ed it is mostlikely false. ut when we are fei!nin! surprise, most of us keep a look of awe plastered on our faces8 this lookwon't really fool an aware obserer.

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    -he Expression ?one" eware the Smile -hat )oesn't Seem 4appy

    )eception expressions are often confined to the mouth area. A smile that's !enuine li!hts up the whole face.(hen a smile is forced, the person's mouth is closed and ti!ht and there's no moement in the eyes orforehead. A smile that does not inole the whole face is a si!n of deception. (hile we're on this sub+ect, beaware that the smile is the

    most common mask for emotion because it best conceals the appearance in the lower face of an!er, dis!ust,

    sadness, or fear. In other words, a person who doesn't want her true feelin!s to be reealed may 6put on ahappy face.6 ut re1member, if the smile does not reflect a true emotion7happiness, for example7it will notencompass her entire face.

    SUMMARY

    > -he timin! is off between !estures and words.> -he head moes in a mechanical fashion.

    > 9estures don't match the erbal messa!e.

    > -he timin! and duration of emotional !estures

    will seem off.

    > Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is fei!nin! certain emotions7happiness, surprise, awe, and so on.

    S E C T I O N 3

    INTERPERSONAL INTERACTIONS

    5ou want to be aware of a person's posture in and of itself a n d in relation to his surroundin!s. 4ow the personcarries himself and behaes in relation to what he says is an excel1lent indication of his comfort leel.

    It's widely belieed that when we are wron!fully accused we become defensie. In fact, !enerally speakin!,only a !uilty person !ets defensie. Someone who is innocent will usually !o on the offensie. If Mary andJohn are ar!uin! and Mary accuses John of somethin!, John doesn't automatically assume a defensie posture.If he is innocent and ob+ects to what Mary is sayin!, he will !o on the offensie.

    -he followin! clues look at the distinctions between these two states of mind.

    C L U E

    -he 4ead Shift

    If someone is utterin! or listenin! to a messa!e that makes her uncomfortable, her head may shift away fromthe one she is talkin! to. -his is an attempt to distance herself from the source of the discomfort. If she iscomfortable with her position and secure in her actions, she will moe her head toward the other person in anattempt to !et closer to the source of information. (atch for an immediate and pronounced +erkin! of the heador a slow deliberate withdrawal. Either may happen.

    -his action is ery different from7and should not be confused with7a sli!ht t i l t of the head to the side.-his occurs when we hear somethin! of interest. It's considered to be a ulnerable pose and would not beadopted by a person with somethin! to hide.

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    -he osture of a #iar

    (hen a person feels confident about a situation and conersation, he stands erect or sits up strai!ht. -hisbehaiour also indicates how people feel about themseles in !eneral. -hose who are secure and confidentstand tall, with shoulders back. -hose who are insecure or unsure of themseles often stand hunched oer,with their hands in their pockets. Studies hae shown that the best way to aoid bein! mu!!ed is to walk

    briskly, with your head up and your arms moin!. Such a style of moin! coneys confidence. A conersation

    that produces feelin!s of confidence or those of insecurity will produce the concomitant physical posture.

    C L U E 1 1

    If She's 4eaded for the )oor . . .

    Just as we moe away from someone who threatens us physically, the person who feels at a psycholo!icaldisadanta!e will shift or moe away from her accuser. (hen we feel passionate about our ideas, in anattempt to persuade the other person, we moe toward him. -he liar is reluctant to moe toward or een facethe source of the threat. She turns sideways or completely away and rarely stands s/uared off. -he face1to1face demeanour is resered for the person who seeks to refute a slanderous statement. -his is not the casewhen there's deceit.

    Also look for a moement in the direction of the exit. 2eelin! uncomfortable, she may an!le her body oractually moe toward the exit. (hile standin! she may position her back to the wall. 4er psycholo!icalexposure causes her to seek physical refu!e. 2eelin! erbally ambushed, she wants to make sure that she cansee what's comin! next. -hose who are confident and comfortable don't mind takin! centre sta!e.

    C L U E 1 2

    If 4e's ot -ouchin', 4e's robably luffin'

    -he person who is bein! deceitful will hae little or no physical contact with the one he is talkin! to. -his is anexcellent and /uite reliable indicator. (hile makin! a false statement, or durin! a conersation containin! one,the liar will rarely touch the other person. 4e's unconsciously reducin! the leel of intimacy to help alleiatehis !uilt. -ouch indicates psycholo!ical connection8 it's used when we beliee stron!ly in what we're sayin!.

    C L U E 1 3

    -he 2in!er -hat eer oints

    Someone who is lyin! or hidin! somethin! rarely points a fin!er, either at others or strai!ht up in the air.2in!er pointin! indicates coniction and authority as well as emphasis of a point. Someone who's not standin!on solid !round probably won't be able to muster this nonerbal cue of disdain.

    C L U E 1

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    *oadblocks, arriers, and 0bstacles

    See if he uses inanimate ob+ects7a pillow, a drinkin! !lass, anythin!7to form a barrier between you and him.Just as you would shield yourself from physical harm, so, too, does he protect himself from a erbal assault.4ow comfortable someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how open he is to discussin! it.lacin! a physical barrier between you and him is the erbal e/uialent of 6I don't want to talk about it,6indicatin! deception or a coert intention. Since he can't !et up and leae, his displeasure manifests itself in

    the formation of physical barriers between him and the source of the discomfort.Jim, a collea!ue of mine, told me an interestin! story about his former boss, who was president of a lar!e

    manufacturin! company. (heneer Jim was in the boss's office and brou!ht up employee problems, productflaws, or any1thin! that made the president uncomfortable, his boss would place his coffee mu! on the desk infront of him, between them both. -hen he would casually and /uite unconsciously line up all of the deskaccessories, formin! a clear barrier between himself and his employee.

    SUMMARY

    > -here's moement away from his accuser, possibly in the direction of the exit.

    > 4e is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away.

    > -he person who is lyin! will probably slouch8 he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or

    outstretched. -here will be little or no physical contact durin! his attempt to conince you.

    > 4e will not point his fin!er at the person he is tryin! to conince.> 4e may place physical ob+ects between himself and his accuser.

    S E C T I O N

    W H A T IS S A I D : A C T U A L V E R B A L C O N T E N T

    6-he cruellest lies are often told in silence.6

    7*0 E * - #0 : I S S- E @ E S 0

    -he words we choose to express ourseles proide a window to our true feelin!s. (hen we wish to deceie, wechoose certain words, phrases, and syntax that we th ink will coney truth in our messa!e. -hink of the manyways you can communicate the word ye s $ from the erbal to the nonerbal.

    4ow we choose to express ourseles indicates how stron!ly we beliee what we say.

    -here are subtle differences between what the truth sounds like and what a lie dressed up to sound truthfulsounds like. -he words we choose to coney a messa!e are much more reflectie of our true feelin!s than youmi!ht suspect.

    C L U E 1 5

    :sin! 5our (ords to Make 4is oint

    4ae you eer noticed how you respond to social !estures of courtesy when you're preoccupied3 In themornin!, when you walk into your office and someone says 69ood mornin!6 to you, you respond with 69oodmornin!.6 If you're !reeted with 64ello,6 you answer 64ello.6 5ou're +ust not interested in makin! the effort tothink.

    In this clue, thou!h, the person accused doesn't hae t i m e to think, so he reflects back the statement of hisaccuser out of fear. ecause he is cau!ht off !uard, he replies usin! the other person's words, but in thene!atie. Makin! a positie statement ne!atie is the fastest way to !et the words out. 2or example, ana!!rieed spouse asks, 6)id you cheat on me36 -he liar answers, 6o, I didn't cheat on you.6 6)id you eer

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    cheat on me36 draws the response 6o, I neer cheated on you.6 Did you becomes d idn ' t and e e r becomesneer. *emember, aboe all else, the !uilty wants to !et his answer out fast. Any delay makes him feel like heappears more !uilty. And to the !uilty eery second that passes seems like an eternity.

