107 - militaryhealth.bmj.com · the p.-s. said he could not arrest a noise, and passed the...

107

OUR STATION.

By OLA.

(Continued from p. 34.)

Individually, the women of the Royal Caterpillar Corps are fine wives and model mothers. Each one is a domestic sllccess. Collectively, they are independent and self-willed, exigent and not at all amenable to military discipline. As a community they are a menace to officialdom. A band of Scotswomen who take a pride in" sticking out for their rights" can give more tro~ble to the authorities than a plague of flies, a series of courts-martial or a strike of sweepers.

Not only do the Scots wives worry the M.O., the S.S.O., the Q.M., and the P.-S. but, by their machinations, they induce in these harassed officials a frame of mind which, in the end, leads to the employment of that subterfuge known as "passing the baby." The fact that this subterfuge is self-protective does not make it the less abominable, 'since it so often results in the undoing of one's nearest and dearest friends.

This season it was Mrs. Magneto, formerly of the Clan Mactavish, who opened the campaign. She complained to the Provost-Serjeant that, during the issue hour, the noise at the ration stand was unbearable; that it was affecting the health of the Magneto family; and that, if something was

. not done about it, she would complain to the Commandant. The P.-S. said he could not arrest a noise, and passed the complainant

to the Q.M. It must be admitted that the Q.M. displayed a lamentable lack of tact.

He was of opinion that the physical condItion of Mrs. Magneto and family would be improved by a course of early rising. After all, no issues were made from the ration stand before 7 a.m ..

Any amateur psychologist could have foretold the result of this most inappropriate form of treatment: it merely served to transform Mrs: Magneto from a grumbler to a fury-and a dour .one at that. She sought an interview of the 8.8.0., and, at the third attempt, succeeded.

Milord promised favourably to consider the complaint, provided the M.O. would certify that the health of the Magneto family was being prejudiced by the offending noise.

By this time a week had elapsed and, in the pursuit of justice, Mrs. Magneto had walked about fifteen miles. Nevertheless, and after a two days' rest, Mrs. Magneto and four little Magnetos appeared at the Families' Hospital.

TheM.O. regretted he .could do nothing without a Morning Sick Report, and he explained -to Mrs. Magneto how to procure this form from

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108 Our Station

the S.S.O., to have all particulars filled in by the P.-S. and to have it signed by the Q.M.

Mrs. Magneto decided to rise in future at 06'45 hours.

The next shot was fired by Mrs. Gearbox, a daughter of the house of Auchterlonie'. Her complaint was that Mrs. Dubbin's Airedale-Labrador " Gertrud "-but no; it, would not be seemly here to record the misdeeds of " Gertrud."

As soon as Mrs. Gearbox had completed the usual round and acknowledged (to herself only) defeat, Mrs. Klaxon-whose maiden name was McTocher-delivered a more serious form of attack. Mrs. Klaxon alleged that the Q.M.S. habitually issued the best cut off the joint, the freshest vegetables and the lion's share of the coal to Mrs. Sparelace; and that, if Drummer Sparelace were not sent for 'at once, she herself would write to the drummer's C.O. and expose the scandal in all its nakedness and enormity.

This formidable threat to the peace of the station could not be ignored. ,especially as Mrs. Klaxon was well known to be an uncompromising Covenanter. Accordingly there was assembled an informal court of inquiry composed of the S.S.O. as president, and the M.O. and Q.M. as members. The court was of opinion that the matter should be investigated and reported on by the padre.

Enough~ The Scots' war of attrition-like most wars of the same kind-is entertaining, and even exciting, at first. Later 011 it becomes wearisome and boring and, in the end, merely exasperating. When that stage is reached; the war is carried into the enemy's country and the dis-' turbers of the peace are laid low-temporarily. It is certain that, under a new staff, or in a new station, the militant Scotswomeu will revert to their ancient and popular pastime of keeping the authorities up to the mark and free of mould.

