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ConcisenessArmy Standard of Communication

+What does it mean to be concise?

to use the most effective words

to use the strongest words, not necessarily the fewest words

+How do I write more concisely?

Replace vague words with specific words

Combine sentences

Eliminate words

+Use Specific Words

Avoid using several small and ambiguous words to express a concept

More specific words lead to more concise writing

Example:

Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist.

- OR -

Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist.

+Combine Sentences Some information does not require a full sentence and

can easily be inserted into another sentence without losing any of its value.

As you combine sentences consider varying the sentence style and structure to make your writing more engaging.

Example:

The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico, aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is

rumored to have occurred in 1947.

-- OR –

The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico, aroused interest in extraterrestrial life.

+Eliminate Words

that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail If passages explain or describe details that would already be

obvious to readers, delete or reword them.

that are unnecessary determiners and modifiers Avoid using extra words or phrases that seem to determine

narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence.

that are repetitive Watch for phrases or longer passages that repeat words with

similar meanings.

that are redundant Many pairs of words imply each other. Specific words imply their

general categories, so we usually don't have to state both.

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Example:

Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are

for how to play the game of chess.

-- OR –

Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.

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Example:

Because a great many of the words in this sentence are basically unnecessary, it would really be a very good

idea to edit somewhat for conciseness.

-- OR –

Because many of the words in this sentence are unnecessary, we should edit it.

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Example:

During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance.

-- OR –

During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars.

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Example:

I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.

-- OR –

Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.

+Practice Revising These Sentences

Although Bradley Hall is regularly populated by students, close study of the building as a structure is seldom undertaken by them.

He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.

It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

(Look for places to eliminate wordiness)

+Practice Revising These Sentences

The cliff dropped to reefs seventy-five feet below. The reefs below the steep cliff were barely visible through the fog.

Taylor brought some candy back from Europe. It wasn't shaped like American candy. The candy tasted kind of strange to him.

Government leaders like to mention the creation of new jobs. They claim that these new jobs indicate a strong economy. They don't mention that low-wage jobs without benefits and security have replaced many good jobs.

(Look for places to combine sentences)

+Practice Revising This Passage

A large number of people enjoy reading murder mysteries regularly. As a rule, these people are not themselves murderers, nor would these people really ever enjoy seeing someone commit an actual murder, nor would most of them actually enjoy trying to solve an actual murder. They probably enjoy reading murder mysteries because of this reason: they have found a way to escape from the monotonous, boring routine of dull everyday existence.

(Look for places to eliminate repetitiveness)

+For More Information & Exercises

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/01/

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/24

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/56

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/57