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    http://qrj.sagepub.comQualitative Research

    2002; 2; 244Qualitative ResearchPaula Saukko

    Studying the self: from the subjective and the social to personal and political dialogues

    http://qrj.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/2/2/244The online version of this article can be found at:

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    A B S T R A C T This article analyses and discusses the emotivist goal of

    capturing the subjective self as well as the poststructuralist quest to

    grasp the social self produced by discourses. It argues that both of

    these positions are predicated on the classical notion of a subject

    that knows the subjective self and its desires and/or its social rami-

    fications. The downside of this understanding of the self is illustrated

    by the way in which the experience, research and treatment of eat-

    ing disorders are all driven by a similar elusive, gendered ideal of a

    subject who knows itself and the world and how they both work.

    This article argues for a more ambivalent or agonistically dialogic

    way of approaching the self that acknowledges that the subjective is

    always confounded by the social, and that the social can only be

    grasped from a subjective point of view. This mode of studying the

    self paves the way for a less judgemental and more conversational

    way of relating to our selves, others and the social world, leading to

    a more dialogic (inter)personal and political life.

    K E Y W O R D S: dialogue, eating disorders, qualitative methodology,

    subjectivity

    The traditional social scientific approach to studying the self and its disorders,

    such as eating disorders, is that these problems are real and that we shouldcome up with ways to cure them. The legitimation crisis in social inquiry

    (Denzin and Lincoln, 2000) has led to questioning whether the self and its

    proliferating troubles, from overeating and undereating to numerous addic-

    tions, are real and whether science can understand or, much less, fix them.

    In the study of the self, there have been two main responses to the legitima-

    tion crisis. The first, subjectivist, emotivist response has aimed to resuscitate

    the deep experience of the usually marginal and troubled self, such as a

    A RTI C L E 2 4 4

    QRStudying the self: from the subjectiveand the social to personal and politicaldialogues Qualitative Research

    Copyright SAGE Publications(London,Thousand Oaks, CAand New Delhi)vol. (): -.[-() :;-; ]

    PA U L A S A U K K OUniversity of Leicester

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    bulimic self (Kiesinger, 1998), which is understood to be silenced by main-

    stream science and society. This desire is articulated both in emotivist

    ethnography (e.g. Ellis and Flaherty, 1992; Ellis and Bochner, 1997, 2000) as

    well as in the ubiquitous talk-show and therapeutic culture. The second, post-

    structuralist response, on the contrary, views the self and its troubles with

    scepticism. This sceptical position, prevalent both within academia as well as

    in contemporary culture in general, argues that the infatuation with the self

    and its disorders makes us preoccupied with being, for example, too fat or

    having an eating disorder, only to submit us to oppressive social discourses

    and their self-reformation programmes (Foucault, 1978).1 Some research

    positions navigate between the subjective and social positions outlined earlier,

    arguing that individuals have some agency to understand and construct their

    selves and their lives, while always being guided and constrained by social andinstitutional discourses in these endeavours (e.g. Gubrium and Holstein,

    1997; Holstein and Gubrium, 2000). However, while this line of inquiry

    acknowledges the ambivalent nature of the self, which always partly knows

    and partly does not know itself, this ambivalence gets lost in the traditional

    way in which research is conducted, predicated on a notion of a known object

    (the people being studied) and a knowing subject (the scholar, who examines

    their subjective experience and its social ramifications).

    The emotivist and poststructuralist approaches have provided fresh and

    new ideas on how to study the self. However, even if they approach the self

    from different directions, they both claim to capture it. Emotivism argues

    that it captures the self from the personal inside, poststructuralism sets out to

    look at it from the social outside or above, and the mixed view claims to doboth. This quest to capture the self from one position or another erases its

    ambivalence. It does not do justice to the fact that we can never fully know the

    subjective experience of our selves or others, as our understanding is always

    infused with the social, which always partly operates behind our backs. Still,

    we can never capture the social either, as the social is not accessible to us in its

    totality, but only from a subjective point of view.

    Drawing on Hannah Arendt (1958), this article argues for a more conver-

    sational or agonistically dialogic mode of studying the self that acknowledges

    its ambivalence. This mode of study envisions the relationship between the

    scholar and the people being studied in dialogic terms of an encounter

    between two selves that never quite understand one another or themselves.

    Conceiving the research relationship in dialogic terms does away with the illu-sion of being able to fully understand the subjective experience either from the

    inside or the outside. Furthermore, an agonistically dialogic way of studying

    the self examines the way in which the social infuses the intersubjective dia-

    logue between the scholar and the people being studied, however not as some-

    thing only the scholar is capable of deciphering, but more as a topic of critical

    conversation. Finally, this mode of research helps to explore the social, not in

    terms of a monolithic discourse, but as a conversation between different ways

    Saukko: Studying the self 245

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    of experiencing the always social and subjective self and the way in which it

    both separates and unites us.

    Based on my research on women with eating disorders, I argue that an ago-

    nistically dialogic mode of approaching the self helps us to imagine a less con-

    frontational and more conversational (inter)personal and political life. The

    experience, research and treatment of eating disorders are all driven by an

    elusive, gendered ideal of a subject that knows the subjective self and its

    desires or/and its social ramifications an ideal that is close to the emotivist

    and poststructuralist methodological aims to know the self. An agonistically

    dialogic mode of study imagines a less judgemental and more conversational

    and ambivalent way of relating to our selves and others. Discussions on the

    social nature of eating disorders, such as debates on feminism and beauty or

    middle-class feminism, often end up deadlocked in disputes over what is thetrue nature of the social or social oppression. Imagining a dialogic space

    between our common social world and different subjective experiences of it

    undoes the either/or logic of these feminist debates, paving the way for think-

    ing in both/and terms of political alliances capable of negotiating between

    unity and difference.