    Skilled interiewers and interro!ators know the followin! rule concernin! contractions. (hen a suspect usesa contraction76It "asn ' t me6 instead of 6It "as no t me67statistically speakin!, there is a B percent chancehe's bein! truthful. Sometimes the !uilty, in an attempt to sound emphatic, don't want to use a contraction in

    their statement of innocence8 they want to emphasi$e the no t .

    C L U E 1 "

    -he More 4e -ries, the More5ou Should (orry

    It's often been said that the best people to sell to are those who hae si!ns posted sayin! 0 SA#ESMA 0*S0#I%I-0*S. -hese people know that they can be sold anythin!, so they attempt to deflect salespeople fromtryin!.

    A person speakin! the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand him8 he is always willin! toclarify. -he liar wants to be sure that you understand his point immediately so that he can chan!e the sub+ectand no further /uestions will be asked. (hen his eidence is fra!ile, the words he uses are bold and solid, tocompensate. 2or example, asked if he eer cheated on a test in law school, eter mi!ht respond with 6I'm

    pretty sure I neer did.6 If he had and wanted to conince someone to the contrary, his response is likely to bemore definitie" 6o, I would neer

    cheat on a test.6 0f course someone who neer has cheated mi!ht !ie the same answer, so this statementneeds to be considered in the context of the conersation and in con1+unction with other clues.

    Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or iew don't een hold it themseles. If they wereconfident in their thinkin!, they would not feel a need to compensate. If someone says ri!ht up front that he

    positiely won't bud!e, it means one thin!" 4e knows he can be swayed. 4e needs to tell you this so you won'task, because he knows he'll cae in.

    Ironically, the confident person will use phrases like 6I'm sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do6 or6I'm afraid there's not a whole lot of room for ne!otiation here.6 -his person's words proide comfort for hisopponent, not a shield for himself.

    C L U E 1 #

    -he 9ood 0ld 2reudian Slip

    Sometimes we say one thin! when we mean to say another. -his is referred to as a 2reudian slip, a

    subconscious leak when a person's misspoken words reflect and reeal his true feelin!s, thou!hts, orintentions. 2or example, someone who means to say, 6(e worked really hard on the pro+ect8 it took us allni!ht to comple te it,6 mi!ht slip and say, 6(e worked really hard on the pro+ect8 it took us all ni!ht to copyit.6 -here's a !reat +oke about these unconscious slip1ups. A man confessed to his friend that he had made a2reudian slip durin! a recent dinner with his parents. 4e said, 6I meant to say '%ould you please pass the salt3'to my mother. Instead it came out as 'I had a terrible childhood and you'e ruined my life, you wicked woman.''

    C L U E 1 $

    I'm Aboe -hat Sort of -hin!

    (hen a person is asked a /uestion, if he responds with an answer that depersonali$es and !lobali$es the/uestion, be aware. #et's say you ask someone, 6(ere you honest with me about our conersation yesterday36(atch out if you !et a reply like 60f course I was. I would neer lie to you. 5ou know how I feel about lyin!.60r when someone is asked, 6)id you eer steal from your last +ob36 he responds with, 6o, I think stealin!

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    > 4e depersonali$es his answer by offerin! his belief on the sub+ect instead of answerin!

    directly.

    > 4e may imply an answer but neer state it directly.

    S E C T I O N 5

    HOW SOMETHING IS SAID

    6(hat is the use of lyin! when the truth, well distributed,seres the same purpose.6

    7(.E. 20*S-E*

    I know a hair stylist who would !o into the woman's purse for his tip after the haircut. o one eer !ot upsetwith him because he did it in such an innocent way that you +ust had to lau!h. It's how he did it that made allthe difference.

    -wo salespeople can read all the manuals on sellin! and learn all the sales pitches there are, and one willstill sell far more than the other. (hile the two speak the same words,

    these words coney completely different messa!es. 4ow somethin! is said is often +ust as important as what issaid. Emphasis on different parts of a sentence can coey completely different meanin!s. otice the differentways the phrase 6Michelle was cau!ht stealin! from her boss6 can be interpreted dependin! upon where theemphasis is placed.

    Michelle = was = cau!ht = stealin! = from her = boss a b e d e f

    a. y emphasi$in! the nameMiche l le $ you're coneyin! the si!nificance of who stole.

    b. Emphasis on "as draws attention to the fact that it has already happened.

    c. Emphasis on caugh t indicates that the fact that she !ot cau!ht is unusual.

    d. Stress ons t ea l ing lets us know that stealin! is out of character for her.

    e. Iff ro m her is emphasi$ed, the fact that she stole from her own boss is unusual.

    f. Emphasis on #oss shows that it was unusual for her to steal from a boss7any boss.

    -his section explores the subtleties of communication. 5ou will see how the speaker's hidden thou!hts arealways hin!ed to the expression of his words.

    C L U E 2 1

    Speedy 9on$ales

    -here's a rule of thumb about the speed at which an indiidual answers. It is most !ermane when you askabout intan!ibles7attitudes or beliefs7instead of facts. A well known restaurant chain uses a timed testresponse in their hirin! process. -hey will ask the interiewee if she has any pre+udices a!ainst other ethnic!roups or if she feels uncomfortable workin! with or serin! certain people. -he lon!er it takes her to answerno, the lower her score. -his /uestion concerns a belief and re/uires internal processin!. Someone who holdsno such pre+udice answers /uickly. A person who is pre+udiced takes lon!er to ealuate the /uestion and for1mulate her answer. -he pre+udiced person tries to come up with the 6ri!ht6 answer, which takes more timethan merely !iin! an honest answer.

    Another element to consider is pacin!. 4ow fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one1wordresponse3 In truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed /uickly by an explanation. If the person is bein!deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because she !ets that no or yes out /uickly but thenneeds time to think up an explanation.

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    C L U E 2 2

    %ompensation

    e suspicious of someone whose reaction is all out of pro1portion to the /uestion or comment. -his person isattemptin! to accomplish a ariety of ob+ecties. She wants to appear outra!ed by the accusation, but she isnot. So she exa!!erates her displeasure, often endin! up !oin! a little oerboard. She tries to conince you

    because the eidence doesn't. As Shakespeare said, 6-he lady doth protest too much.6 Also beware of diatribeswhere she repeats points that she has already made.

    Sometimes a person may claim to be indi!nant about a cause or belief because he is tryin! to conincehimself alon! with his accuser. -his reaction, interestin!ly enou!h, takes place at the unconscious leel. -heman who claims to be adamantly a!ainst prostitution may be coerin! up his true feelin!s, which are the exactopposite. ot wantin! to be1come consciously aware of what he really beliees, he reinforces his oertattitude by expressin! it a!!ressiely. 0f course, thou!h, the person could +ust be passionate about his cause,so this statement needs to be iewed within the context of the conersation.

    -his person is also reluctant to use words that coney attachment and ownership. 2or example, while lyin!about his car hain! been stolen, he may refer to it as 6the car6 or 6that car6 and not 6my car6 or 6our car.6

    (hen lyin! about a relationship or actions toward a person, he may use such phrases as 6that child,6 or 6therelationship,6 instead of 6my child6 or 6our relationship.6

    C L U E 2 3

    Emphasis Makes the Meanin!

    -he pronouns =, "e % and us are underused or absent. -he liar doesn't want to own his words. (hen a person ismakin! a truthful statement, he emphasi$es the pronoun as much as or more than the rest of the sentence.Instead of sayin!, 65es, I am,6 a person who is lyin! may respond with a simple yes.