The C. of E. padre in the East End is a great contrast to the R.C. priest in the West End. The good Father Francis Mary comes from Yorkshire: he is tall, slim and jovial. The indomitable Reverend Jallles Cloister hails from the Isle of Man and is short, squat and saturnine. He is young, inexperienced and High Church, and has not yet learned that to err is human; at least, he has not yet appreciated the practical aspects of that great truth. The rude soldiery call him " Jerks" because, during a service, he bobs, bows and does sentry-go with the energy and endurance of a P.T. expert. The ladies have christened him" Selfridge," on account of the number and diversity of his oft· changed vestments. He is the only man in Our Station who owns two nicknames, and he ,has never heard either. The Reverend J ames Cloister finds life so tense, so earnest, so much in need of reformation that, up to date, no one has had the courage to address him by anything more flippant than "padre." Of course Jerks




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is a. grand worker, and· for that we respect him; but we do wish he would smile or make a joke-even a feeble one-occasionally.

On the hillside, facing north, the East End bazaar spreads its tentacles in every direction in which the builder's art is able to fasten a structure to the steep slope. Here, in untidy, straggling lines are to be found the hangers-on: the illicit dairy posing as a vegetable shop; the pork butcher's disguised as a picture-postcard stall; the native liquor shop, where the sahibs' cigarettes are staked against the memsahibs' chocolates in the fascinating game of get-rich-quick. In India petty gambling dazzles, and often ruins, the menial classes. One of the Ogpu Sahib's favourite sayings is, " Show me a dishonest servant and I will show you a gambler."

The body of the bazaar consists of a square, solid building, the property of the cantonment authority. It is divided into big stalls and shops which are rented by the more reputable and wealthy traders. The leading establishment belongs to Messrs. Bhag-Mal, Jag-Mal and Sons, Ltd. Here you may purchase anything from a Japanese tin-tack to a German refrigerator, anything from" Around the corner," to Tosti's " Good-bye," anything from a 1929 Christmas card to a 1928 Christmas annual. Wiltshire hams, gaudy handkerchiefs, babies' rattles, baskets, barley-sugar and bottles of heer, brandy and Bovril are mixed in wild confusion on shelves, on the floor and in dark, dusty corners where the scorpions have their homes. It is intriguing to wonder how, and from whence, this amazing collection of junk has been garnered; but on this point Messrs. Bhag-Mal, Jag·Mal and Sons, Ltd., are as silent. as Garibaldi. Garibaldi, sadly disfigured by the repeated attacks of fish insects, stares out from the surface of a lithograph (circa 1887) which occupies a plaoe of honour facing the doorway of. the shop. . Messrs. Bhag-Mal, Jag-Mal seem to think that the legend tI Garibaldi " represents the name of the artist, or the frame maker, or the original owner of the picture, because Mr. B.-M. is of opinion that, "Itees curio: it ees portrait of Kilive Lat Sahib," while Mr. J.-M. says: tI Noa: it ees very rare representation of Nikalsain Sahib. Collector's piece."" But "-you protest-I' what about this 'Garibaldi'? " "Oh, sahib! we are educated men, matric. Punj ab University: we are extentively aware history of India: we have failed finding name of ( Garibaldi' therein."

Of one thing at any rate there is no doubt; the lithograph is an asset; it impels attention; and after you have studied this wonderful work of art and been stricken with astonishment and dismay, you are unlikely to leave the premises without buying something which you neither need nor desire. Although Garibaldi is a sleeping partner, he has put a large sum of money into the coffers of Messrs. Bhag-Mal, Jag-Mal and Sons, Ltd., and these wily gentlemen know it. One day, by way of a joke, I tried to purchase Garibaldi. His intrinsic value, frame complete, is about one rupee. At Re;. 12 I gave up the contest.




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An attractive shop is that of Bostan, the fruit and vegetable seller. Here you may bny rosy-cheeked apples of the textnre of wood, the consistency of turnips and the taste of glucose; or smooth, golden pears, flavoured with brilliantine; or up-country mangoes reeking of turpentine; or diminntive grapes packed in adherent sawdust; or marrow which is all congealed green water; or super-mushy, brinjal; or lady-finger, the~mother of" Gloy:' In fact, here you have the best concrete examples of the old saying that beauty is but skin deep. .