    In what follows, I first discuss the subjectivist, objectivist and mixed modes

    of studying the self. The second half of the article outlines an agonistically

    dialogic way of studying the self, both conceptually and in practice, using my

    research on women with eating disorders as an example.

    Emotivist subjectivism

    To begin discussing the various ways of studying the self, I start with emo-

    tional subjectivism, which focuses on the intimate experience of the self.

    Emotivism can be seen as one of the reactions to the legitimation crisis in that

    it aims to fetch ways of recuperating the standpoints of subordinated selves,

    such as addicts, and to allow them to speak for themselves and against

    malestream scientific discourses, which have defined them. The works carried

    out within this line of inquiry have provided powerful counterpoints to domi-

    nant descriptions of the self and its problems, for instance, in the form of

    (auto)biographic stories of women with eating disorders, including my own

    (Saukko, 1996; Walstrom, 1996; Tillmann-Healy, 1997; Kiesinger, 1998). A

    particular accomplishment of these self-narratives is that they break away

    from the traditional form of studying eating disorders, which renders theanorexic or bulimic woman as an object under a looking glass, whose symp-

    toms and their underlying causes can be deciphered by the medical expert

    or even a feminist cultural critic.

    However, the quest to be truer to the lived reality of the self sometimes views

    it as something genuine to be discovered under the debris of discourses. On

    these occasions, this mode of research comes close to the sexual liberationist

    discourse, which aimed to reveal a previously hidden or repressed sexuality,

    Qualitative Research 2(2)246

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    ending up increasing the (self-)monitoring of sexual mores, in the name of

    authenticity and health (Foucault, 1978). Indeed, many scholars have

    argued that experimental research, particularly the emotional (auto)ethno-

    graphy variant (Ellis, 1991; Ellis and Bochner, 2000), often leads to the

    talk-show dilemma of uncritically rehashing familiar tropes of personal

    intrigue and bodily scandal as authentic experience (e.g. Clough, 1996,

    2000; Atkinson and Silverman, 1997; Gubrium and Holstein, 1997; Forns,

    2000). Sometimes these criticisms say more about the belligerency of inter-

    paradigmatic warfare than the research in question. Yet, they also have a

    truth to them.

    To illustrate the possibilities and problems embedded in attempts to recu-

    perate self-stories, I look at a piece focused on my own research topic, eating

    disorders. Kiesingers (1998) evocative narrative aims to convey the visceraland emotional reality of the painful and stigmatized life of Abbie, a 450-pound

    bulimic woman. Abbie reminds Kiesinger of an old fat classmate, Gloria,

    whom she used to tease, feeling guilty about it now. In an attempt to under-

    stand what it means and feels like to be fat, Kiesinger cues on Abbies body:

    How will I write about an obese life without having lived one? I look at Abbie

    intently, focusing on the beads of sweat that form on her forehead. I look at her

    eyes tiny blue splashes submerged in folds of skin above her cheeks. I note her

    ankles and feet, pink and swollen. . . . I note her attire a lilac cotton frock with

    pink trim around the neckline, soaked with perspiration. (p. 83)

    Against fat acceptance movements agenda, Kiesingers description of

    Abbies body is, quite obviously, politically incorrect. Yet, as Probyn (2000)

    has noted, the problem with fat pride politics is that it pushes our revulsionand disgust toward bodies deemed grotesque under a sanitized veneer of

    acceptance (p. 128). Thus, the strength of Kiesingers story is that it brings

    the powerful disgust and shame associated with fat bodies to the fore, force-

    fully illustrating the visceral and pervasive feeling of shame that saturates

    Abbies life (even if it is not clear whether the description of Abbies body cor-

    responds with her sense of her self/body, as the depiction is narrated from

    Kiesingers perspective).

    Yet, the trouble with Kiesingers introspective description of the shameful-

    ness and painfulness of Abbies body is that she holds on to it as real. This is

    partly due to the way in which she relates to Abbie. Even if Kiesinger gen-

    uinely aims to understand and identify with Abbie, she ends up feeling sorry

    for her. As has been pointed out (e.g. Arendt, 1963: 856), feeling sorry orpity claims an identification or sameness with the Other, yet ultimately posits

    it as inferior to, and different from, the self (It must be horrible to be that fat!).

    Thus, even if this mode of research makes us face different experiences, it

    may end up doing it in a way that, rather than shatter our sense of our selves,

    affirms the normality of our self/body and, consequently, the normal

    self/body in general (this is what often happens in talk-shows, see Livingstone

    and Lunt, 1994; Lowney and Holstein, 2001).

    Saukko: Studying the self 247

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    Emotional (auto)ethnography has been part of a tidal wave in social and

    cultural research that has challenged positivist, objectivist modes of study

    and writing, bringing to the agenda different worlds and different ways of

    relating to the world. Yet, its quest to capture the experiencing self often

    ignores the social discourses that interlace any experience of the self. Thus, it

    ends up embracing a notion of a true subjective self, which may turn out not

    that different from the positivist true self in that it may affirm those core

    social mythologies, against which these works aim to provide a counterpoint

    in the first place. Yet the question remains: How could one convey a very real

    sense of shame and problematize this shame at the same time?

    Poststructuralist objectivism

    Poststructuralism negates the idea of resuscitating a silenced self, reminding

    us that the way we experience our selves as, for example, being mentally dis-

    ordered or even as having a life-story, is a product of subjectifying institu-

    tional, social and historical discourses (Foucault, 1978; Hacking, 1995; Rose,

    1996: 1801).