    (ords of expression are not emphasi$ed. 2or example, 6(e had a gre eeat timeC6 coneys ownership of his

    words. ow say /uickly, 6It went !reat67bland and noncommittal.

    (hen a person is speakin! truthfully, the initial one1or two1word a!reement or denial may be elon!ated foremphasis76ooo,6 65eeesss,6 or 60f courrrse.6 -his type of emphasis is usually absent in deception. -hiselon!ation occurs because the person is comfortable with his position and doesn't mind 6playin!6 with hisanswer. A friend of mine who is an actin! coach tells me that unpolished actors often

    speak all the words in their lines with e/ual emphasis, a dead !ieaway that they are noices. -he simplepractice of elon!atin! key words often makes for much more belieable performances.

    Additionally, there will probably be no hi!hs or lows, +ust in1betweens. ot only is the oice hi!her7likeany other muscle, the ocal cords ti!hten under stress7but aried oice inflection may be missin!. (e

    !enerally use inflection for emphasis when we are makin! a point. A deceitful statement often is deliered in aflat oice deoid of any real nuances.

    C L U E 2

    -he Mumbler

    -he words themseles may not be clear8 they seem forced. -his person is inclined to mumble and speak moresoftly than if he were passionate about his statement. 0ut of fear, howeer, it's possible that his oice may

    become hi!her and his rate of speech accelerated. 9rammar and syntax may be off as well, with poor sentencestructure and misspoken words likely to occur.

    (hen Sarah professed her loe for her fiance, she would tell him how much she cared for him. And hewould reply in a barely audible oice, simply repeatin! her words back to her. -his didn't seem like a bi! dealuntil she started puttin! a few other thin!s to!ether. Instinctiely we know that when a person responds likeSarah's ex, somethin! is missin!. And that somethin! is often the truth.

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    C L U E 2 5

    Duestions and Statements Shouldn't Sound Alike

    Askin! a /uestion and makin! a statement hae two distinct speakin! styles. (hen a person asks a /uestion76(hat are you doin!367his head comes up at the end7on the ing in doing. -he eyes, too, will open widerat the last part of a /uestion.

    4ow is this useful3 Suppose you !et an answer that is worded like a statement but styled like a /uestion.-his indicates that the person is unsure of his statement and is lookin! for confirmation from you. If you asksomeone a /uestion and he says with all certainty, 65?,6 but his oice, head, and eyes lift at the end of theirstatement, then his coniction is not as stron! as he is leadin! you to beliee.

    SUMMARY

    > )eceitful responses to /uestions re!ardin! beliefs and attitudes take lon!er to think up.

    > (atch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the /uestion.

    > -he person who is lyin! may leae out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressieoice. (ords may be !arbled, and syntax and !rammar may be off. In other words, his sentences

    will likely be muddled.

    > Statements sound an awful lot like /uestions, indicatin! that he's seekin! reassurance.

    S E C T I O N "

    PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE

    -hese clues concern how a liar thinks and what elements are usually missin! from a story that's fictitious.

    C L U E 2 "

    4e's 9ot %heatin! on 4is Mind

    4ow people see the world is often a reflection of how they see themseles. If they think that the world is +ust acesspool of lies and deceit, then they themseles may be full of lies and deceit. (atch out for those peoplewho are always tellin! you +ust how corrupt the rest of the world is. As the sayin! !oes, 6It takes one to knowone.6

    More specifically, if someone out of the blue with no real eidence accuses you of lyin!, ask yourself,6(hy is he so paranoid36 In psycholo!ical terms this is what is referred to as pro+ection. -hat's why the con

    artist is the first one to accuse another of cheatin!. If you're constantly bein! /uestioned about your moties oractiities, this should send off bells in your mind. 4ow often do we hear of a +ealous boy1friend whoconstantly accuses his !irlfriend of cheatin! on him only to hae her find out later that he's !uilty of eery1thin! he's been accusin! her of doin!3

    Also, if he is always askin! you if you beliee him, then beware. Just as the clinically paranoid person feelsthat eeryone can see ri!ht throu!h him, this person /uestions the inte!rity of his facade. If your response!ies no real indication of your thou!hts, someone who is deceitful may respond with somethin! like 65oudon't beliee me, do you36 4ere's a !ood rule of thumb" most people who tell the truth expect to be belieed.

    C L U E 2 #

    -he Sin!le 9uy

    Is the focus of the indiidual whose eracity you're tryin! to assess internal or external3 #et's say a sin!le manwalks into a bar hopin! to meet a woman. If he considers himself to be attractie and a !ood catch, then his

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    focus would be on what the women in the bar look like. If he considers himself to be unattractie, then hewould be more concerned with how he appears to them. In other words, his focus shifts dependin! upon hisleel of confidence.

    (hen a person has confidence in his words, he's more interested in your understandin! him and lessinterested in how he appears to you. -his is a subtle clue, but we can see examples of this in eeryday life.(hen you're interested simply in makin! a point, you want to make sure the other person understands you.(hen you're deceitful or tryin! to coer up, your focus is internal7on how you sound and appear as you're

    relatin! the 6facts.6 5ou're conscious of your eery word and moement. 5ou try to act in a certain way so youwill be perceied as you want to be. Subtle difference, but a bi! distinction.

    C L U E 2 $

    Another )imension in #yin!

    4ere's a clear indication of a story that doesn't rin! true. As careful as he may be in relatin! the details of an

    eent, the liar often leaes out one crucial element7the point of iew or the opinion of someone else. -his isbecause it adds an1other dimension or layer to his thinkin! that the liar is usually not cleer enou!h to comeup with. (hile other people may be included in his story, another person's thoughts are not. Suppose you askyour !irlfriend where she was last ni!ht. She tells you she had to work late. ut you're not coninced that'strue. So you press for more information and ask what she had for dinner. 4ere are two possible answers shemi!ht !ie"

    F. 60h, I wasn't really hun!ry, so I +ust came home and watched -@ with my roommate. She made pasta butI passed on it.6

    G. 60h, I wasn't really hun!ry, so I +ust came home and watched -@. My roommate was so shocked that Iwould actually skip a meal, especially her famous pasta dish.6

    oth answers contain pretty much the same information, but the second adds another layer of thou!ht7theroom1

    ate's point of iew. 0ur !ut instinct mi!ht tell us that this answer is more belieable and more likely to be truethan the first one. N o t includin! another's point of iew in an answer doesn't immediately dis/ualify it. -heinclusion of another's point of iew, thou!h, will often indicate that you're bein! told the truth.

    C L U E 2

    Eerythin! (ent erfectlyC

    0ne thin! is almost always missin! from a story that's not true7what went wron!. Eents that are made uprarely include any ne!atie details. A person who is lyin! is concerned with !ettin! her story strai!ht, and herthou!hts are essentially one1dimensional. -his means only primary thou!hts7which are positie. e!ation isnot a primary emotion. In much the same way that if I said 6)on't think of an elephant,6 you couldn't do it. Inorder to process the information, you need to first think of an elephant. Ask a friend to tell you about her lastacation. She'll coer all of the bases, both positie and ne!atie7maybe the food was !ood, maybe the fli!htwas delayed. -hen ask someone to make up a story about a acation that she neer went on. 5ou'll notice thatthe elements are usually all positie. -he lu!!a!e neer !ets lost on a made1up oya!e.

    0ne caeat to this clue" if the story is used as an explanation as to why he was delayed or had to cancelplans, then obiously you can expect ne!aties. In that case this clue would not be helpful.