In India, the greatest joy to the eye and the greatest disappointment to the palate, is to be found in the fruit and vegetable stall.

Old Bostan has heard of the products of Kulu and Kashmir; but why stock such expensive luxuries when the indigenous varieties may be sold at a profit of 200 per cent? Besides, did not his father before. him say: "Better incur the memsahib's wrath and grow rich than bask in her favour and remain poor." And when you come to think of it, there is some sense.in that remark.

We take the path up the hill, passing the shops and stalls- which cater for the Indians-the pan and betel vendor, the sandal maker, the sweetmeat man with his cohorts of flies and fumes of boiling ghi-and arrive at the garrison school.

The school buildings are divided into three parts. for the men, the children and the infants. The two portions devoted to the rising generation are of great interest, firstly, because here is proof that children can be positively angelic, provided they are removed from their parents; and secondly, because here we may meet and converse with the authors of this remarkable phenomenon-'-the Army schoolmasters and schoolmistresses.

The pedagogues of the Army form a little~known, superior and wholly admirable class. They deserve more support and encouragement than, as

_ a rule, they receive. Look at the cherubim and seraphim adorning Italian church and

house architecture. Where on earth did the models come from? From the Army schools, of course. Michael Angelo must have been an Army dominie, and his models the children of soldiers, sculptured during school hours.

From the school windows you have a magnificent awe-inspiring view. A great valley yawns below and huge, tree-clad mountains rise, tier on tier beyond. In the far distance the snows wed the clouds in a riot of white, silver and grey.

Behind the school the main road follows the sinuous line of the ridge. Tall pines provide shade against the mid-day sun and cover the ground with a carpet of russet-coloured. needles.

We round a corner and come suddenly on a group consisting of an enraged British officer, a dozen scared "tat-'walas" and a dozen sorrylooking" tats." The officer is fluent, and his use of vernacular epithets




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betrays a knowledge of Urdu which is most extensive and deep. He impresses on the pony-men that they are, bastards, the sons of monkeys and the brothers of goats; that, in a future existence. they are destined to inhabit the bodies of 'diseased donkeys and badmash mules; and that, for the present; Gul Akhbar and Alizai Khan will be lodged with the Ogpu Sahib, while their miserable ponies will be sent to the, veterinary hospital in Likhnabad.

This is severe punishment. It means a fine and (or) imprisonment, and also a stiff payment to the hospital before the ponies can be reclaimed.

Messrs. Gul Akhbar and Alizai Khan depart, weeping and wailing. The remaining tat-walas disperse, inwardly vowing to feed their animals and to tend their sores-for the next few days at any :t;ate. There is no gnashing of teeth because, when Caesar Sahib is' angry, it is unsafe to gnash the teeth.

You should note this little incident because, in India, it is not a common one, alas! ,Now and'again one meets an animal-lover who has the courage and energy to put his principles into practice; but he is like a voice crying in the wilderness. As a rule the Englishman soon realizes the complete absence of public opinion on this subject. Everywhere he is faced with gross ignorance and callous indifference. He gives it up as a bad Job.

From the wretched animals' point of view, who is most blameworthythe hard-hearted Mussulman, the super-hypocritical Brahmin or the enlightened Englishman?

Major Caesar Cogwheel, of the Royal Caterpillar Corps, and O.C. East End, is an enigma. It would be safe to surmise that he would champion the cause of the suffering animals, but it would be impossible to guess at what prompts his conduct: natural kindliness, innate eccentricity or religious conviction.

Caesar is of medium height, spare and as hard as nails. His face is creased and the skin is tanned the colour of old parchment. His hair is ' thick, coarse, unruly and nearly white, and his eyes are a light grey. He has served successively in British infantry, Indian cavalry, R.A.F. and R.T.C. From tanks he drifted into caterpillars, and now he is hoping to obtain command of a militia corps composed of frontier scallywags. His changes of religion have been as curious, if not so numerous. Starting life as a Plymouth Brother, he passed from that to Greek Orthodoxy and from that to agnosticism. At present he is a convinced Buddhist. He talks and thinks in seven different languages, and is alleged to be a woman-hater.