    There is an established feminist, poststructuralist scholarship on eating dis-

    orders that investigates the way in which these conditions are informed by

    problematic social discourses, such as thin beauty ideals and modernist ideals

    of self-control. One of the most influential and insightful poststructuralist

    analyses of eating disorders is Susan Bordos (1993, 1997) work on the double-

    edged notion of slenderness. Whereas some of the early feminist research on

    eating disorders (e.g. Bartky, 1990) argued that women try to control theireating in order to be attractive to the male gaze, Bordo argues that images of

    thin women often have a strong emancipatory flair to them. Thus, advertise-

    ments featuring thin women in business suits or engaged in various fitness

    activities articulate a sense of strength and will-power. In a way they give a

    new spin to the old associations between femininity and flesh or the body,

    promising women that they can surpass the traditional associations of femi-

    nine body, reproduction and objecthood and attain a mastery of their flesh, or

    of mind over body, a decidedly masculine character trait. However, Bordo

    argues that besides this progressive accent, notions of thinness also play into

    and out of ancient fears of female largeness, hunger and desire. Thus, being

    thin, or small, not only articulates will-power but also diminishes the person,

    making her less intrusive and invasive or, intrinsically, closer to the idealunderstated femininity.

    Quoting the clinical interviews of the famous psychiatrist, Hilde Bruch,

    Bordo illustrates the dualistic and contradictory drive to suppress the femi-

    nine that guides eating disorders:

    Hilde Bruch reports that many anorectics talk of having a ghost inside them or

    surrounding them, a dictator who dominates me, as one woman describes it; a

    little man who objects when I eat is the description by another. The little ghost,

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    the dictator, the other self (as he is often described) is always male, reports

    Bruch. The anorectics otherself the self of the uncontrollable appetites, the

    impurities and taints, the flabby will and tendency to mental torpor is the body

    as we have seen. But it is also (and here the anorectics associations are surely in

    the mainstream of Western culture) the female self. These two selves are per-

    ceived as at constant war. But it is clear that it is the male side with its associ-

    ated values of greater spirituality, higher intellectuality, strength of will that is

    being expressed and developed in the anorexic syndrome. (Bordo, 1993: 155,

    emphases in the original)

    The insight of Bordos analysis is that it illuminates certain primordial

    social dichotomies or discourses that interlace not only experiences of eating

    disorders but Western thought in general. It casts something like Kiesingers

    (1998) story on Abbie in an undeniably critical light. Bordos analysis makes

    it clear that Kiesingers revelling on Abbies swollen body parts, folds of fleshand clothing stained with perspiration is not any kind of intrinsic subjective

    experience but thoroughly embedded in the ancient Western fear and abhor-

    rence of feminine flesh. This accounts for the methodological strength of

    Bordos argument, as it draws attention to how our subjective experience of

    ourselves is always guided by social discourses that we are not conscious of, or

    that operate behind our backs.

    However, Bordos analysis also has its weaknesses. Bordos most obvious

    methodological shortcoming is the way in which she snatches snippets of an

    anorectics talk from a psychiatric textbook and makes grand conclusions

    based on it. The original context and meaning of the womans reference to a

    ghost gets lost in this trail of interpretations and, in the end, Bordo basically

    makes her speech a prop for her theory on dualism without much regard forthe womans experience. This, in its turn, highlights the strength of

    Kiesingers subjective analysis as it, at least, does some justice to the general

    context of Abbies life.

    This methodological faux pas is also indicative of the basic problem of the

    objectivist, discursive analysis of the self, which posits that the scholar is able

    to point objectively, or from the outside, at the discourses that guide peoples

    thoughts and actions, whereas they remain completely under their spell. In a

    sense, this presumption undermines Bordos criticism of dualism on two

    accounts. First, her mode of analysis reproduces a dichotomy between a

    knowing subject (herself) and a known object (the anorectic women, not con-

    scious of why they are starving). Second, while Bordo is critical of the sup-

    pression of the feminine, she also underwrites this suppression. This is

    because she ends up implying that women should strive toward true, inde-

    pendent subjecthood, usually associated with maleness, and overcome being

    enslaved by the social (patriarchal expectations), often associated with femi-

    ninity and its propensity to be influenced by others or to try to take other peo-

    ples needs into account.

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    Between subjectivism and the socialThere exists a body of feminist academic and popular writing that has

    attacked feminist critiques of beauty ideals on the grounds that they frame

    women as dupes who unconsciously obey patriarchy (on these debates, see

    Chancer, 1998). The perhaps most notorious critic of Bordos position is

    Kathy Davis (1995), who notes that women who modify their bodies are not

    unaware of the discourses that guide them in this project. Drawing on her

    ethnography on women who have chosen cosmetic surgery, she argues that

    these women are often painfully aware of the social and even sexist nature of

    the discourses that guide them in their quest to surgically alter their body.

    At the beginning of her book, Davis relates how she got started on her

    ethnography after having lunch with a feminist friend, who was planning to

    have cosmetic surgery:

    She was an attractive, self-confident, successful, professional woman. She was

    also a feminist. To my surprise, she told me over coffee that she was having her

    breasts enlarged. I must have looked fairly flabbergasted, as she immediately

    began defending herself. She said that she was tired of putting up with being

    flat-chested. She had tried everything (psychoanalysis, feminism, talks with

    friends), but no matter what she did, she simply could not accept it . . . she was

    very critical of the suffering women have to endure because their bodies do not

    meet the normative requirements of feminine beauty. She found such norms

    oppressive and believed that women in general should accept their bodies as

    they are. However, she still felt compelled to have cosmetic surgery for herself.

    Despite all the drawbacks of cosmetic surgery, she saw it as her only option

    under the circumstances. (pp. 34, emphasis in the original)

    The way in which Davis frames her friend falls between subjectivism and

    poststructuralism. Her friend does not come across as if relating an asocial

    true story about the horrors of being flat-chested, nor does she come across as

    being duped by beauty ideals. The friend is aware that the way in which she

    perceives herself as flat is guided by social and sexist discourses but she, nev-

    ertheless, decides to go ahead and fix her breasts out of her own volition.

