197907 crazy magazine v1 052
TRANSCRIPT
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New
POLAVOID
ONE
picture
is
so
clear
it'll
stand
up
in
court
if
you
want
to
get
that one-in-a-million
you'll
get it
better
with
a
one-step
Mainly,
when
people
see
the
picture
of
them
they
won't have
time
to
the
negative
Just
make
sure
you're
ahead
of
them
on
your
way
out
S ONE
STEP
The
world's
sexiest
camera
uses
SEX-70
film
n
.,
unllf)
CRAZZ
Wm
IW
mam
$10
BONUS CUIDUT
num
QREETine
CflRQS
GIVE
THEM TO
YOUR
FRIENDS
[and they'll
become your enemies
Paul
Laikin
Artist: Steve
Haefele
16
BIG
COLORED
PAGES
TO
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HOW
TO PLAY
Players choose to be
HEP-CATS.
NEATO
CHICKS
or J.D.s.
They
then
start
at POP EGG
CREAM's
MALT
SHOP and take turns
as
they
go
around the
board,
stopping
at
various
places in the
50s
era. As they
move
around
the
board, players are
awarded cool points
which
they
add
up.
Players are
also
awarded
square points
which
they deduct
from their
cool
points total.
After
live
complete
trips
through
the
'50s
era.
the
player
with the highest
number
ol
cool
points
is declared
the winner.
THE
OBJECT
OF THE
GAME
is
to
become the coolest
cat
in
the
'50s
era
by
scoring
the most cool
points.
HOW TO
SCORE
COOL
POINTS:
Players
score cool
points
by
mak
ing dates,
outfoxing
the
fuzz.
stealing
hubcaps
and
by
pulling
'50'$'type
pranks.
In short, they
score cool
points
by
acting
like
hot
shots.
SQUARE
POINTS:
Players
must
deduct
square points
Irom
their
total ol
cool points
wherever
applicable.
COOL
CARDS:
When
a
player lands
on
a space
marked
SUPERCOOL
he picks
a
cool card
and
follows the
In-
structions
on
it.
NERD
CARDS:
When
a
player
lands
on
a
NERO
SPACE he
must pick
a
NERD CARO
which will tell him to do
something
stupid.
NOTE:
II
you
do
not
understand
the rules,
we
suggest you do
this:
SIT ON
IT,
BIMBO
Wi Itwr : Roger
Francli
Art lit:
Tony
Tailor Ico
TORN
BECAUSE
YoUVEGOTIT
SHAPE AND
LAZY
TO
ROIL
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MOVIE
SATIRE:
Here's
a
film
that's
such
a
watered-down
version
of the
famed
'50s Broadway
musical
that,
at first,
they didn't know
what
to call
It. CRAZY has
no
problem
with this however,
because
to us
It's
fust
plain...
J
Hollywood flicks-
Leave
the Drive-in
|
Dee
they are not
,
Saying, So what ?
m
--
Writer:
Murad
Gumen
Artist:
Kent
Gamble
Uh-huh,
Uh-huh,
Uh-ah-huh-uh-
Summer
sun,
H
Cannot
enjoy,
I
Killing
time
,
,
, ,
tl,
I
..
l i h
indoors
viewing
This I can t bear
BJ
_
...
*
^^^^^
^^_^_^jj|
Summer films
I
Ho-hum, ho-hum,
ho-hum, oh-
-
~*
Soy no more soy no more-
I
Vou
con
moke
o
new
friend,
x
vF*[i
Take Capricorn One
U
?
-^||
Or
Jaws
2,
Say
no
more- soy no more
-
[_] Chew-
a
-pop-pop,
chew-a-pop-pop,
There
ore
clothes
you
can
mend I
(T|
chew-a-pop-pop,
chew-a-pop-pop
Summer
nights,
Wasting
away.
Watching
bummer
I
Summer films
I
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The
boys
are
parked
outside
Nuts to this party,
I'm going
to get some
real
kicks
Now, where are
my shoos?
I
think
I
lost them
|
You
had
a
good tiro
with Risko,
eh, you ol' makeout
irtist
you?
eah,
but I was nowhere
as
coo
as
you would've
been How
do
you
do
it,
Dainty?
Funny
you
should ask,
Kanfreak.
.
.1 got a
hole big
million-dollar
musical number that
II
answer
your
question
Hit
It,
boys
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s
sorry, Saintly Okay
then,
you go
off
L
d
date
ol'
muscle-bound
there
t put down Ton He
can
take
you on
any day
An
d he's imortor than
you
Are you kidding? I
got
brains I haven't
even
used
yet Why,
I got
more
brains in
my
whole head
thon he's got
in
his
little
finger
So
you want to
take
up
sports,
eh? I suggest
youl
build
up your
endurance
with
long-distance
Dainty. .
.you were
trying to Impress me and you
tripped
over
the hurdles
I'm
so sorry
There's
nothin'
like
the ol'
corner
soda fountain
to bring
back memories
of the
'50s
Saintly,
you can
order
anythin'
on
the
menu.
.
.ice
cream,
french fries,
soda
. . .
not to
mention
the
lobster dinner
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Any
word*
of
wisdom
for
me,
oh
great
spirit
of the
past?
Yes,
Raggedy Ann.
. . if you're ever
in
the
mood to watch an
authentic
teenage
movie
from
the
rock
'n'
roll days,
check out the
originals
Mainly, all
the
Beach
Party
pictures
I made
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Guess
what?
An'
He's
knocked
I'll
out
Dainty
be
a
You
have
knockout
to race
tool
I
thought
Dainty
wouldn't
stand
a
chance
against that
hot-rod. .
.but
he's
actually
winning
the
race
don't get it. . .the
junk
heop
he's driving
doesn't
have
enough
horsepower]
You've
become a. .
.a. .
.
floozyl
|
Don't judge
a book
by
its
picture. . .
I'n
still as
uptight
as
ever Now,
if the
lip-synch works,
I'll let you
in
on my
story
in
song.
.
*J'm
no
more
square
we're imaginin',
I just wish that
were
sol
Stuck
with pureness
and
sweetenin'
It sure
is
frustratln'
I'd
better
grow
up
Frown on who/esomeness,
It's
not
helping my ca-reer/
I'd
better grow
up
A
goody
fwo-shoes
acr-ress
Is now thought of os
que-ee-6
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*Th/s film's
not hetpin',
it's so cute it's no
gem
An
old movie
it's
copyin'
From
MGM
You
better
grow
up
~|
I
The
new young Debbie
Reynolds
/
Gotta shake this imagel
Oo-oo-oo
Gotta shake this
imagel
Oo-oo-oo I
Gotta shake this imagel
Oo-oo-oo
J
I
gotta lose
My
vlr-gin-gin-i-tyl
years
of high school
and where has
it
gotten me?
