127 foul balled

The Fairly OddParents

“Foul Balled”#127

Written By:Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel

First Draft: 6.19.01Second draft:6.28.01Third Draft:7.13.01Final Draft:7.23.01

Nickelodeon Animation Studiosc 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “Foul Balled” final Script by Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel 7.23.01

FADE IN:

EXT. - LITTLE LEAGUE BALLPARK - DAY

We hear the roar of the crowd and see a BUNCH OF LITTLE LEAGUERS on the field. CAMERA PUSHES IN on TIMMY in the ON DECK circle. He's got a COSMO BAT and a WANDA HAT.

WANDAThanks for letting us come to your little league game today, Timmy!

COSMOYeah! I love baseball! What's the name of your team?

TIMMYThe Losers.

COSMOHow'd you get that name?

Timmy smacks Cosmo bat against his CLEATS.

COSMO Ow! Ow! Ow!

WANDAWho are guys playing today?

TIMMYThe Burlingville Overactive Thyroids.

ON BALL FIELD - A bunch of HUGE KIDS take the field. They look like they just got out of prison, but they're ten-year-olds. Great, big, hairy, ten-year-olds.

WANDAHard to believe those kids are ten.

Another grabs a FAN out of the stands and eats him.

COSMOAren't they adorable?!

ON HOME PLATE - Timmy steps up. The ball is thrown. CRACK!

COSMOOW!

Timmy hits a single! He throws the Cosmo bat aside, and runs like heck. One of the Thyroids, who is eating an APPLE, picks up the ball, studies it curiously, then eats it. Timmy makes it to first!

1


TIMMY (TO WANDA)Cool! All we need to do is get hits and runs and no outs and we might have a chance!

The crowd groans as CHESTER walks to the plate.

CROWD(GROAN / BOOING WALLA)

TIMMYOh no. It's Chester! The worst player on the team! That's how he got the nickname, "Chester: The worst player on the team!"

WANDAApparently the other team doesn't see him as much of a threat!

ON THE FIELD - ONE PLAYER whips out a COT and goes to sleep. TWO OTHER PLAYERS cook WEENIES over a CAMPFIRE. A THIRD PLAYER runs all the way up to home base, standing four inches away from Chester, with his mitt out.

TIMMYDon't let 'em psyche you out Chester! Knock it out of the park!

CHESTERDone and done!

The pitcher lobs a ball over home plate. Chester timidly raises his bat and actually connects, putting a backspin on the ball. It spins into his mouth - and against his metallic braces - splitting into 27 different pieces of baseball confetti which all fly high into the air.

WANDAWait! It bounced against his braces and split into 27 separate, yet still in play, pieces of baseball!

The Thyroids' nine players catch three baseball pieces each. Timmy pulls out a CALCULATOR.

TIMMYLet's see... three outs each, times nine players... 27 outs!

WANDAThat's nine innings of outs in one swing!

UMPIREGame over! Losers lose!!!

2


CROWDBooo!

Cosmo - as a BEE - flies in next to Timmy.

COSMOHe can't run or hit, but when it comes to getting out, he's the king.

Chester stands at home plate, totally miserable.

MATCH DISSOLVE:

BALL FIELD - NIGHT

Chester still at home plate. Timmy walks up to him.

TIMMYChester, It's time to go home.(off Chester not moving)Come on, Dude, it's just a game.

CHESTERYeah, well... tell that to my Dad!

Chester whips out a dog-eared BASEBALL CARD. We see a BALL PLAYER who looks a lot like an adult version of Chester.

TIMMYBucky McBadbat is your dad?? But he was the worst baseball player ever!

CHESTERThat's why I have to become a big baseball star. To redeem the family name.

TIMMYYou mean McBadBat?

CHESTERShhh! Don't say that name! It's not safe to be a McBadBat! My dad has to hide his face in shame!!

Chester shows a PHOTO of his DAD wearing a bag over his head.

TIMMYAw, C’mon...I'm sure nobody takes the game that seriously.

A LOUD EXPLOSION is heard OS. Then a smoldering MAILBOX with the name "McBADBAT" flies into scene and lands at their feet.