Of course it is this last trait which, above all others, appeals to the ladies of Our Station. They can read Caesar's thoughts: they know all about the inner workings of his mysterious mind and they have decided that, once upon a time, Caesar was disappointed in love. The result is

'that frantic and persistent efforts are made to guide Caesar into the path ,of matrimony.




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So far, these efforts have come to nothing-except, perhaps, to supply Caesar with fresh material on which to meditate. He is always medita~ing and, when you are favoured with the fruits thereof, you discover a,half~ cynical, half-humorous mixture which is hard to . analyse ; you are not sure whether Caesar should be consigned to a Himalayan monastery or exported to Montmartre.

With an upward sweep the Mall ends in a small, lozenge-shaped plateau which dominates the immediate neighbourhood. This plateau is on a level with the roofs of a number of buildings-barracks, stores and institutes-by which it is encircled.

Ordinarily it is a forbidding spot, bleak and. cold or dusty and hot~ deserted save by an occasional visitor who has come for the sake of the view. But picture the plateau on a certain windy afternoon in the beginning of May.

It seethes and hums with crowded, vociferous humanity. All the world and his wife are there. ' In Orir Station such chattering and shouting, such herding and

marshalling, have not rent the air or shaken the earth since the summer of 1857. Not smce the Mutiny has there been. such a burra tamasha, such a mushkil bandobast.

What is afoot? The grim spectre of war. A few days prior to this great gathering grave disturbances had occurred

III Peshawar. The city was seriously menaced from the south. ':J.1he northern horizon was stormy. The temper of the western marches was uncertain. To the east alone was there reasonable security, and even that might not endure.

Likhnabad held the key to the eastern approaches and, at this juncture, Likhnabad did a thing which always lands everybody in trouble.

Likhnabad made an appreciation of the situation. This appreciation opened with the disturbing information that the range

of hills between Likhnabad and Peshawar was the home country of the Shaitan Khel and the Zulmzai. These tribes had been guilty of various misdemeanours in the past-notably in 1869, when an expedition under General Alexander Flintlock, KT., had occupied their territory for a period of six months. This was an expedition on the grand scale, for the field force consisted of 5,000 officers and men, 15,000 followers and 30,000 transport animals. In the end it was wiped out by cholera; but it created it lasting impression, because the same 'disease spread and, wiped out most of the enemy too.

The appreciation went on to ,say that, since 1869, the survivors of the Shaitan Khel and Zulmzai have been living in peace and affluence by supplying Likhnabad and out-lying cantonments with fowls, eggs, cooking butter, milk of doubtful purity, vegetables and "tats" on hire. .




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'."Nevertheless" (to quote the appreciation) "the with, unpleasant' possibilities."

/I Fortunately our farthest outpost against these potential enemies is strategically well sited and tactically strong; it contains a sufficiency of material and stores of all kinds, and the medical arrangements are satisfactory. Tbe garrison is prepared to hold out to the last round and the last man."1

Modesty forbids me to name this outpost. Pride convinces me that to name it is unnecessary. When the news leaked out that Our Station was to have the honour of

taking the first knock, up went our tails, and we all felt sorry for the Shaitan Kheland the Zulmzai.

Followed the torturing agoqy of suspense-as "the pictures" would flay.

Eager as we all were, it was impossible to rush matters. For instance, we could not precipitate a collision; we had to sit tight until attacked, and so were denied the use of that most powerful of all weapons-surprise. Then again, the necessity for secrecy!),cted as a brake. It always does. If you must enclose a letter in two much-travelled envelopes instead of in one, if you must fasten one of the envelopes with sealing wax, if you must stamp thewax with a seal which lives in a locked box, and if you must fasten the second envelope with a so-called economy label-why, it all.takes time.

