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This presentation consists of highlights from the interview with Moe Abdou,

founder & host of 33voices®.

Over his career as an organizational consultant, relationship coun-selor, and hostage-negotiation trainer, Mark Goulston has found what works, consistently, to reach all kinds of people in any type of situa-

tion. What it comes down to is “Daring to Care” which is the mission of the global community Heartfelt Leadership that he co-founded.

Mark Goulston@markgoulston

“People Hacker”

To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There

are four ways that people can be irrational:

Insight #1

To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There

are four ways that people can be irrational:They can’t see the world clearly

Insight #1

To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There

are four ways that people can be irrational:They make decisions and take actions that

aren’t in their best interest

Insight #1

To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There

are four ways that people can be irrational:They say or think things that make no sense

Insight #1

To reach an irrational person, you need to know why he/she is irrational. There

are four ways that people can be irrational:They become downright impossible when

you try to guide them back to the side of reason

Insight #1

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:Listen intently and let them finish their rant

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:

Pause for two to four seconds while looking them in the eye

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:

Identify the most inflammatory words that they’ve said

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:

Then, lean in and reiterate those fiery words “tell me more about ____ because

that sounds awful.”

Insight #2

When dealing with an irrational person, arguing or reasoning will often

backfire. To change the dynamic, try leaning into their crazy instead. Here’s how:End by asking them to “tell {me} about the

worst that {I} can be”

Insight #3

It’s important to note that when someone is getting emotional or verbally aggressive, it’s likely that they’re trying to get something off

their chest before they act on it; acknowledge it and find the truth in what they’re saying.

Insight #4

When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay

calm and listen with the intent to understand:

Insight #4

When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay

calm and listen with the intent to understand:Maintain eye contact

Insight #4

When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay

calm and listen with the intent to understand:Pause for two to four seconds

Insight #4

When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay

calm and listen with the intent to understand:Lean in while saying “I can see that you’re

really frustrated/disappointed with me about ____, please elaborate”

Insight #4

When dealing with an irrational boss or supervisor remember to stay

calm and listen with the intent to understand:Let them finish and end by asking “given

that all this has happened, what’s the best outcome here for us so we can start moving

towards it ____. What’s the first step.”

Insight #5

Next time you find yourself getting tangled in the web of irrationality,

pause and remember this equation:

Aggression + Principle = Conviction Aggression - Principle = hostility

Be unflappable, but not inscrutable

Insight #6

Assertive HumilityNext time you find yourself in a conversation where someone is

continually replaying the past, try this:“I need to stop you because I need your help with something. When you continually bring up stuff that’s already happened, it lessens my motivation to help you and I’m having

trouble holding onto my motivation to help you, so, let’s discuss how we move forward.“

Insight #7

Next time you’re discussing your credentials with your boss or a potential employer, stay

away from clarifying roles and responsibilities, and opt instead to discuss accountability. Ask, “What is it that I’m accountable for?”

Insight #8

Before your next critical meeting or conversation, try leading with this question:

Before we get started, what would the best possible outcome of our conversation

look like for you?

Insight #9

Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities

that make Pope Francis beloved:

Insight #9

Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities

that make Pope Francis beloved:He can be trusted to not hurt you

Insight #9

Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities

that make Pope Francis beloved:He can be trusted to not disappoint you

Insight #9

Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities

that make Pope Francis beloved:He engenders confidence that he will

do what he says he’ll do

Insight #9

Want a leadership barometer? Here are the four key qualities

that make Pope Francis beloved:He shares his beliefs without

making you wrong

Insight #10

Stop avoiding difficult conversation and watch your self-worth soar, for when you can see a way to handle such a dialogue, your

will to deal with it will emerge.

Reflect: What role does silence play in your life?

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Presentation created by Chase Jennings

Insights by Moe Abdou

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