3


TIMMYIsn't that your mailbox?

CHESTERNot again!!!

Chester runs OS as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A BALLPARK - NEXT WEEK

A nervous Chester and Timmy stand in the on deck circle. This time Timmy has a Cosmo HAT and a Wanda BAT.

TIMMY (TO CHESTER)We're playing three-year-olds today, so we might have a chance. You ready? You in the zone?

CHESTER(beat; then)

AAAAAAA!!!!!

TIMMYCome on, Chester! You can do it! Think what your dad would do...

Chester glares at him.

TIMMY And just do the opposite!

The crowd groans as Chester heads meekly to the plate. The TODDLER infield moves in as the BABY on the mound winds up and throws a pitch.

ON TIMMY, who is now standing next to Cosmo and Wanda.

TIMMYHey, maybe we can help Chester!

The toddler throws his first pitch. Chester whiffs it.

UMPIREStrike one!

COSMOHow? Make him take up golf?

The toddler throws his second pitch. Chester whiffs THAT.

UMPIREStrike two!

4


TIMMYNo! I wish my friend was the best baseball player ever!

The Wanda bat glows like a magic wand. And then...

ON CHESTER - hiding scared behind his bat. The following happens in slow motion.

* We see a little lightning bolt of magic hit Chester, who glows.

* The ball, slowly taps his bat then EXPLODES OS.

* The ball rockets over the park, over the city, over the country, over the continent, out of the atmosphere, through outer space, and heads towards a Yugopotamian Invasion fleet.

CUT TO:

INT. - YUGOPOTAMIAN INTERPLANETARY WAR VESSEL

MARK CHANG ("Spaced Out") stands on the bridge, holding a PHOTO OF VICKY.

MARKI, Mark Chang, Warrior Prince, have returned to destroy the Earth and claim my one true love, Vicky!

BAM! The ball hits Mark's ship, completely destroying it. As flaming pieces of his ship fall toward Earth, Mark and his crew stand on a single floating chunk of space DEBRIS.

MARK Bogus!

CUT TO:

EXT. - A BALLPARK - SAME TIME

The falling HUNKS of spaceship make for one hell of a fireworks display, ala "The Natural". Timmy runs up to Chester who’s still cowering behind his bat.

CROWDYaaayyy Chester!!!!!!

TIMMYChester, you're the greatest baseball player ever! You're totally on fire!!

5


A fireball lands on Chester's hat, setting it ablaze.

TIMMY Literally.

CHESTERWait 'til my Dad sees me now!

(beat; his hat's on fire)Ow! Ow! Ow!

Chester runs screaming OS Flares of solar fire rain down on the ball park, igniting everything they touch. Several people take advantage of the fires to roast WEENIES.

TIMMYWow! My wish gave Chester amazing baseball powers! I wonder what he'll do next?!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PITCHER'S MOUND - DAY - NEXT GAME

Chester - more cocky now - is on the mound. He winds up and hurls the ball so fast it actually blips out of existence.

ON TIMMY, COSMO AND WANDA - in the dugout

COSMOHey? Where'd the ball go?

WANDAChester threw it so fast it broke the time barrier!

TIMMYHe threw it into the future?

CUT TO:

INT. - OLD FOLKS HOME - EIGHTY YEARS LATER

VICKY, now 96 YEARS OLD, sits in a ROCKING CHAIR. In front of her stands Mark the Alien. Vicky lovingly holds his squid-like arm.

MARKVicky, it has taken me eighty of your earth years to repair my ship! But now that I have returned to you, nothing can ever tear us apart!

Chester's ball suddenly, and with full velocity, blips into existence and <WHAM!> hits Mark in the gut, carrying him into a TIME PORTAL.

6


MARKBogus!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. BALLPARK - DAY

Timmy stands at home plate ready to swing, wearing his Cosmo Hat and carrying his Wanda bat.

TIMMYOkay. Winning run is on first.

ON CHESTER - standing on first base, readying to run.

TIMMY (VO) All I have to do is hit him in. And we'll win the...

Before the pitcher throws, Chester steals second base!

WANDAChester's stolen second!

Chester steals third.