F. S.H. ignore these little points. And there are others, thus-the official sealing-wax becomefl gummy, ,it

won't melt. The seal has to be found, it lies in a dark corner, under a pile of obsolete Army forms, travelling warrants, string, pencils, rubber, ink powder and red tape. When it is found, the impression is ruined by long stalactites and festoons which connect it with the envelope, like the :wireless arrangement on a t.b.d.

Secrecy has its drawbacks, not the It;last of which is a waste of tiJ;Ue and temper.

Lastly, Maryhad to make an appreciation of his own: situ~tion ; and this appreciation had to be submitted to Likhnabad for approval before the plan contained therein could be put into force.

Mary mobilized thebest brains in the station-Caesar's, Pom's,Milord's and the M.O.'s-and they were very good. We turned out an appreciation which, we flattered ourselves, was unique in its simplicity, sound in conception, trenchant in wording and singularly offensive in spirit. Perhaps it was not quite orthodox as, for example; the manner in which it treated of "Courses open to the enemy," thus :-

1 From this the discerning reader will realize that the author of the appreciation was not a subscriber to the" Journal of the Royal Army Medical Corps."

8




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"There are several courses open to the enemy. These will not be discussed here because, whatever may happen, the' Plan' detailed below will meet any and every contingency."

. Alternative plans of action open to us were disposed of in the same sure and summary fashion. .

"There are no alternatives to the' Plan' detailed below." The appreciation went forward sealed by Mary, enveloped by Milord

and registered by Mr. Brikhbhan Cbatterjee. In vain we awaited the verdict. Neither comment nor criticism, neither

approval nor disapproval marked the receipt of the document. It was not even acknowledged. Kilo considered that, for the moment, "G," Likhnabad, felt himself

unable to write in the courteous style incumbent on military scribes who move in the best circles.

Jerks suggested that, in all probability, "G" had been admitted to hospital suffering from apoplexy.

Father Francis Mary was kinder. He was of opinion that the appreciation had fallen into the hands of the enemy while en route to Likhnabad, and that this fortunate accident had brought the war to a premature close. He even went so far as to predict a brevet for Mary.

Serene and confident, the brains of Our Station paid no attention to these silly surmises. !]he brains of Our Station knew: they knew that their appreciation was unanswerable; that, in its perfection, it contained its own answer. We of the brains were content and proud to leave it at that.

Surely this is the first time on record that a Headquarters office of the Army in India has signified consent by keeping silent.

So it came about that, on his own initiative, Mary issued operation orders for a rehearsal by all hands. These orders were headed: "Emergency Concentration and Defence Practice"; and I think it is worth while saying something about the business for, so far as I am aware, no account- official or otherwise-of the proceedings is extant.' There are lessons to be learned from this practice and, in addition, there are certain

. things which ought to he recorded; the resource 'and cheerfulness of the officers, the indefatigability of the N .0.0.'s, the cynical stoicism of the men, the patience and fortitude of the women burdened by many children and exposed to the rigors of a windy day in May, the inscrutable impassiveness of the native followers, the classic failure of Q.M.S. Partworn.

From the outset the Q.M.S. threw himself heart and soul into the project.' Unfortunately his burning enthusiasm was not well balanced, and this led to his undoing; it was decided that, unless the Q.M.S.'s activities were diverted into a safe channel, they might over-run the limits of usefulness and safety. Hence it was decreed that the Q.M.S. should be responsible for the production of an active and, if possible, bloodthirsty, enemy.




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That kept him quiet and bnsy. He tried the barrack boot boys. They flatly refused to have anything

to do with a fight, sham or otherwise. He tried the pony men, the M.E.S. road coolies, the hawkers and-as a last resource-:-the cantonment sweepers. All declined, promptly and firmly, and on one pretext or another, to participate.

On the evening before the practice a large and excited crowd of men and women gathered oil the hillside below the followers' lines. The head chowkidar presided. He was wearing his grandfather's Mutiny Medal. In a loud voice he declared that he would rather die of the plague than lo'wer his izzat by fighting-or even by pretending to fight-the descendants of Nikalsain Sahib.