C'mon,
Saintly,
you're
lucky that
we
wound
up
together I mean, girls
go
out
with me
by
the dozens
That's
because
it's
safer
than
going
out with
you
alone
I'm
afraid
this
is
the
end for
us,
Dainty. .
.especially
see-
ing
we're
at
the
next-to-last
panel of this
satire
Saintly, we've
only
just
begun]
From
here
on,
it
hat
to
get
better
Listen
*We'll
grab
out
money
Like some-o
chum-o chum-a
Sfngfng
o-da
sing-song
it'll
almost
be
funny.
As
hoo-boy a lotta wad-d-a
so
Pretty
bloom-de-bloom
Gang-sang twangitty-twang
Hoo-boy
That's the way it will be-e-e
Yah-hoo-oo
Yeah
A hot
TV
star
Like
zip-a-gyp-a-gyp
no-srop-o
j
You-me too,
A
top Pop
Queen
star
Yew
greedy,
so
greedy,
so greedy,
Yew
greedy, hoo-hee-hoo
whoffa
crop
Gong-sang
twongitty
twang
Hoo-boy
I
We'll
always
make
out
dough
I Ha-hah-ha-haaal
k
When young
fans
so many
Spend their
hard-earned
money
We know
we'll make our lootl
Sell-out poster crisis
High film ticket prices
And
the
L.P.s'to
Boo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot
k
1
We'll
be
set for life
Like
a
top ga-ga
no-dope
And
top
ham-bone
No more worry
or strife
As
Shah-ah talalala
Whoopety whop
do
shone
Gang-sang
twongitty
twang
Hoo-boy
We'll
roll
in
all
this money
Vah-hoo-oo
Yeah I
We'll roll
in-
(Gang-sang twang it
ty
twang
hoo-boy)
All this
money
(Gang-sang twangitty
twang hoo-boy)
We'll
roll
in
(Gang-sang twangitty
twang
hoo-boy)
Alt this
money
r
-AM
yjb(
;M
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IpI
s?
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^GWN^y
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TV
TRIPE
Let's face it... every
TV
series
has to
come
to
an
end
Some
do
it
gracefully while
they're ahead.
.
.like
THE FUGITIVE
and
THE MARY TYLER
MOORE
SHOW.
Other's
don't
know when
to quit...
like GILLIGAN'S
ISLAND
and
DON
RICKLES.
We figure there
oughta
be a
natural time in
a
series
progression to take
them
off
the air.
For
example, here are
what we at
CRAZY
envision
as. .
THE FINAL
SEGMENTS
OF
POPULAR
TV
SERIES
Writer: Paul
Laikin
Artist: John
Reiner
AND
HUTSH
What
do
you
mean
we're
finished
as
a
Team, captain
Dopey? We've
been
together
EIGHT
YEARS NOW
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UV3
UflOA
3Vi QN31
:H000 NtfA
1N30NIA NOI1M1J.V
FANTASTIC
ISLAND
Welcome
to FANTASTIC ISLAND,
Mr.
Sturdley
Your fantasy is
to
relive
your
exciting days
as
a DEMOLITION
EXPERT in
WORLD WAR TWO
Where
shall we begin?
Chee,
boss. .
he blew
up
da
WHOLE ISLAND
Who wass
dat
man?
The
PRODUCER
of
the show
that's
on
OPPOSITE us
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N-Aa-Ald
V
SVM
N
LOVER
BOAT
CAPTAIN
Oh,
CAPTAIN
The
BOAT
is sinking
I KNEW this
would happen someday
I
TOLD
the
producers
not
to overload
this
ship
with
so many different
performers
every
week
It's
too much WEIGHT
for
one
craft
to
hold
BOOBONIC WOMAN
I'm
sorry to have to tell
you
this,
but
your
CAREER
is
OVER You're
suffering
from a malfunctioning of
your pituitary generator
It's
a FOREIGN
part
. . .
and
you
know
how hard it
is
to
get
FOREIGN
parts
nowadays
RUST
will set
in. . .then
a
little
CLANGING
in the
joints.
. .and
finally
.
a complete
METAL
BREAKDOWN
I knew
I shouldn't have had
that hysterectomy at Radio
Shack
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RHODANT
I
know
that,
but the
only
REAL LAUGHS
we've
been
getting
comes
when my
mother's
on the
show Let's face
it.
without her
I'm
NOTHING
CARTER COUNTY
Don'
you read
thuh
PAPERS
none? We
got
us a
new PRESIDENT
Lemme
see
that
there.
.
Ah, wonder
if
n we kin
lurn
tuh
talk wit'
BOSTON
ACCENTS?
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muq
;q-ihom
NOUNHiV
In
a
few
years, man's
best
friend
may
be
a
robot.
What
will It
be
like
In
this
techno-
logical
age?
Will life
for the
everyday
American
be improved
by the
presence
of
mechanical
men?
Who
knows?
Off the
top
of our
heads we
can
think
of
a
lot
of
ad-
vantages. Like,
for
example, these.
.
Having
a robot dog is
ideal
for
the
businessman
who
has a
frustrating
day.
He
releases his pent-up
anxiety
by
coming home and kicking the
dog without
injuring
it.
IN THE HOME
Writer:
Michael Pellowski
Artist: Brian
Moore
^:,;
r
t
*
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-
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CRAZ/
GREETING
CARD
OR
STAY
OUT
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OR
or
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YOU'RE
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FOLKS
ALL
THINK
-
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,=ttE=
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t&i
-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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CRAZ/
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CARD
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TIMES
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ARE
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CRAZ/
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FIRST
WE
MET
LONG
LONG
AGO,
J5l&
THOUGHT
THAT,
YOU WERE
ICKIE,
UT
SINCE
I'VE
KNOWN
you
ALL
THIS
-
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(M)
*&&
-
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7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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-
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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i0r%
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7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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CRAZy
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6REETIN6
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CRAZ/
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msmwrn
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CRAZ/
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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Pjo
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-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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---::::::-
He
heart
they
c
an
' '
.\**
W
K=sr
How do
rock
musicians
gel
their
vihrations
in
the
Orient?
mey
slick
thr*
heads
hetween
two
Chinese
gongs'.