COSMOThird!

Chester runs into the bleachers.

EXT. - BLEACHERS

Several FANS check their belongings.

FAN#1My wallet!

FAN #2My watch!

DADMy pants!

MOMYou came here without those, honey!

DADRight!

ON HOME PLATE as Chester - holding all the stuff from the bleacher fans - slides nimbly

7


across home plate, covering Timmy in dust. The crowd goes nuts and the scoreboard reads in favor of Timmy's team. The rest of the team carries Chester off the field, leaving Timmy in his wake. Timmy throws his hat down angrily.

COSMOOw!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A BALLPARK - DAY - ANOTHER GAME

Timmy's team - minus Chester - is on the field. An opposing BATTER hits a fly ball in the air.

TIMMYI got it! Finally, it's my turn to be the star. To make the last out. There's no way Chester can-

IN THE DUGOUT, Chester, oblivious to the ball, ties his cleat. Suddenly, his braces glow.

CHESTERBaseball senses... tingling.(realizes) Fly ball! I got it!!!

Chester zips OS at light speed.

ON TIMMY IN THE OUTFIELD - Trying to get the ball.

TIMMYI got it! I Got it!

Suddenly Chester - now in full uniform - dives for the ball, completely cutting Timmy off. He does an amazing series of flips on the UNEVEN BARS with a perfect dismount, fights a SQUAD OF NINJAS, wrestles a GRIZZLY BEAR to the ground and finally catches the ball! The crowd goes wild!

TIMMY (bummed) You got it.

DISSOLVE TO:

MATCH SHOT - TIMMY STANDS DEPRESSED ON THE FIELD

Cosmo and Wanda float up wearing Chester memorabilia.

WANDAWhat's the matter, sport?

TIMMY

8


(sighs) It's just... I usually didn't mind our team losing...

COSMOYou mean all the time?

TIMMYYes. All. The. Time. (back to normal) But I liked playing! But now that Chester's so good, he doesn't even need a team anymore.

COSMOWell, it can't get much worse, right?

Chester tosses Timmy his bat from OS.

CHESTERDude! Be my pack mule and carry my stuff?

TIMMY(very dry) Well, at least I'll get to touch the equipment.

CHESTERThat's the spirit!

Four tons of baseball equipment flies in from OS, burying Timmy. Cosmo and Wanda share a glance as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

MAGAZINE MONTAGE SHOWING CHESTER'S BASEBALL FAME SKYROCKETING.

1. "DREAMBEAT MAGAZINE" spins into frame. On the cover Chester jumps for a fly ball.

2. "BRACES ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE" - spins into scene. On the cover, Chester jumps for a fly ball - with his teeth.

3. "PACK MULE MONTHLY MAGAZINE" - spins into frame. On the cover we see Timmy holding Chester's junk.

DISSOLVE TO:

A TV COMMERCIAL

A SHORT KID tries vainly to catch several baseballs that fly over his head. Chester walks in.

CHESTERHey, try these!

9


Timmy, carrying a bunch of stuff, enters scene and struggles to hand the kid a small package.

BASEBALL KIDWow! "Air Chester's"?!

The kid opens the package, and puts the contents in his mouth. He smiles and we see his teeth are now covered in metal like Chester's. Two ROCKET BOOSTERS extend out of the braces and lift the kid up off the ground enabling him to catch the next fly ball!

BASEBALL KIDWow! Thanks, Chester, Greatest baseball player in the world!

CHESTERDon't thank me, thank my pack mule!

<BEEP!> <BEEP!> Chester's pager goes off.

CHESTER Oops! Feedin' time.

Chester straps a feedbag on Timmy's face as we...

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. CHESTER'S MOBILE HOME - NEXT DAY

Timmy - feedbag still strapped to his face and still holding all of Chester's crap walks in. Cosmo and Wanda walk next to him as Rabbits. We see, in the distance, a gigantic LINE OF ADMIRERS outside of Chester's door.

TIMMYOkay that's it. I am SO SICK of being Chester's lackey! And eating these oats. Even if they are low in fat. (he un-straps the feed bag) It's time to go back to the way things were. Cosmo and Wanda, I un-wish--

ON CHESTER AT HIS DOOR. Chester's DAD exits, wearing boxers and a bag over his head.