This pronouncement was received with shouts of "Wa-wa! Ram-ram! Nikalsain ki jai !" from the assembled multitude, and the Mutiny Medal was passed round, and kissed by everyone present-excepting the sweepers, who were graciously permitted to salaam to it. '

This was told to me by the Ogpu Sahib, whose comment was: "Doubtless Our Station is tbe most bonourably moral cantonment from Lahore to D.I.K."

In reporting his failure, Q.M.S. Partworn said: "If I wants any think, I indents; but I E.--Enemy' ain'tto be .found in any Army book I knows of-not even in the I Priced Vocabulary of Stores.' "

" Very disappointing," replied Mary," but it can't be helped. You're detailed to. check the baggage."

Poor Part worn retired, crestfallen.

Each of us was allowed: (a) "One small article of luggage which must not weigh .more than half a maund"; and (b) a roll of bedding. Followed by our servants, we made for the rendezvous. At the entrance to the defended area stood KM. Roster and Q.M.S. Part worn.

The S,M., armed with a nominal roll (in triplicate), credited each arrival with a " p." Between each" p" he licked the business end of his stubby pencil; OlIr S.M. is no office wala.

Some nasty asides were made when it was seen that there was o:qly one absentee; Mrs. Roster. Milord, bearing of this, treated the S.M. to a sharp rebuke; but this action was hardly justifiable because-as everyone knows-a garrison serjeant-major's wife is a law unto herself.

Little Marjorie Sparelace, aged lli" years, was nearly overlooked. The mistake was rectified in the nick of time by Marjorie herself, who emitted an ear-splitting "Guroo-iya-iya-guggle-iyell!" - thereby drawing tbe S.M.'s and everybody else's attention to her presence. '

Q.M.S. Part worn had an easy and uninteresting task-until Mrs. Cartridge arrived. Tbe lock of Mrs. Cartridge'S ;tin trunk was in need of repair, and it gave way at an inopportune moment, causing the contents of the trunk-,-two chunks of wood and a lump of coal-to land heavily on




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the Q.M.8.'s toes. Mrs. Cartridge explained that she had not been given sufficient time in which to pack a change of clothing, atoothcbrush, soap and towel; but unfortunately her explanation was not quick enough. Partworn got in first, and what he said nearly started a riot. It was only the timely intervention of Father Francis Mary which saved the situation.

The various individuals and parties were then taken over by the Provost-8erjeant, who directed them to their allotted places. It was the job of the P.8.'s assistants to maintain order and. prevent wandering, and undoubtedly this was the hardest and most unpopular task of all. It is safe to say that, had it not been for the tact, energy and watchfulness dis.played by the good Father and the Ronble. Charlotte, the defended area' would soon have become pandemonium.

'1'he Ronble. Charlotte was handicapped by the fact that little Marjorie Sparelace declined to abandon her slogan- "Guroo-iya-iya-guggle-iyelll " -even for a second, except when ensconced in the Ronble. Charlotte's arms.

Father Francis Mary again distinguished himself by saving Private Magneto from a:ssault and battery. Mrs. Spavin was the aggressor. Magneto, in his capacity of R.M.P., had merely retrieved Mrs. Spavin's Albert from the orderly room waste-paper basket. For this act of kindness the outraged mother was preparing to slap the policeman's face. " I'll teach 'im to lay 'is 'ands on me little Albert," said she.

"Take your little Albert away at once, or I shall give him what he richly deserves: a sound thrashing" broke in the Reverend Father with unwonted acerbity.

Private Magneto Whistled, removed his topi and wiped his brow.

The arrival of Mr. Bhuj-Bal 8ingh and staff from the dairy caused a momentary hitch. Mary had counted on their attendance, but he had not reckoned on the entourage-to wit, the dairy herd complete. That is the worst of the Indian; either exasperatingly sketchy and unpractical, or brutally literal and realistic.

A lively Rodeo ensued. It featured cows, buffaloes, two bulls, numerous children, countless dogs and a sprinkling of perspiring policemen, B. and 1. E'ventually a stance for the bovines was found and comparative peace and order reigned once more. .

