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Child DevelopmentEarly Stages Through Age 12

Celia Anita Decker

Chapter 3 Preparing for Parenting

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Introduction

Parenting is a rewarding and difficult task. Many people invest more money, time and emotions in their children than they do in any investment in their life.

Most parents want their children to have the good and not the bad parts of them. They hope their kids have opportunities they did not have.

Before having a child a couple MUST SERIOUSLY consider and discuss all aspects of parenting.

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Why Is It Hard to Be A Good Parent?

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Parenting skills are not automatic. A person may be able to biologically reproduce, but that does not necessarily mean he or she will be a good parent.

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Deciding About Parenthood

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Deciding whether to have children is a personal choice. The couple needs to be in agreement on the choice. Couples should discuss their feelings about parenthood before they marry.

The decision to parent is a permanent choice. (You can’t send the baby back once it’s here). Once a parent always a parent.

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Reasons for Choosing Parenthood

Want to share our love with a child? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a cute little baby? Our parents want grandchildren. Our older child needs a brother or sister. A child can make us proud. Others will see me as a stable, reliable person. A child will comfort us in our old age. A child will make us love each other.

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Reasons for Not Choosing Parenthood

We’re not ready for a child. A baby costs a lot. A child will tie us down. A child will interfere with our careers. Our child could be sick or disabled. Our marriage could fail, and I don’t want to be

a single parent

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Factors to Consider

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How Children Affect Parents

Raising children is another name for parenting. This is only half the picture.

Parents must want more than to have a baby.

They must want and be willing to change along with this baby over many years.

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How Children Affect Relationships

Couples should consider before having children: Are we loving and sensitive to others’ needs? Are we careful not to judge people and their ideas? Can we recognize and respect other’s rights? Are we self-disciplined? Do we relate well to others?

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Are flexible enough to accept changes? Are we brave about challenges? Can we be honest about our feelings for others? Do we have the time and energy to give to children? Do we want to share much of our time together with

children? Are we doing in our daily lives what we want our children

to do?

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Children, Relatives, and Friends

Good relationships with others are positive for the couple and their possible children.

Do our relatives and friends share our basic priorities? Can we ignore small differences in beliefs? Can we ask for advice and also use our own judgment? Can we avoid abusing others’ generosity, including time

and money?

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Sharing Responsibilities

Couples should examine how they feel about home care responsibilities.

Are we happy with the way we share responsibilities? Do we appreciate each other’s help? Do we feel equally important in efforts to reach our goals? If we become parents, will there be major changes in the

way we share responsibilities? Can we agree on how to divide home and child care

tasks?

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Managing Finances

Couples must realize children cost a lot. The first year is expensive and expenses grow as the child grows.

Each additional child increases the cost. Think about finances before becoming parents.

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How do we earn and spend our money now? Are we happy with our budget? Do we have regular savings we could use to meet child-

related expenses? If not can we adjust our budget to meet such expenses?

Can we expect more income or lower expenses during the next few years to help offset child-related costs?

What type of savings goals do we need for a child? What is the estimate of child-related expenses for the

first and next several years?

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Managing Careers

Couples must decide whether they will both work or whether one will care for children at home.

Parents must also decide how much time they will take from work when the bay is born.

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Maternity & Paternity Leave

Maternity leave: time a woman takes off from work for the birth or adoption of a child.

The length of leave varies from company to company, six weeks is often the minimum length offered.

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Maternity may be paid, partially paid, or unpaid.

Most working mom’s return within three months of the birth or adoption.

This leave gives the mom time with the baby and adjust to a new situation.

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Paternity leave: time a man takes off from work (usually without par) for a set period after a child’ birth or adoption.

At the end of the leave the company must off the father a job and salary comparable to the one he left.

A few companies pay for this. If leave is unpaid the men may choose not

to take off.

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Family & Medical Leave Act protects the rights of many women and men to take unpaid maternity or paternity leave.

This law applies to the companies in the US with 50 or more employees. It grant employees 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year to take care of family members in certain situations.

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Problems with Family & Work

Working parents often encounter problems as they care for their families.

Questions Dual Career Couples should ask:

Can we find good child care during working hours?

Can we balance job demands and children’s needs?

Can we work out mutual responsibilities for child and home care tasks?

Can we work out mutual responsibilities for child and home care tasks?

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Family Planning

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Family Planning happens when a couple decides how many children they want and when to have them.

Birth Control Methods to help couples delay having children until they decide to conceive.

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Couples should talk to their doctor about their choices. The doctor can explain each method:

A. How the method works to prevent pregnancy? B. How successful the properly used method is at preventing

pregnancy? C. Directions for using the method. D. The method’s possible side effects and risks, including future

fertility. E. The method’s cost.

The doctor will review the couple’s health history and give them a complete check up.

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Keep in mind when planning families:

Consult your doctor, get to your pre-pregnancy weight, prenatal vitamins, suggest a nutritional diet, and recommend less caffeine, no alcohol or smoking.

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Infertility and Sterility

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About 88% of all couples who try to conceive will do so within a year.

Couples who do not conceive within a year are known as infertile.

About 37% of women under the age of 35 will later conceive. This percentage drops a great deal after this age. Most will need medical assistance and some will do it on their own.

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The remaining couples will not successfully conceive, for one or both partners are sterile.

Sterile means the couple will be permanently unable to carry their fully biological child.

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1/3 of women and 1/3 of men are infertile.

The remaining cases are caused by both partners or by unknown reasons.

Reproductive diseases and problems with the reproductive organs are the main causes of infertility and sterility.

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Overcoming Infertility Fertility counseling consists of determining the reasons

for the fertility problems and exploring treatment options.

Artificial insemination occurs when the sperm is introduced into the vagina or uterus by a medical procedure rather than by sexual relations.

In vitro fertilization (IVF) when some of the mother’s eggs are surgically removed and fertilized with sperm in a laboratory dish. Few days later the egg is implanted into the mom’s uterus.

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Gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT) occurs when a mixture of sperm and eggs is placed in the woman’s fallopian tubes, where fertilization can occur. Multiple pregnancy can occur.

Surrogate mother, the woman who bears a child for a couple. If a wife cannot carry a baby, the couple might consider using one.

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Test…Chapter 3: Preparing for Parenting

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