How
can
/on
tel
there's.
II
does
a*
1
'
B.PT&PI
*>e
pollution
do
cool
musicians
buy
insurance
Iroi
,
wo.
and
tour
nuuBima
They
mania
piece
ol
the
rock
****
What
happens
when
you
*.*->
-
M
e
'
are
ck
musician's
armpflsr
Hegetsstinkin'dtunkI
w do
you
recognize
the
Polish
rock
He's
the
one
playing
the
ka
'Son,
What
happens
when
you
hear
Chinese
rock
Where
do
you
i
The
same
place
you
leave
theml
How
does
a rock
musician
light
up?
^ 'sr/releafc,.,..
fc
Mil
*
J99er
whose
real
Society?
' ' 'olisMock
^wrence
u/elk
HZ****
,e*M
r/,
ev
.,
k
a
*
ones
......
-
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W^
CRAZY
INTERVIEW NO. 4
AN
INCREDIBLE
TALK WITH
jm
Writer: Paul Laikin
Artist:
Kent
Gamble
Hello out there This is
Walter
Krank-
case
with
another interview for CRAZY
Magazine Today
I'm
talking
to
TV's
biggest
new star..
.the
INCREDIBLE HULK
IV-
,m
lS\
I
understand that
on
television you
don't
talk at all,
but
here.
..for the
first
time, ..you've
consented to talk
to me
I
can't
TELL
you
what
an
honor
this
is,
Mr.
Hulk...
7 ~
ON THE'-
AIR
:yp
Talking about
talk,
Incredible...
you
DO
speak in your
Marvel
Comic book
stories, but not
on
TV
Why
is
that?
ABiNG
OVfeR
A
FENCE,
JAYSiStER
Put
t-HAt
NAU-
ttfeRE,
WY-
ttAiRCut,
AGE
Z
MOMMYSAiPIoNtf
FELL
out
OF
-We
Ct(AiR4tiWES.
twicECU
MVflEAD.
I
SPEM+
MV
FlRSt
2-WEEK
vAcAttok
iNCtliCASO.tHiS
NAPKiN
CoSf
ME
&530-Z,
OH
ME
WAV
out
OF
1HE
O.UB
T
(M
Rt>w,ep
FOR
A'-t-
AW
AtoNEV.
to K
ME
36
PAYS
to HltcHHiKE
^OME.
HERE'5
ANOtf^R
Srtot
OF
(Sl-APYS.
trfie
iS WHY
SHE
WouLcN't
FACE
f+tE
CAMERA
.
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Politicians
have
been
saying the
same
baring things for
the
last
twenty years.
They're
all against
crime, inflation, high
taxes, and
pollution.
What's happening is
that
they're
polluting
our
ears with the same
old stuff,
year after
year. We
wish a
politi-
cian
would
come
along
who was
FOR
any
of
those things
Then we might wake
up
and
really
listen
Like
these
examples
of
.
.
'OJ3X
-CnaOA'l
NOIJ.N3JJ.V
And if I
am elected,
I will
do
my
best to
make
certain
that our waters
become more polluted than ever Think
of it If we fill our
oceans, our
rivers and
lakes with
enough
waste,
no
one will
ever again drown The float-
ing garbage will save them Millions of
tax-payer
dollars
will
no
longer
be
wasted
in building
unnecessary,
expensive bridges We'll all be able to
walk
across the
Hudson
on beer
cans.
And some
day, we'll even be
able
to
walk
across
the
Atlantic
to
visit
our
allies
in
England,
France,
and Italy So pollute your
waters
today
TAL
JUST
A
LITTLE
BIT
DIFFERENT
Writer:
Bob
Helt
Artist: John
Langton
56
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My friends,
we must put an end to
all
this
talk
about
ridding
our cities of
crime Think of
the
unemployment
that would
result if crime no
longer
kept
our
economy
booming Our police
would
be thrown
out
of jobs, and
have to
go on welfare.
Judges,
prison
guards,
lawyers,
and
insurance
salesmen would
be
thrown
out of work.
We would
suffer the worst
depression since 1929
And
so,
in
the
interest
of preserving
our
economy
and
our
way of life,
let
us
all
pledge
to
do our
part.
.
.and
commit
at
least
one
crime
each day
I promise
that
if I
am
your next
President,
inflation will
increase at a faster pace than ever before Bootblacks
. . .wouldn't
you
like to get
$10 per shine? Candy-store
owners .
.
. wouldn't
you
like to sell
a pack of
gum
for
$15? Scale manufacturers. .
.wouldn't it make you
happy to have people stuff
$20 bills into
those little
old
54
slots? So get
behind
inflation now
Let's everybody
clean
up a
bloody fortune
Fellow
citizens,
we
should all
do
our
part
to pollute
the
air
Don't
you
want
to see what
you're breathing?
How
can
you
trust
air that you can't
see?
Would
you
eat food
you
couldn't see?
Would you wear clothes
you couldn't
see? Then why
take
the chance
of
breathing
invisible
air?
With
air
pollution,
the atmosphere will
be so thick
you
can't help
noticing
it Unless
you yourself are
thick,
that is
And I
promise
that if I am elected, I will raise taxes to a
higher
level
than
any
President in the
history of our
great nation
Think of the benefits
You'll
all have
so
little
money
left that
you
won't have to
go
out
and
spend ridiculously high prices
for
non-essentials like
food and clothing
By
doing away
with
money, you'll do
away
with
problems So elect me and
I
promise to
do
away
with all
your troubles
And mainly, with all
your
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BLIND
0A1 9TMTGY
pxig^a-
I
whole
clove
garlic
1 nose
plug
2
cases
breath
mints
When your
blind
date
arrives
(and
is
uglier than
you ever
imagined)
pop
the
garlic clove into your mouth and
chew
rapidly
(to get
the full aroma going). Then, with
your mouth
as close as possible
to
the
ugly
blind date's nose, say: Hi,
there
Blind
date will
leave immediately. Then,
gently in-
sert the nose plug into the appropriate area (for
your
own
benefit) and slowly
consume the
last ingredient while
spending
a quiet evening
alone.
GGTTIMG
A
MK
Marylyn
Ippolito
Bill
Burke
58
J very old, {rayed shirt
framed
pictures of
I oJd
suit,
(pants
with very shiny
seat)
all your relatives
small
brown
paper
bags I set Rosary
beads
doctor
and
dentist
bills I
Bible
Display
very
prominently
on your
desk,
the first three items.