CHESTERLook, Pop! Admirers!

CHESTER'S DADSon, I don't know how you magically got good at baseball, but I've never been more proud of you.(leans down in front of Chester) Will you sign your old man's bag?

CHESTER

10


Sure, Pop!

Chester does.

CHESTER'S DADYippee! I feel the shame lifting!!

Timmy softens.

COSMOYou were saying?

TIMMYAw man. Look how proud his dad is! I can't take this away from him now!

WANDATry talking to him! Maybe he just needs to understand how YOU feel?

Timmy pushes his way through as Chester signs autographs.

CROWD (WALLA)Chester! Sign my T-shirt! Autograph my braces! Will you marry me?!?

CHESTERHere ya go. Thank you! I couldn't do it without you...the fan.

Chester signs the last autograph, Timmy finally gets to the door and drops all Chester's stuff.

TIMMYChester, we gotta talk.

CHESTER(re: fans) Dude, there's a line.

TIMMYYou know, you're not exactly the same kid you used to be.

<BEEP!> <BEEP!> A pager goes off. The feedbag is re-strapped. Chester exits as Timmy fumes and we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TURNER KITCHEN - DAY

11


Timmy sits next to his parents at the breakfast table as Mom reads the morning paper. Cosmo and Wanda float nearby in the fishbowl.

DADTimmy, it says here that, thanks to Chester, your baseball team is so unbeatable, the only possible opponents remaining are actual major league baseball players!

Mom grabs the paper away from Dad.

MOM...and you're going to play the New York Bankees in the World Series!!

Mr. Turner puts a bite of cereal in his mouth.

DADWow! These "Chester O's" are a great part of any winner's complete breakfast!

Timmy meekly pulls out a lame, hand-scrawled, clearly self-designed box of "Timmy O's".

TIMMYHey, uh, Dad? Don't you wanna try some "Timmy-O's?"

DADThat loser cereal? That's for pack-mules! Son, I need to achieve!

Dad throws the box of Timmy-O's into the fishbowl where it lands between Cosmo and Wanda.

COSMOHey! These are for pack mules!!!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - BANKEE STADIUM - LATER

Typical huge baseball game shot. Stadium. Crowd. Cheering. The works. CAMERA PUSHES IN AS WE...

DISSOLVE TO:

ANNOUNCER BOOTH

Everyone's favorite announcer - CHET UBETCHA - is calling the big game.

CHET UBETCHA...welcome back to what is sure to be a history-making

12


game of America's pastime, as the Dimmsdale Losers... (Chet is handed a card)I mean, the "Chesters..." (another card) I mean The "Total Chesters..." continue to systematically destroy the best team of adults money can buy.

CUT TO:

THE SCOREBOARD - READS: CHESTERS: 84 BANKEES: 0.

CAMERA PANS across the Bankee dugout where EVERY PLAYER sits beaten, bruised, depressed and miserable. Bankee uniforms look like Yankee pinstripes, except that the "NY" logo is replaced with a "$" (dollar sign).

BANKEE #1This is terrible...we're losing to a bunch of kids.

The BANKEE COACH hands the guy a sack of CASH.

BANKEE COACHWould it make you feel any better to remind you that even though you are being humiliated by mere children, they're playing for free and you’re making three thousand dollars a second?

BANKEE#1Actually.... Yeah!

CUT TO:

THE CHESTERS' DUGOUT

Timmy and the rest of the team sit on the bench, depressed, as Chester struts in front of them doing tricks with a BAT and BALL. Cosmo and Wanda are next to Timmy as WATER JUGS.

CHESTERGuys, cheer up! We're winning! Why the long faces?

AJYou play every position.

KID #2We don't even get to play anymore.

PAN OVER to a kid with a real, physically long - not deformed - long face.

LONG-FACE KIDI was born this way.

13


TIMMYAnyway, they're right, Chester. Even though you are the greatest, you've become a hog! You don't let anyone else play or have fun!

CHESTERSo? I didn't have fun for five years! I'm making up for lost time! Besides, my Dad finally made it to a game!