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    C L U E 3 (

    Is -here Anythin! &ou (ould #ike to &now3

    A !ood liar may be practiced at answerin! /uestions so that she sounds truthful. ut een the best will !iethemseles away by not askin! the ri!ht /uestions. -he reason for this is that the conersation is not real forthe liar. After all, she's not interested in learnin! anythin!. She only wants to conince you that she is bein!

    truthful. 2or example, durin! their first intimate encounter, *andy asks his new !irlfriend if she's eer beentested for AI)S. She responds with 60h, yes, certainly,6 and continues on a bit about annual checkups, !iin!

    blood, etc. And then nothin!C If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then she wouldhae asked him the same /uestion. -he liar is often unaware that comin! across as truthful means bothanswerin! and askin! /uestions.

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    SUMMARY

    > (e often see the world as a reflection of ourseles. If you're bein! accused of somethin!,check your accuser's eracity.

    > #ook at whether his focus is internal or external. (hen a person is confident about whathe's sayin!, he's more interested in your understandin! him and less interested in how heappears to you.

    > -he point of iew of a third party is likely to be absent from a liar's story.

    > In relatin! a story, a liar often leaes out the ne!atie aspects.

    > A liar willin!ly answers your /uestions but asks none of his own.

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    S E C T I O N #

    GENERAL INDICATIONS OF DECEIT

    -he followin! is a mixed ba! of clues that indicate deception. -hey can be used with !reat reliability bythemseles or in con+unction with other clues.

    C L U E 3 1

    (hew, I'm Sure 9lad -hat's 0er

    (atch and listen carefully durin! a conersation when the sub+ect is chan!ed. )oes he become happier3 )oeshe seem more relaxed3 4e may een offer a smile or nerous lau!h. otice his posture. )oes it become morerelaxed and less defensie3 -he !ieaway here is how fast and dramatically his mood chan!es, indicatin! hisdiscomfort with the preious sub+ect matter. -est him to see if he's /uick to chan!e the sub+ect. If he has beenaccused of somethin! abominable and is innocent, he will resent the accusations and will insist that the topic

    be explored further, either now or at some future date. *emember, the !uilty wants the sub+ect chan!ed8 the

    innocent always wants a further exchan!e of information.

    C L U E 3 2

    4ow )are 5ou Accuse Me3

    If he is accused of somethin! harsh and is not indi!nant and offended that his honour has been /uestioned, thisis a hi!hly reliable si!n that he's been cau!ht off !uard. It's been said that durin! the preliminary sta!es of theB. J. Simpson inesti!ation, detecties thou!ht it curious that Simpson did not appear to be outra!ed by theaccusation that he had murdered his ex1wife and her friend *on 9oldman.

    (hile he is bein! accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless, like a student bein! admonished by hisprincipal. A look as if to say 6(hat3C6 will not be present. -he liar is more concerned with how he is !oin! torespond than he is with the accusation itself.

    C L U E 3 3

    eer eliee Anyone (ho Says -his

    4ae you eer met someone who insisted on startin! statements with phrases such as 6-o be perfectlyhonest,6 6-o be frank,6 or 6-o tell you the truth63 Someone who is tellin! the truth doesn't need to coninceyou before he !ets his words out. Some people habitually use these phrases. Such expressions mean literallythat eerythin! that came before them is a lie, eerythin! that will come after will be a lie, but for now he'sdecided to pause to tell you the truth. If these phrases are not part of a person's usual erbal repertoire, watchoutC If someone's !oin! to tell you the truth, it's unlikely that he would start off by sayin! +ust that. If he feelsthe need to tell you that he's bein! honest and that you're about to receie the whole truth, you can be prettysure you're not !ettin! it.

    Also included in this clue is the eer1perasie and always annoyin! phrase 6(hy would I lie to you36 Ifyou receie this response to an accusation you'e made, be suspicious. If he's bein! accused of somethin!, he

    probably has an excellent reason to lie.

    I cannot tell a lie. 0r can I3 -he phrase 6I neer lie6 should always be receied with caution. Anyone whoneeds to declare his irtuous nature does so because there is no other way for you to find out. Some people

    will say +ust about anythin! to sound belieable, een lie strai!ht to your face. 0ne's honour should speak foritself. (hen a person tells you that he is the most honest person that you will eer meet, don't walk away7run.

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    C L U E 3

    I'e 9ot My Answer )own at

    If his answer sounds pat and well rehearsed, there's a fair chance that he was expectin! the /uestion and tookthe time to !et his story strai!ht. 4ain! facts and details at your fin!ertips that should not be easily recalled isa !ood indication that you hae prepared. 2or instance, suppose Samantha, when asked where

    she was on a particular day two months a!o, responds with, 6I went to work, left at fie1thirty, had dinner at

    %aracella's until seen forty1fie, and then went strai!ht home.6

    #aw enforcement officers are aware of and use this clue with !reat results. Suppose a police detectie/uestions a suspect. If the suspect is able to recall what he did and where he was on a !ien date two yearsearlier, somethin! is ery wron!. Most of us can't remember what we had for breakfast yesterday mornin!C

    *ehearsed answers also proide a person with a way of !iin! you information that you neer asked for,information that they want known. oliticians are famous for answerin! /uestions that were neer asked. -heyhae an a!enda that will come out re!ardless of the /uestions put to them. Sometimes they don't een botherto rework the /uestion8 they +ust take off in their own direction. )urin! the (illiam &ennedy Smith rape trial,Smith's uncle -ed &ennedy was called as a defence witness to testify about to his knowled!e of the day. In

    +ust minutes the courtroom was treated to &ennedy's takin! us throu!h the history of his family, the death of

    his brothers, and the trials and tribulations of his life. -he courtroom was mesmeri$ed. -his was done to eokethe &ennedy aura and charm for the benefit of (illiam &ennedy Smith. (hether it had a direct impact or notis hard to say, but Smith was found not !uilty.

    C L U E 3 5

    %an 5ou *epeat the Duestion, lease3

    Instead of hemmin! and hawin!, he may resort to one of the followin! statements to buy himself some time,to reiew the best course of action, to prepare his answer, or to shift the topic entirely. -hey are all desi!ned to

    delay his answer. 2or example, you ask someone hold old he is and he responds with 64ow old do you think Iam36 It's obious that your answer may influence his. 4ere are some of the more popular ones.

    F. 6%ould you repeat the /uestion36

    G. 6It depends on how you look at it.6

    H. 6(hat's your point exactly36

    . 6(hy would you ask somethin! like that36

    . 6(here did you hear that36

    . 6(here is this comin! from36K. 6%ould you be more specific36

    L. 64ow dare you ask me somethin! like that36

    . 6I think we both know the answer to that.6

    FB. 6(ell, it's not so simple as yes or no.6

    FF. 6-hat's an excellent /uestion. It deseres some

    thou!ht.6

    FG. 6%an you keep a secret3 9reat. So can I.6

    FH. 6I'm not sure this is the best place to discuss this.6

    F. -he person repeats your /uestion back to you, an attempt at soundin! incredulous. 2or example, 6)id Isell you a puppy with a heart condition3 Is that what you're askin! me36

    C L U E 3 "

    Slei!ht of Mouth

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    5ou'e heard the old sayin! 6If it sounds too !ood to be true, then it probably is.6 )urin! the B. J.Simpson trial, )etectie Mark 2uhrman said on the witness stand and under oath that he had neer in the

    past ten years used a specific racial epithet. Almost no one7includin! the +ury7belieed that this wastrue. 4e would hae been deemed as much more credible had he admitted to usin! racial epithets onoccasion and with re!ret. ut sayin! he neer used them in any context seemed hi!hly implausible. Andindeed, the eidence later proed him to be a liar, forcin! him to assert his 2ifth Amendment priile!e toaoid self1incrimination. If somethin! sounds implausible, inesti!ate further7 no matter howconincin! the person is.