Meanwhile, Mrs. Breach and Mr. Pereira bus,ied themselves with arrangements for an improvised hospital; Mr. Le Quesnoy made plans for the theatre and labour room attached thereto. We all felt glad that there were no exacting specialists nearer than Likhnabad.

The M.O. did a full day's work. Re soon realized that R.A.M. College standards of hygiene would have to be jettisoned; and that, in this case, the basic principles of sanitation in force in the -ordinary Indian village would have to be adopted. Re was hard put to it to remember what these basic principles were. Ris difficulties were much increased bya terrific




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dog fight-the Saugor Alsatian-Airedale versus the Dubbin AiredaleLabrador-in the course of which Mrs. Dock was bitten and had to receive first-aid.

At this point a diversion occurred which, under less able management, might have had disastrous results. A convoy was sighted in the distance. It consisted of pack ponies, donkeys and bullocks. With the aid of fieldglasses we could see that it was being led by Barumpta Khan, head of the ShaitanKhel, and driven by Mahomed Taklif, chief ~f the Zulmz'ai.

This, of course, was the weekly convoy of fowls, eggs, cooking butter, milk of doubtful purity and vegetables. Barumpta Khan and Mahomed rraklif, finding the bazars empty, had decided to push on to the scene of action and find out what all the fuss was about.

Our Aryan· brother's curiosity is insatiable. A pretty state of affairs! There was a moment's confusion and embarrassment; but Mary, on

being apprised, took in the situation at a glance, and despatched Caesar and the C.E.O. to deal with it. Both officers rose to the occasion, and the danger was warded off within two· hundred yards of our perimeter.

Afterwards we heard that Caesar had spun a yarn about an open-air revivalist meeting which, being a religious matter, could neither be interrupted nor broken off. The C.E.O. had added (in the local patois) that the sahibs were engaged in one of their insane ceremonies which neither he, nor anybody else, could understand; but that, in any case, none but invited guests might attend.

Barmupta Khan said: "Your Honour's slave would have made a point of being present-had he been invited. A durbar is a great event"; and Barumpta emitted a hearty eructation in token of his profound disappointment.

Mahomed Taklif was more considerate and polite. ii Oh, Protector qf the Poor, we are all seekers after the one God, and therefore do we leave you to carry out your devotions in peace-albeit your prophet is a false prophet. Nevertheless, he was a good man. A-salaam-aleikum!"

The preCious pair departed, more or less satisfied and suspecting naught.

Mrs. Spurs and Mrs. Surcingle were the last to arrive. The former limped down from the West End with a blistered heel; the latter appeared in her very best frock-the frock that takes half an hour ii to do up."

By this time the Honble. Charlotte had started a creche, where Marjorie Sparelace was joined by Jasmine Klaxon and Wilfred Gearbox. This trio beat all-comers but, so long as one kept out of ear· shot, there

, was no need to worry, since the Honble. Charlotte seemed to be perfectly happy and unperturbed.

Still, for the sake of one's nerves, a visit to a less disturbing area was ad~isable: to the perimeter, for example.




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The wooded slopes on the west and north were allotted to POID. Kilo urged that a broad belt of trees and undergrowth should be cut down, so as to provide a clear field of fire. Pom demurred, pointing out that, as this would take about a year to accomplish, it was better to leave things as they were; so the men were set to wiring and digging pits, while P. and K. invented booby traps of an ingenious and· fiendish description; and the more ingeniously fiendish these traps were; the higher did their inventors' spirits rise.

The bare hillsides on the east and south were handed over to Caesar who constructed a series of sangared strong-points, with thick, broad belts of wire in the intervals;

There was no lack of stones, boulders, stakes, thorn bush, tough creepers, and similar material of use in strengthening a defensive position; but it is euphemistic to talk of wire and wiring, ]}very irich of barbed wire in Northern India had been sent to Peshawar and, as that place was calling for more and more, Poin and Caesar were hardly justified in carrying makebelieve so far·, This, at.any rate, was Mary's opinion, .and led to the usual futile unending argument-the one about bricks without straw.

(To be continued.)




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