This
will
let
your
boss
know
that
you are a
deeply religious
family
man. Casually scatter the next item
across
you
desk.
This will
let your
boss
know that
you
have
pressing
obliga-
tions.
Always
wear the
same
next
two
items.
This will let
your boss
know
that you
do not
waste
your
money
on a
fancy
wardrobe.
Carry your
lunch to
work in
a small paper
bag.
The
smaller
the
better.
Always
eat
at
your
desk,
while
giving
the illusion that
you
are
hard at work on your lunch
hour.
This
will let your
boss
know
what
a
diligent worker
you are.
Keep
this
up
until
you finally get
a
raise.
If
you are
convincing
enough,
you may even get a promotion.
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MORNING-dfTCR HdNGOMGR CURG
10
bottles of Alka-Seltzer
1
ice-pack
2
ear plugs
I lawyer
Mix
the
Alka-Seltzer
in
o
gallon
jug,
and
sip
constantly
through
a
straw.
Add
ice cubes to the ice
pack, and apply
it to your
head
(if you
can
stand
the
pressure).
Insert
the
ear
plugs
in
your
ears
(if
you con manage to locate
them)
to
insure the quiet
that is
needed
to
rest
undisturbed. Open
your
eyes every hour
or
so
(if
you
con stand
the light)
just
to make
sure
you're still
alive.
Add
the
final
item,
when
the
need is urgent
enough
to
make out
your
will.
VOIDING
MMILY
RCUI1IOW
1 bunch
of
embarrassing
candid
snap
shots of family
1
memory full
of skeleton-in-the-closet
tales
I collection
of secretly
recorded tapes
of family
fights
When
confronted
by your
parents
who remind
you
about
the
family reunion,
confront
them
right
back.
Tell
them
you
have
o
terrific
idea on how to
liven up the
party. Show
them
the
first
item, which
you plan to
pass
oround to
all the
relatives.
If
they are
still skeptical,
recite the second
item,
which
you plan to
recite
again
to
all
the relatives.
If
they
are still
not convinced,
play the
last
item
for
them.
Make
sure they
hear the tape
on which
they
themselves
knocked
all the
relatives. They will
then threaten
to punish
you
if
you
show
up
at the
reunion.
SCHOOL CXdM COP-OUT
MOTHCR-IIUdw'S
VII9IT
J
large bowl
of pork & beans
I dish
of
boiled cabbage
I dish
of
broccoli
I
dish of brussel
sprouts
1 dish
of
cauliflower
I dish
of chili
bean
soup
1 clothespin
1 quart
of
Kaopectate
On the night
before
the test you
know
you
will flunk,
eat
very
generous
helpings
of
the
first six ingredients.
When
you
get to school
in the
morning,
complain to
the teacher
that
something
is
wrong
with
your stomach.
Make
sure
you
stand very
close
to her, and let 'er
rip If she does not
succumb to
the
aroma, and
forces
you
to
take your
seat,
sit there holding
your
stomach
as
if
in
pain.
By this
time,
oil the
students around
you
will be
holding
their
noses.
After
being
sent
home, drink the
lost ingredient and place
the
clothespin
on
your nose until
the
odor
dies
down.
1
puppy (not house-broken)
40
cases of
beer (any brand)
6
old Army buddies
12
cans
of house paint
Bring
the
puppy home
o
couple of days
before
your
mother-
in-law arrives.
Confine
the
messy
creature to
the
guest
room,
where the
old battle-axe will
be staying. This
should
be
the
only
room where the
puppy is allowed to
do
his
thing . If this
does not discourage
the old bat during
her
visit,
introduce
the
next
two ingredients
to the household.
Mix well, the
beer and the buddies.
Keep the
party going,
full
tilt. If old horse-face
still
doesn't
take the
hint,
bring
out the
last ingredient,
supply your
buddies
with
it,
and
start
pointing
away,
preferably
the
guest
room
first.
Keep
all windows
tightly closed.
The
stench
of
the
puppy, the
Army buddies,
and
the
paint should
do
the trick.
One more
thing
expect
your
wife,
as
well
as your
mother-in-law, to
leave
you.
59
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dLLOWdMCC HIKG
friends
dressed
pleading
with
your
father
to
raise your allowance,
listening
to him
explain
that
money
isn't everything,)
him
by
agreeing
with
him.
Then tell him that
because
his
speech,
you have made
up your mind to
go
to
a place
you will have
no
need of money.
While
he is recov-
from
this
announcement, invite
your
friends into the
room, introduce
them
as representatives
of the
Loony
and
sit
on
the
floor
chanting'
along
with
them.
In-
your father that
he
will
no longer have to
support you,
you
are
going to
take
your final
vows
to
become a
Tell him
you
hope
that
you
will
meet him
again
As
you and your friends
get
up to
leave,
say
to him
and
force
a tear to
fall
for
a
dramatic
He
should triple
your
allowance
by the time
you
the door.
GTTinG
INTO
An X-MTCD MOMIC
f
a
pair of platform
shoes
I
dark brown
magic
marker
(fine
point,
butt
I
purple magic
marker
(fine
point)
With the
dark brown
magic
marker,
very carefully
draw
short
tiny lines
over
your
upper
lip,
to imitate
mustache
stubble.
(This
is
more
convincing
than
pasting
on
a
phony
mustache.
It itches
less,
too.) Then,
with
the
purple
magic
marker,
have
a friend
draw a
couple
of tattoos
on
your
arms.
(An
anchor
on
one,
and
Mother
on the
other,
should
do quite
nicely,)
Wear
your sister's
tallest
platform
shoes,
to
give
you added
height.
And finally,
when
asking
the girl
in
the
booth
for
a ticket,
lower
your voice
an octave,
and
hove the
cigar
butt
dangling
from
your
lips. Winking
lecher-
ously at her
might
help
too,
especially
if
she
is an old
maid.
PUBLIC
TMIWORWION
9dT-GCTTCR
(For Females)
pillow
1
wrist watch
(with
second-hand)
piece of
cord
I
bullet
boarding the bus
or
train, make a visit to the ladies'
and stuff
the
pillow under your blouse or dress. Tie it
rely with the
cord, leaving no
chance for it
lo fall out.
it
up
over
your stomach. Then,
when
forced to stand
in
crowded bus or train, position yourself
in front
of the
sympathetic-looking stranger who is
sitting
down.
loudly, while
glancing nervously a your watch.
Add
remarks
like,
Omigod, the contractions are
only
minutes
apart .