    C L U E 3 #

    -ricky )icky

    -here is also such a thin! as a lie throu!h implication instead of expression. )urin! the FB presidential

    campai!n, *ichard ixon sou!ht to remind Americans that his opponent John 2. &ennedy was %atholic,not rotestant. (e had neer had a %atholic president before, and ixon thou!ht the fact that &ennedywas %atholic mi!ht make the American people uneasy. latantly remindin! the public of his opponent'sreli!ion would make him look bad. So, in keepin! with his reputation and accordin! to the wisdom of

    politics,

    ixon said the followin!" 6I don't want anyone not to ote for John &ennedy because he is a %atholic.6 -heintent was obiously different from the messa!e, but he !ot his point across nicely. Althou!h as history later

    proed, his effort was futile.

    (heneer someone makes a point of tellin! you what they're n o t doin!, you can be sure it's exactly whatthey a r e doin!. -he preamble is what they really mean. After a blind date, Jim was informed by the woman he

    went out with that she's ery busy for the next few weeks but that she doesn't want him to think she's blowin!him off. If that was not her intention, then it wouldn't hae occurred to her to say that. (hen you hear, 6ot tohurt your feelin!s, but. . .6 you can be sure that this person doesn't mind hurtin! your feelin!s.

    Another cleer way of lyin! throu!h implyin! comes in the form of a denial. It works like this. #et's saythat an a!ent is attemptin! to conince a castin! director to cast his client, John Jones, instead of another actor,Sam Smith. -he a!ent casually mentions to the castin! director that Sam was at the etty 2ord %linic lastmonth, but heard it was only to see a friend. ow the castin! director wonders if Sam has an alcohol or dru!

    problem. 4ad the a!ent simply said that Sam was there to !et treatment, the castin! director would hae beensuspicious of his intentions in mentionin! it. y statin! it in the form of a denial, he implants the su!!estionwithout suspicion.

    #et's look at another example. 5ou hear, 64e's hain! marital problems, but it has nothin! to do with hiswife's new +ob.6 (hat's the first thin! you ask3 6(hat does his wife do36 Suddenly you're in the exactconersation that is 6supposed6 to hae no bearin! on the facts. %leer, isn't it3 )on't be misled.

    C L U E 3 $

    )on't e *idiculous

    eware of the person who uses humour and sarcasm to defuse your concerns. 2or instance, you ask one of yoursalespeople if she met with the competition and she replies, 6Sure did. (e meet eery day in a secret

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    warehouse. 5ou can !et in only if you know the special knock. It's there where we discuss the eentual

    downfall of your business empire.6 -his makes you feel foolish about in/uirin! further. And she knows it.(hen you ask a serious /uestion, you should expect a direct response.

    C L U E 3

    (e're 0ut of Stock

    4ae you eer had the salesman tell you that the item you were lookin! for is inferior to another one3 And asit turns out, the one that you want happens to be out of stock.

    %learly, he would hae been much more belieable if he had said he did hae what you wanted but preferredto show you somethin! een better. So before you accept someone at his word that he has somethin! better tooffer, first see whether he has what you ori!inally asked for. If he doesn't, there's a better than een chancethat you shouldn't beliee him.

    C L U E (

    -he umber ?one

    -here's an old sayin! that !oes, 6If you always tell the truth, then you'll neer hae to remember anythin!.6(hen a liar speaks, in an attempt to appear fluid, he will often fall into the number $one. -his is when all ofthe numbers he mentions are the same or multiples of one another. -his happens because he is thinkin! fastand is tryin! to remember what he's sayin!. A typical exchan!e durin! a +ob interiew mi!ht !o as follows"

    Ms. SMI-4" S0, Mark, how many years' experience do you

    hae in restaurant mana!ement3

    MA*&" At the three places I'e worked, I'e had about six years experience in total.

    Ms. SMI-4" -ell me a little bit about your experience at these

    places.

    MA*&" (ell, I would put in sixty1hour weeks. And I was inchar!e of a crew of about twele . . .

    (atch out when facts, fi!ures, and information hae unusual similarities.

    C L U E 1

    erous ell ie

    (hile we can control some !estures, the followin! are inoluntary responses that we hae little or nocontrol oer"

    he fight(or(flight syndrome: A person's face may become flushed or, with extreme fear, can turn white.

    #ook for si!ns of rapid breathin! and increased perspiration. Additionally, take note if he is tryin! to controlhis breathin! to calm himself. -his will appear as deep, audible inhalin! and exhalin!.

    rem#ling or shaking in oice and #ody: 4is hands may tremble. If he is hidin! his hands, it mi!ht be an

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    attempt to hide uncontrollable shakin!. 4is oice may crack and seem inconsistent.

    his is hard to s"allo": Swallowin! becomes difficult, so look for a hard swallow. -eleision or moieactors who wish to express fear or sadness often use this behaiour7 hence the expression 6all choked up.6Also indicatie is a clearin! of the throat. )ue to anxiety, mucus forms in the throat. A public speaker who isnerous often clears his throat before speakin!.

    A choir #oy$ he's not) @ocal chords, like all muscles, ti!hten when a person is stressed. -his will produce ahi!her sound, octae, and=or pitch.

    I'm sorry$ you said "hat* (hen we're under stress, our ability to focus on somethin! is often diminished.4ae you eer met someone at a party and for!otten his name ri!ht after you're introduced3 #ook for si!ns ofdistraction and an inability to pay attention to what's !oin! on.

    he "histler: (histlin! seems to be a uniersal action to relax oneself when one is fri!htened or anxious,

    and is an unconscious attempt to build up coura!e or confidence. Most people hae little tells(7!estures used when they are nerous. -hey may rub an ear for reassurance or plaster on a fake smile toboost their confidence.

    C L U E 2

    0h So %leer

    -he ancient sport of Judo has a fundamental philosophy" do not confront force with force8 instead use your

    opponent's stren!th and turn it a!ainst him. -he pureyors of this clue neer !et defensie or ar!ue, theysimply use your own words to support their claim.

    #et's say that a !uard is standin! watch oer a restricted area. It's his +ob to check I) s of those who enter.6I'm not sure you hae, authori$ation,6 he says to a man attemptin!

    access. 6I'm not surprised,6 answered the man, 6only a few people are aware of my clearance leel. My workhere is not supposed to be known by eeryone.6

    )o you see how /uickly the man erbally disarmed the !uard3 4ad he started to ar!ue and insist that he hadclearance and that the !uard was a fool for not knowin!, he would hae met with a wall of resistance. *ather,he a!rees with the !uard, and explains that the reason why the !uard thou!ht he didn't hae authori$ation isthe ery reason why he d o e s hae authori$ation.

    A certain ba!el company oercame an obious marketin! problem by usin! this same practice. -hecompany sells fro$en ba!els, yet it wanted to pro+ect an ima!e of freshness, a characteristic that to most of usis the opposite of fro$en. -heir solution3 -he slo!an 6-hey taste best because they're fro$en.6 (atch out whensomeone tries to use an obious fact to support a /uestionable assertion.

    C L U E 3

    -he Moral Assumption

    -his clue is so cleer and perasie that once you hear about it, you'll probably reali$e that it has already beenused on you many times. -he !enesis of this clue comes courtesy of human nature. (e all hae an

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    65ou're not !oin! to beliee what happened to meC6 4ow many times hae we heard that phrase3 %ommonsense dictates that if we want someone to beliee us, we should make our story or explanation as belieableas possible. -his is usually true, but not always. Sometimes the more outra!eous a story is, the more

    belieable it becomes. (hy3 ecause we think to ourseles, If this person "anted to lie to me$ he'd pro#a#lyhae come up "ith something a little less far(fetched. So in this cleer deception the liar embellishes hisstory and simply offers the phrase 6)on't you think that if I was !oin! to lie to you, I'd come up somethin!a little more belieable3 5ou +ust can't make this stuff up.6 (hen in fact that's exactly what he's done.