ON CHESTER'S DAD in the stands, wearing the bag over his head, and Groucho glasses. The bag has a big dumb smile drawn on it.

CHESTER'S DAD(Muffled shouts of encouragement)

ON CHESTER AND TIMMY

TIMMYJust because you're a great player doesn't mean you have to become a lousy friend.

CHESTERA lousy friend? That's what you think, after I fed you, brushed your coat and let you carry my stuff?

(angry)Fine!!! Then I guess I'm not your friend anymore!

<POOF!> a magical cloud surrounds Chester. When the POOF clears, Chester drops the ball, the bat clatters against his feet and the hat falls over his face.

CHESTER Well, gotta go! My Dad's out there, and I'm gonna win the World Series!

Chester turns, and trips on his shoelaces, knocking every kid on the bench over like dominoes. Timmy turns to Cosmo and Wanda.

TIMMYHey! What happened to him?

WANDARemember when you wished your friend was the best player ever?

COSMO's head poofs into Chester's head with huge braces.

COSMO"I guess I'm not your friend anymore!"

(beat)That means the wish was canceled!

14


TIMMYHa! He's going to stink again!

(beat)Oh no! He's going to stink again! Right in front of his Dad!

COSMO AND WANDAYou mean Bucky McBadbat?

SFX: We hear an explosion OS. Another smoldering mailbox drops in front of Timmy's feet.

CROWD (VO)CHESTER! CHESTER! CHESTER!

CUT TO:

EXT. - THE BALLPARK - SAME TIME

Chester walks up to home plate, tripping on his own feet, holding the bat upside down, standing on the wrong side of the plate, facing the opposite way.

ON CHET in the announcer's booth.

CHET UBETCHAChester has taken the plate! Look at him standing the wrong way, pretending he has no idea what he's doing!

Chester looks around... realizes he is, and turns to face the pitcher. The crowd reacts with confusion.

CROWD (VO)(walla of what the hell's going on)

ON CHET

CHETThat's what's great about the greats. They're great at clowning.

ON CHESTER pointing dramatically ala Babe Ruth.

CHESTEROkay...I'm gonna hit this ballright out...

ON CHESTER as three lightning fast pitches whiz by.

UMPIREThree strikes! You're out!!

15


CHESTER...There?

ON CHET - who hops onto his DESK. He's four feet tall.

CHET UBETCHAWhat in the name of vertically challenged newscasters is going on?!? MIGHTY CHESTER HAS STRUCK OUT!!!

ON THE CROWD reacting in shock!

CROWD(SHOCKED WALLA)

ON TIMMY AND THE TEAM - reacting in shock!

TEAM(SHOCKED WALLA)

ON THE BANKEES - reacting with vengeful glee.

BANKEE #1Let's make a small boy cry.

DISSOLVE TO:

THE SCOREBOARD - LATER

It's CHESTERS: 84, BANKEES 55. The Bankees score builds and the numbers flip like a cash register.

ON CHESTER -- on the pitcher's mound. Horrified - he lightly tosses the ball OS The ball is hit back with such force, it knocks Chester out of his clothes.

DISSOLVE TO:

ON CHESTER - standing, waiting for a fly ball.

CHESTERI got it! I got it!

The ball lands in his glove...then bounces out. A Bankee runs up to Chester, laughs in his face, and runs OS.

DISSOLVE TO:

CLOSE ON CHESTER - swinging and swinging a baseball bat for all he's worth. He misses pitch after pitch.

DISSOLVE TO:

CHESTER - LYING ON THE GROUND - LATER

16


Chester is surrounded by hundreds of BASEBALLS. The Bankees all laugh at him as they run past and into their dugout. Timmy approaches.

TIMMYChester, it's over. You stink again.

CHESTERIt can't stink again! I was just about to bring respect back to the name McBadbat...

A SMOLDERING MAILBOX bounces by the mound.

TIMMYDude, it may be over for Chester, the greatest baseball player ever, but it's not for Chester, the worst player on our team.

TIMMY And the best part of you stinking again, is you're stinking with your friends! Who also stink!