    Daviss position comes close to Gubrium and Holsteins (1997) and Holstein

    and Gubriums (2000) methodological position between subjectivism and

    objectivism, which argues that people always have agency to construct their

    selves, while they are always also constrained by institutional and social dis-

    courses in this construction process.

    The strength of Daviss position is that it acknowledges the ambivalent

    nature of practices of the self that do not necessarily neatly fall under true

    or false or empowerment or disempowerment. As Davis (1995: 58) herself

    notes, this position overcomes the moralistic tone of much feminist writing

    on beauty and explores the moral contradictions embedded in the way in

    which women negotiate the Janus-faced decision to undergo cosmetic surgery.

    However, Daviss strategy falls short of the ambivalence it professes. In a bid

    Qualitative Research 2(2)250

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    to argue against the straightforward criticisms of beauty ideals, which frame

    women as dupes, Davis ends up emphasizing the voluntary and informed

    nature of womens decisions to change their bodies to fit the norm. She

    repeatedly states how women saw their decisions to surgically alter ones body

    as an act of taking their lives into their own hands and doing it for them-

    selves, and not for others, even mischievously against the wishes of husbands

    and other relatives (pp. 1267). By doing this, Davis ends up clutched to the

    subject/object split, arguing that the women indeed are acting subjects

    despite adverse circumstances. Bordo (1997) has counter-attacked Davis on

    these grounds, pointing out that her voluntarism plays into and out of the

    individualistic spirit that argues that people choose to have liposuction or

    sleep rough that pushes under the carpet the fact that they are forced to do

    these things by unequal social structures.Daviss not wholly successful wrestling out of the subject/object dichotomy

    partly has to do with her traditional methodological posture. Thus, despite all

    the talk about agency and critical awareness, the women are still studied and

    represented as objects, looked at, from the outside, by Davis, who sees how

    they have some agency to negotiate their lives, even if being constrained by

    discourses of beauty. The women are never asked what they themselves make

    of this agency or freedom to act, as it is presumed that this would be above their

    heads (where science works). This methodological posture partly accounts

    for the fact that Daviss ambivalence turns one-eyed, in that eventually she

    does not look at cosmetic surgery from multiple, morally contradictory

    angles, but presents her work from one angle that ends up a classic academic

    refutation of feminist beauty critiques that frame women as dupes.

    Beyond subjects and objects

    My interest in eating disorders, which then grew into an interest in the

    methodology of studying the self, originates from my personal experience of

    anorexia and dissatisfaction, or even anger, with the way in which the condi-

    tion is talked about in the scholarly and popular realms. I have always felt per-

    plexed and humiliated by the way in which both popular and scientific media

    objectify women with eating disorders. Their words and behaviour are read as

    symptoms, from which a psychological or social pathology can be read by

    the expert, such as a medical scientist or even a feminist cultural critic. Yet, I

    have also been intrigued by the fact that, even if there are myriad studies ondiscourses, such as beauty ideals, that inform anorexia, there are very few

    critical analyses of the normative or disciplinary nature of the discourses on

    eating disorders themselves (for exceptions, see Probyn, 1987; Bray, 1996;

    Hepworth, 1999).

    However, even if my interest in the lived experience of women with eating

    disorders and the discourses that I think define them/us in problematic terms

    are interrelated, they also run into a contradiction, posing the question: How

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    can one do justice to the experience of anorexic women, often silenced as dis-

    ordered and, at the same time, critically analyse discourses on eating disor-

    ders, which form the very stuff out of which the experiences of anorexics are

    made? Trying to answer this question led me to resort to the apparently oppo-

    sitional approaches to the self in terms of telling true stories (emotivism) and

    in terms of viewing self-stories as telling about the operation of social dis-

    courses (poststructuralism). As has hopefully become clear from the previous

    discussion, this methodological dilemma is particularly acute and complicat-

    ed when studying eating disorders. This is because the dichotomy between a

    knowing subject within the true, and the unknowing object outside of the

    true, fuels both the experience, treatment and research on the conditions.

    The way in which the methodological and substantial dimensions of the

    subject/object dichotomy are intertwined was recently brought home to meby a woman (Eleanora), who emailed me a year after I had originally sent her

    my article partly based on her interview for comments (Saukko, 2000).

    She wrote to me that she did not recognize herself in my description of a lone-

    ly and pained child, fallen victim of forces beyond her control. She noted that

    it played into the general victimizing of anorexics, which does not account for

    the fact that anorexic women can also be strong. Still, she observed that the

    notion that women always have to be strong may also be counterproductive

    and that her own life-course, which has sidetracked her adamant goal and

    career orientation, has made her more aloof and happier, even if insecure

    about her future. The mini-life-story embedded in Eleanoras email brings

    forth an ambivalence, which is left little space between the polarizations

    between being a victim or a dupe, and being emancipated or taking ones lifeinto ones own hands. Her critique of my work underscores the fact that this

    ambivalence between knowing and not knowing, between being in control

    and out of control, cannot be articulated in theory only, but needs to under-

    pin the way in which we relate to and write about the people we study.

    Agonistic dialogues

    In my ongoing attempt to formulate a way of doing and writing research that

    would view the self as both an experiencing subject and an object of dis-

    course, I have aimed to forge a position between and beyond a combination of

    emotivist subjectivism and poststructuralist objectivism, using the heuristic of

    agonistic dialogues. In my view, both emotivism and poststructuralism arebased on a visual quest to capture the self from the inside or the outside. A

    more dialogic or conversational methodology would acknowledge that we can

    never capture our selves, others or the social world, but that research is

    always located in the interactive space between these three worlds. Thus, the

    first aim of an agonistically dialogic mode of studying the self is to imagine a

    more conversational relationship between the scholar and the people being

    studied. The second aim is to come up with a dialogic mode of studying the

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    way in which the social infuses the subjective experience of the self. The third

    aim is to envision a more dialogic social that can only be grasped from differ-

    ent subjective views even if they are united by the common world.