    SUMMARY

    > (hen the sub+ect is chan!ed, he's in a better, more relaxed mood.

    > 4e does not become indi!nant when falsely accused.

    > 4e uses such phrases as 6-o tell you the truth,6 6-o be perfectly honest,6 and 6(hy would I lie toyou36

    > 4e has an answer to your /uestion down pat.> 4e stalls by askin! you to repeat the /uestion or by answerin! your /uestion with a /uestion.

    > (hat he's sayin! sounds implausible.> 4e offers a preamble to his statement startin! with 6I don't want you to think that ...6 0ften that's

    exactly what he wants you to think.

    > She uses humour or sarcasm to defuse your concerns.

    > 4e offers you a 6better6 alternatie to your re/uest when he is unable to !ie you what youori!inally asked for.

    > All of his facts relatin! to numbers are the same or multiples of one another.

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    > -here is eidence of inoluntary responses that are anxiety based.

    > 4e uses an obious fact to support a dubious action. She casually tells you somethin! thatdeseres more attention.

    > 4e exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done somethin! similar sothat you will not suspect him.

    > If he lies about one thin!, eerythin! he says is /uestionable.

    > 4is story is so wild that you almost don't beliee it. ut you do, because if he wanted to lie,you think that he would hae come up with somethin! more plausible.

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    P A R T

    2

    BECOMING A HUMAN LIE

    DETECTOR6)eceit, feedin! on i!norance, weaes carelessly around the truth, twistin! its prey down a path

    to destined re!ret.6 7

    )A @ I ) J. #I E E * M A

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    -his part contains a sophisticated and comprehensie system of /uestionin! that will !et the truth out of anyperson. (e often !o into erbal combat unprepared to do battle. ecause we're unable to think clearly andeffectiely communicate our thou!hts, we think of what we should hae said two days later.

    -he clues to deception can be used with !reat reliability in eeryday situations and conersations. 4oweer,if you must know the truth in a !ien situation, this part proides you with a se/uence of /uestions thatirtually !uarantees that you will know ;a< if you're bein! lied to and ;b< what the truth is if it's not obiousfrom the lie. -his procedure was deeloped as a result of my research in human behaiour. (hen used in

    order, all three phases offer you the !reatest opportunity to !et at the truth.

    OUTLINE

    hase 0ne. hree Attack(Se+uence ,rimers

    Sometimes this techni/ue in and of itself will reeal a per1son's !uilt, but if it doesn't, you haen't lost anyleera!e and can proceed to phase two. -he primers are used to test a person's ulnerability and to !au!e hisor her leel of concern oer a particular sub+ect.

    hase -wo.-leen Attack Se+uences

    -his phase consists of one direct se/uence and ten other possible se/uences. :se whicheer one best fits thesituation. -hese carefully scripted se/uences put you in the best possible position to !et at the truth. 5ou willsee that the phrasin! of your re/uest7what precedes the re/uest and what follows it7is essential. %ontext iseerythin!C

    hase -hree.-leen Siler ullets

    2ire these off if you're still not satisfied. erhaps the person hasn't yet confessed but you know he isn't bein!truthful. If you feel you'e been lied to, but a full confession isn't forthcomin!, this phase takes you throu!h anadditional process to !et to the truth. -hou!h these bullets can be fired in any order you want, some will ruleout others. So choose ahead of time which are most appropriate for the situation.

    HOW TO PROCEED

    #ay the !roundwork by startin! with phase one. -hen choose one of the eleen attack se/uences from phasetwo. If you haen't !otten a full confession after you try an attack se/uence, fire your siler bullets one by one.-he results will be truly astonishin!.

    If terms like arsenal$ "eapons$ and #ullets seem warlike, it's understandable. ut they're thorou!hlyappropriate considerin! the situation. A lie can be ery in+urious. ro tectin! yourself is the ob+ectie. 5ou needto see the process of detectin! deceit for what it really is7a erbal battle. And from now on, when you enterthis battle, you will be ery well armed.

    P H A S E 1

    THREE ATTACK-SEQUENCE PRIMERS

    Most of us are familiar with the *orschach test, deeloped in FGF by 4ermann *orschach. -he test consistsof ten bilaterally symmetrical inkblots, each on an indiidual card. -hese abstract shapes, which hae no

    particular meanin! or form, are shown one at a time to the sub+ect. ut simply, the theory behind the test is

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    that a person's interpretation of the shapes will reeal his or her unconscious or sublimated thou!hts.

    2or the se/uence primers, we use the same psycholo!ical principles but employ them in a whole new way"you find out what's on a person's mind by !iin! him a er#al abstract test. A person's true intentions willsurface in his comments and=or !estures.

    P R I M E R 1

    )on't Accuse7Allude ;nu acu$a fa alu$ii Matching posture and moements: If he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If hemakes a !esture with his hand, after a moment, you casually make the same !esture.

    > Matching speech: -ry to match his rate of speech. If he's speakin! in a slow, relaxed tone, you do thesame. If he's speakin! /uickly, then you speak /uickly.

    > Matching key "ords: If she is prone to usin! certain words or phrases, employ them when you speak. 2orinstance, if she says, 6-he offer is desi!ned for incredible !ain for both parties,6 later in the conersationyou mi!ht say somethin! like, 6I like that the offer is desi!ned to offer incredible !ain . . .6 Make sure thatyou don't seem to be mimickin! her. 0bious copyin! of another's moements is unproductie. A simplereflection of aspects of the per son's behaiour or speech is enou!h. -his can be a ery powerful skill foryou, once you become !ood at it.

    #ater in the /uestionin! you'll moe to sta!e four. -his will make your tar!et person nerous, enablin! youto shift strate!ies. ut initially you don't want to make him nerous. 5ou want to create an enironment inwhich the only reason he has to be nerous is if he's done somethin! wron!. -his way any anxiety1basedresponses or actions are the product of his deceit, not his enironment.

    . #ie detectors use what is called a baseline, which corresponds to the person's normal leel of anxiety.It's a !ood idea, if possible, to do somethin! similar. Ask a /uestion that you know will produce a responsesimilar to how you expect him to react. 5ou need to know whether certain pat terns of behaior are part ofthis person's usual repertoire.

    5ou want to establish how he responds to a /uestion that can be answered easily and use that as a

    benchmark if you don't know the person well. In other words, if he waes his arms around no matter whathe's talkin! about, you want to know this.

    . Althou!h your posture should be relaxed and non1threatenin!, see if you can s/uare off so that you'refacin! each other. -his allows you to use seeral of the detection clues hain! to do with body lan!ua!e;see part F, section F and G

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    Stage 1. 2eally* At the end of his answer respond with 6*eally36 -his one simple word !ies you twoshots at assessin! the same answer. 4e doesn't know how you feel about his answer yet, so it doesn't tipyour hand. ut it forces him to repeat his response. 4ere, you'll look for clues such as if his oice !oes up atthe end of the sentence ;see clue G

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    -ime #ine )istortion

    -his se/uence combines seeral psycholo!ical principles and produces truly remarkable results. -o explain,we'll use the followin! example. #et's say that your wife calls you up at work and informs you that yourfifteen1year1old son took the family car for a +oy ride and was +ust brou!ht back by the police. 5ou mi!ht beunderstandably upset. 4oweer, let's take the same set of circumstances, except for one thin!. In a differentconersation, your wife casually

    mentions that this mischieous deed was done by your now twenty1fie1year1old son ten years earlier. 5ourreaction is likely to be considerably more mild. (hy3 ecause time has passed.