CHESTERYou mean... (realizing)...together we're a giant odor?!

TIMMYOf the highest order. An odor so large, your Dad can't HELP but be proud of you.

CHESTERYeah!

Timmy wheels and faces the Bankees in their dugout.

TIMMYStop laughing at my friend. You're still down by twenty nine runs with one inning left. There's no way you can catch us.

SMASH CUT TO:

CHESTERI can't believe they're about to catch us.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL Timmy and Chester are talking on the mound. The bases are loaded with Bankees. The score is 89-88.

TIMMYHey, we got two outs.

CHESTER

17


Only because one guy laughed himself into a coma and the other guy got traded to Boston as he rounded second.

TIMMYOne more out and we win. Legally.

ON CHET UBETCHA IN THE PRESSBOX

CHET UBETCHABases loaded. Bottom of the ninth. One out to go. I'm extremely handsome.

BACK ON TIMMY AND CHESTER

TIMMY Just pitch, I have a plan.

Chester winds up.

TIMMYHey batter, hey batter, hey batter swing!

The Bankee whiffs.

BATTERHey! Knock that off. It's very distracting.

BANKEE COACHDon't let him get in your head, Roger!

TIMMYHey batter, hey batter, hey batter...

BATTER(trying to cancel him out)La-la-la-la-la-la-la

The pitch drifts in from Chester. The batter takes a mighty cut and pops it up. Way up.

CHESTERI got it!

ENTIRE TEAM(WALLA)No! We got it! Mine! Not Chester!

Everyone collides in a pile up at the mound. Except Chester. The ball conks him on the head and then falls-

INTO TIMMY'S HAT which he holds high amidst the pile of bodies.

UMPIREYou're out!

18


INT. PRESSBOX

Chet, still on his desk, jumps around going nuts. He's next to a MIRROR.

CHET UBETCHALosers win! Losers win! Losers win! Hey I can see myself!!!

He falls out of the press box.

ON THE FIELD - Chet thuds to the ground right beside the Bankees, who storm out of their dugout looking for a fight.

BANKEES(WALLA)No way. Not fair. Payback. Rumble in the Bronx. Cheaters. Fight.

Still dizzy from getting hit in the head, Chester steps on a ROW OF BATS lying on the ground.

CHESTERWhoaaaaaa!!!!

Like a log roller, Chester runs in place desperately trying to keep his balance and the bats fly out from under his feet and into the dugout, knocking the Bankees out one by one.

UMPIREYou're out. You're out. You're out.You're out. You're out. You're out. They're all out.

Chester is still flinging bats with his feet.

TIMMYYou can stop now.

CHESTERNo. I can't!!

Bats fly everywhere. They hit windows, start fires in snack bars, break support beams, snap gas mains, shatter lights, etc.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. STADIUM - LATER

The stadium is reduced to flames and rubble. As FIRE TRUCKS and AMBULANCES move in, we PULL BACK to reveal... TIMMY and CHESTER standing next to each other, wistfully

19


watching the scene. There are <<screams>> in the BG.

TIMMYIt's so beautiful.

CHESTERLike a sunset.

Chester's Dad enters, placing his hand on Chester's shoulder.

CHESTER'S DADSon... I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you.

CHESTERReally? Of what. I stink.

CHESTER'S DADTrue. But in all my years in the majors I never collapsed a stadium that fast!

CHESTERGee. Thanks Dad.

CHESTER'S DADHere you go, Son.

He hands Chester a SMALL BAG.

CHESTERAlright!!

Chester puts it on and he and his Dad play catch in the rubble. They both suck. Timmy walks over to Cosmo and Wanda.

WANDAChester seems really happy now.

COSMOYeah, Timmy! It was sure nice of you to make a wish for your friend. Even though it ruined everyone's life.

TIMMYYep! Lesson learned! That's the last time I use magic to help anybody but me.

WANDAI don't think that's the right lesson to be taking away from this, Timmy...

Suddenly, Mark pops out of the Time stream, landing on the three of them.

20


MARK, COSMO, WANDA AND TIMMY Bogus!

And on that, we...

FADE OUT.

21

127 foul balled

Documents