    With reference to the first point, in order to frame the interaction between

    the scholar and the person being studied in dialogic terms, one can draw on

    the phenomenological idea (often used by emotivist, subjective ethnography)

    that we can only comprehend another persons experience by comparing it to

    our own (e.g. Maso, 2001). Bringing forth the particularity and partiality of

    the scholars self, such as my history as an ex-anorexic and a feminist scholar,

    eases the division between a knowing subject and known object and opens the

    scholars position for debate. Furthermore, one can also work to make the

    research relationship more interactive and I, for example, agreed to discuss

    my rendition of the womens experience with them before it was published.My aim in using this kind of member check (e.g. Seale, 1999) was not nec-

    essarily, or only, to make sure I got the womens view right. Rather, I mainly

    wanted to give the women some means, however moderate, of having a say

    in the way they were presented.

    However, a dialogic attempt to delve into the (inter)subjective may end up

    solipsistic and oblivious of the way in which it is shaped by the social, as hap-

    pens in Kiesingers story of Abbie. Therefore, second, one needs to imagine a

    mode of studying how the social infuses the self, different from the traditional

    way of examining the social as something to which only the scholar has

    access to, from the above. In my research, I wanted to explore the social in

    terms of a critical conversation with the women. Thus, when I interviewed

    the women, I not only asked them about their experience of anorexia andbulimia (which inevitably led to discussions on body and beauty ideals), but I

    also asked them what they thought of the discourses that define and treat the

    conditions and them. This strategy undoes the traditional way of asking peo-

    ple to relate their raw experience to the scholar, inviting them, in a sense, to

    do poststructuralist analysis with me and to critically reflect how their expe-

    rience has been constructed for them. The advantage of this strategy is that it

    gives insights into the problems and possibilities embedded in the process of

    picking up, or being forced to pick up, the anorexic identity or label, and also

    confounds the traditional division between the knowing scholar and the peo-

    ple to be known.

    The third challenge was to bring the different intersubjective and social

    selves that emerged from the interviews into a conversation with one anotherto bring forth a more complex view of the social. When doing this, I wanted

    to understand dialogue in more agonistic terms than usual. Dialogue is

    often referred to in social inquiry and theory in terms of reaching some form

    of consensus between different views. This consensual bent is manifested in

    approaches as different as Habermasian rational public dialogue (Habermas,

    1984, 1989), the new ethnographic ideas of dialogic co-construction of

    reality (Lincoln and Guba, 1985, 2000; Lincoln, 1995), and notions of

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    triangulation, which combine different perspectives in order to get a more

    accurate or, alternatively, richer view of a phenomenon (e.g. Flick, 1998).

    The trouble with this consensual or amalgamating programme is that it

    threatens to muddle the specificity of the perspectives which constitute it. In

    research, this may undo the original quest to capture dif ferent views and lead

    scholars to interpret the people they are studying in too uniform terms, which

    often leads to fitting them too snugly into their political agenda (Ginsburg,

    1997) or theoretical project or both, as happens in Daviss critique of feminist

    beauty critiques.

    To imagine a mode of combining perspectives that would do justice to both

    their subjective specificity and social unity, I resorted to the idea of agonistic

    dialogues, an idea originating from Greek politics, where it referred to the

    quest of citizens to offer their particular perspective for others in public ora-tions (see Arendt, 1958). Agonistic dialogues have two features, which are of

    methodological importance. First, they underline the distinctive nature of

    each perspective, deriving from the fact that each individual approaches the

    world from a slightly different location/angle (Arendt, 1958: 57, 17780).

    Second, the aim of the agonistic model is to bring different perspectives into

    an egalitarian political dialogue, which alters the individual perspectives and

    changes the course of history (Arendt, 1958: 1846).

    The notion of agonistic dialogues asks us to pay heed to both affinities or

    similarities as well as alterity or differences that interlace the relationships

    between different selves. This underlines the need to do justice to experiences

    that may seem incomprehensible, unacceptable, or even threatening to our

    sense of our selves (like being fat or having cosmetic surgery). However, thisacknowledgement of difference does not mean to embrace the relativist or

    pluralist idea that everyone can make whatever decisions and have whatever

    life-styles they desire. On the contrary, in keeping with the Arendtian ideal, it

    aims to pave the way for democratic politics and alliances across differences.

    Rather than being predicated on debates on whether certain practices of the

    self articulate subjugation or emancipation, it advocates a both/and logic that

    acknowledges that practices of the self may be both subjugating and emanci-

    pating, and how one views them may depend on ones subjective and social

    position. The aim of agonistic dialogues is to facilitate complex (feminist)

    politics, capable of accommodating differences and not suppressing them or

    letting them tear the politics apart.

    Beyond control

    In order to illustrate how the agonistically dialogic mode of studying the self

    works in practice, I now discuss how I used it in my study on women with eat-

    ing disorders.2 I start by exploring the way in which the mode of inquiry can

    be used to make sense of those parts in my interviews with women, who

    have had anorexia or bulimia, that focus on the central dichotomy that

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    underpins my methodological discussion: the distinction between subjects

    and objects.

    In one of my interviews, an American, female graduate student (Jeanne)

    in her 30s analysed her undergraduate years, when she was anorexic, as

    symptomatic of the Reagan years. This was when women were supposed to

    have it all, be extremely successful in all realms and be extremely thin and

    good-looking, she said. So, Jeanne found herself more and more obsessed

    with eating less and less, and she exercised a lot too. I would make myself run

    and run and run and run. And even though I had no energy and felt like shit,

    you know, Id force myself to do this, Jeanne recounts. She also worked in

    popular campus bars, where her body was constantly exposed to public dis-

    play, and she used the money she made to buy fashionable clothes, such as

    short tops to show off her thin body. She was also a good student and, in gen-eral, derived pleasure from pushing herself as far as she could. According to

    her own analysis:

    And so I would go to the undergraduate student lounge, where people could

    smoke. And Id smoke, smoke and smoke and drink diet sodas and just study into

    the night. It was just this form of personal hell, but I enjoyed knowing I was get-

    ting all my homework done and wasnt slacking off.