. .or,
Oh,
no
I
can
feel
the
baby
downwards If
all
this fails to
get
you any atten-
fake
out
the
bullet,
bite down on
it,
and
let out a
scream. Thai should
get
you a
seat, but
quick.
(For
Males)
I brown paper
bag
1 bunch raisins
(dark
kind)
Before getting on the bus
or
train, place the
raisins in
the
brown paper bag. Hold
the
bag
close to your body,
as
though
you were
guarding it with
your
life. It will also help
if
you
muss up
your
hair
and
attain
a wild-eye look. Then,
while standing in the
crowded
bus or
train,
carefully
take
out
two or three raisins and
chew
on
them as
though
they
were the most delicious
things
you
ever
tasted.
Eat
noisily.
When
you
have gained the
attention
of the person sitting
in front of
you,
take out
,
and
offer
some
to
the
stranger.
Tell him
that these
are
the
biggest
cockroaches
you
caught
in
a
long time.
Chances are,
you
will
not
only
have the,*
seat
all
to
yourself, but the
entire bus
or
train too /.-.
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fc
UPDATED
VERSIONS
SONGS
Artist:
Walter
Broganjeii
Writer:
Fred
Woffe
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7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
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(To
tune of:
0,
Susannah )
0. 1
come
from
California
With
a
band-aid
on
my knee
'Cause
I
rumbled with
Hell's
Angels
V
And
they
nearly crippled
me
I
tried
to
make their *
Leader's chick;
. .^-vr'W-.,..
He didn't take
it kind.
The acid-bath he
gave me,
Like, it
left me
nearly
blind.
Holy Hannah
He
pushed me
'neath a train.
Now my
skull
is in some canyon
And
they're mailing
me
my
brain
(To
tune
of:
Home On
The
Range
I
live in
a
home
Where the junkies
all
roam;
Where
the addicts and
Pill-poppers stay.
Where
my
lady and
me
Are zonked
on L.S.D.
And there's
grass
Served
for breakfast each day.
j
Home,
home, sure is strange;
'
Where
our
guests get
Turned on
every
way.
Either light up
their sticks;
Get a
heroin
fix;
With their chicks
turning
tricks
For no
pay
IPl-y
'
B
'&
(To
tune
of:
A
Bicycle Built
For Two
Crazy,
Crazy,
Ail
of
the things we do.
While
in
Paris,
Knocked
off
a
cop or two.
Like,
man, we showed no
repentance;
They'll
carry out our sentence.
We'll both
be dead;
We'll lose
our
head
On
a
guillotine built for two
(To tune of:
The Old
Mill
Stream )
Down
by the old Kill Stream
^k
Where I first bashed
you.
J
rjjf
~\/
Thought
that
you
were through;
)M
Tried to bury you.
'
But
you
turned the
trick
Hit
me
with
a
brick.
Out
on
the
heath;
Picked
up my
teeth;
Down
by
the old
Kill
Stream
62
(To
tune
of:
My Old Kentucky Home )
From
a
grave down South
I dig old Kentucky bones;
The
rings
from their
Fingers,
I
steal.
Though it
sounds real sick;
From
a
freshly
buried chick,
I
pry up the cover
Kiss her
for
real.
Chicks
in
good
condition,
I
take on
a
date.
Man,
it's
really
neat;
How much
pizza
can
she
eat?
Say, those
Kentucky bones
Are
real
great
>
mm
ff.
*
>3m
(To
tune
of:
Let Me
Call You
Sweetheart'
Let me call you
weirdo;
I'm in
love
with you.
From
your whips
and leather
$^\J
J
\
I
am
black and
blue.
'^JC
/Sxj
Lashed
me
to a bedpost;
~.X,
^
Then you ate
my
shoe.
You
can
call me weirdo
'Cause
I dig
it
too
(To
tune
of:
Sweet Sixteen )
I mugged
you
like
I
Never
mugged
before.
I slashed
you and your
Brand-new dress,
I tore.
And
then,
I
dug the naked
Flesh
I saw.
I mugged you
And I
loved
you.
You
lowed
me
back
You
were my
sweet sick-teen
St,
&
To tune Of:
Loch Lomond ]
And
I'll drink
a
rye load
UnT^
And
I'll be polluted afore ye;
With your pills, you can
goof
While I drink 600-proof
From
my
bonnie,
bonnie
tanks
I
make foam
in.
You dig snorting horse ;
It
throws you
for
a
loss;
L.S.D. leaves you moanin'
And
groanin'
That junk,
I
don't try;
Get
fuel to
make
me
fly
From
my bonnie, bonnie
tanks
I make
foam
in
&
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.-...:
-:
..
(To tune Of:
Lullaby and Goodnight )
Victims
cry in the night;
,.
Man,
the
city's
uptight.
..-^l**
Teen-age gangs are
on the loose;
/OC
~
a3
if
you're
caught,
they'll
F}X~^
(To
tune ol:
'
UTtL
.-;.;>,
After The Ball Was
Over )
^N
V
ffs'A
After the
brawl
was
over;
After we made them
pay;
Knocked
them
both
off
V
Cook your goose.
They will steal
all
your bread;
Play a
tune on your
head.
No
use
calling
for
help;
Cops
are
calling,
themselves
Our
doorstep;
Took
all their cakes away;
Many
a
bone was broken;
Their uniforms torn
and
all;
Those Girl Scouts won't
give
Us no trouble
After
the brawl
rr$m
(To tune of:
Beautiful
Dreamer'
Beautiful screamer,
Your voice,
I'll
To
sell
an L.P. of
A
forcible
rape.
Beautiful
screamer,
There on the ground;
Just wailing
away;
That's
a
crazy
new
sound.
Beautiful
screamer,
Stop
pleading
with
me.
Stop sobbing
and crying;
You
might
go
off-key.
Beautiful
screamer.
When I
depart;
Just keep the good thought:
You're
on top
of
the chart
(To
tune
of:
Glory, Glory,
Hallelujah )
My guys have seen
the glory
of
The stripping
of
a
Ford.
First, we jimmy off the
hub-caps;
In
our
vans they're neatly stored.
Then,
we
open
up
the
windows
And our gang all
climbs
aboard;
Each parked car is fair game.
Glory, glory, we'll undo
ya;
Glory, glory, we'll undo
ya;
Glory,
glory, we'll undo ya;
You're left with just the frame.
We remove the carburator;
All
the doors,
both fore
and aft.
Then, the spark-plugs
And
the motor-block
While
we all gaily
laughed.
Then we slip
out
all
the pistons
And
the owner gets the shaft;
Ain't
that a
dirty
shame.