    #et's look at the flip side of this example. If a couple's son borrowed their car without permission ten yearsearlier, he would probably feel that he could mention it with full impunity7it mi!ht een be amusin! at this

    point7and he certainly doesn't hae to worry about bein! punished. It's doubtful, thou!h, that he would feelso comfortable tellin! his parents if he had taken the car the ni!ht before.

    -ime is a powerful psycholo!ical tool that can shift our perspectie dramatically. -he two factors affectin!time are when the eent occurred and when you became aware of it. If either or both of these factors are

    moed into the past, the eent is no lon!er timely. -his !reatly reduces its perceied si!nificance.

    Scenario A

    In this example, you suspect your spouse of hain! an affair.

    Stage %. Setting the scene. #et the conersation turn casually to the topic of cheatin!. -hen erynonchalantly +oke about the affair that you suspect him of hain! had. -his will prompt him to ask what you'retalkin! about.

    Stage 0. It's no #ig deal. #ookin! fairly shocked that he seems concerned, you reply with 60h, I'e alwaysknown about that. )o you want to know how I found out36 -his /uestion completely shifts the wei!ht of theconersation. 4e feels that he's totally in the clear and will now seek to satisfy his curiosity. 4e's thinkin! thatthe relationship has been fine for all this time, een thou!h you 6knew6 of his affair for some time.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 1.% appreciate "hat you'e done. If he still denies it, tell him, 6I thou!ht that you knew I knew butwere protectin! my feelin!s, knowin! that I'd understand it was +ust an accident and that I really wouldn'twant to talk about it.6 ow it's een more temptin! to confess because by doin! so, he actually thinks that he's a!ood !uy. And that all this time he was doin! somethin! nice and didn't een know it.

    Scenario

    #et's take an example in which you suspect seeral employees in your store of stealin! money.

    Stage I. Setting the scene. (ith one of the employees let the conersation turn casually to stealin! and say,60h, I knew ri!ht from the start what was !oin! on.6

    Stage 0. It's no #ig deal. 65ou had to know I knew. 4ow else do you think you could hae !otten awaywith it for so lon!3 I hope you don't think I'm a complete idiot.6 ;-hat's a !reat phrase because he doesn't wantto risk offendin! you on top of eerythin! else.

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    Stage 1. I appreciate "hat you'e done. 6I know that you were +ust !oin! alon! with it because you werescared of what the others would do. It's really okay. I know you're not that kind of person.6 )o you see hownicely this works3 y confessin! he feels that he's bein! a !ood person, the kind of person his boss thinks heis.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E

    )irect Assumption=Shot in the )ark

    Stage %. Set the scene. -his se/uence is used when you hae a !ut feelin! that somethin! isn't ri!ht, butyou're not /uite sure what it is and you don't hae any eidence to support your thinkin!. In this se/uence heis forced to talk about whateer he feels are his misdeeds. 5ou will be ama$ed at what comes out of his mouth.*emember to hold your !round and not settle until you hear a confession of alue. (e'e all done thin!s we're

    not proud of. -his /uestionin! se/uence really opens the mental flood!ates. 5ou hae the leera!e becauseyou're in control of the conersation7you're holdin! all the cards. It's his +ob to fi!ure out what he's donewron! and how to make it all ri!ht. 2irst set the scene" be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if somethin!heay1duty is botherin! you. -his will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the 6error of his ways.6

    Stage 0. I4m hurt. Say, 6I'e +ust found somethin! out and I'm really hurt Oshocked=surprisedP. I knowyou're !oin! to lie to me and try to deny it, but I +ust wanted you to know that I know.6 -his is different fromsayin!, 6)on't lie to me.6 y sayin! 6I know you're !oin! to lie,6 you establish that ;a< he's !uilty ofsomethin! and ;b< you know what it is. ow it's merely a /uestion of whether or not he comes clean. oticethat you're not askin! for anythin!. Sayin! 6lease don't lie to me6 establishes that you don't know what thetruth is, puttin! you in a weaker position.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 1. 5olding your ground. Say, 6I think we both know what I'm talkin! about. (e need to clear theair, and we can start by your talkin!.6

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 3. 6ontinue to hold your ground. *epeat phrases such as 6I'm sure it will come to you6 and 6-helon!er I wait, the madder I'm !ettin!.6

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 7. Apply social pressure. ow is the time to add a little social pressure. -his re1establishes thatyour assertion is afact$ not a suspicion. 6(e were all talkin! about it. Eerybody knows.6 ow he be!ins to!et curious about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he tries to find out this information, you'llknow that he's !uilty.

    If you don't get the ans"er you 're looking$ for continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 5

    (ho, Me3

    Stage %. Setting the scene. -his se/uence works well when you don't hae any real proof that someone

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    has wron!ed you but you beliee that you are ri!ht in your assumption of !uilt. 2or example, let's say(inston's house had been broken into. 4e was coninced that his ex1!irlfriend, whom he had recently

    broken up with, was the culprit. ut he wasn't sure. She had his key, and the only thin! that was missin!was some expensie +ewellery that

    was well hidden. ut the housekeeper or the electrician who had +ust finished some work could hae done itor it mi!ht hae been simply a random bur!lary. Just callin! his ex1!irlfriend and accusin! her of this crimewould hae been futile. She would deny all knowled!e of the eent, and he would be left with no eidenceand no confession. Instead, he proceeded as follows.

    4e phoned to let her know in a ery non1accusatory way that there had been a break1in and some itemswere missin!. In an attempt to sound surprised, she asked what happened. -he followin! is a short example ofthe type of conersation that would ensue.

    (IS-0" -he police are !oin! to want to talk to eeryonewho had access to the house. Since you stillhae a key,they're !oin! to want to speak with you. Just routine stuff, I'm sure. 0f course you're not a suspect.

    Ex19l*#2*IE)" ut I don't know anythin! about it.

    (IS-0" 0h, I know. Just policy, I !uess. Anyway, one of my nei!hbors said that she !ot a partial license1plate

    number on a car that was by my house that day.

    Ex19I*#2*IE)" 8After a long pause9 (ell, I was driin! around your nei!hbourhood that day. I stoppedby to

    see if you were home. ut when you weren't, I +ust left.

    So far she has effectiely explained her presence there that day. ut in doin! so she has established eitheran uncanny coincidence or her !uilt. 4ad she been innocent, she would hae had no reason to pursue this lineof conersation. 4e then introduces more eidence.

    (IS-0" 0h, really3 (ell, they did a fin!erprint test too. -hat should show somethin!.

    Ex" (hat test3

    (IS-0" 0h, they dusted for prints and Q

    At this point she said that the police mi!ht pick up her prints, since she had been therepreiously. Althou!h by now he knew she was inoled, it wasn't until about ten minutes laterthat she broke down and confessed7at first to +ust bein! in the house and then later to takin! the

    +ewellery.

    Stage 0. Inform non(accusatorily. %asually inform your suspect of the situation.

    Stage 1. Introduce eidence to #e re#utted. As you introduce the eidence, look to see if eery one ofyour statements are met by explanations from him as to how the eidence could be misunderstood. 2orexample, let's say that you suspect that your co1worker had shredded some of your files in hopes of beatin!you out for a promotion. 5ou would first set the sta!e by lettin! him know that you can't find some importantfiles. And then you say somethin! like, 6(ell, it's a !ood thin! my new secretary noticed someone by the

    shredder the other day. She said she reco!ni$ed his face but didn't know his name.6 At this point see if heoffers up a reason as to why he would be mistaken for the 6real culprit.6 4e mi!ht tell you that he was thereshreddin! some of his own documents. An innocent person would not feel the need to explain in order to aertthe possibility that he mi!ht be wron!ly accused.