    Methodologically speaking, Jeannes story can be interpreted in two basic

    ways. First, it can be seen as a self-reflexive critique of the way in which the

    hyper-individualist and competitive neo-conservative discourse of the 1980s

    constructed femininity (this is the true story approach, with a self-reflective

    spin). Second, as I had read an extraordinary amount of literature on anorexia,

    and was relatively critical of it, I also read the story in terms of how the notionof anorexia as an obsession with modern self-control permeates Jeannes self-

    understanding (this is the self as constituted through social discourses

    approach). One could, obviously, split the argument and say that both of these

    views are true per se and illuminate different facets (subject andobject) of the

    experience of the self. However, this strategy reproduces the subject orobject

    dichotomy, in that I would be positioning myself as the knower and Jeanne

    as, at best, half-knower. This view would produce two sharply distinguished

    orders of knowledge, effectively discrediting Jeannes powerful personal and

    political critique. In the spirit of dialogic understanding, the best one can do is

    to flesh out the ambiguity of my own interpretation and the problems embed-

    ded in each position. However, in order to render Jeannes story a part of a

    conversation, it needs to be seen in relation to other stories, such as that of

    Taru.

    Taru was a Finnish undergraduate student in her 20s, who associated her

    anorexia with having danced ballet in her teens. However, she was also par-

    ticularly critical of the discussions and definitions on anorexia, pointing out

    that they were very similar to notions she encountered when dancing ballet.

    Taru observed that the discourses on anorexia were not unlike the stories in

    sports and fitness magazines, which define women as always weaker than

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    men, with less strength, more fat and so on. Taru says stories on anorexia are

    similar, defining women as weak, because they cannot take the ideological

    pressure, or defining their mothers as weak. Taru recounts how for 15 years,

    since the age of 5, she did everything she could to become a professional

    dancer. She put herself through an excruciating regime of endless exercises,

    pain, long stays abroad, crossing half of Finland to go to lessons, and nibbling

    on boiled rice and Tabasco sauce. All this to make her enduring, strong, light and

    flawless. And finally, she was defined as a weak, flawed poor girl who could not

    make it. Taru told me she does not want to analyse the cause of her anorexia

    too much: Im afraid it just reveals more weaknesses and abnormalities.

    As I was interested in critically analysing discourses that define anorexia, I

    was academically and personally drawn to Tarus analysis. However, when

    discussing her interview at an academic conference, a member of the audi-ence pointed out that she was still hell bent to be strong. Thus, Tarus story

    can also be interpreted in two ways. First, it can be seen as a powerful self-

    reflective critique of the way in which discourses that inform anorexia, as well

    as discourses that define and treat the condition, move in a circle, perpetually

    defining women as lacking, too weak, or as always inferior in relation to a

    gendered ideal. Second, it can also be interpreted as continuing to subscribe to

    the anorexic desire to be strong and not weak, therefore articulating sub-

    mission to the modernist discourse that idealizes strength. However, the latter

    interpretation undermines Tarus critical perspective, reading it as an indica-

    tor that she is still, perhaps, caught in the anorexic mentality, or, in therapeu-

    tic terms, in denial. While the notion of being in denial may have its undis-

    putable therapeutic insights and effects, it still violently disinvests ones wordsof any speaking power, brushing off Tarus poignant criticism as merely a

    symptom of an underlying problem.

    The methodological advantage of contrasting these two stories, and the

    contradictory interpretations of them, is that it sets all the different views in

    motion. Together, neither the stories, nor my interpretations, come across as

    totally right or wrong, but they each seem to speak a partial truth. On one

    level, the stories of Jeanne and Taru clash with one another. Jeanne criticizes

    those discourses, which made her pursue strength to the point of destructive

    anorexic obsession, whereas Taru challenges the discourse, which frames

    anorexic womens ambitions and desire to be strong as merely pathological,

    arguing that it simply frames women as perpetually lacking in strength. Still,

    the perspectives of the two women also coalesce in that they both illuminatethe stubborn violence embedded in the distinction between being in com-

    mand or strong and its negative, being victimized, marked by an elusive, and

    profoundly gendered, demand of being in full and independent command of

    ones life. The perspectives of the two women and their different interpreta-

    tions also underline the need to envision ways of doing research that begin to

    undo this obstinate dichotomy, and imagine a self, which is always ambiva-

    lent, partial and complicit and never entirely enlightened or enslaved.

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    Toward political dialoguesWorking to loosen the subject/object dichotomy is of pivotal importance in