Glory,
glory,
sock
it to
ya;
Glory, glory, sock
it
to ya;
Glory,
glory,
sock
it to
ya;
Delinquency's our
game
(To
tune of:
ComirT Through The Rye )
When
a
body
steals
a
body
From
the City Morgue;
Everybody
gets excited:
Calls me: Dirty
I
yell
back,
in
my
defiance
\^
Or I spit
in
their eye;
I
sell
the
corpses
All
to Science
Just
to buy cheap rye
(To
tune of:
I Want A Girl
Just
Like
The Girl That
Married
Dear
Old Dad )
I
want
a
girl
Just
like the
girl
That
Charlie
Manson had.
Your
hair, she'd
curl;
With a knife, she'd hurl,
If you
should
make her
mad.
A kind
of
chick
who'd
Really
set you
free;
To bring along
To
each atrocity.
I want
a
girl
Just like the girl
That
Charlie
Manson
had
Try;
*KN
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(To
tune of:
Yankee
Doodle )
^fife***^
Bang
your
noodle
'
/
Slr^vS
On
the
ground;
Me
and
my
old
crony
Take your
wallet
And your
watch;
Your
portable
New
Sony.
Bang
your noodle
On
the
ground;
Once or twice
We muff
it.
If
we're caught,
They
let
us
off;
We
tell
the
judge
To
stuff
it
m
*3W
**
(To tune of:
My
Bonnie Lies
Over
The
Ocean
1
My body lies under the ocean;
My body lies under the foam;
I
borrowed dough from
Cosa Nostras
~*^&
Now,
I
have
an
undersea
home.
Give
back,
give
back,
0,
give back the money
I lent
and
spent.
Maybe then
they'll
Release
me from
all
this
cement
^
(To
tune of:
Frere
Jacques'
,
Off
you
ocker; oft your rocker;
Aren't
you?
Aren't
you?
Eating unplucked chickens;
Claws and all;
it sickens;
What's with you? What's with you?
Off your
rocker; off
your
rocker;
One loose
screw?
One loose screw?
Ealing
ducks and ganders;
Nibbling
Colonel
Sanders;
I'll
join
you;
I'll
join
you
(To
tune of:
Sidewalks of
New
York )
We dive,
sky-dive,
Miles above the
ground.
My street gang mugs
Hawks
and
eagles;
It's the wildest
Kick we found.
They
may
say we're
crazy,
But we
don't
give a hoot.
As
soon as we can afford it,
We'll
all
buy
a
parachute
:Bjbi| si
liiiuis
a ?X
Q1HOM NOIJ.N311V
A--
(To
tune
of:
On Tap
Of
Old
Smoky )
0,
what's
that you're smoking?
You're
starting
to
gag;
You're
wheezing
and choking;
Hey, give me
a drag
Say,
this
is terrific;
It's blowing
my
mind.
It's
an
old
Lipton tea
bag.
Man, fate is unkind
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DF
5c
5P(0)CK
mm
THOMAS EDISWyW
TON]
:.'
HA
lUQf
1
HIM
^
THE
NAME
GAME
by
Marylyn Ippo
LEM
C-L>
V
BETR
VJ
tTEl\5
nu
fill
ua/cleSa/a
MAD
ALI
IS
1
E
T
jfe7E
NAMA
I
H,
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ATTENTION
WINDBAGS:
YOU'VE
GOT
MOTHIMaTO
BRAG ABOUT
WHEN...
Writer:
Roger
Francis
Artist:
Charles Nicholas
..you
can
do a
hundred
one-arm
chinups
but
...you
can drink
a gallon
of whiskey
without get-
you
can only
do
It
on your kid
brother's cross-
ting drunk
but only because
you
keep throwing
barl
It upt
...you
live
In
a
mansion and drive
a $20,000
...you're
on
a
first-name
basis
with
an influen-
sports
car
but
only
because
your
parents
were
tial
politician
but
only
because
you
were
In
super-richt
prison
together
...you score
with
at least
three
different
women
...you
paid
out $25,000
last
year
in
income tax
every
night
but
only
because
it
happens
to
be
alone
but
unfortunately
your gross income was
your
pad only
$5,0001
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...you're
closely related
to several
famous
peo-
plebut
can't prove
it
because they've
spent
a
fortune
covering
it
up
...you can draw
three times
better
than
any
of
your friends
but only
because
you
went to art
school
for
eight
years
...you
get all
A's
on your
report
card just
like the
class
genius
but only
because you
copied
all
his
answers
...women
actually
line
up
at your doorstepbut
only
because you
live
right over
the local
beauty
parlor
...you're
always
using
lengthy, hard-to-pronounce
words which nobody understands
but only
be-
cause you
made
them
up
people often
mistake
you
for a
very
famous
movie
star
but only
because
you really do re-
semble
Lassie
...you have
a
PhD in
nuclear
physics
but only
be
cause
you took
a correspondence
course
consist-
...you can lick
any
man in
the
house
but
only
if
^ag
he doesn't
want his boots
cleaned
by convention-
MM?
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OU'RE SURE TO
FIND
GOOD WILL
LOSS
LEADER
an
item
you can have for
free,
like
a
completely
bald
tire Watch
the dealer
turn
blue
when someone
asks him
if
he'll
let
it
go
for less
GENUINE
CHINA
-
thes
dishes
are
called
China
b
cause
they
were
made
i
Hong Kong
CAMERA
-
so
what if
it's a
little
old, it still works
great
If you
can
^
find
any film to
\f/-
t
put
in
it,
that
is
DEALER'S
FAMILY
PORTRAIT PHOTO
-
which nobody
could possib-
ly
want
except
a
psycholo-
researching
the
depths
to
which some
people
will
sink
to make a buck
TRAY
OF 50
BRAND-
NEW
JACK-KNIVES
-
or
similar
items
never
needed
in a
sing
household
and
there-
fore
must
have
been
'i stolen
COMMON,
ORDINARY
PENNIES-^
all
minted
within
the
last
few
years but
being
sold
for
50$
each
because
who
knows?
They
might
go
up in
value
LIFE-SIZE
RAGGEDY
ANN
DOLL
whoops
Sorry,
it's
the
dealer's
wife
But
make
him an
offer he wo
n't refuse
MODERN
,
CHILDREN'S FURNI-
TURE
which
can
)
pass
for
antique
con-
sidering
the beating
they've
taken
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A
CRAZY
QUEERY:
DON'T
rfffrfflTff
A microwave
slow-cooking
oven
for
house-
TV
sets
mounted
on
johns
so
you won't
wives with time on their hands.
miss
the commercials
when
you
go
to
the
bathroom.
bicycle
wheels
for
masochists who
to
take a
beating when
they
ride.