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    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 3. 6ontinue. %ontinue with more facts that the person can try to explain away. ut in actuality, assoon as he starts to talk about why the situation mi!ht 6look that way,6 you know you hae him.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E "

    0utra!eous Accusations

    In this se/uence you accuse the person of eerythin! and anythin! under the sun. y accusin! him of doin!eery possible thin! wron!, you will !et a confession concernin! what he has really done7which to him atthis point is no bi! deal, considerin! all that you're accusin! him of.

    Stage %. Accuse him of eerything. In a ery fed1up manner accuse him of doin! eery ima!inabledishonest and disloyal act.

    Stage 0. Introduce the suspicion. ow you introduce the one thin! that you feel he really has done, and inan attempt to clear himself of the other char!es, he will offer an explanation for his one slip1up. 4e will ofcourse naturally profess total innocence of the other accusations.

    hrase it as such" 6I mean, it's not like you +ust Owhateer you suspect him of doin!P, that would be fine. utall these other thin!s are unspeakable.6

    5ou mi!ht !et a response like 6o, I +ust stole that one file because of the pressure to !et the +ob done, butI would neer sell trade secretsC6 -he only way to proe his innocence to all of your outra!eousaccusations is to explain why he did what you really suspect him of doin!.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    Stage 1. Step in closer. -his increases anxiety in the !uilty. -he moement makes him feel he's bein!closed in on. If you don't !et the answer you want, !o back to sta!e F and ask a!ain.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E #

    Is -here a *eason3

    Stage %. Introduce a fact. In this se/uence the person must answer your /uestion with information, not asimple denial. 2or example, if you want to know if your secretary went out last ni!ht when she said she wassick, your /uestion mi!ht be 6I droe by your house on the way home. Is there a reason your car wasn't in thedrieway36 If you simply ask, 6)id you !o out last ni!ht36 she can deny that she did. ut by introducin! a

    plausible fact, you force her to answer. If she was out, she will try to explain the missin! car. (hen she does,you will hae erified what you suspect to be true7 that she was not at home sick. )o you see how this works3If she lied about hain! to stay home because she was sick, then she has to explain where the car was. Shemi!ht say that a friend borrowed it or that she ran out to !et cold medicine, etc. 4ad she been home sick, shewould simply tell you that you were wron!7the car was in the drieway.

    Stage 0. ne more shot. 5ou want to !ie her one more shot at comin! clean or at comin! up with a

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    reasonable explanation to explain your 6fact.6 Say, 60h, that's odd, I called your house and I !ot yourmachine.6 -o which she mi!ht reply, 60h, I turned my machine on to !et some rest.6 *emember, if she is!uilty she will look for any way to make her story fit your facts. If she does this, she's probably lyin!. ow it's

    possible that a friend did borrow the car and that she did turn her machine off. 4oweer, at some point these6explanations6 are !oin! to start soundin! manufactured.

    Additionally, because she is forced to tell new lies to protect preious ones, you now hae seeralstatements you can look at for si!ns of deceit.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 1. Stare. Starin! is an underused yet formidable weapon. It produces different results dependin! uponparticular situations. Starin! makes someone who is on the defensie feel closed in8 your !lare is infrin!in! onher personal space, inducin! a mental claustrophobia. -o escape she needs only tell you the truth. #ock eyeswith her and ask a!ain.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E $

    -hird1arty %onfirmation

    -his se/uence is one of the more powerful ones, proided you hae the cooperation of a third party. 5ou !ainmaxi1mum credibility, because it remoes +ust about any doubt that there is deception on your part.

    Scenario

    5ou suspect one of your employees is hain! someone else punch out on the time clock for him.

    Stage %. Accuse outright. After !ainin! the assistance of a friend or co1worker, you hae this person makethe accusation for you. Such as 6Mel, F was talkin! to %indy, and she told me she's !ettin! pretty tired of yourhain! someone else punch out for you so you can leae work early.6

    At this point Mel is concerned only with %indy's disapproal of his actions. 5our friend is thorou!hlybelieable because we rarely think to /uestion this type of third1party setup.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 0. Are you kidding* If he still won't confess, switch the focus with 6Are you kiddin!3 It's commonknowled!e, but I think I know how you can smooth thin!s oer with her.6 See if he takes the bait. A personwho's innocent would not be interested in smoothin! thin!s oer with someone else for somethin! that he hasn't

    done.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 1. Last call. 60kay. ut are you sure36 At this point any hesitation is likely to be si!n of !uilt becausehe's /uickly tryin! to wei!h his options.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E

    -he %hain *eaction

    In this se/uence you create a chain reaction that ori!inates in the person's own deceitful actions. In otherwords, the only way he can take adanta!e of a new opportunity presented to him is to admit his preious

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    actions. -he se/uence is based on the assumption that the wron!doin! took place and brin!s the conersationpast that. (heneer you want a confession, you're far better off moin! the conersation past his actions.0therwise he's likely to lie or become defensie. oth reactions do you little !ood. 4oweer, if the focus ofyour discussion is not on what he has already done, then you're likely to !et him to admit to his actions, as heassumes that you already hae proof of them.

    Scenario

    5ou suspect seeral employees in your store of stealin! money.

    Stage %. Setting the scene. In a one1on1one meetin! with the employee, let him know that you're lookin! forsomeone to be in char!e of a new internal theft pro!ram for the en1tire company.

    Stage 0. he irony is . . . 6(e're lookin! for someone who knows how it's done. ow don't worry, you're not!oin! to !et in trouble. As a matter of fact we'e known about it for some time. (e were more interested in

    seein! how efficient you were. Duite impressie. Anyway, we feel that since you know how it's done, you'llknow how to preent it. 9ranted, it's pretty unusual, but this is an unusual instance.6

    4e now feels comfortable with his preious actions. 4is new position is een dependent upon his misdeeds.)enyin! what he's done will cost him his bi! promotion. If you tell your story conincin!ly, he will een

    boast about his misdeeds.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

    Stage 1. I told them so. 65ou know, I told them that you would be too afraid to hae an open discussionabout this. Ootice how disarmin! the phrase 6open discussion6 is8 it's much better than 6confess6 or 6stoplyin!.6P -hey were wron!, I was ri!ht.6

    -his works because he now feels that whoeer 6they6 are, they're on his side. 4e's !oin! to be hesitant aboutlettin! 6them6 down. #ook for hesitation on his part. If he's !uilty he will be wei!hin! his options. -his takestime. An innocent person has nothin! to think about. 0nly the !uilty hae the option of confessin! or not.

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 1 (

    -he Missin! #ink

    -his se/uence is used when you hae some idea about what's !oin! on, but you don't hae the full story. 5ouoffer the information you do hae so that he beliees the rest of what you say. -his is also used with onema!ic key phrase, and if he takes the bait, he's !uilty.

    Scenario

    5ou think that your mother1in1law may hae hired a priate inesti!ator to follow you around.

    Stage %. List facts. -ell her somethin! that you know to be true. 6I know you're not ery fond of me, andthat you ob+ected to the weddin!, but this time you'e !one too far.6

    Stage 0. State your assumption. 6I know all about the inesti!ator. (hy did you think that wasnecessary36

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    Stage 1. he magic phrase. 65ou know what, I'm too upset to talk about this now.6

    If she becomes /uiet she's probably !uilty. If she has no idea what you're talkin! about, you can be sure thatshe doesn't care if you're too upset to talk about it7because you hae no reason to be upset.

    -he !uilty person will honour your re/uest because she won't want to an!er you further. An innocent personwill be mad at you for accusin! her of somethin! that she hasn't done and will want to discuss it no".

    If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

    A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 1 1

    %ondemn or %oncern

    Stage I. I'm ;ust letting you kno". -he key with this se/uence is not to accuse, +ust to inform. -he responseof your suspect will let you know if he's innocent or !uilty. -his se/uence