    terms of envisioning a less angst-driven personal life, and more ethical and

    less simplistically judgemental interpersonal interaction, including a research

    relationship. It is also of political importance, pointing at the possibly coun-

    terproductive results of single-minded emancipatory politics. However,

    imagining a more ambivalent self also paves the way for more dialogic politics

    on other controversial issues in feminist politics. One such controversy,

    besides the question of beauty, which is located at the heart of the discussion

    on eating disorders, is the debate on middle-class feminism. This is of particu-

    lar importance when discussing eating disorders in that while these condi-

    tions are argued to epitomize female oppression, they have been traditionally

    understood to affect mainly white, middle-class, Western women.3

    In order to illustrate how one may use the notion of an ambivalent self and

    agonistic dialogue and to begin to imagine a feminism that is sensitive to dif-

    ferences and strife between them, I now return to the interviews with Jeanne

    and Taru as well as my own autobiography. The association of being anorec-

    tic and being middle class is of particular personal importance to me as I had

    anorexia as an 11-year-old working-class Finnish girl in the 1970s. My starv-

    ing was partly informed by fantasies of being so ill that I would be taken

    away from my alcoholic working-class family to a nice middle-class foster

    home. I also recall abhorring the fatty foods my family consumed as a sign of

    their lack of culture, which I associated with the yoghurts, spacious homes

    and educated and cultivated parents that marked the lives of my peers in the

    upper middle-class private school I attended. Still, I was bewildered by the

    notion of an anorexic being a middle-class girl, who obsessively tries to be

    pretty and good. I thought this notion did not fit me, or was wrong. I was also

    deeply offended by it because the notion of the goody-goody middle-class girl

    forms an integral part of working-class lore embodied, for instance, by the

    then popular punk-song Rikas is ja koira (Rich daddy and a dog) that repudi-

    ates the effeminate nature of normative middle-class culture.

    Jeanne4 brings up the notion of the anorexic as a white middle-class girl in

    relation to a therapist, whom she perceived as cold: she went on to say:

    She acted as if she didnt want to be bothered talking about this stuff. Yet, in ret-

    rospect, I can see her attitude, its such a middle-class white-girl problem. She

    was the head of the mental facility there, and Im sure shes seen it all; there arepeople dying out there, with problems worse than anorexia, so this was proba-

    bly just nothing to her.

    Jeannes passing remark on the disdain and even scorn buried in the notion of

    anorexia as a middle-class disease hits a personal nerve, and I ask her what

    she thinks of the notion of anorexia as a problem of people who dont have

    any real problems. After a pause, Jeanne responds that she does not really

    have much sympathy for herself for having had it. But I think that was part

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    of the problem then also, I didnt have much sympathy for whining and cry-

    ing about it. And it was only at the behest of other people that I took a turn

    away from that she both takes a stern stance toward herself and critically

    reflects on her sternness toward herself. Our conversation veers to other top-

    ics and comes back to the issue of white middle-class privilege, when dis-

    cussing what people think of anorexia. Its life-threatening and everything,

    but it still seems so self-indulgent, I still wrestle with that, Jeanne says. Feeling

    the urge to maybe somehow justify anorexia, I tell her that anorexia is also

    said to be affecting poor and African-American women. Oh really, I didnt

    know that, thats interesting, she responds. In an associative leap, she talks

    about her father, who came from a very poor family with 10 children:

    He would tell us how meal times were just this huge battle of who could get the

    most food, because there was so little to go around. And he says, and he said thatto me also when I wasnt eating, that he could never understand people, who

    didnt want to eat. That he would always want to eat. It was this sort of a left-

    over feeling for him, from when he was growing up, that eating was survival,

    whereas to me it was a way of becoming undesirable.

    Taru also raised the issue of the middle-class background of anorexics,

    when I asked her about peoples perceptions of anorexics:

    I think there are several ways that people think of anorexia. There is this stance,

    typical of young men, that, oh shit, thats sick; and that dont you tell me that

    youre one of them too. This is an aggressive stance, whereas there is also this

    kind of understanding attitude, typical of older women, who have sympathy or

    pity toward the anorexic and are, for example, careful not to offer her any

    food. . . . And then there are those, who view anorexics as women, who thinkthey are too precious to eat, or that anorexia is a consequence of too high stan-

    dards of living, that this is something these women have simply come up with,

    and that in reality everyone is free to eat good and healthy food.

    Tarus last point brings into my mind my Asian friends reaction to my

    research topic. She noted that people dont have anorexia where she comes

    from, and that it seems to her like a disease people create when they dont have

    other problems. I relate the story to Taru. Exactly, its this notion of the

    anorexic as the princess with the pea under her mattress, Taru thus joins the

    spirit of my anecdote.

    What these three stories illuminate is that the notion of the middle-class

    anorectic has many faces, working differently in different subjective and

    social contexts. First, it may articulate a legitimate, working-class and post-colonial critique of the dominant middle-class attitude, which tends to uni-

    versalize and prioritize its modes of living and problems and to discredit other

    grievances. This stance is articulated by my childhood working-class cultures

    rejection and disdain toward middle-class culture and my Asian friends cri-

    tique of my work. Second, the discourse on anorexia as the dis-ease of the

    wealthy may form part of the critical self-conscious of middle-class women,

    such as Jeanne, who is critically aware of her privilege and feels affinity with

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    people, who have less, such as her fathers childhood family. Third, the notion

    of the sissy middle-class girl may also, however, reveal much about the deep-

    seated sexism of working-class culture, as exemplified by the punk machismo

    of my childhood friends. It may also lead to an unproductive tribalism, for

    example, in academia, where different groups reject one anothers issues as

    unworthy, as exemplified by my interaction with my Asian friend. Fourth, the

    idea of middle-class womens whining about nothing also reveals a general

    sexist tendency to belittle womens problems or label them non-progressive or

    unimportant, which contributes to womens sense of shame of themselves

    and their problems, as illustrated by Tarus critique.