Barf bags in movie theaters
that show
gory
films
to
little kids
or senior citizens.
Built-in
motorized
mattress
springs
so peo-
ple
who
toss
in
their
sleep
won't have
to
expend any effort.
bars with moving walks
so
people
Special
airplanes
that take you from the air-
Portable
lie-detector
sets
that buyers
can
inspect
each
other
without
squeezing
port
where
you
land
to
the
parking
lot
two
use on
used-car
salesmen
before
making
a
the
crowds.
miles away.
purchase.
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Warning
buzzers that
go
off
when
the
ash- Striped
house paint
for people
who want to Rock music albums
with
detachable
woolen
trays
in
your car are all full.
paint two
or
three
colors all at once.
ear muffs
for parents
and
music lovers.
sun-glasses for
celebrities
who Wallets with locks
on them
for misers
who
Revolving
floors
for lazy
disco
dancers
who
actually
want to be recognized.
hate
to part
with
their money.
don't
want to move
around
much.
courses with
bathtub-size
holes
every
Pocket tapes with
recorded
boos
and Steering
wheels in
the
rear
of
the car
for
feet, just for
lousy
players.
cheers
so
you
won't
have
to strain
your
the
convenience
of back-seat drivers.
voice at a ball
game.
/ 3i\
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Writer:
Hope
Hlrsch
Artist:
Mike
Pardo
,
> Mt|Co
T
78
V^
LONGEST BATH
Wendell Whiteside, of
London,
England,
entered the bath
of his cold-water
flat on December
3,
1913
to avoid
military
service
in World
War One, deciding to remain
hidden
in
the tub until
the
war
was over.
When
the
MPs
came
to
arrest Whiteside,
he
ducked down into the bath
water
and
breathed through
a straw. Unfortunately, he
contracted
a
fatal
disease
because
of it and died in the
tub.
A
diary
he
had
kept
made
a
clean confession
of
his
bathing caper.
Whiteside's
disease? Ring
around the
cholora
MOST
ARDENT
HORSEMAN
Arnold
Mainspring, of
Atlanta,
Georgia, was
such
a
lover
of
horses
that
he
changed
his name
to
Phillip
Main-
spring
when he learned that
Philip, in Greek, means
lover of horses.
Mainspring was
such
a fanatic that
he
preferred to
eat and sleep
in
the stable rather than
his
stately mansion.
Unfortunately,
shortly before
one
of
his
horses was due to
enter the famed
Kentucky
Derby, Mainspring, on May 14,
1959, succumbed to
what
his
doctor
(actually a
veterinarian) diagnosed as
hoof
and mouth
disease
F
^
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MOST
LUDICROUS
HANGING
In
Milan,
Italy, On February 21, 1945,
Carlo Massini
was captured
by
Italian
partisans and sentenced
to
be
hanged. Because
there
was
a wartime
shortage
of rope
however,
the partisans decided to hang Massini
with
a
huge
strand of
spaghetti.
Before he fell
through
the
gallows' trap-door,
Massini frantically
tried
to
save
him-
self by
eating that
strand
of
spaghetti. Unfortunately for
him, the
partisans
had cleverly removed Massini's false
teeth
beforehand. Thus,
he
died because he
bit
off more
than
he
could chew
;
V*-
?>=''
c
=vV
',/v
b~Xf&S
wt
'
l
;..
|
slwaoTFiSlrtoK&Si
m.
v^
CIGARETTES
SMOKED
Leopold Carson, of
Des
Moines, Iowa, was warned
by
doctors
to give up cigarettes.
An
obstinate man,
he
decided
to disprove the idea that smoking
is injurious
to
your health
by
remaining locked in
his
room with
300
cartons of cigarettes. He would
smoke
one
after the
other
until
either
he
died or the cigarettes were
con-
sumed. After smoking
209
cartons, Carson failed
to
close the matchbox
cover before
striking
and
set
fire
to
his shirt. The fire ultimately
consumed
Carson
and the
remaining 91 cartons of cigarettes.
What he did was
really
make an ash
of
himself.
LENGTHIEST
SILENCE
Clem
Appleby,
of
Hotchkiss
Falls,
North
Caro-
lina,
lived 97
years,
4 months
and 3 days, and
in all
that
time, nobody in Hotchkiss Falls
could
recall
hearing
Clem
Appleby
say
one
word.
It wasn't
that
he was
born
mute, he had
just taken a vow
of
silence. On his deathbed,
relatives
gathered
around and one said, Clem,
you
can
speak.
Why
haven't
you
said
one
word all these years? Clem
Appleby
looked
at
his questioner for a long
time,
thenjust be-
fore
he breathed
his
last-said, Er.
.
.I
just
didn't
have
anything
to say
ISP
v51
'mUmm
8Po
ip
r/rfiZukfZrs
13
ft
SKv
/
)
%
Wm^-nY
pm?
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'EM
MORE
SCENES
FROM
THE
ITALIAN
FILM
THE
GERMAN
FILM
Tanlo cadlmento
dl esse,
scadute
mer tillsmo
borghese, che
lrretlsce
dlrttto
rtemerga nella
concrete
THE
SPANISH
FILM
i
'
?-
V
t
^*%>^|
i
Mie
traa
tanto
para
1 HI
all
en
el
sitlo
JH
el
lugar
prefcrente
MmS
qulenes
los
padres.
t
i.J
.
f *^H
-
gg
T
A
'
7
m
HMj^\
Jf
^ ^Hjjitji
'j'r
:
-
7/21/2019 197907 Crazy Magazine v1 052
75/82
tt
llllllll
it
THE ISRAELI FILM
WITH ENGLISH
TRANSLATIONS
UNDERNEATH
THE JAPANESE FILM
Ijuwiwa
i
lit
1,
iw
j
Keresiink eyakorlott,
f
s\
rendetkezfi
-f^rfit
vagy
h|
not plasztik
rasanoz
butorhuzatok var
ktizel
k6z6tti
h&lfTy
KaT6
ro
jiKwiea
m
My cjiaAKO
nanpHU,
aBiifi
ro
ct>c
HaHH MM.
HaHH.
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One of
the
summer's
biggest
hits
was
proclaiming
itself
as
a
great
new
comedy-mystery.
