PARENTING STYLES

Experiment:

Marsh Mellow

Cat Parenting

1N

eg

ati

ve

Sty

le

Monkey Parenting

2

Neg

ati

ve

Sty

le

Turtle Parenting

3Neg

ati

ve

Sty

le

Laissez-faire Parent

Hen Parenting

4

Neg

ati

ve

Sty

le

Tigress Parenting

5

Neg

ati

ve

Sty

le

As an eagle stirs up its nest, and hovers over its young; as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions.

1. Nest

1. Nest

2. Training

3. Happy Flying

Then he said to them all, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Luke 9:23

Healthy Upbringing is

Healthy Upbringing is

UnderstandingUnderstanding

Biology

Advice

Dialogue

VS

Help the Teens Process Their Emotions

Attachment Theory

John Bowlby

Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver

Attachment Theory

1. Scanning

2. Exchange of Love Map

Love Map

1.Some one similar to primary care givers

2.Some one who has same wound but different

defence3.Attracted to partners who

exhibit aspects of our lost selves

3. Attraction

Attraction when continued will lead you to Infatuation.

Stage of Romance

1. Principle of Familiarity2. Principle of Discovery

3. Principle of Complementality

1. Shock and Denial2. Anger3. Bargain4. Feel Deceived5. Despair

Stage of Hatred

Stage of Hatred

Stage of Reality

1.Pseudo Couples2.Loving Couples

According to John M. Gottman’s the success or failure of a marriage does not depend on whether there is conflict in a relationship, but on how the conflict is handled.

The four horsemen of the Apocalypse

The four horsemen of the Apocalypse

1. Criticism

2. Contempt

3. Defensiveness

4. Stonewalling

Criticism: more damaging than complaints. Includes character attacks, i.e., “you never pick up after yourself,” “You are really boring.” Also includes global complaints, i.e., “You never…..” or You always……”

Contempt: is most corrosive and more destructive than criticism. It conveys disgust and disrespect. It can include sarcasm, mockery, insults, eye rolls, scowls, and hostile humor to belittle the intended partner. Hinders any attempts at reconciliation, and usually includes an attitude of superiority.

Defensiveness: Attempts to blame the partner for the aggressor's behaviour. It usually becomes a counterattack. That escalates negativity.

Stonewalling: an overwhelmed partner uses this to convey that (he) does not want to continue the interaction. It is usually a man, and the pattern is his withdrawal in the face of active pursuit and demands. Although the stonewaller appears hostile, his actual feelings are “when is she going to stop.”Physical sense of emotional flooding, and the person is so overwhelmed that they cannot even listen. This, of course, only serves to infuriate the partner more, and provoke their mate to “engage, discuss, and be accountable.

1. DISCOMFORT DISTURBANCE

I have learned, in whatever situation I find myself, to be self-sufficient. I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.

2. EGO DISTURBANCE

May I never boast of anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Matthew 5 : 1-12

Words of Affirmation

Luke 10 : 38 – 42Martha

Luke 10 : 38 – 42Martha

Luke 9 : 12 - 17

Mat 8:2, Mat 8:15Mat 9:29, Mat 20:34

The 5 Love Languages

What Is Your

Love Language?

1. Mirroring

2. Validating

3. Empathizing

Exercise 1

Your Relationship Vision

Exercise 2

Childhood Wounds

Exercise 3

Childhood Frustrations

Exercise 4

Love Map

Exercise 5

Partner Profile

Exercise 6

Unfulfilled Needs&

Unfinished Business

Exercise 7

Stretching

Exercise 8

Visualizing Love

Structure of Couple DialogueMIRRORING

I heard you saying that..Did I get you?Is there more?

SummaryIs this the essence?

VALIDATIONI understand you… and it is important …It makes sense because…

EMAPTHYAnd I imagine that you might feel…

Getting INFORMATION about the other

UNDERSTANDING the others logic without agreeing – stepping OUT OF SYBMIOSIS into DIFFERENTIATION

Emotions that provide the energy for BEHAVIOUR CHANGE

97

The result of the conscious marriage

• Safe connection• Understanding• Compassion• Recognition of the differences• Knowing thyself• Healing of the childhood wounds• Personal growth • Growth of the relationship• Becoming joyful adult

Thank You!