    These stories shed a different light on academic discussions of middle-class

    white feminism. These discussions were initiated by women of colour, who

    pointed out that white feminists tend to speak in the name of women, with-out being aware that the issues they address are heavily class and race biased

    (e.g. Moraga and Anzalda, 1984). So, for instance, a white feminist, such as

    Naomi Wolf, gets considerable media attention for her critique of beauty

    ideals, while feminists who speak about, for instance, African-American

    womens issues are virtually silenced in the US public realm (hooks in Freire

    and Macedo, 1995). This has led many white, middle-class feminists to

    become more conscious and critical of their myopias (e.g. Grewal and Kaplan,

    1994). However, it has also been pointed out that discussions of white middle-

    class bias may lead to a pedagogy of guilt, which invites members of privi-

    leged groups, for example, to join the struggle against racism in a masochis-

    tic, guilt-ridden fashion and does not allow them to voice their concerns

    (Ellsworth, 1989; from a different perspective, Grossberg, 1996).An agonistic dialogic mode of research, which weaves together different

    positions, allowing each to speak, but also provides illuminations and chal-

    lenges from a different perspective, cultivates an and/and, instead of an

    either/or, approach to these and other contentious issues surrounding

    anorexia and other disorders of the self. Thus, the issue of middle-class

    anorexia may be seen to speak about a painful, life-threatening condition, and

    middle-class privilege, anda working-class and postcolonial attack on middle-

    class culture and its privilege, and the sexist and denigrating nature of

    working-class/postcolonial criticism of middle-class women. In the same way,

    and with reference to the debate between Bordo (1993, 1997) and Davis

    (1995), the notion of agonistic dialogue invites us to explore and acknowl-

    edge the usefulness of the criticisms of strict ideals of beauty and of thematronizing nature of criticism of these ideals, which easily lead to a condes-

    cending or pitying attitude toward anorexic women, supposedly being

    duped by beauty culture.

    It is sometimes said that various postmodern or new modes of doing

    research cultivate epistemological or political relativism (Silverman, 2001),

    as they argue that any position is as good as any other. However, there is noth-

    ing relativist about a dialogic political project that would, for instance, aim to

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    forge a leftist feminism that would be aware of the class and race biases of

    many forms of feminism and the sexist nature of some leftist and working-

    class positions. The same applies to a feminist politics of the body that

    criticizes body ideals and is aware of the matronizing underside of these criti-

    cisms. An agonistically dialogic research or political project does not dwell on

    difference for its own sake, rather it aims to do justice to the complexity and

    ambivalence of contemporary self and society and work against the often

    one-eyed agenda of those projects, predicated on strict subject/object division,

    that foreground that one view must prevail over others.

    Conclusion

    In conclusion, one can say that an agonistically dialogic mode of studying theself fosters a more conversational attitude not only to research but also to per-

    sonal and social life. A notion of the self that points beyond the polarization

    between subjects and objects cultivates a less one-eyed and angst-driven way

    of relating to our individual selves. It opens up space for the kind of ambiva-

    lent attitude toward our selves, as manifested in Eleanoras criticism of the

    notion of anorexic women as weak and victims and admittance that pursuing

    strength has its drawbacks, as well as in Jeannes critical, political attitude

    toward her middle-class privilege and acknowledgement that stern self-

    criticism might also be a problem.

    The notion of agonistic dialogue also imagines less judgemental interper-

    sonal relations, such as those between scholars and the people being studied,

    as well as between people in general. It loosens the idea that certain practicesof the self are simply right or wrong, oppressive or emancipating, overcoming

    the tendency to diagnose people as being under the influence of certain dis-

    courses or in denial of the true issues, which works to discredit other peoples

    views that may contradict ones own. Thus, this form of dialogue invites us to

    be open to different ways of approaching the world and the self and to the

    beguilingly complex and contradictory ways in which practices of the self

    may, for instance, demand women to be strong, condemn them for trying to

    be strong, and implicitly or explicitly demand them to try to be even stronger.

    Maybe most important of all, the notion of agonistic dialogue brings forth

    a less monolithic notion of the social or social oppression that still does not

    embrace a relativist notion of multiple subjective views views that articulate

    different oppressions and are entitled to their own solutions and life choices.On the contrary, it calls for difficult (feminist) political dialogues on the ways

    in which practices of the self such as ideals of beauty and the practices of

    defining and diagnosing anorexia harbour complex, possibly contradictory,

    forms of subjugation. Agonistic dialogue cultivates a kind of research and pol-

    itics that fleshes out the ways in which practices of the self both enable, sub-

    jugate, separate and unite us, facilitating political alliances that can tackle

    multiple forms of subjugation.

    Qualitative Research 2(2)260

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    In the end, thinking of ways to study the self brings one to the central

    methodological and political challenges of our times, namely how to under-

    stand and negotiate the relationships between the personal and the political

    and between unity and difference. The notion of agonistic dialogue offers

    some preliminary ideas on how to begin to respond to these challenges in less

    polarized terms.

    A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S

    The author would like to thank Eleanora, Jeanne and Taru for interviews and the

    anonymous reviewers for feedback.

    N O T E S

    1. The field of poststructuralist research is vast and encompasses different method-

    ological approaches. Here I refer to a particular, but very common, methodologi-

    cal approach to the study of the self that draws on Foucaults middle works.

    2. This study forms part of a larger research project, which analyses historical, popular

    and theoretical discourses on eating disorders in conjunction with exploring the

    ways in which women live with and negotiate them. I have interviewed 10 American

    and Finnish women about their experience of anorexia and bulimia and opinions

    about discourses that define and treat those conditions (see Saukko, 1999, 2000).

    The interviews with Eleanora, Jeanne and Taru have been chosen for this arti-

    cle as they highlight themes that are central to the methodological argument.

    3. It has been argued that anorexia has lately become more of an equal opportunity

    disease and that the issues that, for example, non-white, poor or lesbian women

    associate with their starving have been ignored (see Thompson, 1994).

    4. Both Jeanne and Taru come from middle-class, educated, professional families.

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    PA U LA S AU K KO works as a Lecturer in the Centre for Mass Communication Research,

    University of Leicester. She is the author of Qualitative Research in Cultural Studies

    (Sage, in press) and is currently writing another book on the discourses and lived expe-

    rience of eating disorders. She has published a number of essays on qualitative

    methodology and eating disorders.

    Address: Centre for Mass Communication Research, University of Leicester, 104

    Regent Road, Leicester LE1 7LT, UK. [email: [email protected]]

    Saukko: Studying the self 263