We at
CRAZY
feel that's
an
appropriate
description.
.
mainly
because anyone looking
for the comedy
will
find
it
a
total
mystery
No
wonder
it's
such a
. .
/*^
guests feel at
horn
el
the party,
Gloriosky?r-7y7- Heh-heri.
.
.1
do
my
J-tt
fr-Vr-K
hm'J
'^
best to make my
Yes .
.
.
very
impress-
n
*
ive Where
else
can
you find
water
flowing
like
champagne?
1 I
wanted
to feel ot
home,
I
would've
stayed
there
~
you, Gloriosky.
. you're
such
a
homebody
You
never go
out
to
meet
people You're
so
square
and dull. . .you
should
been a
librarian
1
But.
. .1 am
a
librarian
.
[3N
)&
m
i\
Horny Coolsorn
and
you're notlj
what
do
you
think
you're
doing?
Merely
the shtick
that I became
famous for.
. .
acting
like
a
klutzl I
hope
you paid
attention,
because
I'll
be
doing it only
one more
time in this
movie The
rest
of
the time
I act
straight
Especially
to the audience They've seen
my only
two
klutz bits
in
all
the film
advertisements
for
this
movie,
and no
doubt
they
expected
me to fall around
a
lot
more
I wish
I was given
some
more
I funny
things to
do
in my movie
T
debut Hey.
. .you want to
see
me pick
my nose? That also
helped make
me famous
Look.
.
.1
think
I'll
be
leaving
now
Can
I dropl
you off
anywhere.
,
a nearby
bridge?
c
if
^
a
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Writer:
Mured Gumen
Artist: Kent Gamble
I
really
don't
make it a habit
tu
pick
up
hitchhikers.
.
.but
youl
look
so
much like that
cute
cop
from the TV show, Mary
Hartman, Mary Hartman that I
thought
I
would take
a
chancel
I
Cop?
I'm
not
an
undercover. .
.er,
I
mean, I'm not
a
1
copl
Really But
next
time, pass up
the
hitchhikers
.section 23C of the
penal code flatly states
it's against
the
lawl Now let me
just
get
my
)
badge
and
.38
snubnose
revolver
and
I'll
join
you
\
kM
.
my date
was just
murdered in
the
3 feeling someone's trying to kill me
;|
Now,
now my
dear. . remember,
I'll
protect you
|Tha t't right You have
a
black belt, don't
you?|
Yes. .
.and
you can borrow
it
any
time
you I ike I If
that
fails
to keep your pants
up,
I
might
even
lend
you my
favorite
purple
suspenders
Now,
nobody
will
hurt
you while I'm
around There's only
one
thing
harder than
my
muscles.
.
nil', i
ES
SM
-)Yes, I know. .
.your qrterlesi
I
fts^l
Do me
a
favor, Gloriosky
Let's
set a date tonight
for th
movie
theatre
,
wm\
...
^
fa
Great
Let
me
ask
another favor
of
you
Take
my
cigarette
pack for
the
meantime ...
I'm
trying to
Y
give up
smoking, and I
may buckle
down to
temptatlonl
Sure
Uf.
c^
ee, you're nice Can
you
do me
one more
favor?
Would you please
not let
the
hidden
microphone
stashed
in the
pack
fall into the
hands
of those
guys
following
us.
.
.even
if they threaten
to kill
you with the
most
hideous
and intolerably
pain-
ful tortures
only their twisted
minds could
devise?
Thanks
Gloriosky,
you're
a
walking
time
clock
waiting
to b
Ipunched
outl
You've got
to
learn
to
protect
yourself
in
jungle
,.
)W
-_
.
^
^-.
II
II
I
flft \
^JJlJ
Take
a tip from
me. . . I
never
go
outdoors
without
machete, my
Colt
.45 pistol,
my semi-automat
machine
gun, and my trusty
bazooka Only
one w
to
be
sure
of living
in the future,
I find,
is to
live in
present-
tensel
*v.
47
W
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m sorry,
but
it's after
hours
you'll
have to
leave
the
.
.
.
Hey
Where
are you
eyeballs?
You look like
a
from
Little
Orphan
Annie )
you try
to kill
me,
then
I try
to kill
you, and
finally
Man
from
Glad
appears
from
nowhere
and
hands
you
a
by the
wro
ng
end) I wonder
what
will
happen
next?
we
I
Luckily,
this isn't
an old
movie
where
o
girl
could
P
only
do
one thing
in
a situation
like
this
Surely the
H
script
writers will
devise something
entirely
new and
I original,
and
not
resort to a
old
cliche
like.
. .
like.
. .
vvhat are
you doing here?
And.
.
ohh That
smell
It
must be the
dead
bodyl
No,
there's
no
dead
body
here
You're
smelling
the
[
garbage
that
you
haven't
taken
out
far
a
few
days
And
as
for your
first
question
...
I
happen to
be a
copl
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down
on the
job when
you're supposed
to
be on
duty,
eh? Don't think I won't
report
this,
you
goof-off
Gi
ve
up or I send
her
to
kingdom
cornel
|
have to
get
to
the
opera in record
time
if
we
hope
to
prevent
the
Pope's murder
t
the
opera
is
an hour's
drive from
here,
and
the
performance
ends
in
twenty
minutesl
If
we're
lucky,
maybe
we
con get
to see
the ambulance
pull
flashing
its
little
red
l
ights
fllf we
think
positive,
we'll make
it
And
that'll
be some
record time
if
we do
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What
do
you
know,
we're on
time
Okay, you two follow
me,
and
you
go
this way
~~~--^
--v
|
liiuiiiii
iii[t,,l
j
Why, what a
surprise
The albino
assassin got Gloriosky
What's
this
The
vending machinal Bring
me
a
ham on
rye,
and
a
cup
of
coffee?
trying to get a clear shot, sir. .
.but
he's
so|
sparkling
white,
he's
blinding
me
a
clear shot?
What
are
you, crazy?
Don't
you
now there are two
of them up
there? We
can't
risk
hitting
the albino
It's
the gang
HS
And
SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE
Wxj$S/^'a
from the
first
mm What
are you all
I
LAUGH-IN
mi
so
a
ngry
about?
mm
When
two
of the
most
promising graduates of both our
:
PJ
comedy shows
lend
their
talents
to
such
an
unfunny
funny
film.
.what
can
you
expect?
1l^
r
mfci
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CRAZY
PHILOSOPHY
-
WORDS
OF WISDOM
FOR
WHACKED-OUT
WEIRDOS
-